Throwing Love #5 (The Throwing Love Romance Series - Book #5) (2 page)

All I could do at that moment was stare into my cup of
coffee. It looked wonderful, but I couldn't even bring myself to take a sip
quite yet. There was still a chance I could throw up. And I didn't even know
what to say to Connie, we had been through this so much in the past few months.
It was like I was beating a dead horse every time I talked to Connie. Bennett
and I just seemed to have problem after problem in our relationship and Connie
had to hear about it all the time. It was a wonder that she wasn't sick of it
all by that point – I certainly was. What more could I tell her at this
point that I hadn't already told her in the first place? I should never have
got involved in the relationship I was in; it had brought me nothing but pain.
It was a testament to how great of a friend she was that she was still willing
to sit across from me and listen to yet another story about Bennett.

“So, girl, let's have it. What happened to you and Bennett?
I know that has to be it because there is nothing else in your life that could
possibly get you this upset. You have cried rivers here.”

“Tell me about it” I said as I wiped at my tears again.

“So, what happened? Get it out, let’s hear it.”

“I think things are over between Bennett and me. In fact, I
don't know how we can piece things back together anymore. Things are just a
mess right now. It all just fell apart.”

“I thought that you guys were going on a date. You had the
whole day planned out. What could possibly have gone wrong? You guys were so
excited to spend the whole day together. I'm not understanding what happened
here.”

“That's exactly my point. I have no idea what happened,
either. Actually, I do. Baseball happened. He once again chose his career over
me and for the most ridiculous reason possible.” I flung my hands up in the air
exasperated.

“Okay.” She was forcing me to continue. She knew that I had
more to say, and she couldn't give her opinion until I let it all out, so I
might as well just go ahead and tell her.

“We were on our date, and we were having a great time. We
went out for dinner and then we came back to his apartment and washed some
movies. We had the best sex of our entire relationship, like everything between
us was just perfect. I couldn't have asked for a better date. We had such a
good day, and the great thing about it was that we still had the evening to go.
I was planning on cooking dinner and just relaxing with him for the evening.”

“Sounds like everything was great. So what went wrong?”

“Baseball. We were literally laying in bed right after
having sex with each other, cuddling together and just relaxing and enjoying
everything between us. Then he gets a call from his coach, which he shouldn't
have taken in the first place. And that's where everything went downhill. God,
this is so frustrating to talk about.”

“I can probably guess what happened, but why don't you tell
me.”

“His coach was calling him to come in for some random
practice. Not his regular practice, just another one of his extra practices,
but he insisted that Bennett come in immediately and do it. Bennett had
promised me that we would spend the whole day together, that he wouldn't go
back to work no matter what. So instead of telling his boss he was already
busy, he gets off the phone and heads on over to practice.”

“You're kidding me?”

“Nope. He told his coach right away that he would be right
down. He could have easily told his coach that he already made plans he couldn't
get out of. He is a grown man, for God’s sake. When he got off the phone, we
had a huge argument where I specifically reminded him that he promised me we
would have the whole day together. But he didn't care, he just said he had to
go and he walked out the door. He wasn't even willing to discuss it with me.”

“Well, I can see why you're upset. I really don't understand
what Bennett is doing right now. I think it's pretty obvious that he cares
about you. But then he does these things that make you think that he doesn't
care for you. I don't believe for a minute that he doesn't care about you,
Emmi, I really don't. But he definitely has his head in the clouds. To be
honest, I'm not sure you are going to be able to get his head out of the
clouds; you may just have to let him go until he is ready to devote the time
necessary to be in a relationship. You deserve the best and if he can't give
that to you, then you need to move on.”

“Yeah, I was afraid you were going to say that. Not that I
have any choice in the matter, it's pretty clear that he's gone whether I want
him gone or not. It was just a really bad fight and it went nowhere good. I
feel destroyed. I want to be with him badly, but not like this, it's brutal.”

“I'm sorry, Emmi.” She reached over and took my hand,
holding it tightly.

I finally took a sip of my coffee and it felt so good going
down. The warmth took me over and I remembered all over again why I loved
coffee so much. “He just promised me that he was going to stay for the day. And
I believed him. I really thought that if something came up, he would stand up
for himself and say he already had plans. He must have known I would be so
upset.”

“I know you did, Emmi. And he really should have. It would
not have been a big deal for him to skip this practice, especially if he
already had plans with you. Like I said, I don't know what is going on with him
these days.”

“It gets worse, though. I think I may have done something
wrong, really wrong. You have to understand, though, I was just so angry that
he was going to leave. I was desperate.”

“Why, what happened?”

“Well, I was trying to explain things to him. I was trying
to get him to understand how important it was for him to stay with me for the
day, to put us first. He was just being so irritating, that I just blew up. I
was trying to get him to see how important it was for a relationship for him to
stay. He promised me, Connie, he promised me.”

“Emmi, what happened?”

“I gave him an ultimatum, about baseball.”

“Oh God, Emmi, you didn't. Oh dear...”

“Connie, he promised me the whole day and he broke that
promise. I didn't know what else to do. I fell apart.”

“So, what did you say to him?” She was frowning, so I knew
she didn't approve at all.

“I told him that he had to choose between me and his current
baseball career.” Tears began to run down my cheeks once again. I didn't think
that I could cry anymore, but there they were, rolling down my cheeks. I took a
sip of my coffee enjoying the warmth of it. I looked up at Connie, and she was
looking back at me with sympathy in her eyes. I knew she was concerned about
me, and I was glad to have her there. She was the only person that I could talk
to about all this.

