Times and Seasons (26 page)

Steve
went with Cathy to visit Mark at the next visitation, and Mark floored them both with his question.

“So what’s this stuff about the loot in Jericho?”

Steve tried not to look shocked. “The loot in Jericho? I thought we were studying David.”

“I finished that and started over,” Mark said. “How come they couldn’t take the loot there after the walls fell down and they took possession of the city? But in the next city they could?”

Steve glanced at Cathy. Was this a sign that Mark wasn’t just doing it out of competition with his brother? Had the Scripture itself drawn him back?

“I think it had to do with giving God the first of what they had,” Steve said. “God calls that ‘firstfruits.’ Like the farmers when they have a harvest, he wants them to give the first bit of it to him. It’s kind of a sovereignty thing—God’s way of reminding them that they wouldn’t have any of it without him.”

“Well, they sure wouldn’t have any of Jericho,” Mark said. “But then how come they got to take loot in the other cities?”

“Because those weren’t the firstfruits,” Steve said. “God wanted Jericho, and he gave them the rest. But sometimes we’re so anxious to take all we think we deserve, that we lose out on the better things he has in store for us.”

“Well, that guy who got killed sure did. I mean, all he did was steal a few things, and the next thing you know his whole family is paying for his crime.”

“God means business,” Steve said. “What can I say? He wanted to show them that when he gives them an order, they’d better follow it. He wanted to show them who was in charge. Somebody’s always in charge, you know.”

“Tell me about it,” Mark said. He looked around at the guards.

Then Mark changed the subject to Daniel’s job and the letters he’d gotten from him about his work and his driving. Steve sat back in his chair, listening to Cathy’s exchange with her son and trying not to look as excited as he felt. Mark’s interest was a giant leap forward. He’d actually been studying his Bible, thinking about it, and now he was asking questions.

He wanted to jump out of his chair and leap for joy, wanted to pull the kid up and swing him around. But he knew that if he made a big deal out of it, Mark wasn’t likely to do it again soon. So he played it cool and didn’t make a scene. But in his heart he was dancing; God was already answering his prayers.

Later that night, when Cathy and Steve had gone home, Rick came by to see Mark for the last thirty minutes of visitation. They made small talk about baseball season and who had made All-Stars. Then Rick got serious.

“Hey, Mark, I was thinking about Mom the other day,” he said. “About how lonely she is, what with Annie gone and you gone and me getting ready to move out. She’s there all by herself.
I came in the other night after midnight and she was up watching videos of us when we were little kids.”

Mark tried to picture it. The thought of his mother sitting up alone in the middle of the night, strolling down memory lane, disturbed him.

“Mark, I think you need to tell her to get married.”

“
Me
tell her?” Mark asked. “Why do I have to tell her? She’s not waiting for me.”

“She is too,” Rick said. “She feels like it would hurt you if the family changed that much while you’re in here. She doesn’t want to do it without your approval. But, Mark, you need to start thinking of her. She never deserved to be alone in the first place. It wasn’t her idea to get a divorce all those years ago. You were little, but it’s no secret that Dad left her for Sandra.”

Mark shrugged. “I’m not stupid.”

“So how come Mom’s the one that had to be alone all these years? It’s not fair, Mark. And now there’s a man who loves her and wants to take care of her, and she won’t marry him.”

“She will marry him,” Mark said. “Or else they wouldn’t be adding onto the house.”

“But she won’t marry him as long as you’re in here, not unless you tell her to.”

“Yeah, like she’d really listen to me.”

“She’ll listen to you if you say
that
,” Rick said. He looked around at the visiting families at other tables, then lowered his voice and leaned in closer. “Mark, I’m asking you to do something for somebody else for a change. Think about what Annie’s doing, going down there to feed all those kids. Come on, I know there are times when you sit there and think, ‘I ought to be doing something like that.’ Because I sure do.”

Mark looked astonished that Rick had those same feelings.

“Well, you
can
do something like that,” Rick said. “You can give Mom her freedom to marry Steve. You can tell her that you want her to. It’s not even that big of a sacrifice for you. Not like going off across the world or something. Just say the words.”

“But they would be a lie,” Mark said.

“Then make it be the truth,” Rick told him. “Just work on yourself until you really feel it. Mom’s been through a lot. She deserves happiness.”

Mark’s face grew hot, and he glanced at the door where the guard stood, wondering if he should just get up right now and walk out of there. He didn’t have to listen to this.

But he didn’t. “You think I don’t know what Mom deserves?”

