To Conquer Mr. Darcy (5 page)

* * *

By the end of the following morning, Elizabeth was fully convinced of the impossibility of becoming friends with a man whose every look bespoke desire for far more than companionship. No matter how innocent the conversation—and it ranged from books to music to nature—she found herself flushing alternately hot and cold, and excruciatingly aware of the nature of Darcy’s interest in her. Instead of being invigorated by the walk, she felt on edge and nervous, and it was to this that she attributed her agreement on their return to pay a visit to Miss Darcy, when in fact she desired nothing more than to return home.

Nonetheless, she was able to enjoy her visit with Miss Darcy, and appreciated that her brother left them to themselves, instead of hovering protectively over his sister as Elizabeth had half-expected him to do. It would have been unnecessary, in any case; Miss Darcy brought out the protective instincts in Elizabeth as well, and she could readily understand why her brother worried as much as he did about her, and could see why she would have been an easy target for the likes of Mr. Wickham. When the conversation turned to how Georgiana liked Hertfordshire, she discovered that the younger girl had actually had little chance to see the area, having spent almost all her time at Netherfield.

“Well, I shall have to convince you to take some walks with me, so that you can see some of the local sights. Although they may not be as dramatic as what Derbyshire has to offer, they are still well worth the seeing.”

Georgiana’s face lit up. “That would be delightful! I have wanted to explore, but since I do not know the area, I have been afraid of losing myself.”

“Why, it sounds as if Mr. Darcy has been quite neglecting you!” Elizabeth teased. “I shall have to have words with him.”

“Oh, no!” cried Georgiana with a look of alarm. “He always does anything I ask; he is far too good to me. I just have not wanted to… trouble him. He is doing so much better than he was in London, and that is more than enough to make me happy.”

“I assure you that I was only teasing, Miss Darcy; I am well aware of your brother’s devotion to you,” Elizabeth said with what she hoped was a reassuring manner, but inwardly somewhat amused by the gravity in which her charges had been taken. Perhaps seriousness was a Darcy family trait.

Georgiana looked relieved. “Oh, I am glad. I would not want him to feel guilty in any way, not now, not about me. I have been a great trial to him of late.”

“I can hardly imagine that,” said Elizabeth warmly.
After all, I believe that it has been my role to be a trial to him of late.

“Oh, it is true. He has been so unhappy lately, and I have been so worried about him, and it is all my fault. You see,” she hesitated for a moment, and then plunged ahead. “I did something, made a terrible lapse of judgment last summer, and it upset him a great deal, although he never said one word of reproach to me. But I can see that it weighs on him, and these last two months have been terrible. He has been so withdrawn, and so unhappy, so you see why I do not want to cause him any trouble, not now that he finally seems to have been able to forget it a little. But I am sorry, Miss Bennet, I should not be telling you all of my problems; please forgive me.” She looked down, clearly most embarrassed by her confession.

Oh, dear,
thought Elizabeth.
What a tangled web we weave!
She placed her hand over Georgiana’s. “There is nothing to forgive, my dear. I am honored you feel able to tell me your worries. But I think that you blame yourself far too much; I feel sure there are many things in your brother’s life that might be disturbing to him of which you may be unaware, and whatever has upset him these last two months probably has nothing at all to do with you.” She felt abominably guilty, as she suspected that she knew all too well the true cause of Mr. Darcy’s distress.

Georgiana shook her head wordlessly, tears in her eyes.

Elizabeth sighed, deeply torn as to the proper course of action. “Now I am afraid it is my turn for a confession, and I hope that you will be able to bear with me, since it forces me to violate a confidence, and I must request that you not ask me questions about it so that I may protect as much of that confidence as I can. You see, as it happens I
do
know why your brother has been upset these last two months, and while I may not tell you what the cause is, please believe me when I say that it has absolutely nothing in the world to do with you.”

Her face reflected hopeful disbelief as she turned to Elizabeth. “Truly?”

Elizabeth nodded, and, putting her arm around Georgiana as she dried her tears, offered what comfort she could until a few moments later when they were interrupted by the return of Mr. Darcy himself.

Darcy, somewhat stunned to find his tearful sister in Elizabeth’s arms, opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again, and then finally managed a creditable, “Is something the matter?”

