Titanic: The Long Night (25 page)

Elizabeth heard a voice that sounded like Captain Smith’s shout, “Come alongside!”

“What does he want?” one of the women asked another. “They told us to row toward the lights of the rescue ship, and now they’re telling us to come back?”

A second, terror-stricken voice cried, “No, no, it’s not safe! We can’t go back!”

Elizabeth could see the quartermaster debating. He was supposed to obey the captain’s orders, but he clearly didn’t want to. She wasn’t sure why. Shouldn’t he at least find out what Captain Smith wanted?

She wouldn’t have minded returning to the
Titanic.
Maybe they’d be allowed back on. To see Max and her father…to be on board again, where they could all take refuge in the warm, brightly lit gymnasium or the lounge, to be out of this dark and lonely cold, would that be so bad? Still, the ship was listing more noticeably now toward the bow. Her heart sank again, realizing that it wasn’t likely anyone would be allowed back on board.

Hichens shook his head. “Pull away,” he said defiantly, motioning to the two men to begin rowing again. “We are not going back. It is our lives now, not theirs.”

But they weren’t making much progress with only two men rowing. Apparently impatient with this state of affairs, Mrs. Brown suddenly hoisted an oar, slipped it into an oarlock, then asked one of the women to hold a second oar while it was placed into a lock on the other side. The woman assisted without complaint. The two began rowing in tandem. Other women also took up oars, and soon boat number six was able to pull away from the
Titanic.
Elizabeth would have liked to help, but she was worried about her mother. She seemed completely withdrawn. Elizabeth suspected that Nola had finally realized that nothing in their lives would ever be the same again, and she wondered if her mother might be in shock. Perhaps she needed a doctor. But there were none on board.

As the women rowed, they were subjected to a dismaying outburst from Quartermaster Hichens about the dangers of the
Titanic’s
suction, when it sank, pulling their lifeboat down with it. “When it goes down,” he added, “the boilers will explode. It’ll take everything down with it for miles around.”

The thought terrified Elizabeth. She could see that it shocked the other women in the boat. None had yet accepted that the
Titanic
was actually sinking, and Hichens mentioning it as fact startled them.

As for Elizabeth, she was truly agonizing over their desertion of the ship. If there really were not enough lifeboats on board, what would happen to the people still awaiting rescue? If the steamer, whose lights still seemed as far away as they had from the rail of the
Titanic
, didn’t arrive fast enough, scores of people would be spilled into the icy water when the ship plunged into the sea. There should be lifeboats standing by to pluck those victims from the dark sea.

But Hichens was immovable. Whenever Elizabeth said aloud that they should remain close to the ship in case they were needed, he repeated his warning about being dragged down along with the
Titanic
when it went.

And although several women, most notably Mrs. Molly Brown, argued with him, he remained immovable.

On the boat deck, Max shared Elizabeth’s thoughts. Hands in his coat pockets, he watched as one lifeboat after another withdrew from the vicinity of the ship, and he remembered his confident words to Elizabeth as to why they weren’t full. “To pick up survivors,” he had said, as if he knew what he was talking about. She had believed him. Judging from the distance most of the boats were creating between themselves and the
Titanic
, their crew-men had no intention of picking up anyone. Captain Smith periodically called out to them through a megaphone, ordering the boats that weren’t full to return, but no one so far had responded.

Black, cloying fear overtook Max, catching him off guard and taking his breath away.

“Afraid they’ll swamp,” Martin Farr, standing beside Max, said. “Can’t say that I blame them.”

Max swallowed the thick, overwhelming fear to say staunchly, “You’d return, sir. If you were in one of those boats, like Major Peuchen, you’d come back to pick up survivors.”

Elizabeth’s father didn’t even turn his head. “Now, how could you possibly know that?”

“I know it from everything Elizabeth told me about you. It didn’t sound to me like you were someone who’d save his own neck while other people were drowning, sir. And I know I’m right because you didn’t get in a boat when you could have. No one would have stopped you, not in the beginning. The boats weren’t full, and other men were leaving the ship.”

Puffing on his pipe, Mr. Farr replied, “I might say the same for you, Whittaker. I thought all young people were only concerned with saving their own necks. Yet you saved those two children, at great risk to yourself, I might add. I owe you an apology.”

