Throwaway (23 page)

Jessie gave up after that. She made herself
as unobtrusive as possible, half watching It’s a Wonderful Life,
half listening to Gabe talk sports with Jay and Milo.

Opening presents was a subdued affair. Milo
liked the personalized apron Jessie picked out for him. Elizabeth
seemed pleased with the religious plaque Gabe picked out for her
from the both of them. Jay seemed appreciative of the new flannel
shirt that looked remarkably like the one he was wearing.

After eating as little as possible of a dried
out turkey, she followed Gabe and Jay out to the kennels behind the
house so Jay could show off the latest litter of Bloodhound
puppies. Jessie could tell by the look on Gabe’s face that it was
only a matter of time before he was foisting one of those
slobbering, muddy beasts off on her.

She tried not to show any interest in any
particular dog, lest he get any bright ideas. One puppy seemed to
have a different inclination, and was determined to clamber after
her no matter how often she discreetly dodged it.

“I think you have a friend,” Gabe didn’t miss
the interchange between Jessie and the black and tan fur ball.

“His paws are bigger than his brain,” Jessie
frowned and side-stepped the dog again.

“Aw… how can you say that about him?” Gabe
scooped the puppy into his arms, slipping into baby-speak as he and
the animal looked imploringly at her. A mountain of skin fell over
the puppy’s eyes and a bubble of laughter escaped before Jessie
could catch it. “Ha! I knew you thought he was cute.”

“Funny looking and cute are two different
things. And please tell me you aren’t planning on talking like that
to our child. You’ll stunt its growth.”

“She’s a cold, hard woman,” Gabe told the
puppy, which licked his nose in response.

“I’m going to say goodbye to Milo,” Jessie
shook her head, leaving him and the dog to their own devices.

Jessie was beyond caring if she was being
rude; she said a cursory goodbye to Elizabeth and a warm one to
Milo before going to wait in the car for Gabe. The teenagers had
long since dematerialized. She rolled down the window to shout
Merry Christmas at Jay as he passed by. He grinned and blew her a
kiss.

“Your sister is certainly a warm and fuzzy
kind of person,” Jessie observed as they pulled away from the tidy
little house.

“Yeah, she takes her position as matriarch
pretty seriously.”

“Can you assure her I have no designs on her
place in the world?”

Gabe simply grinned and Jessie let it drop.
Although she secretly thought it might be fun to watch Elizabeth
and Aleksander square off in a cage match.

The bright spot for the visit was that it
cured years of feeling as if she’d missed out on something special
by not having family to celebrate with on Christmas day. She’d
never realized how brutal the process was.

She and Gabe took a short nap together before
heading over to Tumbleweed Ranch for dinner. Jessie was actually
looking forward to the third celebration of the day.

The atmosphere in the Johnston household was
entirely different than at Elizabeth’s. A fire crackled in the
hearth and laughter spilled out, reaching their ears on the walkway
outside.

“Hey, there they are,” Milo called out from
the living room as Ethan ushered them into his home.

“Are you following us old man?” Jessie
couldn’t help laughing at the change in his demeanor.

“Only the party, my dear.”

“Which, of course, is us,” Gabe
countered.

“Says the man who was napping 20 minutes
ago,” Jessie teased.

“I wasn’t the only one,” he reminded her as
he sat a load of presents down under the tree before taking the
stack from her hands as well.

“Careful, I haven’t given you your gift yet.
I could always return it.”

“You could always give it to me now,” he gave
her his most beseeching look.

“Jessie, Gabe!” Hailey practically glowed as
she greeted her guests. There were hugs all around before Jessie
was swept into the kitchen by Hailey while the men stretched out in
the living room.

“How on earth did you put all of this
together?” Jessie marveled as she helped Hailey set the meal out on
the table.

“I married a man that can cook.”

“Ethan made this?”

“Most of it. Before I married him, my idea of
a hot breakfast was sticking a Pop Tart in the toaster.”

“I knew I liked you,” Jessie smiled
appreciatively. “How did you and Ethan meet?”

“He hired me to be the barn manager before
this was Tumbleweed Ranch. How about you and Gabe? How did you
meet?”

