Times and Seasons (24 page)

Somehow,
Annie had conned Tory and Brenda into helping with the food for the “Help Me Help the Children” party. Annie had set up a screen as part of the decoration so she could flash pictures of the children on it all night, so that everyone could see the ones she would be helping.

At first, she told Cathy that fifty kids were coming, mostly from their youth group and school, but when Friday night arrived and they opened the doors, dozens more came. Friends had brought friends, and
they
had brought cousins and acquaintances and people they’d met at the mall. Word had gotten out all over Breezewood that this was the party of the year.

The church had agreed to let Annie pay for the family life center from the proceeds. They had also given her the condition that there would be no alcohol and no secular music on the premises, so she’d spent the whole week trying to find good Christian contemporary songs that could be played. One of Rick’s friends from college played disc jockey and kept the music going.

Cathy thought the music selection was a God thing in itself, for Annie had discovered some Christian groups that she might never have noticed otherwise. Cathy couldn’t have been prouder of Annie as the night wore on.

By two A.M., she and Steve were exhausted, and they left the gym and went into the game room where it was cooler and quieter. They plopped onto the couch there and dropped their heads back on the cushions.

“It’s going well,” Steve said.

“Yeah, I’m really proud of her,” Cathy said. “But you know what this means, don’t you?”

“It means she’s going to be leaving soon.”

“Yes. Soon. Like in the next week or two, maybe. A month, tops.”

“That’s right,” Steve said. “How are you going to handle it?”

She looked at the ceiling. “I don’t know. I guess I never really thought it would happen. I mean, Annie raising her own support? No way. But then she came up with this ingenious plan, and look at her. She’s made money hand over fist tonight.”

“She’s let a few people in free.”

“Yeah, but most of them have brought the money. And some of the parents even wrote bigger checks. It’s kind of unbelievable.”

“Maybe she’ll be an entrepreneur.”

“And all this time, I thought she’d be a con artist.”

Steve laughed. “You did not.”

She grinned. “No, but I never thought God would use her like this. I mean, I was just hoping she would walk straight and do right. I never expected her to bear fruit.”

“Well, you should have expected it,” Steve said. “She’s God’s child, too. That’s what he wants from her.”

“But I never dreamed it would happen this young. Look at her,” she said. “She’s in there, more concerned about the kids seeing those slides of the children than she is about how she looks. That’s always been her first concern, before.”

“You raised her right, Cathy. It finally kicked in.”

Cathy gave a harsh laugh. “Hey, I don’t think I had anything to do with this.”

“Yes, you did,” he said. “I want you to open your eyes and look, Cathy. God’s giving you rewards.”

Cathy touched his face, and her eyes glistened with tears. “I think you’re one of those rewards.”

“You bet I am.” Steve slid his arms around her. “I’ve been waiting for you to notice.”

“Oh, I noticed,” she said.

“Then when are you going to marry me, Cathy?” he asked close to her lips.

“I don’t know, Steve.” She kissed him, but he pulled back.

“I don’t want you to marry me until you’re thrilled and excited about it, until planning it is fun. I don’t want you to do it until you’re ready to open those gifts and giggle over every single one.”

She thought about those gifts still stacked on her dining room floor. She had gone back and forth between sending them all back and tearing them open. “I don’t want to get married until I feel that way either, Steve,” she said. “I did feel that way until Mark got arrested. Everything’s changed.”

“I know it has,” he said, “and there’s not a lot I can do. But I want you to think about it, Cathy. We don’t have to wait a year. God’s not requiring that of us. And I don’t think Mark is, either.”

“I’m going to have to hear that from him,” she said.

“So you need permission from your child before you make a life-changing decision?”

“Not in every case,” Cathy said. “In fact, not in most cases. But in this case I’d have a lot more peace about it if I did.”

He let her go and sat back on the couch, closing his eyes. “Okay,” he said. “Then I’ll just have to be patient.”

“You’ll wait, won’t you?”

He smiled and threw her a frustrated look. “I can’t break up with you now,” he said. “I’ve got way too much invested.”

She grinned and poked him in the ribs, and he grabbed her hand and pulled her close. As his lips descended to hers again, he whispered, “And might I add, it would break my heart in two?”

Cathy pulled him back into a kiss and knew that hers would break, too, if Steve wasn’t in her life.

Mark
spent the little free time he had for the next few days digging through the Scripture that Steve had sent him. The first day, he’d hidden the Bible under a stack of papers, and no one had noticed. The second day, Lazzo had seen it.

“Man, what you doin’ with that Bible?” he’d whispered. “You let ole Beef see you with that, you’ll be an open target.”

