Time Skip (17 page)

For a while Lovelle drove his father nuts as he questioned his health. Obviously, his dad could see no logical reason for the concern. As far as his dad was concerned, Lovelle was acting like an overprotective parent, and he started treating Lovelle the way a kid would in the same situation. His father paid him lip service and then ignored him as soon as he was out of the way. Finally, Lovelle got the message and backed off. As much as he wanted to stay on top of the situation, He knew that, short of telling his parents his big secret, there was little he could do. He even considered doing just that, but, without any real way to prove his contention, Lovelle didn’t suppose that telling them would do anything other set them to worrying about
him
instead of his dad.

Convincing his parents that he knew the future was something that required time that he did not have. He could have done it years earlier had he known that it might prove useful in getting his father an early diagnosis. But it was too late now. Besides, he had no way of knowing whether it would help anyhow. The time when his father was originally diagnosed was fast approaching and he was still showing no signs of illness. Lovelle had to wonder if his father’s diagnosis had been as delayed as he had always assumed.

Regardless of what he might like to do, Lovelle decided that he would have to back off a bit. So, he finally went back to work. He didn’t need the money. He probably could have lived the rest of his life on what he had invested if he was careful. But, although everyone knew by then that he had returned from Vegas with a good deal of money, he had not revealed just exactly how much. He had made a show of looking for work all along, but, it had been less than halfhearted.

Once he set his mind to it, Lovelle found a fairly low pressure sales job as a manufacturer’s rep. All he had to do was call on existing customers and keep them happy. It didn’t pay all that well, but, that wasn’t much of a concern anyhow. What Lovelle wanted was something simple, and that’s what he got.

He knew that his father’s initial diagnosis had come around Thanksgiving the first time. This time it was October when he started feeling ill. Considering the badgering, his father was not about to tell Lovelle. But, his mother felt much less compunction, and when her husband didn’t listen to her entreaties this time, she called in reinforcements. It didn’t take long then for his dad to cave in under dual pressure. And in early November, a few weeks earlier than in Lovelle’s first go around, his father was diagnosed.

If they weren’t so devastated with the news, everyone in Lovelle’s family would have wondered about his actions. It should have dawned on them that he seemed to be prescient. It should have seemed the oddest of coincidences that his father was now stricken with cancer after months of worry by his son that at the time had been out of line with reality. But, everyone’s concentration was elsewhere. Everyone, except for Trina.

Trina, who had patiently lived through Lovelle’s unexplained obsession with his father’s health, could not understand his reaction to this news. She of course expected him to be devastated to find that his dad was afflicted with this most devastating of cancers. Instead, she found him to be exceedingly hopeful. She couldn’t know that he had been resigned to losing his father, only to get the first sign that things might be different this time. She thought that he was in some sort of denial, and told him so.

“Sweetie, I’m a little worried about you. You’ve been worrying about your dad ever since you came home. Leave alone how weird it is that he really is sick, but now you act almost like there’s nothing to worry about. I really don’t want to take away your optimism, but, I’m afraid you’re not going to be ready if the news turns out to be bad.” She paused, “You know this is a really bad cancer?”

“I know Love. You don’t have to worry. I know his chances aren’t supposed to be good, but, the doctor says that we really caught it early. I can’t help feeling like it’s a good omen. It’s like I was worrying all this time for a good reason. It’s something I can’t understand. It’s just something I was feeling.” He lied, as he was so accustomed to doing. Lovelle had learned that people easily accept that you can just get a “feeling” about something and be right. They seem to have a notion that a sixth sense exists, without a shred of proof. It wasn’t the sort of thing that drove Lovelle, but, she couldn’t have known that, and he had found the approach to be useful. Sometimes his behavior, although perfectly logical in light of his situation, had the erratic trademarks of superstition to outside observers. Trina accepted his explanation, and Lovelle tried to act more appropriately in the future.

*****

Just as he had the first time around, Lovelle’s father passed away the following February. Despite the early diagnosis and all the extra treatment, he did not even get an extra month out of the deal. This left Lovelle not only devastated, but, also bitter. If there was anything that could make the loss of a loved one worse, a little dose of guilt was just the recipe. Even if, logically, Lovelle could assign himself no guilt, he could not absolve himself either. The idea that he might be able to save thousands of strangers, but, do nothing to help his own father, left him guilt stricken. The whole affair put him into a funk that he could not shake out of.