“I think maybe you don’t care,” Rick said. “Sometimes things are all about us, you know? This time let’s make it about her.”

Mark leaned on the table and looked around the room with angry eyes. “So you really want Steve walking around in our house in his underwear with his little twerp girl running around like she owns the place?”

Rick shrugged. “I’m hardly ever there, anyway. What difference does it make? And it’s kind of nice to have Tracy in the house. She’s real upbeat, you know? Everything’s an adventure to her. Mom’s always in a better mood when she’s around. And Steve’s a good guy. He’ll take good care of her.”

“I never said he wasn’t a good guy.”

“Then think about it,” Rick told him. “Maybe you’ll have to work on yourself a while, sort of psyche yourself up. But do it, okay? For Mom’s sake.”

Mark rubbed his eyes. “I’m not promising anything.”

Rick snorted. “I didn’t expect you to.”

Later that night, as Mark lay in bed, he turned the words over and over in his mind and wondered what it would really cost him if his mother got married. Would it really hurt that much? Was it his feeling of being left out of the family that bothered him most? Or was that just an excuse, one more way of manipulating things to his advantage?

He didn’t want to be like that anymore. He wanted to be thought of as one of the good kids, not the criminal that everyone had to work around.

But he just wasn’t ready to tell her to do it. Not yet. He needed more time.

Annie
didn’t get near the beach for the next several days. Instead, she spent time working with the children at the orphanage, playing games with them, holding them when they wanted to be loved. In the evenings, they would assemble at the food distribution center, where she would sweat over a hot stove of beans and rice, then feed it to the children, the same thing day after day. Sylvia said it was nutritious and had everything they needed, and she could see as the days progressed that some of them really were improving.

But newer, scrawnier children showed up each day.

The fact that Sylvia took every chance she got to share the gospel of Christ surprised Annie, especially when they were working hard to get things done. Sylvia was never too busy to stop and have a one-on-one, heart-to-heart talk with anyone who would listen.

Just that day, one of Sylvia’s converts had come by to tell her that he had decided to give his life to ministry. Sylvia had almost danced for joy.

“See this, Annie?” she asked. “This is how it works. You lead someone to Christ, and before you know it, they’re leading others, and the next thing you know there are hundreds and thousands of people who know Jesus. That’s more important than the food we’re giving them. Do you understand that, Annie?”

Annie stopped stirring and wiped the sweat from her forehead. “Actually, no. It seems to me like the food is more important right now. I mean, the spiritual stuff is good and everything, and yeah, they need Jesus. But I guess I don’t see it as first in importance.”

“Jesus said he was the Bread of Life,” Sylvia said. “He’s the Living Water. We can feed their bellies all we want to, but we’ve got to feed their souls, or it doesn’t do them any good.”

Annie thought about it that evening when she dropped exhausted into bed. Just before she fell asleep, she realized that Sylvia was right. There were millions of people in America who had full bellies…but they still seemed hungry. It wasn’t until they knew Christ that their focus shifted and they were finally filled.

Just before she drifted to sleep, she asked the Lord to help her to make a deeper commitment to him, so that she would have the nerve and the courage and the enthusiasm to distribute her faith among the needy, just as she was helping distribute the food.

She wanted to be as excited about that part as Sylvia was. She knew the children of Nicaragua needed the Bread of Life. And maybe she was the one to give it to them.

David
Dodd hadn’t been to the grocery store in years. Although he considered himself an equal partner with his wife and didn’t necessarily hold to traditional roles for men and women, he always let Brenda take care of the food in their house. There always seemed to be everything he needed, so he never had reason to shop for groceries.

But today he found reason.

He needed bread, he told himself, and if Daniel happened to be working at the time, so be it. He wasn’t a father checking up on his son. He was just a customer who had a purchase to make.

He came, glanced at the cash registers, and saw Daniel at the end, bagging groceries as fast as he could. Pride swelled in David’s heart. His son was a hard worker, just like he had taught him to be.

He slipped on past the cash registers and went down the produce aisle, searching for the bakery. Thirteen aisles later, he found the bread aisle. He stood there for a moment, looking at
the wide array of breads. Whole wheat? White? Rye? He grabbed the wheat, because he recognized the wrapper. Then he headed to the cash register.

He tried to pick an aisle where his son wasn’t working, hoping that maybe Daniel wouldn’t notice him. But their eyes met as he reached the line. Daniel’s face fell, just as Brenda had described the other day. David just lifted his hand in a wave, trying not to embarrass his son.