“You were the barn manager?” Jessie asked out
of both a genuine curiosity and a desire to dodge the question.

“Yeah. I had no real experience with horses,
but the business sense Ethan was looking for. And I was desperate
enough for a job down here that he could afford me. Are you
avoiding my question?”

“Little bit,” she admitted, before making a
split-second decision that would change the course of their
friendship for better or worse.

As much as Jessie was enjoying this happy
little bubble she seemed to have landed in, the reality was that no
one here, other than Gabe, truly knew her. While she was certain
anonymity was keeping her alive, it also created the nagging fear
that if these people knew her true self, they would reject her.

“Gabe was supposed to arrest me to get to my
pimp, but couldn’t quite bring himself to,” she found herself
saying.

To Hailey’s credit, she paused for only a
beat before nodding her head as if Jessie’s statement contained
nothing out of the ordinary.

“He, Spence, had started working for the
Bosnian mafia. I wound up being an informant. Kind of an odd
beginning, I know.”

“No, it’s very Romeo and Juliet… star-crossed
lovers and what-not.”

Jessie smiled at a memory. “That always was
our song… Romeo and Juliet. A mutual friend sang it for us once and
it kind of stuck.”

“See? Not so unusual after all,” Hailey
assured her before letting out a snort of a laugh. “What does
Elizabeth think about that?’

“Oh wow,” Jessie couldn’t help laughing, too.
“She has no clue. I sincerely hope she never does.”

“Can’t say that I blame you.”

“Actually, you’re the first person I’ve told.
Gabe even changed my last name. He’s worried about who would come
looking for me if word got around where I was.”

“You poor thing,” Hailey frowned.

“Are you sure you never worked the streets?”
Jessie studied her.

“Why’s that?”

“Most people wouldn’t be this nonchalant
about the bomb I just dropped.”

“True,” Hailey admitted. “I actually have not
worked the streets. That’s probably the one job I didn’t do…
although it would have been fun to see my family’s reaction if I
had. I do tend to be a little unconventional by most people’s
standards. And really, who am I to judge?”

Jessie smiled; she found Hailey utterly
refreshing.

“Will it drive you crazy if I ask a thousand
questions, though? I bet your life was fascinating.”

“That’s not the word I would use, but
questions don’t bother me. One condition, though.”

“What’s that?”

“Will you teach me to ride a horse? After our
babies are born, I mean.”

“Gladly,” Hailey beamed at her.

“This world is so foreign to me. I want to be
at ease—like Gabe.”

“What about Gabe?” he poked his head into the
kitchen as if on cue.

“We were just talking about big, furry
dorks.”

“You sweet-talker, you,” he kissed the top of
her head and swiped a dinner roll in one fluid motion.

“Are you going to steal food or help?” Hailey
arched an eyebrow and pointed to the ham. “The carving knife is in
the cupboard by the sink.”

“Ethan, your wife’s putting me to work,” Gabe
protested loudly, obeying nonetheless.

“Don’t look at me,” Ethan appeared in the
doorway. “I was going to ask you to take a look at one of my
geldings later. I need your two-cents.”

“No such thing as a free meal these days,”
Gabe teased.

“Cool, food’s ready,” Aaron followed his nose
into the kitchen. Unlike the teenagers in Gabe’s family, Hailey’s
son seemed quite content in the company of adults. Jessie wondered
if that was a product of being an only child.

Dinner was fun, even if Jessie had no clue
what they were talking about most of the time. She’d never met
people so crazy about horses, and had never realized how little she
knew on the subject.

Eventually Gabe brought the conversation
around to Honeybranch cave and Jessie’s plans for it, intentionally
drawing her into the discourse. Ethan and Hailey excitedly started
rattling off ideas for turning the place into a working ranch,
drawing from their own experience when deciding how to manage their
own place. Jessie again found her head reeling and wondered if
she’d bitten off more than she could chew.

Later, the men cleared the dishes while the
women lingered at the table, chatting about their day thus far.
Jessie was encouraged to learn that Hailey dreaded Christmas
afternoons with Ethan’s family. It was good to know she wasn’t
alone there.

“His mom still hasn’t forgiven me for taking
her baby away.”