Poor Trina went from dealing with his constant worrying, to this angry depression. For what should have been the most glorious part of their relationship, she was forced to watch the man she loved go through an almost constant state of suffering. He was hardly fit company for anyone. If there had ever been any question of her devotion, she removed all doubt as she lent a shoulder to cry on without a single complaint.

To compound his despair, the whole episode brought to mind Lovelle’s lost son. The pain of that loss was fresher than it had been in many years. And while he could freely talk with Trina about his dad, he could never mention that precious little life that never would be. It was just one more burden that he would have to bear alone. And now that his father had passed, there was nothing else Lovelle could imagine using his foresight to accomplish or intercede. There would now never be a reason to share his secret with her or anyone else. He could never tell her of his love for Katie, or for his lost little Kyle. He would carry the burden of that memory forever without assistance.

He finally snapped out of his setback when he realized just how close September 11 was. He traded his depression for anticipation. Although Lovelle had every reason to believe that he had foiled the attacks, he would not allow himself to believe it until that fatal day had passed without incident. He placed a call to Agent Rosewood, who assured him that Atta and his plotters were no longer a threat. Yet he could not help wondering. There had been no news on the matter, and he longed to hear of arrests and reports of a foiled plot. But nothing had come.

CHAPTER TWENTY ONE

Lovelle found it hard to sleep the night of September 10, 2001. He finally passed out from sheer exhaustion a couple of hours before he had to get up for work. He woke with a knot in his stomach that felt like he had swallowed a Grapefruit whole. But, as the hours of the day ticked by, the knot disappeared. It was the oddest feeling. Although he had every reason to believe that the FBI had rounded up the plotters, he could not relax until the day had passed. Once it became obvious that he had succeeded he had expected a feeling of elation and relief, instead he found himself mournfully remembering the attacks.

He remembered hearing with curiosity of the first plane crash. He had listened to that report on his car radio as he approached an account. He was in that account listening to their overhead radio when the second plane struck. He and the customer sat listening, dumbstruck. They could not believe that it was happening.

Later in the day he was in an account with a TV. It was the first coverage he had actually seen that day. He stood watching, mesmerized, when the first tower collapsed before his eyes. He could still feel how his heart sank in that moment. He could not believe that he had just watched hundreds or maybe thousands of people die. It simply seemed unreal. He stood there for a long time trying to fight back tears. He was not one to cry about things. Before that day he could never have imagined crying about the death of a stranger. But, the sight had been overwhelming.

This second time around Lovelle decided to call it a day when his emotions were stirred. He simply went home and sorted through his feelings. It was a strange feeling, this simultaneous sense of loss and accomplishment. He hadn’t felt like trying to hide this inner turmoil, either from his customers, or Trina. So, before she arrived home for the day, when he realized that he was not yet ready to face anyone, he left. He called her from the road and made some work related excuse, then went to a movie, where he could sit in the dark and compose himself.

*****

Over the next month or so Lovelle got some of the closure that he wanted. Atta and several other conspirators were arrested, and some of the details of their plot emerged. The public’s reaction was disbelief at the audacity of such a plan. But, the general consensus was that such a plot had little or no chance of success. Each time he heard this, Lovelle wanted to scream out “You’re wrong”. He couldn’t stand the idea that people would not learn a lesson from this. For Lovelle it was unfathomable that Americans would continue to live with their heads in the sand despite this evidence. He had once worried that if he stopped the plot without the Feds ever learning of it, then the U.S. would continue to be vulnerable. He had hoped that the knowledge that terrorists would attempt such a vicious and expansive attack would serve to raise American awareness. Unfortunately, it seemed as if only the success of such an attack could move us to action.

It was a depressing notion, and Lovelle was again left to wonder if there were something more he should, or could, do. He now feared that only the timing and nature of the attack had changed. Wouldn’t the terrorists simply regroup and switch tactics? Would they be even more careful in light of this failure? It wasn’t hard to imagine. The arrests may have ended the 9/11 plot, but the number of terrorists taken out of action was tiny. To Bin Laden, this would be a minor setback.

Lovelle again decided to call on Agent Rosewood.

“This isn’t playing out the way it needs to. People just aren’t taking this seriously enough.” He complained.

“What did you think would happen?” Rosewood was taken aback that Lovelle was anything less than delighted at how things had worked out.

“Well, when I had a vision of the aftermath the public woke up to the threat. I saw ramped up security at airports. I saw the military going after Bin Laden. The way the public is reacting I can’t help thinking that we’re gonna sit around and wait for it to happen again.”

