Throwaway (18 page)

To her consternation, the Wal-Mart parking
lot was empty, as was the town square. Jessie frowned, wondering
what she was missing. She parked the Plymouth on the square and got
out to walk. She was tired of her apartment and the brisk air felt
good.

A movement in Ma’s Diner caught her eye; it
seemed to be the one place in town open.

“Afternoon,” an older gentleman with graying
hair and square glasses greeted Jessie when she stepped inside.

“Hello,” she smiled tentatively, looking
around the empty diner. “Where is everyone?”

“Not many people out and about on
Thanksgiving,” he responded kindly.

“Thanksgiving… really?”

“You sound about like me,” he smiled and set
a menu in front of her. “Can I get you something to drink?”

“Coffee… no, wait… hot chocolate.”

“You sure?”

“I want coffee, but it’s bad for the baby,”
she sighed. She really could use the coffee.

“Congratulations, then,” he handed her a
steaming mug of cocoa. “So, what brings you to Ma’s on
Thanksgiving?”

“I guess I lost track of time. I’ve been a
bit of a recluse lately.”

“I know the feeling. I was supposed to have
Thanksgiving dinner with my daughter and her family, but I just
couldn’t do it. Bless her soul; she’s just so… determined to be
cheerful.”

“Don’t have much use for cheerful, either,”
Jessie commiserated. “My name’s Jessie, by the way.”

“Milo,” he shook her outstretched hand. “But
most folks call me Ma.”

“Interesting,” Jessie mused. Now she
understood why he wasn’t in the mood for giving thanks. He’d lost
his son recently.

“You been in town long?”

“A few months.”

“Surprised I haven’t seen you around. Small
town.”

“Like I said, I’ve been a bit of a
hermit.”

“You the girl that paid for your rent up
front?”

“Word does travel fast.”

“Most folks think you’re on the run from the
law.”

“You can set their minds at ease—I’m just
mourning a love lost. Eventually I’ll get around to starting a new
life, I guess.” Jessie didn’t see the need for telling him she’d be
on the run from something much worse than the law if they knew she
was alive. Come to think of it, the law could be looking for her,
too, and she just didn’t know it.

“I’ll be sure to pass the word along,” he
nodded. “And I’m sorry to hear.”

“Was the outlaw story more interesting?” she
teased, unwilling to think about Gabe.

“We have our fair share of good outlaw
stories,” he smiled.

“So I’ve heard,” a sad smile played upon her
lips.

“You know Jesse James settled here after he
faked his death.”

“I saw the initials at Honeybranch.”

“Did you, now? Not many people get into
Honeybranch these days.”

“I think his life is fascinating. I wonder
what happened to the daughter.”

“Same thing that happens to most women in
these parts—she married a local boy and had a passel of kids,” he
chuckled. “You certainly have done your homework on local
lore.”

“The stories are what drew me here.”

“Any idea what you’re going to do now that
you are?”

“None whatsoever,” she frowned. “I am sick of
being in my apartment. I know that much.”

“You could always work here. Beth’s been
after me to hire some help for a while now.”

“Really?” Jessie sat up a little straighter.
The idea had appeal—she liked this man. There was something
comforting in his kind chuckle.

“Sure,” he smiled. “How about Saturday and
Sunday mornings and a couple of afternoons through the week?”

“That would be nice,” she agreed
enthusiastically. It would be good to be around people again. After
all, what good was her new freedom if all she did was hide in a
dark little apartment?

“Why don’t you come in this weekend to bus
tables and learn the ropes? Say, 5:00 Saturday morning?”

Jessie nearly choked. “Huh. Could be
interesting. Not sure I’ve ever seen that particular time of day.
Not on purpose anyway.”

With another chuckle, Milo poured himself a
cup of coffee and sat down next to Jessie at the counter. They
whiled away the next few hours talking about anything and nothing
in particular. At some point, Milo produced a deck of cards.

“Do you play Rummy?” he asked.

“Five-card draw?” she countered, visions of
those last days with Spence flickered in her mind.

Milo nodded his approval and started
shuffling the deck. Eventually she called a halt to the game to
order dinner before heading home.

