To Live Again (2 page)

Chapter Three

“There you are!” Rhett chuckled as I slid back into the booth. “Thought you might’ve gotten lost back there.”

I laughed. “No, I didn’t get lost. I was, um, giving somebody a hand with…”

They both smirked.

“Goddammit, you guys. That is
not
what I meant.” Rolling my eyes, I added, “I bumped into someone—literally—and helped him carry some boxes out to his van.”

Rhett’s eyebrow climbed. “Is that…all you did?”

“Yes.”

“Mmhmm.”

“I call bullshit.” Ethan gestured at the bar. “I’m going to get another round.” He pointed at the glass in front of me. “Should I grab you another since the ice is almost melted in that one?”

“No, this will do me.” I picked up the sweaty glass. “Watered down is probably just as well right now.”

“Suit yourself.” He kissed Rhett’s cheek. “Refill?”

“Please.”

Ethan kissed him once more—a quick peck on the lips this time—and left the booth.

Rhett faced me. “So, you just carried a box.”

“Yes. Why the third degree?”

“Because I’ve known you for a long time, and I have
never
seen you grin like that.”

As soon as he pointed it out, I realized he’d busted me. I sipped the Kamikaze. Wow, even watered down it was good. Wrapping my hands around it to cool myself off, I shrugged. “Well, he was… I mean—”

“All right, gentlemen,” the deejay’s voice boomed over the speakers, making both of us jump. “That’s it for me tonight, but keep on dancing, and give it up for
Sailooooo
!”

My head snapped toward the stage and my jaw dropped.

The blond deejay stepped away from the console, and yes, it was him. Sailo. Under the magic Wilde’s lighting that made everyone look good was the beautiful Samoan man who was meeting me for a drink at midnight.

And whoa, that lighting was kind to him as well. He’d changed out of the T-shirt and wore a black tank top now, which revealed more of his tanned, toned body, and also the intricate tribal tattoo covering his left arm all the way to the shoulder and disappearing under the front of his shirt.

The music switched to something way more upbeat than before, as if to keep time with my racing pulse, and I just…stared. He was on his feet, smiling broadly and encouraging the guys in front of him to dance.

And he was dancing too. Mostly from his hips. Jesus
Christ
.

“Earth to Greg?” Rhett shouted over the music, snapping me out of it.

I shook myself and turned back to him. “Sorry, what?”

His eyes flicked toward the stage, and he chuckled, raising his mostly empty glass. “Enjoying the scenery, are we?”

“What’s not to enjoy?” I took a drink, wondering if I should get a stronger one, or maybe hold off until Sailo joined me. No point in being drunk when he did. I’d probably say plenty of stupid shit without the alcohol’s help.

As I poked at the remaining ice cubes with my straw, I said, “I’m surprised you and Ethan come here. Doesn’t really seem like your scene.”

Rhett shrugged. “We usually come during the week to harass Kieran. When it’s not quite so”—he gestured at the crowd—“busy.”

I couldn’t imagine this place when it wasn’t packed, but it made sense that the weekdays wouldn’t be so crazy. Presumably most of these guys had jobs besides looking hot and groping on a dance floor. Unless, of course, they
were
models and porn stars.

I let my gaze slide back toward the stage. I wondered if he was only here on the weekends. It probably wasn’t in the best interest of the club’s budget to have a deejay here all the time, and the stage looked it could readily accommodate a live band. So was this his full-time job? Maybe he was one of those deejays who worked weddings and parties too. Or maybe he did something else. I couldn’t picture him putting on a shirt and tie and sitting behind a desk in a cubicle, but stranger things had happened. One of my coworkers was the drummer in a heavy metal band during his off time. A thin enough dress shirt would hint at the tattoos he kept hidden—not that I’d ever quietly ogled him—but otherwise, no one would ever guess.

Did Sailo have coworkers who’d be stunned to learn he was a deejay in a gay bar?

And why was I so interested?

I took another drink right as Ethan rejoined us and put a couple of glasses in front of him and Rhett.

“I think someone’s rather taken with the deejay,” Rhett said.

“Oh yeah?” Ethan glanced toward Sailo, and grinned. “Can’t imagine why. Wow.”

“He’s…” I hesitated. Oh hell, why not? “He’s the guy I was talking about. With the…”

“The one you gave a hand?” Ethan asked, chuckling.