“I’m not scared of Beef,” Mark lied.

Lazzo gave him a long look, and Mark could have sworn there was admiration in his eyes. It gave him the courage to uncover the Bible. Even when Beef, the gang leader who could have been a bouncer or linebacker, headed his way, Mark kept reading.

“Man, you trying to impress the guards?” he asked. “They don’t believe it when nobody gets religion. Been done.”

Mark looked up at him. “I’ll take my chances.”

“Well, let me know if it works. I might get me one.”

Mark didn’t say anything, just went back to reading. When Beef ambled away, Mark looked up and saw Lazzo grinning at him as if he’d just performed some heroic feat.

Mark went to bed feeling better about himself that night. And when he tried to pray this time, he felt more of a familiarity with the Creator of the universe.

Wednesday night, Annie’s appearance alone at visitation surprised him. His mother would be coming later, Annie said, but Annie had been anxious to share her pictures of the party with him. She told him of everyone who had asked about him, and he felt that familiar sense of shame.

“But I wanted you to see these pictures from Nicaragua, too,” Annie said. “Miss Sylvia sent them to me the other day. She just wanted me to have more of a taste of what I was in for. Look at these.” She showed him some of the children who lived in the orphanage, whose parents had been killed in mud slides and tornadoes, or structural collapses when the hurricane had come. Others had parents, but they were starving and hung around the orphanage hoping to get a meal.

Mark looked at the snapshots one by one, trying to picture his sister among them, working with the children, showing responsibility, thinking of someone other than herself.

“This is pretty cool, what you’re doing, Annie,” he said.

Annie smiled. “Yeah, I think it’s pretty cool, too. Who would have ever dreamed?”

“I guess Mom’s pretty proud of you.”

“Says she is.”

“One kid in jail and another who’s a missionary. Thank goodness she has Rick to keep things balanced.”

Annie’s serious gaze locked with his. “You’re going to get out of here some day, Mark,” she said. “You’re not going to be a convict all your life.”

“No, after this I’ll be an
ex
-con.”

She gave him an apologetic look. “Well, you know what they say.”

Mark frowned. “No, what do they say?”

He could almost see the wheels in her mind turning as she tried to think of something compassionate to say. “Well, I don’t know,” she said finally. “But they must say something.”

He couldn’t help laughing, and she grinned.

“I’m sorry, okay?” she said. “It’s just a bummer all around. I’m fresh out of Band-Aids.”

For some reason, he didn’t feel so bad about it. Annie had cheered him up, in her flaky kind of way. “So tell me about your love life.” The question surprised even him.

“You never cared about my love life.”

“Hey, it’s entertainment. Who’s the guy of the week?”

“Well, if you have to know, nobody. I’m scared to go out with anybody. Knowing me, I’ll fall in love and it’ll mess up all my plans. Besides, the guys all seem like such jerks right now. Nobody understands what I’m doing. It’s kind of hard to explain.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Mark tipped his chair back and looked down at the stupid striped pants they made him wear. “You think I’ll ever have a shot at doing something like that?”

“Sure you will,” she said. “It’s your choice, Mark.”

“Yeah. I made stupid choices before. Trust me,” he said. “When I get out of here, I’m never touching a joint again.”

“I believe you,” Annie said. “And I think by the time you get out, you’ll really mean it.”

“I really mean it now,” Mark said.

“Well, if you do, then maybe you’ll do that Bible study Steve gave you.”

He brought his chair back to all fours. “I have been,” he said. “So do you know how far Rick is on it yet?”

“I don’t know. I think they’re still talking about Jericho,” Annie said.

“No,” Mark said. “We’re finished with Joshua. We’re studying David now.”

Annie looked shocked. “Cool.”

He was glad she didn’t make a big deal over it. He stacked the pictures and handed them back to her. “So, when are you leaving, anyway?”

Annie’s face lit up again. “Two weeks from tomorrow.”

“No way,” Mark said.

She smiled. “Yep. There’s no use waiting. I’ve got all the money I need to get there and back, and even a little bit to keep me going in between. Mom’s a little freaked out that it’s so quick, but she’ll get over it.”

“It’s going to be a hard year for her.”

“Yeah,” Annie said. “I really kind of wish she was going ahead and marrying Steve. That way I could wait and leave right after the wedding, and she’d have him to keep her busy. You know, we’ll all three be gone come August,” she said. “I’ll be in Nicaragua, you’ll be here, and Rick will be moving to campus. You know why she’s not marrying Steve yet, don’t you? It’s because of you.”

