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He couldn’t help thinking that this shouldn’t be a problem for him. He should just let her go and move on. Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He felt as if he needed to ease his way out of the predicament. Even as he had kept up a barrier between them, he had inadvertently become attached to her. Not that he should have expected to feel otherwise. He may have been an old man in a very queer circumstance, but, he was as emotionally feeble as any man. He might have fancied himself as hardened to anyone but Trina and Katie, but, that was ridiculous and he should have known better. He had gone so far as to get married to another woman in between those two great loves. Although it had not worked out, he had not entered into it with any less passion.

Over the next couple of days he searched his feelings and found himself quite conflicted over Charlene. He found that his reluctance to break things off was not simply out of a desire to spare her. Of course, he did want to spare her any hurt. But, he could have overcome that fairly easily. His opinion of himself wasn’t so high that he believed she could not get over losing him. The problem was that his feelings for her went beyond hoping to spare her any suffering. His own feelings turned out to be deep enough that he would suffer if he ended it now. He had thought he had put up an effective barrier to falling for the girl, but, he had clearly not.

Lovelle was surprised to find that he had, in some measure, fallen for Charlene. Oh, he hadn’t lied that he wasn’t in love with her. He even doubted that she was actually in love with him. But, when he searched his own feelings, he found that he wanted her to be. He came back to his earlier realization that he was a relationship kind of guy. The question was, would he be more miserable if he fell for her, with the inevitable loss to follow, or if he denied himself any chance at all?

Lovelle considered the old adage that it was better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all? Could he honestly say that he would now be happier had he never known the love of Katie and Trina? Of course not. In fact, under the circumstance, it wasn’t really the loss of those great loves that he grieved so much. He still had the opportunity to be with them. Endless opportunity if the skip continued. What he would never see again was his children. Short of a miracle, they could never be born. What he needed to avoid was not love, but, procreation.

Lovelle didn’t know why this realization had taken so long to come to him. He had been so single minded in this life that once he had concluded that he should isolate himself, he never revisited that decision. Now that he had that revelation, he wondered how he could not have realized it sooner. In fact, he might have been with Trina. He might still be with her, or with Katie. So where did that leave his relationship with Charlene? Did he now leave her, not because of his fear of commitment, but, because he was going to pursue his true loves? Then he realized that the question was moot. His mission still precluded any scheming to satisfy his love life. That would have to wait for October 28, 2003.

In the end, he stayed with Charlene by default. He wasn’t about to quit the mission, so he did what was easy. He felt sure that military service would end whatever was going on before he started it, so it seemed an easy thing to just let things happen. If they could forge a relationship that would survive that, then he could hardly argue that the relationship was not worth pursuing.

*****

It took a few weeks for Lovelle to decide all of this, and a couple more for him to talk to Charlene about it. In the meantime, they spoke occasionally and he scrupulously avoided the subject. He could tell she was getting a bit edgy about the whole situation, and he found out that she was expecting the worst when he insisted on coming to talk to her face to face. He didn’t realize it at the time, but, in retrospect he could see how it must have looked. He had not bothered to visit her at school before then, which added a certain gravity to the visit.

They settled into her dorm room and he apologized for how poorly he had dealt with her revelation. He could tell right away that she was expecting the worst, so he got to the point, “I’m not here to break up. I don’t really know how you feel about staying with me under the circumstances, but, I hope you’ll give me time to see if things can work themselves out.”

“Of course,” she said, seeming relieved. “I told you I knew you might not feel the same.”

“Sure, but, I thought it might be more uncomfortable than you expected. You know, living with the idea for a while.” Lovelle knew it would be very uncomfortable for him.

“Well, I’d rather you told me you loved me too, but, it doesn’t change the fact that I love you. I can’t imagine not being with you now. If I let a little hurt feelings change that, then I guess I really wouldn’t be in love.” Lovelle realized that he might actually be wrong about the depth of her feelings. She just might really love him. “But I don’t want you to say it if you don’t mean it.” She added the caveat. “I’m not that insecure.”

Lovelle’s feelings for Charlene had intensified in that moment. She was more mature, and wiser than he had ever credited her for. They talked a while longer, then she questioned why he had suddenly needed to see her face to face.