I laughed as heat rushed into my cheeks. “Yes, that one.”

“Nice,” Rhett said. “Too bad he’s working.”

“Well, I offered to buy him a drink, and he said he’d take me up on it when he’s off the clock.” Checking my watch, I added, “Which is about two hours from now. Hopefully he’ll remember.”

“I’m sure he will,” Ethan said. “And you’ve got two hours to stare at him.”

“So do we.” Rhett’s voice barely carried over the music Sailo was playing.

My arms prickled with goose bumps. Oh, I’d definitely be staring at him for the next two hours…

* * * * *

At midnight, the blond deejay returned, and Sailo disappeared backstage.

Rhett and Ethan had left twenty minutes ago, wishing me luck on their way out. I was grateful they’d stayed this long. That they’d come with me in the first place. I couldn’t imagine walking into this place without at least some backup.

But now I was on my own. I’d moved to the bar to keep from occupying a booth that would better serve a group, and I drummed my fingers on my knee, keeping my hand safely beneath the bar so no one—least of all the man I was waiting for—could see my nerves. As the minutes crawled by and Sailo didn’t emerge from the crowd, those nerves were tougher and tougher to ignore. Twelve oh-five. Twelve ten. Twelve twenty.

When my phone said it was twenty-five minutes after twelve, my heart sank. Maybe he’d hoped I wouldn’t stick around this long. Or when he realized I had, he’d ducked out the back and sped off in that packed van. It wasn’t like I could make mental excuses—he was stuck in traffic, he was finding a place to park, he was looking for the club—because he was right here in the same building.

Maybe the promise to meet for a drink had just been a way to placate me so I’d get out of his hair. Or to see if I’d really be gullible enough to stick around. And anyway, I couldn’t imagine I’d made the greatest first impression, so—

There he was.

I gulped as he emerged from the crowd like a mirage taking solid form. He’d changed clothes, losing the black shirt in favor of a plain blue one, untucked with the top two buttons undone. His black hair was neatly arranged and damp, and he smiled when he saw me.

He made his way across the lounge and joined me at the bar.

“Sorry to keep you waiting,” he shouted over the music. “I wanted to grab a shower after…” He nodded toward the stage, where the current deejay was working up a hell of a sweat.

“I can’t blame you,” I replied. “So, I think I owe you a drink?”

He leaned in a bit. “What?”

“A drink.” I pointed at the bar. “What’ll you have?”

He scanned the colorful bottles against the wall and pursed his lips. “How about a rum and Coke?”

I nodded and flagged down the bartender. After he’d made our drinks, I paid him, and then faced Sailo again. Raising my glass, I said, “Sorry for crashing into you earlier.”

He laughed and clinked his drink against mine. “Oh, I don’t know. I got a free drink out of it.” He winked, which sent an electric charge straight down my spine.

I took a drink too, needing the cold more than the alcohol.

He said something, but the music smothered it.

Tilting my head toward him, I said, “What?”

He leaned closer, and I swore I felt the warmth of his breath on my ear—
oh God
—as he repeated, “Is this your first time at Wilde’s?”

I nodded, drawing back to meet his gaze. “You?”

“Uh, no.” He chuckled, tilting his glass toward the stage. “I work here.”

I cringed. “Right. Sorry. I…” Well, there was no coming back from that one, so I just laughed and shrugged. “Sorry.”

He smiled, which crinkled the corners of his eyes and made my heart flutter. Good God. If I’d had any lingering doubts about my attraction to men—any reason to call myself bi-curious instead of bisexual—they evaporated right then and there.

Or maybe I’d just had a little too much to drink tonight.

He leaned in. “So what do you do?”

“I’m an engineer,” I shouted.

“Computers?”

“Planes.”

“Oh. Cool.”

I wasn’t sure what I could add that would be interesting and wouldn’t require a longwinded explanation that he’d barely hear anyway. On the bright side, the booze and nerves didn’t make me quite stupid enough to ask what
he
did for a living.

I sipped my drink, searching for something to say. Something to ask about him that he’d hear. That he could answer without wearing out his voice. This was going to get exhausting fast. Carrying on a conversation in here with my friends had been challenging enough—trying to communicate with someone who barely knew me would be…difficult. We didn’t know each other’s speech patterns well enough to fill in when the music drowned out the actual words.

Sailo shook his head and turned to me. “It’s way too fucking loud down here.”

Scowling, I nodded. “I know.”