“No need, sir.” The last of the boats had descended from the starboard side. There had been some frightening moments when it had looked as if boat thirteen was about to land on top of fifteen, but quick thinking had solved that problem with no injury to anyone. Both boats were now on their way.

A terrible, aching sense of isolation descended upon Max. The
Titanic,
once a safe, secure, floating hotel, had become a floating death trap. Max knew it as surely as he knew that out on the flat, black sea, Elizabeth was terror-stricken…for
him.
He wished he could reassure her that he would be okay. Impossible to do when he couldn’t even tell himself that and believe it.

“No point in waiting out here,” he told Martin Farr. “Why don’t we go inside where it’s warm? I noticed a few people playing cards in the lounge. We might be more comfortable in there.” He knew that Elizabeth couldn’t possibly still see them standing on deck. Her boat was too far away, though it had gone slowly, as if dragging an anchor. But
he
could see which boat was hers, could picture her sitting in it, frightened and shivering with cold. He didn’t think he could bear to watch for another minute. And he didn’t think it was good for Elizabeth’s father to keep watch, either.

“Good idea. Lead the way.”

They passed the bandsmen, standing at the entrance to the first-class staircase, on the way. Wearing life jackets over their tuxedos, they had switched from ragtime to quieter strains. A waltz, Max thought, and felt a deep pang of disappointment. It was as if the musicians, like some of the people still on board, had finally lost hope.

As had most of the passengers. Max could tell by the anxious faces, the frightened eyes even in the faces of men he knew to be brave, by the resignation apparent in the way men leaned against the rail, sharply tilted now.

There were a few people who clung stubbornly to denial. As Max and Mr. Farr passed a group of people standing just inside the lounge, a woman complained, “Did you hear Thomas Andrews shouting at the women to get into the two remaining port-side boats? It was positively embarrassing. You’d think the builder of this ship would have more dignity than to be yelling at women in such a common manner. As far as I’m concerned, if we’re going to be back on board the ship by breakfast, as one of the crewmen told me, it is just plain silly to go out on the open sea in such bitterly cold weather. Don’t you agree, Mattie?”

Although Max didn’t hear whether or not Mattie agreed, his heart went out to the two women. We won’t be back on board for breakfast or any other meal, he argued mentally. Still he clung to one tiny shred of hope. The ship
was
going down, no doubt about that. But another could still arrive in time to get the remaining passengers off, just as he had told Elizabeth.

Elizabeth…was she all right out there on the water? She’d been dressed warmly. But the cold was so harsh, so bitter. He was glad her boat hadn’t returned. There probably
was
a danger of being swamped if…when…the
Titanic
went down.

He felt, suddenly, very angry. Angry at the White Star Line, angry at the ship’s captain, angry at the iceberg that had struck them, and especially angry at the great ship,
Titanic
, for not being unsinkable as everyone had said it was. He knew even as he felt the fury within him that he was being unreasonable, even childish, that the anger he felt was simply a way of disguising his very real terror at the thought of the endless dark depths of the ocean awaiting him.

He wanted very much to live.

The thought made his chest feel as if someone were squeezing it with cruel fingers.

On the aft well deck, Brian, his face red with cold, came up behind Katie as she was tying a little girl’s bonnet strings. “You’ll be needin’ to go now, Katie. The ship is listin’ intolerably to the bow. Find Paddy and take him with you.”

She stood up. “And you? You’ll be comin’, too?”

He looked away. “Not just yet. Soon, though. There’s still some things to be done down here.”

“Brian, any of the women who haven’t left yet aren’t goin’ to. They will not leave their husbands, and nothin’ you say will be changin’ their minds. Come with Paddy and me. Father Byles is here, he’ll give comfort to the ones remainin’.”

Brian shook his head. “In a bit, I’ll be up top. You go along now and find Paddy. But you’ll be givin’ me a hug first, won’t you?”

Katie swallowed hard. Tears stung her eyelids. She didn’t believe Brian. He wasn’t going to come along soon. He was going to stay with the families who’d refused to leave. “Has Marta gone up top, then?” she asked, realizing she hadn’t seen the girl in some time.