“How old was Ethan when you got married?”

“Thirty-eight,” Hailey snickered. “Did you
like your necklace?”

“Very much,” Jessie smiled, her fingers
moving to trace the pendant.

“You know the blue topaz is a symbol of love
and fidelity?”

“It’s my birthstone.”

“Yes, but Gabe was really excited about the
double meaning there. He was like a kid at, well, Christmas.”

Jessie found that knowledge comforting. He’d
found a way to promise faithfulness without pushing her on the
marriage issue. It was crazy how good he was.

“He’s not a normal man, is he?”

“Nope. He and Ethan are both too good to be
true.”

“Was it hard for you? Trusting Ethan, I
mean.”

“Really hard. I almost blew it with him,”
Hailey admitted. “I was so sure he’d get sick of me and take off. I
didn’t want to put Aaron and me through that again.”

“What made you change your mind?”

“My son. He’s always been smarter than me. He
pointed out that there was 100% chance of being miserable if I
didn’t give it a shot.”

“Smart kid.”

“I have no idea where he got it from,” Hailey
shook her head.

“Can Gabe go take a look at that horse with
us now, Ethan?” Aaron finished loading the dishwasher and looked up
expectantly.

“I’ll go with you,” Jessie stood up, followed
by Hailey. Gabe eyed them each, wary of their angelic
expressions.

Ethan turned on the flood lights on their way
to the stables. From a distance, Jessie could see the horse pacing
in the paddock. His movements were so fluid he seemed to float.
Jessie was so intent on watching the horse, she nearly came out of
her skin when something bumped her from behind.

“Blue, stop that,” Hailey admonished the dog
as he came along side them, tongue lolling out. “Sorry. He seems to
really like you.”

Gabe’s laughter rang out in the night, and
Jessie just shook her head.

“So… what do you think of him?” Jessie slid
beside Gabe once they’d come to a stop along the fence line.

“He’s amazing.”

“Sorry he’s not wrapped.”

“This is my gift?”

Jessie nodded, trying to read the expression
on his face.

“It’s been a lot of years since I’ve had one
of these.”

“I can always help if you’ve forgotten how
it’s done,” Ethan offered.

“I think I can manage,” Gabe assured him
dryly.

“Do you like him?”

“I’m in shock. He’s perfect… I thought you
didn’t like four-legged creatures.”

“You’re not planning on bringing him in my
house, are you?”

“No.”

“Then we’re good.”

After a few minutes of admiring the horse,
everyone else wandered back to the house, leaving Gabe and Jessie
alone.

“Do you really like him?”

“I really like him,” Gabe promised, pulling
her into a hug. “But not nearly as much as I like you. Are you
happy here, with me?”

Jessie nodded, unsure if she could voice all
of the feelings that tumbled around inside.

“What aren’t you telling me?”

“I’m scared.”

“You don’t have anything to be afraid
of.”

“You can’t promise that,” she shook her head.
“And I can’t shake the feeling that it’s not over.”

“I won’t let anything happen to you,” he
tipped her face up so he could look into her eyes.

“You know something,” she studied his face
closely. “You talked to someone in St. Louis. There’s something you
aren’t telling me.”

“I didn’t want to worry you on Christmas,” he
hedged.

“What?”

“Let’s not do this now. Tomorrow.”

“Not tomorrow,” Jessie pushed away from him,
her eyes snapping with anger. “This is my life we’re talking about
here. I thought you wanted to me my husband, not my next pimp.”

“Excuse me?”

“Spence would have treated me like my wee
little female brain was too weak to handle something. He would have
decided what was best for me without my input. How is this
different?”

“Don’t compare me to him,” Gabe’s voice was
low and hard.

“Don’t keep things from me,” she countered,
her own voice laced with steel.

“What do you want to know? Three Bosnians
have turned up in the river. It looks like someone is methodically
killing everyone we were trying to arrest. Coleman was released on
bail and disappeared the next day—they’re searching the rivers
now.”

“Vance,” Jessie paled.

“Vance is fine,” he assured her.

“No. It’s Vance, working from within to
settle things his own way. You need to tell him I’m alive.”