In the space of a few seconds, I convinced myself he was about to shrug and bow out, but instead, he asked, “You want to go someplace quieter?”

My heart skipped. Going someplace quieter… Wasn’t that a come-on of some sort? Oh hell. Maybe it was. And maybe I really was getting too old for this shit, because the club
was
a bit too loud for my tastes. Someplace quieter—come-on or not—definitely sounded appealing.

So, I nodded.

He raised a finger as if to say
just a minute
, and turned toward the bar, beckoning someone over. One of the bartenders—a good-looking and somewhat scruffy guy with his sleeves rolled to his elbows—came over. They both leaned across the bar, speaking directly into each other’s ears. Sailo gestured toward the back. The guy glanced in that direction.

With a decisive nod from each, they separated.

Before I realized what was happening, Sailo took my hand. It took me a second to make sense of that casual contact, the warmth of his gently callused fingers between mine, and by the time I got my head around that, I realized I was following him through the crowd. That he was leading me between throngs of dancing, drinking men, and my feet were keeping me hot on his heels despite my brain going
wait, what?

So I didn’t argue.

I just followed him.

Chapter Four

Sailo led me into the back hallway where we’d crashed into each other in the first place, but when the glowing Exit sign indicated we should go left, he went right. The hallway turned again, as if we were doubling back and going around the club we’d just exited. Halfway down that hall, he stopped at a door marked VIP LOUNGE—PASS REQUIRED.

He went in ahead of me. We took a staircase up to another door where we paused. Keys jingled. The lock clicked. He pushed the door open and gestured for me to go inside.

Behind me, he shut the door, and he wasn’t kidding about this being someplace quieter. The stairway had already diminished some of the noise from the club, and the door cut off most of what was left.

Sunken lights came on above our heads. The room was sleek and posh—red leather booths. A chrome-edged bar. An enormous flat-screen TV. I could just imagine this place full of gorgeous men, clinking martini glasses together and using those plush booths the way they used the ones in the main club.

My spine tingled as the bass from downstairs thumped beneath my feet. What kinds of things happened in here? After all, I knew what kinds of things happened down there. I doubted people had private VIP parties to talk about current events.

A row of tinted windows overlooked the rest of the club. For a moment, we watched in silence, shoulder to shoulder while men below us were bumping, grinding, kissing, groping. Somehow that had all been easier to ignore when we were in the heart of it. Here, at a distance and still watching, I was about as comfortable as if a porno had just started playing on the giant TV.

“Ugh.” Beside me, Sailo wrinkled his nose. “Max
always
overdoes it on the bass.” Then he rolled his eyes and chuckled. “Don’t know why I worry about it—the guys here would dance to anything. They just need a beat to break the ice so they can dance a bit before they go fuck.”

I blinked. “Really?”

“Well, yeah. Look at them.”

Oh, I am…

He turned to me. “That
is
why guys come here, isn’t it? To get laid?”

“I…guess they do.”

Sailo studied me for a moment. “Is that why you came here?”

Our eyes locked. My heart was giving the bass a run for its money right then, and my mouth went dry. “To be honest, I’m not really sure what I’m doing here.”

“Do you mean you don’t know why you’re here?” He stepped just close enough to make my stomach flutter. “Or you don’t know what to do now that you are?”

I swallowed. “A little of both, I guess?”

He came even closer, moving well into my comfort zone. “Well, let’s narrow it down. I assume you didn’t come here with the express purpose of
not
hooking up with someone, right?” The upward curl of his lips told me that, yes, it was meant as a lighthearted joke. But laughing meant breathing, and I wasn’t doing much of that at the moment.

Sailo’s smile turned less playful and more friendly, as if he sensed my nerves and wanted me to relax. “I’m right, aren’t I?”

He’d asked a question. He’d…right. Question. I cleared my throat. “Yeah, you are. I don’t think I’d have come here if I didn’t want to get laid.”

As soon as the words were out, my teeth snapped shut, and panic shot through me. Was I really doing this? Did I sound as desperate and scared as I felt? Fuck, I felt like a teenager just then—nervous as hell, certain I was going to screw this up at any moment, and simultaneously almost giddy with arousal as a whole lot of blood rushed south. Gazing into Sailo’s dark eyes made my pulse go haywire. Before tonight, I’d never had a chance to entertain the idea of going beyond looking at someone—at a
man
—and suddenly there he was, and there I was, and—

And had he really just inched even closer to me?

