Throwing Love #5 (The Throwing Love Romance Series - Book #5)

TROWING
LOVE #5

By Nella
Tyler

This
book is a work of fiction. The names, characters, places and incidents are
products of the writer's imagination or have been used fictitiously and are not
to be construed as real. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, actual
events, locales or organizations is entirely coincidental.

Copyright
© 2015 Nella Tyler

Click here to read Throwing Love #1

Click here to read Throwing Love #2

Click here to read Throwing Love #3

Click here to read Throwing Love #4

Get a
free copy of my never released book Collide

Click
here to get your free book

Chapter One

I couldn't say how long I sat there in my bedroom for
– five minutes...30 minutes, maybe even an hour. There was no sense of
time for me. It could have been 30 seconds or an eternity; I felt nothing. My
body was in a terrible way, so numb. I had never felt that way before. I think
part of me was in shock. Yes, I was definitely in shock. Where was Bennett, why
had he not come back yet? I had waited and waited some more, so where was he? I
knew I wasn't thinking straight and no matter how much I thought about getting
out of my bed, I just couldn't do it. My body was immobile, I couldn't move if
I wanted to. Every part of me was numb, and I hated that feeling. But I didn't
know how to stop it or how to move.

He had walked out, left me, seemingly without a care in the
world. Why? Why had he done that? I couldn't process what had happened between
us. Why had we fought so badly? I thought he would have stayed. He should have.
Shouldn't he? Was I asking too much? Should I have just accepted the shitty
part of our relationship that left me abandoned on a regular basis?

I knew I shouldn't have threatened his career. That had been
a mistake. I don't know what I was thinking. It was so stupid. His pride alone
would have made him cringe over that request. Guys normally didn't like
ultimatums, and mine was a brutal one, so that just made it even worse. But it
wasn't like I wanted him to give up baseball completely for me. I just wanted
things to go back to the way they were before he started missing practices. I
didn't think that was a lot to ask. I knew it wasn't a lot to ask. I had just
wanted him to find a place for me in his life, as well. Not give up everything,
but have me as a priority. That was a completely normal request. I wasn't
crazy. I didn't want to be second in his life. I wanted him to have a great
career, but with me by his side. I no longer wanted to be treated like some
kind of groupie whom he spent time with every now and again. I was more than
that. I loved him. I loved him a lot.

I felt hollowed out. I thought I might even throw up. My
heart was no longer in my chest. It was crushed on the floor with what appeared
to be a footprint on it. Yes, that was a footprint – the same print that
Bennett's shoe made. That was how it felt, anyways. I thought things had been
bad before our fight, but now this; this was on a whole other level, one that
changed everything. Things between us would never be the same.

He had left...what did that mean? Maybe he never really
loved me in the first place. Why wouldn't he at least talk to me? My God...I
felt like I was going crazy. How could he just walk out on me? Not even discuss
it, but just walk out as if I meant nothing to him? It was total asshole
behavior and yet, I knew that wasn't the kind of character Bennett had.

The game, or maybe it was just his coach and my father, but
they had such a control on him. My father had really caused a mess when he
showed up at Bennett's apartment. I could almost strangle him for getting
involved. It had caused so many problems between Bennett and me. It was as if
Bennett didn't think he could make it to the big leagues anymore unless he did
their bidding. How did he manage to forget that he was doing just that when we
began dating? Everything had been great until Bennett decided that skipping
practices was a great idea.
Men!

The pain I was feeling was kept me confined in my bed,
staring at the door. I practically had it memorized, the lines of the door, the
color. I had never felt so betrayed in my life. It was too much for my brain to
take in at once. I thought he would at least discuss things with me. Tell his
coach he couldn't come to this one practice so that he could figure things out
with me. That would have been the best possible thing for us to do. But as it
turns out, there was room for only one love in Bennett's life and that love
wasn't me. There was no doubt about it. I had never felt so terrible in my
whole life. Why was he doing this to me?

I stared at that door, waiting for him to come back. Why
hadn't he come back yet? To say that he was stupid for walking out and that he
was sorry. He needed to say he was sorry. I wanted him to say that he loved me
more than a game and would make both work in order to be with me. I didn't want
him to give up the game, but I needed to be there, too. I didn't think that it
was a lot to ask of him. What was wrong with him?

I had been so sure that he would come back. That he would
rush through the door and scoop me up into his arms. We would kiss so
passionately that we would end up back in bed together. We would wake up in
each other’s arms and I would have no choice but to forgive him. In fact, I
would have gladly forgiven him if he did any of those things. But he didn't.
Bennett never came back that day.

Chapter Two

I waited for an hour before I finally gave up. Getting out
of bed took a lot of effort on my part. It felt almost impossible to do so, but
I did it. I thought for sure he would have returned by then or at the very
least sent me a message, apologizing or, dammit, just something. But I didn't
hear from him at all and it was about time that I get on with my day. There was
no point in me lying around any longer. I was just embarrassing myself further.

It was hard to accept things were over between Bennett and
me. I didn't want that at all. It was bad enough trying to accept the fact that
he had left, never mind trying to understand why he didn't want to fight for
our relationship. Why didn't he love me enough to include me in his life? He
was behaving like a thoughtless jerk.

