To Everything a Season (29 page)

The pain began in his left arm. What had he done to his arm with all his flailing around on the ground? It spread into his neck. And now his chest felt as though one of the cows were sitting on it.

The pain filled his neck and his arm and his chest. Intense pain. Intense pressure. He had never felt this before. Not all this. His ears rang.

Surely he could master this situation. He had always accom
plished whatever it was that he absolutely had to do. Ingeborg and the children would be so disappointed in him. He was failing himself and them.

He must rest. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe deeply, to relieve the pressure. Deep breaths would not come.

He might die. His eyes popped open. Where did that thought come from?

From God, no doubt, because the thought grew and filled his mind and heart. He was dying. Apparently this was the moment. Not in a warm, comfortable bed with Ingeborg and the children gathered about. Not in Astrid's lovely new hospital receiving loving care.

Out here alone on a riverbank in the sun and heat, with cows probably even now testing the patch job on the fence, threatening his wheat.
His
wheat.

No. He was not alone. Ingeborg would be the first to tell him God was right there beside him. Haakan did not doubt that God was.

And this, he decided, was quite all right. He was surrounded not by gloom and weeping mourners but by warm and fertile soil, cool grass, dazzling sun. His land rose up and gently wrapped itself around him.

His land.

He thought of his life and opportunities in Norway. He could never ever have built a life there close to the life he had enjoyed here, with Ingeborg at his side. Here he had built not just a fine, productive farm but a heritage, a gift to his children and his children's children, for who knows how long.

Sweat, yes, and many tears. But triumph too.

That soft bed would soon be gone. Even the mourners would eventually disappear. But his lasting heritage, this land around him, would remain. He was leaving behind something
infinitely bigger and longer lived, and more beautiful than any one person. And few indeed are the men who can claim that triumph.

Very well. Have
your way, God.

I love you, Ingeborg
.

S
omething is wrong, I have to go home.”

“I'll get the buggy.” Thorliff left before she could answer.

“I can get there faster on foot.”

“The horse is already harnessed, so it will only take a couple of minutes.” Elizabeth laid a restraining hand on Ingeborg's arm. “Why don't you call and learn what you can that way?”

“Ja, I didn't think of that.” She let the phone ring and ring.

“I'm sorry, Ingeborg, there is no answer. You want me to call Knutsons or Andrew?” Gerald paused. “I can do an emergency ring, you know.”

“But I don't know that it is an emergency. Just a feeling I have. Takk.” She set the earpiece back on the prongs.

“Mor, Thorliff has the buggy at the gate,” Elizabeth called from the porch.

“Takk.” All the while she rushed to the buggy,
Please, Lord,
help
pounded through her mind.

“Hang on!” Thorliff slapped the reins, and the horse broke into a trot. Once beyond the houses, he clucked again, and the buggy rocked from the speed of the cantering horse.

Patches did not greet them when they drove in.

“Where's the dog?”

“He went with Andrew in the wagon to the elevator. You know how he loves to ride in the wagon.” Ingeborg leaped to the ground the instant the buggy stopped and ran to the porch steps. “Haakan? Haakan? Where are you?”

Silence. She tore into the house, her heart now thundering.
Where is he, Lord? Help!
She checked the bedroom. No. Where was Manny? She could hear Thorliff calling, and when she reached the gate, an answer came from the barn. Manny and Thorliff were at the barn door.

“I fell asleep and when I woke up, he was gone, so I went looking for him.” Manny looked as terror stricken as she felt. “I can't find him anywhere.”

“Think, Mor. Where might he have gone? Would he have walked to town alone?”

“I don't think so. Kaaren's? Perhaps.” She rubbed her forehead, fighting to get her mind to calm down and think. “If he collapsed somewhere, we would miss him, so we need to cover every inch of the house, the buildings . . .”

Manny stumped beside her. “It's all my fault! I should not have slept. Where could he be?”

Thorliff called from the house. “He is not at Kaaren's or at Andrew's, and I asked Gerald to put out an emergency call. You stay here at the house to answer the calls.”

“Manny could do that. We need to check every room in the house, the cheese house, all the buildings. He could have taken one of the horses.”

Thorliff climbed the stairs as she searched every room. His hat was not on the peg. She checked the back porch. “Thorliff, his hat and walking stick are not here.”

The telephone jangled and she motioned for Manny to answer. “Reverend Solberg has notified the pray-ers.”