“Hey, I didn’t stop anything,” Mark said. “That’s her choice. If she doesn’t want to marry him…”

“She thinks you’ll be worried the family is changing too much, that everything will be different when you get home.”

“Well, everything will be different. They’re already working on the house.”

“But your room will be the same, Mark, and everything is still in place. It’s just going to be bigger, better.”

“Well, maybe I don’t want our family to be bigger and better.”

“I wish you’d think of Mom instead of yourself,” she said. “Steve’s really good for her.”

“Well, I’m not so sure about that,” he said. “She thought Dad was good for her. She was wrong about that.”

Annie looked down at her hands. “So, has Dad been to see you yet?”

“No.”

She shook her head. “I don’t get that.”

He glanced around the room, trying to look like it didn’t interest him. “So have you seen him?”

“Yeah, I’ve seen him some. He’s real touchy when the subject of you comes up.”

“He’s really mad at me,” Mark whispered. He leaned his elbows on the table. “I totally blew it.”

“
You
blew it?” Annie asked. “Mark, he’s our dad. You’re not supposed to be able to blow it with your dad.”

“Well, it’s not like he’s an ordinary dad. I mean not like Mr. David or Barry, always home. I wouldn’t even know what that was like,” he said. “If I don’t do everything right, he just pretends he doesn’t know me.”

“That’s not true,” Annie said. “He’s our father.”

“Well, he’s not acting much like it. I mean, where is he when I need him?”

“He’ll come around,” Annie said. “He’s just having a hard time.”

“Well, so am I!”

“I know,” she told him. “And Rick and I have tried to talk to him, but you know how stubborn he is.”

“Yeah,” Mark said. “I guess that’s where I get it.”

“You get your fair share from Mom, too,” Annie said. She glanced at her watch and slid her chair back. “Well, I’ve got to go. I’m supposed to meet some people. Mom will be here in a little while.”

He stood up as she did and crossed his arms awkwardly. “So…are you coming back before you skip the country?”

“Sure I am.” But something about the way she hugged him and waved good-bye told him that this was the last time he would see her for a while. Annie wasn’t into long good-byes, and she didn’t like crying in front of others. He hoped he was wrong about that, because he wasn’t ready to say good-bye to his sister for a whole year.

He watched her leave the room, then turned back to the table. She had left the pictures. He picked them up and took them back to his building with him.

Lying down on his bunk, he looked at them more carefully, studying the faces of the hungry children, seeing the difference the food had made in their lives.

He felt sick that he would never be able to do anything as good as what Annie was doing. He had messed up his life and ruined any chance he’d ever have of making a difference.

He didn’t know why a real God would spend any time with him. He supposed that God, like his father, was turning his back
on him, unwilling to pay attention until Mark had somehow made up for what he’d done. For the life of him, he didn’t know how to do it from in here.

He pulled out his Bible and read back over the parable of the Prodigal Son again. He couldn’t imagine the father searching the horizon for the kid who had messed up so bad. He looked up some of the verses Steve had given him again, and tried to understand what kind of father God was.

When he’d exhausted all the Scripture verses in the Prodigal Son letters, he turned to the next letters about the walls of Jericho and tried to imagine the walls of this place falling down. Rick was right. This Jericho thing was pretty cool. This God was pretty cool. Mark still wasn’t sure he believed, but there were smart people who did. He supposed they must know something.

That night, when it was time for lights-out, and he lay on his bunk staring at the ceiling again, he went to God. It was starting to become a habit.

“If you’re really the God from the Bible,” he whispered, “then show me how to get my dad’s love back. He’s not like the father in the story. He’s not looking for me at all, ‘cause he knows right where to find me.”

He felt as if the words fell on deaf ears, and he turned onto his side and wiped a tear away again. He wished his father could be more like Steve, writing him letters every day and worrying about his soul. Steve was even coming to visit him at almost every visitation, but his father hadn’t contacted him once. Mark knew he might not hear from him for the rest of his sentence.

It wasn’t like his dad was used to having him around and missed his sudden absence. In his dad’s eyes, Mark was always absent. For most of Mark’s life, he’d only seen him every other weekend. There was nothing to miss. Not from where his father sat.

Mark didn’t know why all of this suddenly mattered so much to him, but it did.

He fell into a restless sleep, dreaming of his father standing at the edge of the horizon, watching it and looking for him as he
came, muddy and clothed in rags, tromping up a hill toward home. But just as his eyes connected with his dad’s, he saw Jerry turn and walk away.

The Prodigal Son was not welcome home. And Mark couldn’t say he blamed his father.