“Why are you so nervous?” He spoke so softly that, without thinking about it, I leaned in closer to hear him over the bass from downstairs.

“I’m…” I moistened my lips. “This is…”
New? Terrifying? Hot?
“I’m…”

Sailo reached for me, but his hand didn’t come to rest on my hip or my side. He didn’t touch my arm, didn’t snake his hand around and draw me across that remaining sliver of space between us.

No, he went straight for the front of my pants, and as he slid his fingers and palm over my cock, he grinned.

“That’s what I thought.”

“What you—”

He kissed me.

And the rest of the world just…vanished.

It wasn’t like I’d never been kissed before, but it had been years since a kiss had been anything more than “see you tonight” or “how was your day?” I’d forgotten what it was like for the soft contact of lips on lips to send shudders down my spine, or how my knees could turn to liquid when the tip of a tongue slipped underneath mine.

I curved my hand around the back of his head, my fingers sliding through short, damp hair. His lightly stubbled chin grazed mine. His hand drifted down my back, and when he pulled my hips to his, there was no way he didn’t feel my hard-on just like there was no pretending I didn’t feel his.

Oh. My. God.

There was no mistaking that I was kissing a man this time. For the first time in my life, after years of wondering and fantasizing and thinking this would never happen, it was. I was overwhelmed. Turned on. Disbelieving. I was…I was kissing a man.

Trembling all the way down to my curling toes, I opened to his gently probing tongue and let him explore my mouth. I explored his too, the faint taste of his rum and Coke reminding me of those awkward moments at the bar, of the beautiful man who’d been sitting beside me, fucking with my senses and turning me inside out. The man who was up against me now, touching and kissing me until I couldn’t tell the bass from my heartbeat anymore.

He drew back. Eyes locked on mine, he sucked his lower lip into his mouth, and before I knew what I was doing, I mirrored him, searching for one last taste of his kiss.

He swallowed. “Have I narrowed down why you let me drag you up here?”

You don’t have to drag me
anywhere
.
“Y-yeah. I think you have.”

“Thought so.” He grinned, screwing up my blood pressure all over again.

My heart sped up, and it wasn’t all arousal this time. Sailo didn’t waste any time. He probably knew exactly what he wanted, how to get it, what he expected from me, and I…

I knew nothing.

He started to draw me back in, but I put a hand on his chest and gently stopped him.

“W-wait.”

“What?” His eyebrows shot up, and he backed off a little. “Something wrong?”

“No. I mean…well…” I tried and failed to hold his gaze. “Look, before we go too much further, I should…” Finally, I managed to look him in the eye. “I should probably be, um, honest about something.”

He cocked his head. “What? Are you pos or something?”

“Pos?”

“Yeah. You know, HIV?” He shrugged. “I mean, it’s cool if you are, so—”

“No, no.” I shook my head. “It’s not that. But I, uh…” I steeled myself, not sure what reaction I expected. “I’ve never done this before.”

Sailo’s eyebrow rose. “Which part?”

“All of it.” I swallowed. “With a man, I mean. I’m not a virgin, but I haven’t been with anyone but my wife in twenty-five years, and—”

“Your
wife
?” He drew back. “You’re married?” He put up his hands. “Because that’s something I won’t—”

“Oh God, no. I’m sorry.” I shook my head, grimacing at how stupid I must’ve sounded. “I’m still getting used to calling her my ex-wife. It hasn’t been that long.”

He lowered his hands, and something softened in his expression. “Recently divorced?”

I nodded. “Very.”

“Oh.” He gulped. “Um. Sorry to hear it.”

I raked a hand through my hair. “I’m sorry. I completely killed the mood, didn’t I?”

“Nah.” He came closer again and put his hands on my waist. “Better to tell me now than give me a chance to push you too far.
That
would be a mood killer.”

“Fair enough. You are right, though. I did come here to get laid.” Renewed heat rushed into my cheeks, not to mention below my belt. “I think I’m just more nervous about it than I thought I was.”

His eyebrows pulled together. “Nervous enough you want to stop?”

I swept my tongue across my lips. “No. Definitely not.”

The creases in his forehead vanished, and his smile came back. “Good.” He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me again.

