Throw Away Teen (24 page)

“
All right!” I agreed and Carol nodded, too.
With Liz playing, the game got interesting. She was one
tough player. I couldn’t tell if she was bluffing or not.
She kept winning most of the hands and carefully saving the
beans she got. I won a few times and Carol went to the
cleaners. It was a lot of fun.

Finally, Carol won. She took her own sweet time
opening her notebook and studying her papers. “Okay, the
last time we got up to where you were moved when you were four
. You liked the Garcias but you didn’t like the
Newtons.”

I shrugged and tried to act tough. “They were scum. We
already discussed those sleazebags.”

Carol sighed. “You ran away and were gone for three days. The police
couldn’t find you with their dogs because of the rain. You finally
came back on the morning of the fourth day and claimed nobody
had kidnapped you. What were you waiting for? Why didn’t
you come back sooner?”

I leaned back in my chair. “I was waiting for Newton to
come back. He was always going off for days and the
witch wouldn’t feed me because I didn’t speak good English.”

“
The witch?” Carol looked at her notebook. “Mrs. N
ewton?”

“
That’s too many questions. You only get one answer.” When she frowned at me, I said, “
Are you going to keep playing?”

Carol put away the notebook and passed the cards to Liz.
“Weren’t you hungry? Or afraid of the dark? You said you stayed in the woods. There were thunderstorms. Wasn’t
that frightening?”

“
You get one answer,” I repeated. “Shuffle or get
out of the game.”

“
But weren’t you scared?”

The concern on her face just pissed me off more. “Carol, I was thrown away years ago. Foster kids get
tough or die. And I’m still here. Are you ready for me to
cut?” I couldn’t tell her how scared I’d been back
then and I didn’t like talking about those three days in
the woods. I could still remember trees and branches falling around me.
I kept thinking they would land on me.

Carol kept watching me like she could read my
thoughts even though we both knew she couldn’t.
“You weren’t the least bit afraid? Right? Then why did you
cause so much trouble the last time there was a thunderstorm and a power outage at the center.”

Liz handed me the cards and I had to resist the urge to hurl the stack at Carol’s face. Instead, I pretended that
all my attention was on cutting the cards
. After Liz dealt, I concentrated on
my cards, the best hand I’d had in forever
.
I probably wouldn’t get dealt a hand like this
again as long as I lived.
I had a Royal Flush. An Ace, a King, Queen, Jack and ten of
Diamonds.

“
Are you going to open, B.J.?” Liz asked. “Or shall
I?”

I looked at my hand. “You two may as well fold.
There’s no way you can beat this hand.”

Liz studied her own cards again. “I think I will fold.
There’s nothing I can do with these.” She put the cards on the table.
“It’s time for me to start supper anyhow.”

“
What are you going to do with your questions’?” I
asked.

Liz proceeded to count the beans she’d won. “I’m going
to save them for when
I
want a straight answer from one of you.”

“
You could stay in and let me win them back.”

Liz put the beans in a jar. Then she put the jar in the
cupboard. “You owe me ten truthful answers, B.J. And you
owe me seventeen, Carol. I’m out.”

“
I’ll stay in,” Carol decided. “I know you’re bluffing, B.J.”

I shrugged, trying to act like Liz saving her questions
didn’t bug me, because it did. “I’ll bet you two questions.” I
shoved forward two beans.

“
Okay,” Carol agreed, matching my bet. She discarded three cards and picked up the replacements. A big grin came
over her face and then she quickly hid it. “And now you can
answer them. I have a full house.” She proceeded to lay
out a pair of twos and three sixes.

I put down my cards. “Too bad, you’re done. Nothing beats
a royal flush.”

Carol eyed the cards. Then she looked at me and sighed. “Ask your
questions.”

I leaned back in my chair and hoped I looked smug. I knew the rules. If somebody
tried to cut me open, to expose me, I had to slam back, twice as hard and a thousand times as dirty. And Carol had this coming after she dredged up that crap about me being scared during a bad electrical storm.

“
Everybody knows you and Murphy
are sleeping together,” I said. “How long have you two been getting it on? And was that how you got your job?”

Carol looked like I’d just punched her in the stomach.
Her face whitened and I thought for sure she’d faint. But she got up, grabbed her bag and left without a word
.

In spite of knowing the rules
about life, I felt a little bit guilty for what I’d
said. Carol was great at dishing out garbage but she sure
couldn’t take it.

“
That was cruel.” Liz eyed me sternly. “It was also
very rude, especially since you know it isn’t true. Carol has worked very hard to earn her success. I’m disappointed in you, B.J.”

I reached for the deck of cards and pretended not to
notice my hands were shaking. “Carol knows the score.
She had it coming.”

“
What is the score, B.J.? What reason could you
have for saying something like that?”

“
It’s called real life.” I got up. “You and Ted act like this house is all that matters. That making dinner or working on some old truck is
what life’s all about. Well, it’s not! It’s all bull. The only thing real about life is dirt, crime, and pollution. Kids are beaten as punishment, not lectured. They’re used, not given a freakin’ puppy. If they’re not wanted, they’re thrown away just like garbage.”

Liz shook her head and just kept staring at me. “You’re wrong, B.J. Life isn’t meant to be hard or bad or dirty. You’ve got to create your own reality, not accept the one you’ve been given. Now, go apologize to Carol.”

“
No way!” I lifted my chin and met Liz glare for glare. “Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame
on me.”

“
I’ve never agreed with that.” Liz wasn’t smiling. “It’s ‘Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on you again because you’re just mean.’ I thought you were strong, that
nobody could hurt you.”

