Time Leap (26 page)

Bai Jiu (literally,
‘white alcohol’) is the Chinese spirit drunk at many business and
family dinners in China. It can be more than 70% proof, so we both
avoided it like the plague. Actually, it might help in a plague –
no virus would stand a chance.

“
So you’d
rather take Smirnoff this time – not Magic?” I asked.

“
Magic was
great in China. But for the year 4200, I think we might need
someone like the guy in the Terminator movies.”

“
Really? You
want Arnie Schwarzenegger? Well I could phone his agent if you
like…”

“
You know what
I mean Joe – stop being pedantic.”

“
Pedantic?
Have you been reading my dictionary again?”

“
You know that
my English vocabulary is far more extensive than yours, so cut the
crap.”

I understood that Niki
wanted to feel safe – we had no idea of what sort of people we
would encounter two thousand years into the future; Smirnoff was
definitely the man.”

“
Okay, let’s
give him a call then. Usual rate? He might fancy a trip to
Scotland.”

As it turned out, he was
very interested in the project. Having not heard from us for a
while, he had been wondering whether or not we still required his
services. He was therefore pleasantly surprised to get the text
from Niki.

‘
Count me
in,’
was his text back, adding
‘Will they still have whiskey in
4200?’

‘
We’ll take a
bottle for you,’
Nik texted
back.

“
I didn’t
think Smirnoff drank on business,” I said.

“
I don’t think
you know Smirnoff,” Nik replied.

We talked about how we
were going to get up to Scotland, and I suggested a camper van. It
would give us the mobility to move around, plus the option of
sleeping in the van overnight if other accommodation was difficult
to come by. Niki thought this was a good idea.

“
Just one
thing,” she said. “We don’t have a camper van.”

“
No problem,
we’ll just buy one.”

“
And when we
get to Scotland, how do we take it with us to the year 4200? Are
you sure it will travel with us through time?”

This was a good point. My
gut feeling was that we just hold on to the vehicle, and then time
jump in the usual way – based on the principle that anything
attached to us always seems to travel with us. But we’d never taken
anything as big as a van to the past or into the future
before.

“
We should try
it first,” she suggested.

So that’s exactly what we
did. Not with the van – we put one of our cars to the test before
splashing out on the Camper. We drove up to Hampstead Heath one
evening, and tried to jump a couple of years into the future. If it
worked for a two year leap, then surely it would work for four
thousand right?

Both of us stood outside
the car, each of us simply holding a door–handle as I changed the
date on my phone. I’d placed a beer bottle outside the car in the
road as a control (if the beer bottle was still there after two
years, then we clearly hadn’t gone anywhere). The method worked!
The wobble effect was a lot bigger than anything we had previously
experienced, so we didn’t want to try it too many times – but it
did work.

Next, we sat inside the
car and attempted to travel into the future. This would be much
more convenient if it worked. But this time, we were on the road to
nowhere… the beer bottle was still sitting outside. We set the date
to twenty years in the future just to double-check, but the same
result.

“
Why didn’t
that work?” asked Nik. It was a good question – but one I couldn’t
answer.

“
Search me,” I
said after a moment.

“
Why? Are you
hiding something?”

“
It’s an
expression Nik – you must have heard of that one?” She smiled at
me. “Oh, you’re joking.” I stared into the distance through the
windscreen. “There must be some reason for this...”

Then Niki got it. “We’re
sitting inside the car.”

“
Okay….
and?”

“
We’re sitting
inside the car, in the same way that we sit inside our
house.”

“
Oh!” I said
as it began to dawn on me. “Whenever we jump anywhere from our
house, we don’t take the house with us.”

“
Right.”

“
That’s
because we’re not actually attached to the house…” I
surmised.

“
And because
the house is fixed to the Earth,” Niki added.

“
Well, that’s
true. When we stand on a road, we don’t take the road with us. On
the other hand, the car is a moveable object. So maybe it’s a
matter of movability, and also where we’re located?”

“
It seems so,”
agreed Nik.

Whatever the exact
reason, we knew one way to take a car into the future with us, and
that was good enough. The next stop: the camper van
shop.

*

The vehicle we purchased
in the end was more of a motor home than camper van. We might need
to accommodate the three of us, and we wanted to have room for
food, clothing and other things. Our money and credit cards would
be worthless two thousand years from now, so we had to make sure
we’d got everything we needed to survive for a while. Yes, we could
always jump back to the present – but only if our phone continued
to work as a time machine. Our experience in ancient China had
taught us to err on the side of caution and assume that if things
can go wrong, then they might go wrong.

As usual, Smirnoff said
he would meet us at our destination rather than travel with us. So
Nik and I had plenty of time to talk on the way to
Scotland.

“
Joe, are you
getting bored of time travelling?” Niki asked me as we drove along
the motorway. The question surprised me.

“
Bored? No…
why do you ask? Are
you
getting bored with it?”

“
Sometimes I
wonder why we’re doing it.”

“
Making a
difference… curiosity… that’s the main reasons I do it.”

“
It can be
dangerous.”

“
Sure it can –
I know that. We don’t want to a repeat of what happened in China.
But I still think it’s worth doing. If we told anyone we were bored
with time travel, they’d think we’d gone crazy!”

“
There’s one
thing time travel can’t do…”

“
Which
is?”

“
Make us live
longer.”

“
Ah!”