As I held on and returned his kiss, I couldn’t help but relax. There was nothing even remotely threatening about Sailo. He’d already backed off once when my nerves had gotten the best of me. If I was going to put myself out there and try to find a man to satisfy my curiosity, I couldn’t ask for a better one to stumble across. Literally.

Sailo broke this kiss again, and his wicked grin tied my tongue even more than his kiss had. “I know your type, by the way.”

“My type?”

He nodded. “Newly single, curious about men, and horny all at once.”

“That’s…that’s me.”

He grinned. “Well, as it happens”—he cupped my hard-on again—“I’m single.” He kneaded me gently, reducing my knees to a wobbling mess. “I know my way around a man.” He pressed a little harder. “And I am
seriously
horny tonight.”

“Good.” This time, I kissed him, and God, that was liberating. Maybe I didn’t know what the fuck we were doing, but Sailo obviously did, and as he slipped his tongue past my lips, his confidence erased what was left of my nerves. Whatever he had in mind for tonight, I wanted it. As long as we found our way to a flat surface, and these clothes found their way to the floor, I was game for just about anything.

He was out of breath when he spoke again. “We…we should definitely go someplace else.”

“Yeah, we should.”

“We should. But I’m too impatient for that right now.” He pushed me back a step, and a split second after the
oh shit, I’m gonna fall!
, the wall caught me. And then Sailo was kissing me again, and unzipping my pants, and those lightly callused fingers brushed my very hard cock, and thank God for that wall keeping me upright.

Please don’t be a door this time.

His lips left mine and inched their way to my neck. Without really thinking about it, I tilted my head, and he took full advantage.

Holy. Shit.

Just like that, I understood why women liked this so much. No one had ever kissed my neck before, and the softness of his lips, the warmth of this breath, the ticklish brush of his goatee—
fuck
. For a few seconds, I even forgot about his hand on my dick, and then he squeezed just right, and suddenly my senses were divided between him stroking my cock and awakening erogenous zones from my throat to my ear.

My back arched off the wall. My fingers dug into his shoulder and the back of his neck. I didn’t have a say in any of it anymore—my body responded to his touch and to my need for balance, and thank God, because my brain was checking out.

“Jesus,” I breathed. “You’re…gonna make me come if you keep doing this.”

“I haven’t even started yet,” he murmured against my throat.

“I think…I think you’re underestimating how long I’ve—” I gasped as he nipped just above my collar, and he had to have felt my cock get even harder in his hand. “How long I’ve wanted…”

His lips curved into a grin, and he kissed the spot he’d bitten. Then he lifted his head and met my gaze. “Well, if you come fast, that just means I can take my time getting you off the second time.”

A
second
time? Was he—

He dropped to his knees, and my mind went blank.

I’m dead, right? Or hallucinating?

That had to be it. There was no way in hell this gorgeous man was kneeling at my feet, and absolutely no way his perfect, slim lips were around my dick.

“Holy fuck,” I murmured, stroking his hair as I stared down in disbelief. “Holy…”

His eyes flicked up to meet mine right as he ran his tongue around the head.

I gulped. Fuck. Yeah, I was definitely going to come fast. Really fast.

I’d had blowjobs before, and getting one from a man didn’t feel much different from getting one from a woman, but I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been this turned on. Just knowing those lips and fingers around my dick belonged to a man aroused me beyond words. When I looked down at his short hair and broad shoulders, watching my dick sliding between that perfect pair of lips, I could barely breathe.

And we were in public. Something I hadn’t done in years. No one could see us, but when I turned my head and forced my eyes to focus, I could see them, all the men at Wilde’s who were grinding against each other and dancing to the beat of my pounding heart.

“D-don’t stop,” I pleaded. “You’re so…so…good.”

He groaned around my dick, and that was it.

My knees buckled. I flattened my hands against the wall, feebly trying to keep myself upright as my hips thrust into his mouth like they had a mind of their own. He didn’t stop, either—he stroked me with both hands and teased the head of my cock relentlessly with his lips and tongue until I managed a pitiful, “S-stop…”

Sailo kept a hand on my hip, as if he knew how much trouble I was having with the whole “not collapsing on my ass” thing. He looked up at me and grinned as he wiped his lips with the back of his other hand.

“So,” he said, “any chance I can talk you into coming back to my apartment?”

Well, that was a fucking no-brainer.

“You don’t have to talk me into anything.”

He just grinned.

That devilish, narrow-eyed grin that said I had no idea what I’d gotten myself into.