“Believe me,” Rosewood entreated, “We’re not ignoring the threat. We won’t let Bin Laden sit around plotting.”

“I’m not concerned about your motivation. But, there are a whole lot of people inside and out of government who seem to think that your success is an indication of the effectiveness of the current system. Are you really going to have the resources you need? Are other agencies and officials going to give you the support? I’m just not sure. If anything, they are going to be less inclined to believe you need more resources. You can't exactly tell them about me.”

Rosewood continued to try and allay his informant’s fears. “Trust me. We’re not going to let this go. Besides, you're still there. I know you'll call if you see anything coming.”

Here was an unintended consequence. Not only was their success now forestalling the needed vigilance, but they were actually depending on him and a power he didn't really have. “Well, that's one thing you don't want to count on. I haven't had any visions in months. I used to get all sorts of things. Mostly useless info, sometimes sports results. All of a sudden there's nothing.”

“Well, don't worry. That's unfortunate, but, we aren't depending on you.” The FBI agent assured him.

Lovelle was less than reassured. But, he let it drop. He realized that there was really nothing he could do. He had changed world affairs so dramatically that nothing he knew of the future was now relevant. From here on out, he would lead as close to a normal life as he had in seventeen years.

*****

The following April, without a great deal of fanfare, Lovelle and Trina tied the knot. For Lovelle, although he still had a year and a half to go before he would reach the point where he had left off, this marked the beginning of the continuation of his life. There was virtually nothing important left that he would have foreknowledge of. There was nothing in his personal life which had not been completely obliterated by time. Oh, he could still go to Vegas and make money at the sports books, but, he didn’t need to. So he simply moved on. He resolved that he would never again make a decision based on any consideration but what was right in front of him. It was gloriously refreshing.

They honeymooned in Australia, spending nearly 3 weeks just enjoying each other. It was the first time Lovelle had ever allowed himself to simply enjoy his new bride that fully. He let all of the baggage fall away and became more like the man that she deserved. She noticed too.

They walked along a beach hand in hand just a few days before their trip ended and she informed him of how she had noticed the change in him. “I think we should move here.”

“Okay, I’ll call a realtor when we get back to the hotel.” He joked.

“You probably would wouldn’t you?” she chuckled.

“If I thought that would make you happy.” He said quite seriously.

“That’s what I’m talking about. It’s like you’ve just fallen in love.”

“Oh yes, in America I get married for convenience. But, in Australia I actually feel the need to love my wife.” He teased her.

She shot him her pretend angry glance, “That’s not what I meant. It’s just…” she paused, trying to decide how to phrase her comment. “…like you’ve let go of everything else. Like you needed to get away from everything to figure out how much you loved me.”

“You’re sort of right.” He admitted. She stopped walking and pulled his hand to make him face her. Trina looked him square in the eye, then raised her brows, indicating that he should continue. “But not about getting away from everything. It isn’t Australia.”

“Is it being married?”

“Yes and no. I just finally decided to let everything else go. I don’t know why I waited until we were married. But, you don’t have to worry about going home. I’ll never put anything ahead of you again. I’m sorry I ever did.”

She let it go at that. She never pushed him to explain himself any further, and he was true to his word, he never let anything come between them again.

*****

Married life was, as Lovelle had remembered it from his first go around, a pleasure. Oh, there are always ups and downs, but, life in love is always a good thing. Once he let her, Trina was capable of completing him in much the same way that Katie had. He was truly happy. Not in little spurts, like he had managed at times over the years, but, overall. He could honestly say that life was good for the first time since he had re-entered it. No baggage, just love, and support, and fulfillment.

True to her word, when Lovelle asked Trina to move to Las Vegas, she happily went. Although he had no need to frequent the sports books any more, he had truly come to love Vegas. Trina quickly came to share his feelings. They enjoyed the weather. They moved into a nice house in an even nicer community. They were active people in a very active city, and they were happy.

In less than a year, they decided to have a baby. In July of ’03, little Jessica was born. He had come full circle now. He was a father again, and he hadn’t really realized how much he had forgotten of how that felt. It was a joyous time, despite the few lonely moments when he again mourned for his lost son. He was a master at hiding such things, and Trina never noticed that bit of melancholy. He would simply park his car in some quiet place and cry his fool head off. When they were together, it took no effort to shake these blue feelings. Being with his two girls was what he lived for, and Lovelle never had to pretend when he was with them. In their presence, all of his past seemed to melt away.