“She has. Didn’t want to, but her friends persuaded her. Go now, Katie, and tell Paddy I said he’s to offer his services as a crewman in one of the boats. That way, he’ll be sure and get a place.”

Nodding, Katie said quietly, “Aye, I’ll do that.” Then she threw herself at Brian for the second time that night, and held on for dear life for several moments. What a cruel, bitter night this was! Not trusting herself to utter the word “Good-bye,” she said nothing as she pulled away, turned, and rushed off to find Paddy.

He was standing in a corner trying to convince an old woman that she needed to go up to the boat deck. She seemed completely uncomprehending, and Katie realized she didn’t speak the language.

“Is she traveling alone?” Katie asked Paddy as she arrived at his side.

‘That she is. Give it a try, will you?”

Without saying a word, Katie reached out and took the gnarled old hand in her own. “We’re leaving now,” she told Paddy, “and we’ll just take her with us. Brian says to get up on deck. You’re to offer your services as a crewman. He says that way you’ll be sure to get a place in the boats.”

Paddy planted his feet firmly on the decking. “And where is he, might I ask? You can’t think I’m goin’ without me brother.”

“That surely is what I think,” Katie replied hotly. “Brian’s the older of you two, and he’s given the order. You’re to do what he says, and you’re to do it now! Unless,” she added in desperation, “you want to go over there and make him feel guilty for not comin’. You could always do that, I suppose, if it’d make you feel better. It’ll make him feel worse, of course, but maybe you don’t care. Anyways, you’re not goin’ to change his mind. I tried. He’s stayin’.”

When Paddy still didn’t move, she took his hand and pulled him along, tugging hard until he finally relented and came willingly. A few other women and children joined them as they left the aft well deck.

But when they reached the gate leading to second class, the crewman told them Paddy couldn’t come through.

Katie was prepared for that. “Ah, but he’s a seaman,” she said confidently. “I heard there was need of good crewmen for the boats. Best to let him through.”

The man, too disheartened to argue, nodded and let Paddy pass.

When they were out of earshot, he bent his head to Katie’s and said, “A seaman? Are you not stretchin’ the truth just a bit? I tried me hand at fishin’, is all it was. And I wasn’t good at it.”

“Never mind.” Katie helped the old woman up a step. “You’re strong, healthy, and smart. You’ll be a big help, I know you will.”

They arrived on the promenade deck to find a group of women and children gathered at a window, and a boat hanging just beyond the sill. The window was open, and crew members were pulling the boat closer to erase any danger of a gap as people began to board through the window.

Katie was surprised to hear someone say it was nearly two o’clock in the morning. She’d been too busy to pay attention to time passing, but it seemed to her only moments ago when Brian had found her looking down upon the aft well deck. More than an hour had passed since then.

It seemed strange to be boarding a boat through a window. But Katie heard one woman tell another that there were almost no boats left, and if they didn’t board this one, they might not get off the ship at all.

The thought of going down with the ship took Katie’s breath away. Down, down, into that bottomless black pit? No, she couldn’t! She couldn’t die that way. No way of dyin’ was good, but drownin’ had to be one of the worst.

She was so terrified, she had to swallow hard to keep from vomiting up her dinner.

And she was not at all prepared when one of the officers helping the women board pushed Paddy back, saying, “Sorry, women and children only.”

Katie gasped in horror. But she recovered quickly out of desperation. “He’s got sea experience,” she said hastily. “He can help with the boat.”

But Paddy was shaking his head at her. “I can’t do this,” he whispered in her ear. “I’m not takin’ a seat that rightfully belongs to a woman or her child. I’m no seaman, and I’m no coward, neither.” He pushed her forward. “You go on, though.”

Shocked to the core, Katie begged and pleaded, fighting tears. When she had first learned they might have to leave the ship, she had never for a moment expected to leave it without Brian and Paddy at her side. Then, though she hadn’t wanted to, she’d had to accept that Brian wasn’t willing to leave. But now Paddy, too, had to stay behind? How could she bear to go without him? No, no, she couldn’t. Never!

But she couldn’t change his mind, and he wouldn’t hear of her staying with him. “If you don’t step into that boat right now, I’ll throw you in, I promise you that.”