I stepped off the bed and went about collecting my clothing.
With every piece I picked up, I started to remember how it came off of my body.
How Bennett had taken each piece off my body. I began to clasp my bra back on
and slip into my panties, remembering that they had been the last things he had
taken off my body. I pulled on my jeans and slipped into my t-shirt. I did
everything like a robot, my mind numb to everything around me. I had no idea
how to feel in that moment and the truth was, I felt nothing at all. Maybe that
was a good thing, maybe I should enjoy feeling nothing. Sooner rather than
later, I would feel the pain of loss again and that wasn't going to be much
fun. Feeling nothing was a little refreshing after feeling so much pain lately.
I was sick of feeling that way. Relationships were supposed to bring you joy in
your life, not continually cause pain. Maybe Connie had been right all along;
maybe I should have avoided Bennett from the beginning. Not get involved with
someone striving for a major league career. It only caused complications in my
life that I didn't need.

I had to accept the fact that he was gone and move on with
my life. I had put too much time and effort already into a relationship that
wasn't important to Bennett; way too much time. I had thought it was worth it,
but his behavior told me otherwise. He obviously wasn't that interested in me
or a in a future with me if he was able to throw it all away that quickly. He
didn't even try to save it; he just walked away from me without a thought that
he was hurting me.

I had wanted a different ending. I had just been so sure
that he would come back. It was a shock to find out that he didn't. That was
the part that hurt so much, was that realization. All I wanted in that moment
was try to forget about what happened. I doubted that I would be able to forget
about anything, but I was going to try damn hard to. Bennett had broken my
heart once again, and I wasn't sure how I was going to get over it this time.
But I had to in order to lead a healthy and happy life. I needed to get him out
of my head and out of my heart. He had made his choice, and there didn't seem
to be anything that I could do to change his mind. Now I just needed to move on
and try to forget Bennett as best I could. I wasn't sure how I was going to do
that, but I had to.

, I went into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. All my
movements were robotic. I wanted to feel better about what happened and coffee
was at least going to take the headache away. The throbbing in my head only
seemed to be getting worse. I watched the pot for a moment, watching the coffee
spill into it. I couldn't even clear my head. I didn't know what to think, what
to do. I just tried to focus on the coffee and will my headache away. It wasn't
working.

I went into my bedroom while I waited it to finish brewing.
I flopped onto my bed face-first and started to sob. I felt helpless and
useless. Bennett had made me feel unappreciated and unworthy of his attention.
I couldn't control the tears coming out of me, I just sobbed and sobbed. My
throat was raw and my eyes were becoming puffy. No matter what I tried to do I
couldn't stop crying the tears just kept coming. I should have been empty, but
they just kept coming. My stomach began to churn with all the emotions inside
of me.

It was then that I heard a voice at my doorway, it wasn't
the voice that I had been waiting for all day, but it was darn sure a close
second. Just the sound of it made me feel so much better.

“What the hell is going on here?”

I turned to find Connie standing in my doorway with a
concerned look on her face.

Chapter Three

I flung myself out of my bed and rushed to the doorway to
see Connie. I flung myself into her arms, almost knocking her over. I couldn't
believe she was there. I had never wanted to see anyone more in my entire life.
Yes, I wanted to see Bennett, but Bennett was no longer a part of my life. I
had to accept that. So Connie was who I needed to see, she would know exactly
how to get me through all this. She would help me heal and get over Bennett. I
wanted and needed that to happen as soon as possible. I knew it was unlikely;
those things took time. But I was desperate to get over him. I couldn't be in
this pain forever.

“Whoa, what's going on here?” She was holding me tight as I
held her back even tighter. The sobs came again, and I sobbed against her
shoulder, not knowing what else to do. I had cried so much that it was crazy to
think that I still had more crying to do. She allowed me to cry in her arms for
as long as I needed. She waited patiently as I cried, not bothering to ask me
what was wrong. She knew that I needed this moment to just cry. She was a great
friend; she was exactly what I needed in that moment. She knew when to stay
silent, and she knew when it was appropriate to start talking. She just let me
cry for as long as I needed. Right now, she was allowing me to get everything
out, right down her shoulder. When I didn't have anything left, I pulled away
from her and stared into her eyes. I felt lost and empty. I had completely
emptied myself of feelings.

“My eyes are going to be so puffy in the morning,” I
whimpered.

She laughed. “Well, there's the girl I know and love. Do you
think you got enough tears out or should we keep going?” She was looking at me
softly, concern written all over her face.

I wiped my eyes on my sleeve. I was in desperate need of a
Kleenex and I walked to the bathroom to find some. I blew my nose and dabbed at
my eyes, feeling so much better than I did before Connie arrived.

“No, I think I'm pretty much done crying. I don't think I
could if I wanted to.”

Connie headed out to the kitchen, and I followed close
behind her. She went straight for the coffee pot and poured us both a hot
steaming cup, adding creamer to mine and cream and sugar to hers. I just
watched shell-shocked as she performed these tasks and then brought both cups
to the kitchen table.