“Actually, there is something else.” He hesitated, trying to remember exactly what he had wanted to say. “I told you that I was joining the ROTC to pay for college.” She nodded her head tentatively, like she was expecting the shoe to drop. “I plan to spend a lot of time away when I join the Army. Whatever the circumstances, I don’t expect to make any commitment until I finish with that, and I really don’t know how long it will take.” He paused a moment longer and she looked at him pensively. “I just thought you should know. I don’t plan on settling down for quite a while, whether we’re in love or not.”

“What does that mean,” She said a little angrily. “Are you trying to say you can’t be faithful while you’re away?”

Lovelle realized that it had sounded exactly that way almost as soon as the words had crossed his lips, “No!” he blurted. “I didn’t mean that. As long as we’re together you’re the only one. I promise you that.”

She sighed in relief, “You’re not very good at this, you know?”

“I’m sorry Charlene. This is hard enough, I know. I don’t mean to make it worse by having any misunderstanding. I’m probably getting way ahead of myself even talking to you about this. But, I just want to be as fair to you as I can. I don’t want us to be apart, but, if you ever decide that being with me is a bad bargain, I won’t be angry.”

“I won’t.” She insisted.
“I’m sure you think that now, but, time has a funny way of changing your perspective.”

“There you go talking like some old man.” She smiled. “I swear sometimes you forget which one of us is older.”

Lovelle just grinned and nodded. “I’ll try to remember.”

CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR

Lovelle entered college, without fanfare, the following September. For his parents this was a big deal, but, for him it was his third time in college and his second time going away to Michigan State. Everyone, from his family to his advisers, wanted him to go through various orientations, but, he ignored them. By this time, his loved ones had become used to his purposeful stubborn nature. Others would learn quickly enough. He settled in and started his course of study. He had decided to take a few new classes to further round out his education, but, for the most part, to repeat his previous studies to ensure that he could keep his grades high. This would serve his larger goal.

Right away he found himself at odds with the cadet commanders of ROTC. Their purpose was to train kids who needed to be taught to be men. Lovelle was a man in need of being taught to be a soldier, and they couldn’t see eye to eye on that fact. In his third life he hadn’t spent a lot of time pretending immaturity, and he didn’t start doing so for their sake. The typical military method is to break a young man down and build him up again in the military mold. Lovelle was a 54 year old ex cop, and he wasn’t prepared to be broken down. However, he should have been.

His agenda required him to excel not only academically, but, also in his training. He wanted to enter military intelligence, and he knew that poor reports from his teachers and commanders would not serve that purpose. Lovelle thought that he might avoid the sticky issue of his distant cousin’s legal troubles by taking the military route. Although he hoped to complete his mission right there in the military, he was also crafting a backup plan where he would use a successful military career as a possible entree into the FBI.

Still, even knowing the importance of making good impressions, Lovelle couldn’t help being confrontational. On one occasion he nearly came to blows with a young man who didn’t like his 'attitude’. The young man had recently been promoted to be Lovelle’ platoon sergeant and had found Lovelle to be less deferential than the sergeant would like. The incident which led to the confrontation was so minor as to be inconsequential. The resulting altercation was anything but.

“I don’t think you understood me Private.” The Sergeant shouted belligerently.

“I understood just fine, Sergeant,” Lovelle answered snidely. “I just don’t understand the point.”

“You don’t need to understand. You just do what I tell you.”

“Yes sir, that’s the best way to teach.” Lovelle answered with obvious sarcasm. “Just keep your subordinates in the dark. We can all grow like mushrooms.”

“Don’t goad me you little piss ant.” The sergeant said as he jabbed a finger into Lovelle’ shoulder.

It took all of his self-control for Lovelle not to start something at that point. He was not a particularly physical person, nor did he have a short temper. Outside of his police duties, he hadn’t been in a fight since his teen years the first time around. But, this guy needed to be popped in the nose. Lovelle just decided that it didn’t suit his purpose to be the one doing the popping.

Lovelle continued on this way, attempting to keep his head low and earn his way into a position where he wouldn’t be treated like that. Eventually he did, becoming a sergeant himself.

In his third pass, Lovelle found university life to be about as boring as any time he had ever experienced. He had no social life to speak of. He found that he didn’t get along well with his fellow officers to be, and his ROTC status interfered with making friends outside their ranks. If he had wanted, then he might have managed to connect with some of the people around him. Although Trina was not there, he did know several others on the campus. He may not have become friends with them as he had in his second life, but, he could still arrange it if he wanted. But, Lovelle was pretty sullen. His mission, and his need for great grades, even precluded him from challenging himself academically. So he was left with only one real outlet, Charlene.