Elizabeth fervently thought that the Lakes could not be far enough from the Darcy clan to suit her. Drawing with an effort on her best playful and flirtatious manner, she said, “Why, Mr. Darcy, surely you know better than to ask such a question of two ladies who are in each other’s confidence! We must have our secrets, you know.” With her eyes, she implored him not to ask any further.

Happily, Georgiana took the lead by approaching Darcy and wrapping her arms around him. “Truly, William, everything is fine,” she said, with an obvious note of truth in her voice that reflected the relief she had received from Elizabeth’s earlier words. Elizabeth could not help but be touched by the tender embrace that Darcy gave his sister, nor but be amused by the baffled look on his face.

“Well, then, I am glad to hear it,” he said. “I did not, in fact, come in to eavesdrop on your secrets, but to offer the use of the carriage to Miss Bennet, since I realize that we have kept you from home for quite a while, and your family must be wondering what has become of you.”

“I will accept that offer gratefully”—
particularly if it takes me as far away from here as possible
—“as even I have had enough walking for the day.”

The orders being given to prepare the curricle, it was only a short while until Elizabeth was bidding her adieus to Miss Darcy, while Mr. Darcy, who was clearly planning to drive her home, prepared to hand her into the carriage. No sooner were they on the road than Darcy expressed concern regarding his sister’s behavior.

Elizabeth was reluctant to enter onto the topic, but knew she would be doing Miss Darcy a disservice if she did not. “Mr. Darcy, there is indeed something I should tell you, but I do not expect that you will be happy to hear this.” She felt him stiffen perceptibly, and a glance at his face showed a frozen look that did not go far to mask a feeling of devastation. Feeling quite out of patience with his single-mindedness regarding her, she placed her hand lightly on his arm and said with some exasperation, “No, it is not that. I am beginning to suspect that jumping to the worst possible conclusion is a Darcy family trait! This is something you will dislike, if I read the subject correctly, but it is not that. Pray forgive my bluntness; I seem to have exhausted my entire store of tact for the day with Miss Darcy.”

The look of relief on his face told her she had guessed rightly. “Well, then, Miss Bennet, you may do your worst, and I will do my best not to jump to dreadful conclusions.” He managed somehow to catch her hand in his before she could withdraw it.

She took a breath, prepared to protest the action, then decided instead to ignore it and save her energy for the conversation at hand, a conclusion that would have been more practical had his touch not proved to be significantly more distracting than she had anticipated. “Sir, Miss Darcy made several confessions to me, at least one of which I am sure you would have preferred that I not hear, but since I am concerned for her feelings I feel it appropriate to risk wounding yours by telling you the source of her anxiety, as it is one that you may wish to address.”

“If it concerns Georgiana, I would prefer to know, even if I find it unpleasant,” he replied unhesitatingly.

“She confided that you have been in a particularly black humor these last two months, and that this was her fault,” she began.

“Where in God’s name did she get that idea?” he exclaimed with more feeling than politeness. “I beg your pardon, Miss Bennet.”

“She attributes it to a serious lapse of judgment that she made last summer. She did not give any details, although I assume that we both know to what she was referring. She has been blaming herself acutely for the situation and for being the cause of your distress, and apparently has been afraid to say anything for fear of making matters worse.”

As she spoke, she saw his face set in grim lines, and suspecting that some of his annoyance must be directed towards her, she made a tentative attempt to withdraw her hand from his, only to have him tighten his grip. She subsided and tried to calm herself with thoughts of leaving for the Lakes. No, she decided, the Lakes were not far enough away. Perhaps the Continent, or the frozen wastes of Russia would do. No one would have ever heard of the Darcys at the court of the czar. An involuntary smile curved her lips at the thought.

Darcy, having regained control of his temper, said, “If there is some humorous aspect of this situation, Miss Bennet, I would appreciate your sharing it, as I could certainly use some laughter.”

“It was nothing at all,” she hastened to reassure him. “I was thinking about the czar of Russia, in fact.”

He stared at her in momentary disbelief. “I confess there are moments when you baffle me completely, Miss Bennet.”