“Thorliff, check the outhouse and the cheese house. Freda is over at Kaaren's.” While he did that, she looked toward Kaaren's, where the men had been putting the final repairs on the harvesting machinery. Harvest was due to start as soon as the dew was off the wheat in the morning. Roiling dust marked the speed of the wagons and the horses of approaching people.

Thorliff leaned against a post to catch his breath, shaking his head at the same time. “Where could he have gone?”

“Did we call Ellie? Maybe he is there.”

“When the emergency call went out, she'd have called to say he was there.”

“Of course. O Lord God . . .”

Thorliff wrapped his arms around her while she sobbed into his shoulder. “Thorliff, I think he is gone home.”

“Nei, do not say that! We will find him. He is sitting resting somewhere, or he is unconscious, but we will find him.”

Lars and Jonathan galloped up the lane on harnessed work horses and leaped off before the horses fully stopped. “Have you gone through the barn yet?”

“Not completely.” Both men headed for the barn.

Ingeborg took the wet cloth Manny handed her and wiped her face. She sucked in a deep breath, caught it on a sob, coughed, and let all her air out.

“Here, sit down before you faint.” Thorliff led her to the settee and sat her down.

“Manny, please stay by the telephone. That's where you can help most.” He squatted in front of his mother. “Are you feeling faint?”

“Nei. I am. . . .” She breathed in and out deeply again. “I am in God's arms. Haakan is too.”

Kaaren and Freda climbed the stairs, and Kaaren sat down, gathering Ingeborg into her arms. “We'll get through this.”

“Ja.”

“She says Pa has gone home. She means to heaven. It cannot be!” Thorliff slammed his hand against the post. “No, it cannot be.”

Kaaren tipped Ingeborg's chin up and looked into her eyes. “Peace is what I see in you,” she whispered.

“Ja. I keep thinking on the verse, ‘I will extend peace to her like a river.' It flows through my mind and my soul.” She could hear Thorliff giving the arriving people instructions on where to look, planning—it was his gift.

Patches charged up the steps and skidded to a stop in front of her, followed by Andrew. “I should never have taken the dog. Have you combed the house? If he has fallen, it would be so easy to not see him.”

Ingeborg petted the dog, ruffling his ears. And then looking into his eyes, she said, “Go find Haakan, Patches. Go find Haakan.”

Paws lightly kissed her nose and spun for the steps.

“You better keep up with him.”

“He gets cows, not people, Mor.”

“He knows what I said. Just follow him.”

“You've got cows in the wheat field along the river!” one of the newer arrivals hollered.

“Oh, not now!” Thorliff muttered something else too low for his mother to hear, but she recognized the frustration building in her elder son. Sometimes he was so like Roald. His father had been a man of fewer words than his son, but they both handled anger the same way. Tamp it down, but sometimes words not normally used spouted out.

She found her mind wandering, thinking of Haakan fishing with Carl and Inga. Of his teaching Manny to carve. Of his steadfast love, both for her and for their God. They needed to have another ball game. He made such a good umpire.

“Ingeborg?” John Solberg knelt in front of her. He took her hands and squeezed gently.

“Ja, I am good. Haakan has gone home, and I already miss him more than I can say, but I know.”

“I'm not surprised. God has spoken to and through you for many years. Now, remember these words if you forget all else. No guilt! You must not allow guilt to get the barest of footholds. Satan will do that, you know. You were not here, but that too was according to God's plan. He is in charge. He is here, in and around us, holding us close.”

“I know. He has not let me go, and He never will, but this is not the way I would have had it. John, he was alone.”

“No. No, he wasn't. Haakan was not alone, and I am sure his last thought was of you. But he was not alone. God never leaves His children alone, especially when He is bringing them home.” He squeezed her hands again, ever so gently and full of love.

“I do not grieve for Haakan. He was so ready to go home, looking forward to heaven, but I grieve for all of us. We who are left behind.” She tipped her head back and let the tears flow.

Astrid climbed the steps and sat down by her mother. They hugged together, their tears mingling. “Inga is staying with her mother. I asked Elizabeth not to come right now, both for her sake and Inga's. Ellie is staying at home with the children too. She said to tell you how much she loves you and is praying they will find him sitting or resting somewhere.”

“They will find his body,” Ingeborg said gently, “but Haakan has gone home.”

“I think that too. Oh, Mor, I am not ready to be without my far yet. I should be, but I am not.”