I had thought about this
a few times. We continued to age normally however much we travelled
through time, and irrespective of the time zones we occupied. But
would we really want to live forever? Or even a longer
life?

“
Maybe people
in the future will find a way to live longer,” Nik said.

“
The secret of
eternal life?” I replied.

“
Something
like that.”

“
I think
eternal life is overrated,” I said. “Who would want to live on this
planet forever?”

We both went quiet with
that thought. Deep questions about the purpose of life and what
awaits us after death were round the corner, and at that moment
neither of us wanted to face such questions. But we would be forced
to face them one day.

We left London at 6am in
order to avoid the main traffic, and Niki got a rest in the back
whilst I drove. I turned on the radio and listened to some laid
back jazz. We took our turns at driving and resting and didn’t rush
to get to Edinburgh, having arranged to meet Smirnoff in Holyrood
Park in the city at 3pm that next day. I was looking forward to
seeing him again.

***

Thirty–Eight

Arthur’s Seat is situated
in Holyrood Park, which is also the location of Holyrood Palace,
the official residence of the British Monarch in Scotland.
Edinburgh is said to be built on seven hills, and Arthur’s Seat is
the highest at 250 metres tall. I figured that if parts of
Edinburgh had been flooded by 4200 CE, the top of Arthur’s seat
would be one of the safest locations for us all. I had lived close
to the hill during my student days at the University and regularly
used to run up the north side to keep fit. The view from the top
was amazing, with a postcard picture view of the city. It’s said to
be the site of an extinct volcano, with a row of sandstone rocks
called the Salisbury Crags running down from the summit.

Smirnoff looked
different. He’d shaved off the stubble, had his hair cut and was
sporting a new jacket. He greeted us like family.

“
Nikita, Joe!
I’ve missed you!”

“
What have you
been up to?” I asked the Russian, not expecting an honest
reply.

“
Oh, you know…
killing time, and other things. So what’s this big trip into the
future about… trying to stop a crazy dictator pushing the button
again?”

“
Not exactly,”
I said, “we just want to know the future of the planet … the
effects of global warming.”

“
And you think
you can stop it by telling all those small–minded presidents around
the World what is going to happen if we continue to burn oil and
gas… that sort of thing?”

“
Something
like that.”

“
Okay, well I
tell you the truth Joe - as a friend: no–one’s going to listen to
you. They’ll ask you how you know what is going to happen, and
you’ll say you’ve been to the future and seen it for yourself. And
then they’ll lock you away. They don’t give a shit now, and they
won’t give a shit then.”

“
Well, we want
to have a look anyway,” said Niki. “Personally, I’m not interested
in making a difference anymore – I just want to know the future.
Call it curiosity.”

“
And you think
it could be dangerous?” We both nodded. “Nice motor!” he said
changing the subject and pointing towards the vehicle. “How much
did you pay for it?”

“
Enough,” I
said.

“
I tell you
what… instead of paying me, you can give me this… how about
that?”

We had paid close to
40,000 pounds for the motor home, so it seemed a good enough
deal.

“
Okay, we’ll
think about it,” I said. I wanted to talk to Niki privately before
handing over the keys. I wanted to make sure his contribution was
worth that sort of money.

Smirnoff gave me his bags
to carry into the van. One felt incredibly heavy.

“
Jeez, what
have you got in there – a small machine gun?”

“
You said you
needed firepower, so that’s what I brought.”

Once we were ready, we
drove along the road leading towards the summit. There’s a small
lake fairly high up called Dunsapie Loch, close to which we could
park the van and then walk to the summit of Arthur’s
Seat.

I’ve always had a good
feeling about this hill. I used to have a view of it from my room
in the adjacent student halls of residence where I stayed. Arthur’s
Seat looks like a sleeping lion, guarding the city and waiting to
be reawakened. Before jumping to the future, Niki wanted to see the
city from the top of the hill and take some photographs, so we
headed up a well–trodden path to the summit. Smirnoff preferred to
stay by the van to have a smoke.

There were quite a few
people at the top enjoying the fresh air and the views of
Edinburgh. The vista was virtually unchanged since my student
days.

“
What’s that
over there – the rock with the buildings on?” Nik asked.

“
Oh, that’s
Castle Rock… the famous Edinburgh Castle.”

“
Is that the
tallest building in Edinburgh?” Nik asked.

“
I suppose so.
But if you want the tallest free–standing building, it’s that one
over there.” I pointed towards a church spire in the
distance.

“
It’s a
church!” she exclaimed.

“
Yes! St
Margaret’s, I think. It’s around ninety meters high.”

After we’d satisfied our
curiosity, we returned to Smirnoff and the van.

“
Can we drive
the van up the hill a little?” asked the Russian as we walked back
down the grassy slope.

“
Well, we’re
not supposed to, and it’s quite steep,” I said, “but I guess we
could try. Are you thinking the van would be safer up
there?”

“
I am,” he
replied.

We returned to the van,
and drove it up the slope in the direction of the summit. I was
glad we’d purchased a vehicle with four–wheel drive. After about a
hundred metres, we thought it was far enough and stopped the van.
We were ready to jump to the future.

“
Can we stay
in the van to do this?” Smirnoff asked?

“
Been there,
tried it… doesn’t work,” I said.

“
We have to
hold on to the outside of the van,” Niki explained.

Making sure no–one was
watching, we did exactly that, whilst I got ready to change the
date to 4200 CE on my phone.