To Live Again (5 page)

“Nah. There’s no reason to be embarrassed in those places.” He brought the coffee cup to his lips. “Trust me—they’ve seen and heard everything.”

I smirked. “So what you’re saying is, you and Rhett are regulars?”

“Hey!” He lowered the cup and glared at me. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Are you denying it?”

He pursed his lips. “Well…”

“That’s what I thought.”

“Hmph.” He sipped his coffee again and set it back down.

I chuckled, but my humor didn’t last. I leaned back, rubbing the stiff muscles in my neck. “I feel like such an idiot, even needing to go ask people questions like this.”

“Greg.” Ethan’s voice was unusually gentle, his expression completely serious. “You’re not as rare a breed as you think. The kids now, yeah, they’re coming out when they’re fourteen and nobody’s batting an eye. We’re from a different generation. When Rhett and I used to have the odd three-way, I can’t tell you how many times we hooked up with someone who was our age and had never touched a naked man in his life.”

I nodded, chewing my lip. “So, you guys don’t do that anymore? Threesomes?”

He shrugged. “Oh, we occasionally hook up with one other couple, but it’s not something we do as often anymore with people we don’t know. Logistics and all—it’s kind of a headache.”

“Logistics?” I laughed. “Guess that’s another world I’m not familiar with.”

“What? You and the wife weren’t swingers or anything like that?”

“Uh, no.” I tapped my fingers on my coffee cup. “Is that weird too?”

“Nah, I’m just busting your chops.” He flattened his hands on the counter and leaned over them. “So, this guy from last night—any chance you’ll see him again?”

I nodded, a grin trying to form on my lips. “Yeah. That’s actually why I was wondering about bottoming. He said he’d like to top me, and I’m…” I groaned. “I have no idea what to expect.”

“You’ll be fine. As long as he takes his time and uses plenty of lube, and as long as you
relax
, you’ll probably love it.” Ethan paused. “And if you don’t love it the first time, don’t give up on it. It can be a bit of…an acquired taste.”

“Speaking from experience?”

He nodded. “I was a dedicated top for a long time because my first few experiences weren’t so great. Then Rhett came along, and…” He whistled. With a grin, he added, “Let’s just say I saw the light. So, give it a chance, but if it’s really not for you, then it’s not for you. Some people don’t ever warm up to it. It’s not their thing.”

I drummed my nails on my coffee cup again. “That’s…encouraging.”

“It’s actually quite fun. I’m just putting it out there so you don’t feel like you
have
to do it, or that it’s the be-all end-all of sex with a man.” His smile was gentle, and not the least bit patronizing. “Do whatever you enjoy, and don’t do the rest.”

“And if the guy I’m with enjoys something I don’t?”

“Compromise?” He shrugged. “It’s no different than with a woman, I would assume. If it’s an absolute deal-breaker—something you absolutely won’t do and your partner can’t live without—you wish them the best and move on. If it’s not your favorite thing, but you’re willing to do it to make your partner happy and they understand you don’t want it all the time? Great.”

He had a point. Becky and I both had our limits, and we’d made concessions for each other over the years. She wasn’t a huge fan of going down on me, but she knew I liked it, so she did it sometimes. I thought sex in the shower was a pain in the ass, but she enjoyed it, so I did it sometimes.

So why would it be different with a man?

I picked up my coffee and cradled it between my hands. “Well, I’ll give it a try, and I guess…I guess we’ll see how it goes.”

Ethan smiled. “Good luck. I think you’re in for a pleasant surprise.”

I just sipped my coffee and hoped he was right.

Chapter Seven

As promised, Ethan made breakfast after Rhett finally stumbled out of bed. Then they had some errands to run, so after we’d eaten, they left for the afternoon.

On my own, I wasn’t quite sure what to do with myself, but I also couldn’t get this morning’s conversation out of my head. Maybe Ethan was right, and I just needed to go to one of those shops and ask some questions.

In the room that was temporarily mine, I sat back on the queen-size bed and propped my iPad on my knee. I did a quick search for shops in the area that carried sex toys. No surprise—there were a lot of them. Seattle was a pretty liberated place, after all.

Ethan had recommended The Oh Zone, so I clicked on their site. Might as well see what kinds of things were available before I actually walked into the shop. Did that make me a coward? Probably. I had no doubt I was overthinking everything, but I was an engineer. That was what people like me did. And besides, this was new and somewhat terrifying territory. So, what the hell.

Holy shit. The options were daunting to say the least. Dildos and vibrators of every imaginable shape and size. Butt plugs that seemed anatomically unrealistic. And there were
how
many different types of lube?

I rested my head against the headboard and stared at my screen with wide eyes. It wasn’t like this was my first foray into sex shops. Becky and I had gone into places like this early in our marriage, or when we were on one of those rare vacations without the kids and wanted to spice things up. And I’d gone in alone a couple of times to find something for an anniversary or Valentine’s Day.

But somehow, this was more intimidating. It wasn’t a pair of fuzzy handcuffs or an extra-soft flogger. It wasn’t a set of lacy lingerie that would spend most of the night on a hotel floor. It sure as hell wasn’t a DVD that we’d watch for five minutes, and then use as background noise while we fucked.

Swallowing hard, I tapped the icon for dildos. Surprise, surprise—half a billion options. I had never even given the toys and vibrators a second look before, especially not with the intent of getting one for myself. I had thought it was as simple as going in, picking one out, paying for it, and leaving. But no—I’d need to find the one that was just the right size, shape, and material. What was I supposed to do? Write down the product name and number, walk in, and ask them to grab that specific one for me?

Then a link caught my eye: Home Delivery.