I shrugged and tried to keep my shaking under control. “So, I lied. Big deal. Street kids do. You should’ve thought of that before you took me in.”

“
I thought of everything,” Liz told me. “I’m not lowering my standards for you, sweetheart. You’ll just have to raise yours and act the way I think a human being should. Now, you can walk out of here like an adult and apologize to Carol for being rude to her in my house, or...”

“
Or what?” I asked, scared that I knew what the answer would be. “You’ll send me back with her? Fine, I’ll go pack.”

“
Don’t get your hopes up.” Liz folded her arms and pinned me with a narrowed gaze. “Your home is with us and you know I want you to live here until you’re at least eighteen.”

“
Yeah, sure. I’m leaving in six and a half weeks.”

“
Don’t count on it, young lady. Now, go apologize.”

“
I won’t.”

Liz came over and took my arm. “Oh yes, you will.”

I couldn’t believe it. Dogs trotting behind us like they enjoyed the show, she marched me outside and up to the car where Carol waited for Gabe.

Liz kept a tight hold on me. “B.J. has something she wants to tell you, Carol.”

“
Really?” Her face had yet to recover any of its usual color and her jaw looked tight when she gave me a weak smile.

“
Yeah. Here’s your cards.” I passed them through the open window to her.

Liz just stood and looked at me. I had a feeling I knew what would happen next. If I didn’t apologize to Carol, Liz was going to do it for me like I was a little kid. This totally sucked.

“
I’m sorry,” I whispered. Liz bumped me with her elbow and I heaved a sigh. “I’m sorry I was rude.” Even though I barely muttered it, Carol still heard me.

“
You’ve said worse things and never apologized.” Carol studied me as if I were a bug on a slide then looked at Liz. “Why are you saying anything now, B.J.?”

Liz eyed Carol as sternly as she had me back in the kitchen.
“When someone apologizes, you accept it. You don’t question their motives. Honestly. Where did you girls learn your manners?”

All the anger whooshed out of me. How could I continue to be furious when Liz had just stood up for me? But if she wasn’t careful, Carol would go off on a power trip and I’d be moved out of here in a heartbeat. And for now, I wanted to stay. I had Guard, my own room, and a way to make serious bucks, which I would need once I was back on the streets.

“Don’t mind her, Carol,” I said. “Liz and Ted are old. They don’t know they’re not supposed to talk back to caseworkers.”

“There’s never been anyone I didn’t talk back to,” Liz said.

“And, I want Liz to be straight up with me,” Carol told me.

“Yeah, and as soon as she gets on your case bad enough, you’ll haul me back to Evergreen. I know how you people work.”

Carol took a deep breath. “B.J., the last place I want you is at the youth center. You deserve a home and a family who cares about you. Every kid does.”

“Right. That’s why caseworkers always move us as soon as we get a new home and start to fit in. And if we start to care about the people you live with, we’re outta there double-quick.”

“Well, that isn’t the way I do things, B.J. I’m not taking you back,” Carol told me. “Not unless you, Ted, and Liz tell me this isn’t working, or if the state says I have no choice.” She smiled at me. “But I thought you didn’t want to stay in Stewart Falls.
Do you like Liz and Ted that much?”

“
We’re not playing poker anymore, Carol. I don’t have to answer that
.”

Liz elbowed me again. “B.J.”

“
What?” I said. “Think about it. There’s no way I’m giving up Guard, and who wouldn’t choose
karate, a studio, and having their own room over going back to that scummy center only to have people either yelling at you or
writing reports about you.”

“
And you don’t care about Liz or Ted?” Carol
questioned.

“
Why should I, Carol? They only took me for the money
just like all my other foster parents.”

Liz gripped my shoulders, forcing me to look at her. “We’re adopting you, B.J. The state won’t be paying us anything.
Ted makes enough money to take care of his family.”

I jerked away to look back at Carol. “See what I mean. They
don’t know anything about the state. There’ll be a check
every month because I’m a troubled teen and nobody wants me.”

“We want you.” Liz sounded more serious than I’d ever heard her before
. “And we don’t need the
state’s money.”

“Yeah, right. Not even to pay for the Academy?”

“Didn’t I just tell you that Ted makes enough to provide for his family? That includes education. The Academy is the best school in the area and the closest to our house,” Liz said. “So, of course we’d have you go there. We want what’s best for you.”

CHAPTER 15

I’d been conned before, but I really wanted to believe her. Did she and Ted really want me, not for money, but just for me? That couldn’t be true. Nobody else had. I’d been through enough homes to realize the truth before it jumped up and bit me. I wasn’t some wishful little kid anymore. Liz had to be blowing smoke. I knew better than to trust a foster parent even if she claimed to want me forever. But Liz and Ted had been different from the start. They hadn’t lied to me yet, at least I’d never caught them at it.

I expected a
See
?
I told you so
! from Carol but she just smiled and promised to visit again. As soon as Carol and Gabe left, a bunch of kids showed up, all with their dogs and I vaguely remembered Liz saying something about a 4-H meeting. All of their names scrambled together and Ringo had to keep correcting me. A tall slender redhead led the meeting which went by in a blur, along with the rest of the evening.

The next day at school, my mind was still buzzing. Did I finally have a home? Or not? Did I have real friends, nice ones? Or not? Was Ringo serious about me? Or not?

The questions piled up, one on top of another, weighing me down but still no answers came.

Photography proved a welcome distraction. Mr. Lee talked about black and white film. It could show shadows and depth. When I glanced around, everybody was taking notes so I did, too. Obviously, there would be a test later on the subject.