Daniel looked relieved and turned back to his work. David made his purchase, then gave his son a wink. Daniel smiled.

David grinned all the way out to the car.

For the rest of the day, David couldn’t stop thinking about his son working hard at his first job. Despite Brenda’s protests, he had allowed Daniel to work almost every day. At this rate, he would have the insurance deductible paid soon. Within a couple of years, he might even be able to save for a car.

He hated to make Daniel wait. Maybe there was some way he could help out. They didn’t have much money, but maybe a little could be allotted for a car for the boy, now that he was learning responsibility.

David didn’t mention it to Brenda; he just turned the idea over and over in his mind, wondering how it could be worked out. He worked with his budget for several days, trying to see if a hundred dollars could be spared here, another hundred there, a couple of hundred somewhere else. The car didn’t have to be that good—just reliable enough to get him to work, church, baseball practice, and back.

He was out cutting the front yard one night when Steve drove up at Cathy’s. They waved at each other and, as he often did, Steve stepped across the street and shook his hand. “How’s it going, David?”

“Pretty good,” David said. He cut off the lawn mower and leaned on it, taking a breather. “So how’s this wedding thing going with you and Cathy?”

“Well, right now it’s not,” Steve said.

“Oh, yeah? Well, then why all the construction?”

“Going out on faith,” Steve said. “But I’m hoping we’re getting closer.”

David chuckled. “You know, Rick’s been a real good kid, helping Daniel the way he has with driving and all.”

Steve smiled. “That’s good to hear. I’ll tell Cathy you said it.”

David glanced across the street and saw that Steve was driving a newer model pickup than the one he’d last noticed him in. “Get a new truck?”

“Sure did,” Steve said. “I have a friend who owns a used car lot on the other side of Breezewood. He gave me a good deal, so I decided to upgrade.”

David studied the truck. “Gave you a good deal, huh? Did he have any older model cars that might be good for a teenaged boy?”

Steve lifted his eyebrows. “Sure. Had a bunch of them.”

“I wonder if I could get a deal. I can’t afford much, but I sure would like to get something for Daniel. He deserves some wheels, as hard as he’s been working. Maybe we could take out a little loan, let him pay the notes.”

Steve grinned. “Tell you what. I’ll take you down and introduce you to my friend. Maybe he can work you up a deal, too.”

“Sounds good,” David said. “When do you want to go?”

Steve looked at his watch. “Couple of hours?”

“He’s open at night?”

“Sure is,” he said. “That’s the only time I have to look.”

David couldn’t believe his luck. “Sounds good to me, Steve. That’ll give me a chance to finish what I’m doing and get showered. Then we can go take a look.”

“All right,” Steve said. “I’ll see you then.”

David grinned as he finished mowing the yard.

There
were at least two cars on the lot that would work well for Daniel, and that night as Steve drove them home from the car lot, David seemed excited. “He’d be thrilled to have either one,” he said.

“Can you convince Brenda?” Steve asked. He knew how worried Brenda always was about money, not to mention her worry about Daniel driving on his own.

David sighed. “Well, I’m not sure. The money will set us back a little each month, but as hard as Daniel is working, he could pay the notes. I could work a few more hours a week to finish up the kitchen cabinets I’m building. If I get them installed for the customer before my deadline, that could pay for it right there.” He looked out the window. “I don’t blame Brenda if she doesn’t go for it, though. I’m always telling her how we’re having trouble making ends meet. But sometimes a father just needs to reward his son, you know?”

Steve nodded. “Yeah, I guess I do.” He glanced over at David. “Wish Jerry Flaherty felt that way.”

“Cathy’s ex?” David asked.

“Yeah. He hasn’t come to see Mark yet. He’s completely written him off. So I’ve been trying to fill the void, best I can. I’ve started doing a Bible study with Mark and Rick, and it’s given us something to talk to each other about.” He glanced at David, wondering how he’d react. He knew David didn’t put much stock in Christianity, much less Bible study.

But David’s response surprised him. “I guess it’s something.”

“I figured it was a good way to bond with them, you know?” Steve said. “I mean, it’s not so easy to blend as a family. When we get married, there are going to be enough problems. And this was a great way to bridge the gap. We’re bonding. They need a dad, and I’m trying to be there for them.”

David shot him a look. “So how does their dad feel about that?”

The question surprised Steve. “He couldn’t be less interested.”

David frowned. “Are you sure?”

