Ties That Bind (20 page)

He didn’t comment.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Them.” He nodded to the sign.

“Hits close to home, doesn’t it?”

“Too fucking close.”

Startled by the vehemence of his expletive, she only said, “I’m sorry.”

He gestured outside. “They remind me of us.”

“I know. Except they made it.”

“Well, the jury’s still out on that one. But you’re right. They’re so close, it’s almost tangible.” His lips thinned. “We used to have that bond. For a lot of years.”

She studied him. “And you’re angry about that.”

“I’m angry about this whole thing.”

“What, exactly? And why today?”

He whirled around in his seat. “Damn you, Kate, don’t tell me you don’t remember what today is!”

She stilled. She knew all right, but she blocked it, as she did every single year. “I know. I can’t think about it; I never talk about it. It’s a horrible time for me every year.”

“We were married twenty years ago today.” He drew in a heavy breath. “I can still see you in that white eyelet dress. Your hair long and curly. You were the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.”

She hated those memories. She hated being forced to remember their wedding, their anniversary. “Stop it, Reese. I won’t discuss this with you.”

For a moment, he just watched her. Then he reached out, slid his hand over the back of the seat and grasped a few strands of her hair. It was an intimate gesture, especially when he rubbed the strands between his fingers. “Maybe I should just seduce you and force you think about exactly what we had on that day. And lost.”

“I’d never do that to Tyler!”

His green eyes glittered. “Otherwise, you’d go to bed with me?”

Time for candor. She shook off his touch, and straightened. “Look, Reese, we know the attraction between us is still there. It would be stupid, and dangerous, to deny it. What’s gone is that closeness that the Bennings have, and the trust. We’re no longer bound by that tie.”

“Maybe, maybe not. I’m feeling things again, Kate.”

She swallowed hard. “This is exactly why I didn’t want to spend time with you. I’ve always been afraid that those things that you’re feeling would come back.”

His gaze was hot. “Would that be so bad?”

“Of course it would. We didn’t go through the hell of a divorce, and drive our own daughter away, to say, ‘Oops, I made a mistake. Let’s try again.’”

“Maybe we did make a mistake.”

“If we did, it’s one we’ll have to live with.”

“You heard what Sofie said last night, damn it. She wants her family back.” Now, he locked his hand on her neck. Another intimate gesture. “So do I sometimes.” He pointed outside. “And that, too. I want that bond back, too.”

Please God. Don’t let us do this.

“Kate, don’t you want it all back sometimes? Be honest, please.”

“Yes, Reese, I do. Sometimes, I’d give anything to have back what we had. But A, we’re both involved with other people now. And we have responsibilities to them. And B, we’ve done irrevocable damage to each other emotionally.” She bit her lip. “I went to a therapist after we split. I couldn’t cope. I couldn’t eat or sleep. It took me years to untangle the harm we did to each other. I’m not willing to risk it again.” When he didn’t respond, just stared at her, she added, “You were practically destroyed, too. I know you were.”

“I shut down.” He drew his hand back, placed it on the steering wheel and ran his fingers over the gray leather. “I never opened back up really.”

“Pollyanna must not like that.”

“Don’t start on her. Dr. High and Mighty isn’t any too happy with you right now.”

“See, we’re sniping again.”

“Jesus Christ, Kate, we’re sniping about the other people in our lives. We’re fucking jealous.”

“No, no. I’m not. They’re jealous, and maybe we’ve given them good reason.” She drew in a breath.

“Kate…”

“I want your promise that we won’t talk about this again. We won’t give in to the temptation just because we have to be together.”

He said nothing.

“Reese, please.” She touched his arm.

Time strung out. Finally, he said, “All right. I’ll give it another shot. I’ll try to stop this train wreck.” Turning from her, without saying more, he started the engine and began to drive away. Her mind still whirling with all Reese and she had just confessed to each other, she didn’t say anything more, either. It was obvious, enough had been said already.

o0o

LIKE A MAN possessed, or better yet, like one trying to exorcise the goddamned devil, Reese gripped his racket and smashed the small blue ball into the front wall of the racquetball court. He’d come to The Iron Butterfly, hoping to find a partner and work off some of his frustration, but no one was around, so he pounded the ball in the enclosed space by himself. Perhaps that was for the best. If he killed anybody, it would be himself. Already sweat soaked his shirt, and slicked his skin everywhere.