“Thank you,” she said gravely. “I work quite hard at baffling you, and I am glad to know that my efforts are not in vain.”

He could not help laughing. Despite all the difficulties Elizabeth presented, he could not fault his taste. There was no other woman like her. That she could on such a short acquaintance elicit from Georgiana something that had troubled her for months, tell him the unpleasant truth, and then make him laugh! And she was allowing him to hold her hand, albeit with some ambivalence, if he read her correctly. Thoughtfully, he allowed his thumb to lightly trace circles in her palm, and noted with pleasure that her color was rising and her eyes dropped. At least she was not completely indifferent to him—surely that was something.

Elizabeth herself was unsure whether the sensations coursing through her were more horrifying or pleasurable. How could she respond so strongly to his touch when she was wishing him half the world away? She schooled herself to offer no response that might give away the extent of his effect on her, and consequently forced herself to allow her hand to relax in his, with the unfortunate outcome of allowing his thumb even more scope for its exploration, and more latitude for wreaking havoc with her composure.

“Thank you for telling me about Georgiana,” he said. “I apologize that it put you in a difficult position. I try my best with Georgiana, but there are times when the mind of a young girl is quite beyond my understanding.”

“Sometimes a stranger has an advantage in these matters.” What was wrong with her, Elizabeth wondered, that she was feeling throughout her whole body the effects of his attentions to her hand?

“If it is the right stranger,” he allowed. “But I cannot and do not fool myself into thinking that I can offer her everything she needs.”

“That would seem to be an impossible task. It appears to me that you have done admirably well, given the predicament inherent in the situation of a man of your years trying to raise a girl at the most difficult age.” Elizabeth was surprised to realize that she meant it.

“It is a continuing challenge,” he acknowledged.
It would be so much easier with you by my side
. Since they were nearing Longbourn, he asked, “May I have the privilege of seeing you tomorrow?”

He sounds almost humble,
she thought,
but I cannot possibly bear to do this again so soon.
“I do not believe I can get away in the morning,” she said, and then was shocked to hear herself continue. “Perhaps you and Mr. Bingley might call later in the day.”

“Thank you,” he said softly, and raised her hand to his lips to give it a kiss that was more a caress than a formality. The sensation was exquisite, much though she hated to admit it.

She felt enormous relief when she was able to take her leave of him. Drained by her efforts and the unfamiliar sensations he had induced in her, she decided to go straight to her room to refresh herself before facing her mother and sisters, but no sooner had she entered the house than Mrs. Bennet saw her.

“Lizzy!” she cried. “There is a letter from your aunt Gardiner.”

Elizabeth took the letter with a smile, amusing herself again with the idea of the frozen wastes of Russia. Her amusement faded as she read the letter, which at once delayed the commencement of the tour and curtailed its extent. Mr. Gardiner would be prevented by business from setting out till a fortnight later in July, and must be in London again within a month; as that left too short a period for them to go so far, and see so much as they had proposed, or at least to see it with the leisure and comfort they had built on, they were obliged to give up the Lakes, and substitute a more contracted tour, and according to the present plan, were to go no farther northward than Derbyshire. In that county, there was enough to be seen, to occupy the chief of their three weeks.

“Derbyshire,” Elizabeth said numbly. She was excessively disappointed, having set her heart on seeing the Lakes, but the last place in England she desired to visit at present was the one place that would continually remind her of Darcy. And an additional fortnight before she could be free of him and his disturbing effect upon her—suddenly it was too much, and she made a hasty retreat to her room, where she could lament in private.

* * *

When the gentlemen from Netherfield arrived the following afternoon, Elizabeth was still feeling distinctly out of spirits and, apart from the pleasure it would give Jane, none too glad to see their visitors. She made little effort at conversation, but found this seemed to cause no distress to Darcy, who, as he had so often in the past, seemed to feel no discomfort at simply enjoying her presence in silence. Before long Bingley proposed their all walking out, and it was agreed to. Mrs. Bennet was not in the habit of walking, and Mary could never spare time, but the remaining five set off together. Bingley and Jane walked slightly behind, while Elizabeth, Kitty, and Darcy were left to entertain each other. Very little was said by either; Kitty was too much afraid of him to talk, and Elizabeth too dispirited.