“None of us are ever ready.” Ingeborg dropped kisses and tears in her daughter's hair and rested her cheek on the top of her head.
Thank you, Lord, for my
children, my family, my
friends. O Lord God . . .
She sniffed back more tears, gave up, and picked up one of the muslin squares Freda had set on the table beside her. At least they dried quickly.

Manny sticked along the porch from the front of the house. “They found him. The dog went right—” His voice broke and he swung around and left again.

Preparations. They must be made,
Ingeborg thought. She should be up and busy now. She sat. Others must do it. She had no strength. Her mind returned to her memories.

Later, Thorliff came out the door. “I've set up the sawhorses with that door we always use in the parlor. What else can I do?”

“We can cover it with sheets.”

“I did. Freda said they will prepare him and asked what you would like them to dress him in.”

“His good suit is hanging in the closet.”

“I'll get it out.”

Sometime later, when all that could be done was finished, Ingeborg smoothed back Haakan's hair. He still looked so peaceful, and that is what the men who found him said.
“He looked so peaceful.”
She looked to Reverend Solberg beside her. “Can we have the funeral tomorrow?”

“Of course, but there is ice if you want to postpone it for a day or so.”

“Why? He's gone. As far as I'm concerned, we could have it this evening, as soon as they can build the box and dig the hole.”

“Andrew and Thorliff, with Lars helping, are building the box now. Several others are at the cemetery digging. The call has gone out, and people are passing on the information. Tomorrow morning at ten at the church we'll have the service. Hildegunn has taken charge of the noon meal.”

“Did you tell everyone no black? Haakan hated the black of mourning. One night when we were talking, he said he knew this was not proper, but the Irish have it right. Throw a party. He would be in heaven, celebrating with all the saints and angels, and he hoped we could do the same.”

“Leave it to Haakan. What a request, especially at this time of unrest. Have a party. We will do that to the best of our ability.”

Lars had told them what he thought happened. The cows got in the wheat. Since no one else was around, Haakan went to chase them out, then fixed the fence as well as he could. He tried to drive the cows up from the river, probably to the barn, but his heart quit on the riverbank.

Ingeborg said, “I am not surprised that he died that way, taking care of his land, his wheat, and his cows.”

“Neither am I. Is there anything special you would like me to say tomorrow?” John Solberg had not left her side.

“A mighty man of God has gone home to be with his Lord. And then tell them all what they need to do so they can see Jesus in heaven also. I trust you to keep it simple.”

“May I ask if anyone has something to say?”

“If you want. But remind them that Haakan was a simple man who shunned praise. Please do not embarrass him.”

Solberg's chuckle barely disturbed the peace in the room. “Do you mind if others come through the night to be with you?”

“If they want, but it is not necessary. I don't care what is proper.”

Memories, like reliving their life together, floated through her mind as the hours of darkness flowed by. With the first light of dawn, she rose, stretched, kissed him one last time and, after dipping some warm water from the reservoir, went to her bedroom to wash and dress for the day. The sight of her wearing the daisy-sprigged blue dimity dress always made his eyes light
up, and so that was what she put on. She wove a narrow blue ribbon through her braids, wrapped coronet fashion around her head, and mopped her tears again when she caught herself staring at their bed. She would now sleep there alone.

The rattling of the grate said that Freda was up and preparing to set the coffee on.

“You go out and watch the sunrise, see the world come alive.” Freda held up a hand when Ingeborg started to say something. “No, please let me do this.” Freda ducked her head. “Please.”

The rooster crowing heralded the day's beginning. Chirps turned to birdsong as the morning breeze kissed the leaves of the cottonwood, setting in motion another part of the morning song. A cowbell clanged as the cows headed for the barn to be milked, a calf bawled, the rooster continued his announcements of the day. And the aroma of coffee drifted out the door.

When Freda brought out the coffee and cakes from the night before, she set the tray down and sank into the cushioned chair. “Morning comes and the day goes on, as if nothing has changed.”

“Joy comes in the morning.”

“I know that's what the Bible says, but there will be plenty of weeping today too. I saw Thorliff and Andrew down at the shop. The coffin is ready.”

“We will use a couple of the sheets to line it.”

They arrived at the church an hour early, but people were already lined up to pay their respects. They filed past the coffin once it was set up on more sawhorses, and often went back outside to wait for the service. Haakan had touched many lives through the years.