Racket back. Smash! “That’s for you, Anna Bingham. For starting this whole fucking thing.”

The ball hit the wall and whizzed back at him.

Whoosh! He swung at it again, hard. “And that’s for the Bennings. May you have more fucking luck than we did.”

He had to run to get the next shot. Racing forward, he picked the ball off just before it hit the floor a second time.

Whack! Inside right corner. The ball lobbed over his head. He ran back, and facing away from the front wall, managed to get a piece of it. “And that’s for the goddamned pact that she wants,” he spat out, sending it spiraling over his head.

He dove for the next shot, missed and skidded across the floor on his knees and arms.

Jesus, he was never this reckless anymore. At forty-five, his body had slowed down considerably. He remembered playing racquetball with Kate. They’d taken lessons together, and she’d picked it up faster than he. They used to careen into walls, slide across the floor, and run like the dickens to best each other.

His forearms and elbows stinging, Reese rolled to a sitting position and inched on his butt over to the wall. Leaning against it, he closed his eyes.

Today had been tough. Tougher than previous days when he was forced to be with his ex-wife. Because, if he was honest with himself, he had to admit he was falling back under her spell. In just two short weeks, his whole life seemed to have spun out of control. He could no longer keep at bay these emotions he was feeling for Kate.

The pièce de résistance was the Bennings today. Seeing, played out in living color, who Kate and Reese had been, and what they’d lost, infuriated him. Combined with Sofie’s comment yesterday, and the physical attraction he’d been experiencing again for Kate, Reese was about to lose his mind.

“Hey, there, buddy. You still alive?”

Dray had come to the doorway of the court. Dressed in pink sweats, and a pink headband, she looked like a doll.

Reese didn’t deserve her. And she certainly didn’t deserve his waffling. “Yep.” Picking up his racket, he pointed to the wall. “I’m too old for this.”

“I was watching you from up there,” she said coming toward him and nodding to the glass window where a balcony overlooked the court. “You didn’t look old. You looked…driven.”

He stared up at her. “I needed to let off some steam.”

“Did you?”

He wiped sweat from his brow with the hem of his shirt. “I guess.” Though not nearly enough to banish Kate from his thoughts.

She dropped down to the floor, and sat cross-legged in front of him.

“Did your aerobics class go well?”

“Uh-huh. My lower back hurts a bit. I think I overdid it, too.”

“I’ll give you a massage later,” he said, winking at her. Man, he had to get out of this ex-wife mode. Dray could do it for him.

“Best offer I had all day.”

“In many days.” They hadn’t made love in a long time.

“It’s okay, Reese. I know things are tough right now. We’ll get through it.”

But in the stark light of the court, Reese had to admit, to himself at least, that his and Dray’s relationship might not survive this thing with Kate. Still, he’d try. He would not give in to his ex-wife’s lure without a fight. He grasped Dray’s hand. “Thanks for being so patient.”

“Just so I get the prize at the end.”

Much as he wanted to, he couldn’t promise her that. So he rolled to his feet and helped her up. “You done for tonight?”

She glanced at the clock, trying unsuccessfully to hide her disappointment. “I have to close in an hour.”

“I’ll head home then. I wanted to call Emily anyway.”

“She okay?”

“As okay as ever. I haven’t talked to her this week, and I want to touch base. I worry about her.”

“You’re a good brother, Reese. A good man.”

Hell, that twisted the knife. “Not always, babe.” But he was trying. “Come on, I think the court’s signed up for eight.”

Trustingly, Dray put her hand in his. They walked to door and exited the court. He left the gym, giving her just a chaste peck on the cheek. Man, he really needed to talk to his sister.

He didn’t wait till he got home. Once in his car, he slid the seat back so he could stretch his legs, whipped out his cell and dialed his sister’s number. Staring out at the night, the darkness broken only by a few lamps in the parking lot, he waited impatiently for the connection.

“Hello.” Thank you God for letting her answer.

“Hi, kiddo.”

“Reese, hi. I was hoping to call you later.”

“The boys in bed?”