They saw each other most weekends, whether he visited her in Kalamazoo, or they both went home to see their families. Even with all of the distance between them, and all the time spent apart, his life was increasingly centered on her. He was otherwise so isolated, he fell in love again.

Lovelle didn’t tell Charlene for a long time. She hadn’t said it herself since the first time, at least not in so many words. She had, however, made it pretty clear that she was waiting for him to say it. She talked freely of their future together. She acted almost as if they had shared those words a thousand times. It almost seemed as if she knew his mind even before he did. Of course, it always seemed to Lovelle as if women knew what their men were thinking before the man had even realized it himself.

When Lovelle had finally admitted it to himself, he still didn’t want to admit it to her. Even with all of his experience to the contrary, he still thought he could repress his emotions. Somehow he thought he would be happier in the end if he denied himself. But, he couldn’t do it, whatever the consequences. And so he relented.

Without fanfare, Lovelle told her one afternoon. He simply said it as if it were something that was taken for granted. For a moment, he thought she might let it pass as if it were. Then Charlene grinned from ear to ear.

“You sly little devil. You thought you could just say that and slip it by me. What are you trying to pull?”

“Nothing.” he said sheepishly. For a moment, he was reminded of the day Trina called him her best friend in just that same way. Surprisingly, instead of making him feel remorse for that loss, it turned out to be a fond memory that made him smile.

Charlene wrapped her arms around him gently, pressed her lips to his cheek, then whispered in his ear in the most longing tone, with all of the pent up emotion of their past, “I love you too.”

Once that dam was broken, it was like a love tidal wave. Lovelle couldn’t control her, or himself. In no time, they were engaged to be married. As illogical as it had been to try and deny himself any sort of love, it was equally illogical to rush so hard into it. He knew he couldn’t guarantee any kind of future in light of what he was planning. He knew that he shouldn’t make such a commitment until he had returned with the ability to keep it. But, there it was. He had a fiancée that he would leave behind. It was just another concern that he didn’t need to take with him.

CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE

In light of his failure to stop Al Qaeda in his second life, Lovelle was taking a new tact. He thought he should be more direct. So he intended to cut the head off of the beast himself, if at all possible.

Because of his interactions with Agent Rosewood and the press coverage after the dirty bombings, Lovelle was quite familiar with Osama Bin Laden’s movements in the years leading up to September 2001. He wasn’t as familiar as he would have liked, because he hadn’t known he was going to need that information. But, he had paid pretty close attention to the news reports after the November attacks, and there was a lot of information to be had. He knew, for instance, that Bin Laden was going to run afoul of the Saudi Arabian monarchy during the first Persian Gulf War. That was about the same time that Lovelle would be entering the active duty military. Bin Laden would then spend some time in Afghanistan, where he had fought in that country’s own war with the occupying Soviets, and where he had first established Al Qaeda. Then he would move on to Sudan, which had fallen into the grasp of Islamic fundamentalists. That move would occur sometime in 1992, and Bin Laden would be there at least through the end of that year. Lovelle believed he would be there much longer, but, he wasn’t sure enough of that to bet the farm.

It was his intention to make his way to Sudan that year to personally kill Bin Laden. He knew the odds were pretty long. He didn’t yet know how he was going to find him, let alone get close enough to him to do the job. Working in military intelligence, he would not be receiving the Special Forces or sniper training he might need. And he wasn’t as smart as everyone thought. Sure he was a bright guy, but he wasn’t the guy people thought he was. He had cheated his way into his position. It isn’t that hard to look brilliant when you’re studying courses for the third time.

In this life he needed fast cash. He expected to have to have to work through the black market when he was in Africa, and cash was king. He concentrated his efforts on his gambling, being much more sure of his picks this time. He also made a killing in the market with the Black Monday crash of 1987. By the time he left college his bank account would be more than adequate to his needs. He was anticipating enough trouble without having to worry about money.

He wasn't at all sure of how he was going to get to Sudan when the time came. He had no reason to think his service would ever cause him to cross paths with his quarry. He also had no real reason to expect to be able to kill Bin Laden even if he had a chance. He would be one man against what he imagined would be a not insignificant inner circle surrounding his prey. And, he certainly couldn’t expect to come away from such a confrontation alive if he ever did get the chance.