“I'm really sorry, Emmi, that you are going through this.
Relationships aren't easy, especially if you're in a relationship with somebody
who's trying to make it to the big leagues. I understand how hurt you are about
all this. I think Bennett could have really skipped this practice if he really
wanted to spend time with you, so I'm not really sure why he didn't. He has
really created a mess here with all his decisions.”

“I know, he promised me. Why couldn't he have just kept his
promise to me?”

“Well, Emmi, it's because his dreams are important to him.
This is his career, after all, and he obviously doesn't want to let it go.”

“Right, but I want a relationship, too. That's supposed to
be important, too.”

“Like I said, I understand how you feel. The whole situation
is getting pretty upsetting, that much I can tell. I can understand where
you're coming from, Emmi, but there is also a large part of me that thinks that
you're being very unreasonable.”

“What are you talking about? You just agreed with everything
that I had to say.”

“I know I did. I meant every word of it. But that was until
you told me that you gave him an ultimatum about his career. That is something
that you should never have done. Emmi, I love you, you're my best friend. But
you can't take somebody's dream away just because you want to be in a
relationship with them. How would you feel if somebody told you that you
couldn't be a sportscaster? Would you be okay with that? If somebody told you
that you could only have one thing in life, your career or love, what would you
choose?”

“That's not the same thing at all. I've been working my ass
off in this relationship and all Bennett is doing is breaking his promises.”

“Then you break up with him.” Connie was looking at me very
seriously and I knew that she meant every word that she said. She wasn't
pulling any punches right now, and she was one of those people in life that
told you exactly what she thought without worrying about whether or not it
would hurt your feelings. She was dead serious.

“Connie.”

“Emmi, that's what happens in a relationship. If you don't
like something that's going on or the relationship isn't going well, you break
up with the person and you move on with your life. I'm not trying to say these
things to hurt you. But it's true. If things aren't working out, you leave. You
don't give someone an ultimatum. You don't tell Bennett that he can't play
baseball anymore just because you want to be in a relationship. That's why he
walked out on you. You are being unreasonable. You probably hurt him as much as
he hurt you.”

“I'm not trying to crush his dreams, Connie. I'm just trying
to be a part of his life. You and I both know that he can have both. I just
don't want to lose him, especially when he can have both of us.”

“Well, maybe this is your wakeup call that he doesn't want
both. This is his career and this is his dream that he has been chasing. And he
was chasing that long before he ever met you, Emmi. How could you possibly have
tried to make him choose?”

“I'm sorry. I just blew up; I didn't know what to do. I
thought I was losing him, and I wanted more than anything for him to call his
coach back and tell him he wasn't coming to practice. That's all I wanted. It's
not a lot to ask.”

“Well, you can't expect somebody to give up their dream if
you're not willing to give up yours. It's a two way street. You have your
dreams and so does Bennett, you're either going to work together and make it
work or you're not. And right now, it doesn't look like Bennett can do both. I
know you think he can, but maybe juggling both isn't something that Bennett is
capable of doing right now.”

“Oh my God, you're killing me right now.” The tears just
kept flowing down my cheeks. It was becoming painful to cry. Obviously what
Connie had to say was right, but I just didn't want to hear it. It just sounded
so awful. I loved Bennett, but it was starting to sound like we were never
going to be together. Maybe it was time that I accepted that.

“Emmi, I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm just trying to give
you advice so that you don't make a situation worse than it needs to be. You
can't go around giving people ultimatums when they start doing things that you
don't like. It's not fair. Nor is it the right thing to do.”

“You make me sound like a real jerk.” I blew my nose again.
My body hurt all over. I would definitely need a bubble bath after Connie left.

“You're not a jerk. That's not the point that I'm trying to
make at all, I just think that you're trying to fight for a relationship that
may not be there anymore. Bennett is obviously the one in the driver’s seat and
he seems to be driving in the opposite direction of you.”

I wiped away at my tears. I took a Kleenex out of the box
and blew my raw nose. I took another sip of my coffee as I took this all in.

It was hard to hear these things, but Connie was right. I
couldn't force Bennett to want to be with me, to want to be in a relationship.
He had to make that decision and right now it didn't seem like he was
interested in making that decision at all.

“I know that you're right, Connie. I definitely wouldn't
like it if somebody tried to make me choose between my career and anything
else. I love my career and it would really hurt me a lot if Bennett told me
that I wasn't allowed to be a sportscaster. The thing is, I just wouldn't put
Bennett so low on the totem pole in my life. That's all I was asking of him,
was to give me some priority in his life, as well.”

“I know, Emmi, and you have every right to ask for that, but
maybe it's time to let Bennett go for a while. You are the only one fighting
for the relationship right now and I think it's starting to kill you. Relationships
really shouldn't be this hard.”

“I don't know what to do, Connie.”

“Well, I think you need to figure out what you really want
out of a relationship and what you really want out of a boyfriend. It doesn't
mean that you can't have Bennett, but if you want him, then you're going to
have to deal with hardly seeing him and dealing with all these practices. You
may also have to deal with the fact that he cancels plans with you to go do
baseball stuff. Personally, I don't think that's something that you can handle,
but if you can then you can have him in your life.”

“What's my alternative?” I was looking at her like she was
crazy.

“Stop looking at me that way, you know I am right. If you
don't think that you can handle the situation that you're in, then you let
Bennett go, and you let him go completely. It will then be up to him to realize
whether or not he wants to live without you. If he decides that he can't live
without you, then he will come back, but if he doesn't come back, then it is
not meant to be.”