“You know what? I had a good day today,” she
informed the Plymouth as she turned the ignition. “I think we’ve
made our first friend.”

Maybe there was something wrong with a person
who would talk to a car, but it was the closest she could come to
talking to Gabe. Who knows, maybe he heard her, wherever he
was.

She flipped on the television to fill the
apartment with sound and fell asleep on the couch, her fingers
toying with the brim of Gabe’s cowboy hat.

The next morning she battled the Christmas
shoppers because she needed clothes to wear. It didn’t bother her
to be the one person in the store with no one to buy presents for,
but she was aware of it. She’d bought Harmony a fancy leather
portfolio the year before because it seemed like a good gift for a
smart person. That was the first gift she’d given anyone since she
was five, so it wasn’t exactly a hard habit to break.

She also bought herself an alarm clock while
she was at the store. The new clock proved its mettle when it
roused her at four o’clock in the morning the next day. She was
inordinately proud of herself for showing up at Ma’s before he
did.

“You the new girl?”

“That’s me,” Jessie recognized the waitress
from her first venture into the little diner. She offered a hand.
“Jessie.”

“Good to meet you, Jessie. I’m Beth.”

Jessie followed Beth inside, glad to be in
out of the nippy morning. She did her best to be helpful, but felt
mostly useless as the proficient waitress went about her morning
routine.

“Morning, ladies,” Milo called as he
entered.

Both women said their hellos, Jessie a little
more enthusiastically than Beth.

“I suppose I’ll be expected to decorate for
Christmas, now,” Milo grumbled, noting that his neighbors had
apparently decked their establishments out overnight. “Do you know
anything about decorating for Christmas?” He looked at Jessie
expectantly.

“Red and green, right?”

“I don’t believe you two,” Beth tsked her
disapproval. “Decorating for Christmas is supposed to be fun.”

“I’m sure I can figure it out,” Jessie
assured him, ignoring Beth’s admonishment.

“After the morning rush, you mind sticking
around to help decorate?”

“Gladly,” Jessie really was glad for an
excuse to stay longer.

“Would you ladies like some breakfast?” Milo
offered.

“You’ve never fed me breakfast before,” Beth
huffed.

“I’m offering you some breakfast now,” he
scowled. “Do you want it or not?”

“I ate oatmeal before I came in,” she
grumbled.

“No thank you,” Jessie was afraid to accept
his offer under the weight of Beth’s glare.

“Suit yourself, then,” he sighed. “Guess we’d
better open up shop.”

The customers trickled in at first, but the
place was soon bustling with activity. Jessie worked hard to keep
up with the constant stream of dirty dishes. She was exhausted and
thoroughly disgusted by the time the breakfast rush abated, but she
felt strangely exhilarated. When Milo smiled approvingly at her,
she flushed with pride.

Milo gave her some cash and instructions to
get what she needed to “Christmas the place up.” Jessie wondered
where his Christmas decorations were from the previous year, but
didn’t ask.

The diner got a little pop of business around
lunch, but it was more of a slow, steady stream of people than the
madhouse of morning. By one o’clock, the place was pretty calm
again and Milo was nosing through the bags Jessie had brought back
from the store.

“I thought you decided not to decorate for
Christmas anymore last year when you threw everything out,” Beth
reminded him as she sat and sipped on a Coca-Cola.

“I did, but you’ve been nagging me since
Halloween. I couldn’t take another month of it.”

The gentle ribbing continued as the three of
them sorted through the decorations. The women began hanging
garland while Milo got them all a bowl of chili for a late lunch.
Beth took off afterwards, but Jessie stuck around to help Milo put
the finishing touches on the décor.

She handed the mistletoe up to Milo, who was
perched precariously on a stool to hammer a nail above the door.
She couldn’t help but smile at the thought of Gabe walking through
that door, pulling her into a rakish kiss under the mistletoe. That
seemed like something he would have done.

“You miss your man?” Milo read the look on
her face.

“Very much,” her throat constricted instantly
at the emotion. “How are you doing?”

“That boy was a pain in the ass. Never did
what he was told. But I miss him—he was a good man. Always helping
people, you know?”