Despite all that, Lovelle knew that Bin Laden would be more accessible during his time in Sudan than he ever would be again. The terrorist’s vulnerability would diminish gradually as his infamy grew, and exponentially after the first time he was linked to an attack on an American target. If Bin Laden was going to be vulnerable, it would be before he made it onto America’s national radar. It would be before he began targeting Americans abroad. But there was no way to convince the government that they should assassinate the ‘potential’ terrorist while they had the opportunity. That left the job to him, whatever the odds. So he intended to do whatever it took to get to him, and being in the military would get him much closer to his objective than twiddling his thumbs back in the U.S.

Lovelle was also quite aware that killing Bin Laden might prevent nothing. No one could really say how instrumental he was in any of the plotting of Al Qaeda. But there was no question that he was not only the glue that held the organization together in those early years, but, he was also the reason the organization was so focused on the United States. Although Islamic fundamentalists in general had no shortage of ill will towards the United States, Bin Laden seemed to have a particular ire towards it. Previously, attacks had not focused on the United States. Bin Laden was the reason the organization began to focus on U.S. targets. And, regardless of how effective it might or might not be to cut off the head of Al Qaeda, one thing that was certain was that the terrorist deserved to die, and Lovelle had no qualms about hastening that process if at all possible.

Lovelle would maintain his contingency plan, of course. He would thwart the Oklahoma City bombing and establish his credentials as a tipster. If he failed to achieve his objective in the Middle East, but survived the ordeal, he would go ahead and try to stop the 9/11 attacks through Rosewood. Only this time he would be able to wait. He already knew the things he had been looking to find out in Germany, and he could give the FBI everything they would need without exposing himself. He could even let the plot develop and step in at the last minute. If the government saw it as a close call, and didn't have a clairvoyant to depend on for future tips, maybe they would be more diligent about preventing another tragedy.

And if he didn't survive, Lovelle had a third plan. He had written down everything he knew about future world events. That letter was in an envelope addressed to Agent Rosewood, which was in turn placed inside a larger envelope labeled “Open in the case of my demise”. That envelope was inside Lovelle’s safe deposit box, whose key was in the possession of his mother while he was away. He knew she would not pry into his business, but, also that she would retrieve the contents if he were to die or disappear. This method might not
prevent
the Murrah bombing, but, once that prediction proved true, the letter would certainly be taken seriously in regards to the 9/11 and 11/6 attacks.

*****

With College and Military Intelligence School behind him, Lovelle’s first assignment was as a Human Intelligence Collector in Kuwait. The country had been liberated from Saddam Hussein, and the Army was mopping things up. Lovelle could not have been happier with his assignment. This was the position he had been aiming for. He had excelled academically with all of his repeated courses, including his Arabic. Although he had never used it after college in life number two, it was easy enough to pick up and appear to be a ‘natural’ at languages, which he certainly was not. He had also planned his studies to carry him through an extra semester. This later graduation ensured that he would not end up fighting in the Gulf War himself. No one else could have known what he was doing, but, he knew full well what the timing would be.

Lovelle was not trying to avoid putting himself in danger. Being in danger was, in fact, integral to his plan. But, getting himself killed fighting the Iraqi Republican Guard, would simply be a waste of the information he was carrying around in his head. Besides, this go around in the gulf was a virtual walk in the park by military standards.

Despite all the anticipation, Lovelle arrived in Kuwait and found his work to be drudgery. After the boredom that was his College career, he thought that Intelligence work would be sufficient to keep his attention. Wasn’t it supposed to be all intrigue and danger? Spies, counter spies and all the stuff off of the big screen. Maybe it was that way for some people. But that wasn’t the way the Army handled things. Not that he was about to complain. It was important enough work alright. But, it wasn’t very interesting. The same stories told a million different ways. And typically more danger from a passing bus than from anything else.

Lovelle worried that, because he had cheated his way into this position, he wouldn’t really be up to the task. Instead, he found himself even less challenged than in college. He was busy enough, but, intellectually he was bored. At the same time, his down time was truly down. He was able to leave the work behind, which left him time to think about home. And that was something he did not want to do. Any pull in that direction was counterproductive to his mission. As driven as he was to complete it, he could not get around the fact that he was afraid of the consequences. Afraid of what might happen to him. Afraid that he might fail and somehow actually make things worse. Afraid that he might succeed and find that it had been another useless undertaking. And those doubts left him worrying that temptations from home might test his resolve and find him lacking.