“Well, there’s plenty of evidence,” Steve said. “In the beginning, I went there one night to visit Mark by myself, and he comes out all expectant, thinking it’s his dad. When he saw me, you should have seen the look on his face.”

“Does his dad know Mark is looking for him?”

“Oh, yeah,” Steve said. “I told him myself. Went all the way to Knoxville to confront him. He didn’t appreciate it one bit. He can be a real tough case sometimes. Meanwhile, Mark still looks for his dad every visitation and every mail call, but he hasn’t so much as written him a note. The last conversation they had was angry, and Jerry made it clear that he was ashamed of Mark. That he had disgraced him.”

David’s gaze drifted back out the window.

“I’m just trying to take up the slack,” Steve said. “I really feel like I’m supposed to do the best I can to fill Jerry’s shoes when I marry Cathy and be what he’s supposed to be in this family.”

“I don’t think you can.”

The quiet declaration hit Steve like cold water. He tried to rally. “Well, technically, it’s probably impossible, but I can at
least shoot for it, you know? I believe that, with God’s help, I can do anything.”

David looked skeptical. “Maybe you’re jumping the gun, Steve. I don’t mean to downplay your faith or anything, but you know I don’t share it. And even if you’re right, and God could help, I don’t know if he’d really want you taking their dad’s place.”

They came to a red light, and Steve looked over at him. “Why do you say that?”

“Sometimes fathers get mad at their kids. They say things they don’t mean. Sometimes they
mean
things they don’t mean. Later, anyway.”

Steve tried to think that over, but he found it hard to fathom. He’d never gotten that mad at Tracy, not mad enough to tell her that she had disgraced him and made him ashamed. But then again, Tracy had never sold drugs or stolen a car or vandalized a school.

“Like when Daniel crashed the car,” David said. “I was so mad at him I could have bitten his head off. I yelled at him, said some things that I meant at the time, but now I wish I hadn’t said them.”

“Well, don’t you think after the number of weeks Mark’s been in jail, that Jerry would have had a chance to feel some remorse and come around to make up with his son?”

“Yeah, you would think,” David said, “but don’t jump to conclusions. That won’t help.”

“And what conclusion would I be jumping to?” Steve asked.

“The conclusion that his dad doesn’t love him.”

“That’s not
my
conclusion,” Steve said. “I think it’s Mark’s. And what else is he supposed to think?”

A horn behind them honked, and Steve realized the light was green. He stepped on the accelerator.

“I know it’s a natural conclusion,” David said, “but the truth is that Mark needs his dad, and you’d be making a mistake to try to push him away.”

“Hey, I haven’t pushed him away,” Steve said, trying not to sound as aggravated as he felt. “I’ve tried to pull him in.
He’s
the one pushing away.”

“That may be,” David said. “And maybe I’m way out of line. But I’m speaking as a kid who grew up without a dad.”

The anger in Steve’s heart faded. David had never shared that with him before. It made all the difference in what he was trying to say. Steve tried to hear it without letting his pride get in the way. “How old were you when you lost him?”

“He left when I was eight,” David said. He swallowed and looked out the window, letting the silence play between them.

Finally, David spoke again. “Mark needs him. Even if he’s not what he hopes he is, and even if he doesn’t respond the way Mark wants him to. Even if he’s a bona fide jerk, Mark needs him. That’s all there is to it. You can try to replace him, you can be there all you want, but when it comes right down to it, that relationship with his real dad is vital. If there’s any way to salvage it, do it.”

Steve clutched the steering wheel harder as he navigated his way up the mountain toward Cathy’s home. “Well, then, I’m not sure what my role is supposed to be as a stepfather. I want to be everything that I’m supposed to be, but how do I know when I’m overstepping my bounds?”

“If you start coming between Mark and his dad, or enabling Jerry to stay out of the picture,” David said, “then you’ve overstepped your bounds. Your role as Cathy’s husband will be to help
her
love her kids the best way she can. Just don’t get in her way when you think she’s doing it wrong. Don’t try to control the way she loves them. I’ve seen too many blended families that have messed up that way. The stepparent gets in the way of the birth parent, interrupts the love relationship between the parent and the child—maybe disapproves of it somehow—and the next thing you know, the parent is full of resentment and confusion, and the kid is a mess. On the other hand, you can let the kids set the tone. When they need you, be there.”

Steve let the silence fall between them as David’s words sank into his mind. “That’s good advice, David,” he said finally. “I’ll try to follow it.”

“It won’t be easy.”

“Don’t I know it.” Steve had a lot to think about as he pulled into Cedar Circle.