“Just about.” Noise in the background. His name. Away from the mouthpiece, he heard his sister say, “If I let you talk to him, you have to go right to bed afterward.”

Cheers. Then, into the phone, “Uncle Reese.”

“Jimmy?”

“I lost a tooth.”

“Really, did the tooth fairy come?”

“I got a dollar!”

“You’re a rich man.”

“My turn,” Reese heard in the background. Then on the line, “Uncle Reese. You comin’ to see us?”

“Soon, Jase.”

“Bring Aunt Kate. We miss her.”

Oh, shit. “Maybe.”

Emily took the phone. “It’s me.”

“Shall I call back?” he asked

“No, they know time with you is sacred. They climbed in bed and will go down without a fight if I’m talking to you.” She called out, “Good night, guys.”

He pictured Emily closing the door, traipsing downstairs. Sitting in her small kitchen. He’d spent a lot of time in her house since her divorce, and they’d even turned a den into a room for his visits. “How are you, Em?”

“Good. I got five orders this week for Tshirts. Business is picking up.”

“Tell me about them.” Hearing her talk calmed him. Centered him.

He laughed over the two groups who wanted slogans on their shirts—a bunch of psychiatrists who asked for: I used to be schizophrenic but we’re better now. Apparently they were using the shirts for their basketball team. And a fraternity from a college that wanted Stud Buds on their shirts. They talked a bit about cash flow and marketing. Then she said, “So, why do you sound like you did after the divorce, big brother?”

She knew him so well and he never dissembled with her. “It’s hard being with Kate so much.”

“I knew it would be. Are you making any progress on the case?”

“Some.” He filled her in on the details. “This is a hell of a thing, Em. I’m feeling things for her I didn’t ever expect to feel again. I…want things from her.”

“Where does Dray fit into all this?”

“Dray’s hurt by it. So is Kate’s young stud.”

His sister chuckled at his comment. “Sometimes, Reese, you can’t stop gravity.”

“What do you mean?”

“There’s been a force between you and Kate from the beginning, and it draws you back together when you’re within range of each other. Truthfully, I’m shocked you could ever resist it.”

He peered out the car window at the star-filled sky. He wished for a cigarette, which he’d given up long ago. “Kate says we can resist that force.”

“You’ve talked about it?”

“Today.”

“Uh-oh. Verbalizing it brings it to a whole other level. Especially for you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Reese, you clam up about your feelings all the time since the divorce. You must be pretty raw if you talked to Kate about it.”

“Shit.”

“What does she say?”

“That nothing’s going to happen.”

“If she gave you the go-ahead, would something happen?”

“I don’t want to answer that

Emily sighed. “Sorry, you just did.”

o0o

THE CHAMBER OF Commerce banquet room in downtown Westwood was set up with about fifty circular tables graced with snowy-white linen cloths, navy napkins, and floating candle centerpieces that gave off a vanilla scent. Kate stared into the flickering glow of one, hoping the dim light would hide some of her bruises. She wanted to be here for Tyler, more than ever, but the results of the mugger’s attack were still visible on her face.

“So, what do you think of our boy here, Kate?” The question came from the oldest of Tyler’s partners in his medical practice. Jonathan Brooke had mentored Tyler and was rightfully thrilled by his accomplishments, which were being honored tonight.

“I’m very proud of him.” She smiled over at Tyler. He returned it and squeezed her hand. “Personally, of course.” She squeezed his hand back. “But also as a family court judge. What he’s doing with children in the program makes my job a lot easier.”

Talk about Tyler’s Well Child Project continued around the table. Kate sipped her wine and toyed with her salad, enjoying his accolades. She had no idea he’d been asked to go to New York to consult on a clinic that would incorporate some of his practices. Damn, she wasn’t paying nearly enough attention to him, and felt bad for it. She nibbled her salad and vowed to be more interested.

People were courteous and friendly to her; they politely skirted the problems Kate was having, the problems plastered all over the newspapers these days. The whole evening had been an oasis from the upheaval of her life, particularly with her ex-husband and his confession, or whatever the hell it was yesterday at the Bennings’ law office.

Over spicy shrimp in a cheese sauce, Tyler and she managed some private talk. “You doing all right?” he asked.