The primary temptation would be Charlene. Not that Lovelle didn’t desire to be with his family again. But, this being his third life, there was no sense of urgency. In fact, whatever the outcome of his endeavor, he thought it reasonably likely that he would be around for a fourth try, and more. That was especially true if he failed. Charlene, however, was something new for him. Lovelle was in love, but he had denied himself the pleasure of her company. For quite some time he had tried very hard to temper his feelings. It had been a struggle, but, he had not let himself become as fully entangled with her as he had with his past loves. And now he was spending most of his free time thinking about her. He badly needed a distraction.

This search for a diversion led to the formation of his first new friendships of this life. Once Lovelle opened his mind to that possibility he found that he was no longer surrounded by immaturity. He was among young men who had faced war. For some of them, at least, this had ripened them. Although war could bring out the worst in some men, it wasn’t hard to find those in whom it had brought out the best. And one particular event led Lovelle to become a part of a small clique of soldiers who took their work very seriously, but, also knew how to set it aside when that was called for.

The unofficial leader of this group was Captain Will Morris. He was the senior member in both age and rank, and the type of man that others flocked around. Lovelle was sure Morris would have a similar circle around him no matter where he found himself, or what he was doing. In this case he was a Special Forces officer with a loyal group of soldiers from both inside and outside of his own operational detachment. He led the men not just by virtue of his rank, but, by the strength of his personality. Morris possessed the type of leadership skill that officers cannot be taught. He inspired and instilled confidence in the men under him. Morris would be a General someday, if he chose to make a career of the military.

Lovelle first came into contact with the Captain while doing a routine reconnaissance sweep. Morris was leading a patrol in the same neighborhood when an altercation between Iraqi sympathizers and their neighbors started to boil over. Morris’ detachment was trying to control the situation before it turned violent when Lovelle and his escorts happened along. The interpreter for the Airborne unit was a little green, and was in over his head. He could not seem to get to the crux of what was happening and was about to have Morris commit his men on the side of the sympathizers. Lovelle quickly saw what was happening and took the Captain aside.

“Is your ‘terp new?” Lovelle questioned, referring to the interpreter.

“Yeah, just got him last week.” Morris stated this almost as a question.

“Well, I don’t know what you’re planning to do here, but, I thought it might be helpful if you knew that those bastards over there…” Lovelle nodded towards the sympathizers. “…were informants for the Republican Guard. At least that’s what these other people are trying to tell you.”

“Christ!`` Morris exclaimed and then barked some orders to his men.

Lovelle stuck around until the situation had been diffused, then he and his team quietly went on their way. A few days later, at the makeshift base the soldiers were using, He ran into Morris again.

“Lieutenant.” Morris called to Lovelle as he was entering the mess hall. Lovelle turned. “I never got a chance to thank you.” The Captain continued.

“Just doing my job.” Lovelle answered dismissively.

“Yes, well, you could have bypassed the whole situation. I appreciate you taking the time to see if you could help.”

Lovelle was uncomfortable with the praise, but knew the encounter was likely to continue as long as he refused it. He decided he could best extricate himself from the situation by simply accepting the thanks and moving on. “Your welcome.” He answered. He would normally have simply walked away at this point, but, being in front of a superior officer, he felt compelled to give the man a chance to have the last word, and just hoped that would be it.

“Could I ask you to do me another favor?” Morris continued.

“Of course.”

“Would you mind working with my interpreter. I think his confidence is a little shaken since the other night. If you helped him out a little I think he’d respond to you. I’d rather not get into a scrape over another misunderstanding.”

Lovelle helped the young man get his feet back under him, and quickly found himself a part of the Captain’s entourage. Although he was a late comer to the group, Lovelle seemed to be the closest thing to second in command they had in their informal organization. This was not a function of rank, since Lovelle was not the only, or even the senior, lieutenant in the group. It seemed to him that the Captain had unofficially designated Lovelle as such. He had taken to calling Lovelle the old man, despite Morris being three years his senior. The other men followed suit and gave Lovelle both the title and the due deference that went with it.

Lovelle asked Morris about the ‘old man’ title one night when none of the other guys were around. “Sometimes you seem more like a grandfather than some guy fresh out of college.” He answered. That made a lot of sense, of course, but, Lovelle really hadn’t thought he was acting all that differently from the others. He had known it in High School. Even in college he hadn’t fit in. But here, he had thought he was melding quite well. Not that he was all that concerned about it. If it meant a little extra respect from the guys he hung with, then he was all for it.