“I do,” she nodded.

“You must be tired,” he paused to consider
her. “I didn’t work you too hard today, did I?”

“Are you saying I’m fragile?” she arched an
eyebrow and pinned him with her gaze.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” he held his hands up
in surrender. “But the second shift’ll be coming in soon. You might
as well head home.”

“Oh. Okay. Tomorrow morning, then?”

“Bright and early,” he patted her shoulder
affectionately.

Jessie gathered her things from the back,
sliding her coat on as she walked out the door. The cold smacked
her in the face as soon as she stepped into the biting wind.
Missouri winters could be unforgiving affairs.

She sat in the Plymouth for a few minutes,
holding her hands in front of the heater periodically to test for
warmth before tucking her arms back around herself. Eventually she
deemed it warm enough to drive and headed over to Wal-Mart. It was
her second time in the store in as many days, but this time she was
here to wander the Christmas aisles.

It had occurred to her as she hung garland
that like it or not, the world was going to continue to turn
without Gabe in it. She had to make a life for herself if she was
going to be any kind of a mother. There seemed no better place to
start than by decorating her apartment for Christmas.

She took her time in picking out just the
right garland and ornaments. It brought back memories of stringing
popcorn garland last year with Harmony. The two women had stayed up
late into the night, eating as much popcorn as they strung and
listening to Christmas music. On a whim, Jessie tossed a Christmas
CD in her cart after a packet of gold ornaments.

When she’d filled her cart with Christmas
cheer, she stopped by the baby aisle to stare at the little
sleepers. It still didn’t seem real. She ran her fingers over a
fuzzy, yellow and white sleeper with ducks on it. It was so tiny.
After a brief debate, she put that in her cart too.

Once she had everything unloaded, Jessie
contented herself to putter around her apartment, sipping apple
cider and decking out her home. Her favorite decoration was the
Santa statue by the door. It was kitschy, but cute. Kind of like a
garden gnome. She realized halfway through putting together the
Christmas tree that she’d begun to talk to her stomach. It made her
feel less alone. By the time she sank into bed that night, she was
so tired her legs felt like putty, but she was also happier than
she’d been in a long while.

Waking up at four o’clock in the morning was
slightly more difficult on day two. Still, she managed to be there
and functional shortly after Beth arrived to unlock the door. She’d
settled into a steady rhythm by the time the breakfast rush was in
full swing. At a quarter to ten, the general din stopped suddenly
with the entrance of an attractive brunette in her mid-forties.
There was something in her air to be reckoned with as she marched
through the diner to the kitchen, heads turning in her wake.

Jessie hesitated to follow the woman into the
kitchen, but the desperate need for clean spoons drove her through
the doors. Besides, the large open windows on the kitchen meant
they had little privacy anyway.

“Jessie – would you order your father around
like a child?” Milo demanded as Jessie tried to be invisible.

“I never knew my father,” she shrugged.

“You’re no help. Tell you what, why don’t you
go to church with my daughter—she’s determined to save a soul.”

“Gotta get these spoons to Beth,” Jessie
darted back out the door before she could be corralled into
anything. She had nothing against church per se, but it would be
embarrassing if she was struck down for crossing the threshold.

“Jessie—coffee mugs,” Beth called as soon as
the spoons were in place.

Jessie took a deep breath and dove back into
the kitchen just as the woman was informing Milo “You can’t be mad
at God forever.”

“I’m not mad really,” Milo buttered some
toast. “More like lodging a formal complaint.”

“Well, while you’re lodging your complaint,
your grandchildren are missing you,” the woman crossed her arms as
Jessie ducked back out the door.

“Plates,” Beth called out no sooner than the
mugs were set down.

“How did you people survive before I came
along?” Jessie muttered, venturing back into the kitchen for
plates.

“Will you at least come to dinner?”

“Alright, alright. Dinner.”

Jessie scurried back out of the kitchen,
grateful when the woman left. Milo was surly after that, so Jessie
avoided him carefully.

“Grandchildren miss me… not likely,” he
informed the French toast as he flipped it. “I bet she has to pay
them to stick around for dinner tonight.”