Wait, what?

I sat up a little as I tapped the link. No shit, for a nominal fee, the company would box up anything I wanted to buy, package it discreetly, and bring it to my—well, Ethan and Rhett’s—door. Within three hours.

Which meant I could get anything without having to wander into one of their shops. If it wasn’t what I needed, well, I was out fifty bucks.

This was ridiculous. I was a grown man, so I shouldn’t have been embarrassed about any of this. On the other hand, if I was honest with myself, the thought of even buying condoms made my skin crawl. Buying a couple of phallic toys, lube, and some books about anal play? Wasn’t gonna happen.

But this home-delivery thing was a game changer.

I started perusing the site all over again, this time with the knowledge that it would be discreetly delivered right to my waiting hands. Before long, I’d filled the virtual shopping cart with about two hundred dollars’ worth of things I’d never imagined myself buying. My pulse was racing and I was already imagining how things might play out during the few seconds of interaction with the delivery driver, but I tapped the Submit Order button, and it was done.

Now that the order was in, I couldn’t help feeling kind of excited about its arrival. I felt a bit…adventurous! The thought of experimenting like this, trying something completely new when I’d previously considered myself to be quite experienced, was a hell of a turn-on.

Come on, driver. Pedal to the floor.

Ethan and Rhett weren’t due back for a few hours, and delivery was guaranteed within three. So as long as the driver wasn’t late and the guys weren’t early, I didn’t have to worry about them crossing paths. Hopefully.

I was right—the delivery driver beat Ethan and Rhett, thank the Lord, and the transaction was quick and easy despite me feeling like an idiot. She handed me the unmarked box, had me sign a form saying I’d received it, and she was gone.

I hurried back into my rented room, shut the door behind me, and opened the box. One by one, I removed each item and laid it out on the bed. Then I tossed aside the empty box, and I had to laugh at the items arranged in front of me. Three different size dildos. A butt plug. Two types of lube, in case I didn’t like one or the other. Condoms to keep the toys clean. Four books on anal play. Basically, a box full of parts and a goddamned instruction manual—could I have
been
more of an engineer about this?

Chuckling to myself, I sat back on the bed beside everything, and thumbed through one of the books. It amazed me that there was enough to say about anal sex that it could take up this many pages, but there it was. And that was just one of four books, not to mention a dozen more I could order if these didn’t fully enlighten me.

There were chapters about positions and rimming. I’d read those later. For now, I concentrated on the ones that talked about stretching, prepping, and penetrating for the first time. Everything that had anything to do with taking it up the ass without pain. I went through the second book. The third. They said basically the same thing Ethan did—start with toys and make friends with lube.

I had toys. I had lube.

Time to make friends.

Heart speeding up, I closed the book and set it aside. I got up and locked the door—not that I expected one of the guys to barge in—and closed the blinds. Then I stripped off my clothes and lay back on the bed beside the array of toys and lube.

Well. Here goes nothing.

As recommended, I put a condom over the toy. Apparently that made it easier to keep them clean. Fine—I just wanted the practice since I hadn’t used a condom in
mumble
years. Better to get the hang of it again with a toy than in front of Sailo.

Once the condom was on, I put the toy aside for a moment and opened one of the lube bottles. I poured some on my hand, leaned back against the pillows, and spread my legs.

The books recommended fingers first, so that was what I started with. The position was awkward—it’d probably be a hell of a lot easier with someone else doing the fingering. Or me fingering them. Except then I’d be a nervous wreck, so awkward positions would have to do for now.

Staring up at the ceiling with unfocused eyes, I pressed one finger in. Weird. Very…weird. I gritted my teeth, but that didn’t help. And hadn’t both Ethan and my reading material said that relaxing was important?

I closed my eyes and took a few slow, deep breaths. I concentrated on relaxing, and kept my fingertip there until the muscle finally obeyed. Pressing in this time, I had more luck—my finger slid in to the first joint. When I withdrew it and tried again, it still took some work, but the third time, it was easier. The burn was bizarre. This turned people on? Different strokes, maybe. Still, I was determined to give it a chance, and pushed my finger in again.

Little by little, I slid it deeper. After a while, I added a second, which didn’t take nearly as much work as the first by itself. Before long, they were sliding easily in and out.

Okay. So fingers weren’t bad. No pain. Weird, but no pain. In fact, the longer I did it, the better it felt. Still an intense burn, but not unpleasant. Kind of…kind of addictive, actually. Wow.

I blinked my eyes into focus and looked at the condom-covered toy beside me. I swallowed. Time to level up.

I slipped my fingers free, and had to pause for a moment to catch my breath. I wanted them back inside me. Like
now
.

Which meant I really, really wanted to get on with it with this toy, so I quickly put on some lube, not caring that a few drops landed on my stomach or ran down the side of my wrist. I’d probably take a shower after this anyway, so whatever.

Like I had with my fingers, I pressed the toy’s blunt end against my ass. I paused to breathe, to relax, and then pushed in. To my surprise, I took it easier than I had my finger, and much more quickly than before, I got used to the thick, smooth presence. Eyes closed, I took more long, deep breaths and slow, deep strokes. It was a strange, invasive feeling. Even more so than with my fingers, since this thing was thicker. It didn’t hurt, per se. Felt strange, definitely, and intense, but was it pain? I wasn’t even sure I could define it.

And how different would this be when I was with someone else? When instead of a toy, I was taking Sailo’s cock? With his body over mine, his lips touching mine…

I shivered. As I took another stroke, I imagined that instead of a toy, this was Sailo’s cock. That he was sitting over me, easing himself inside, and…

Oh. Yes. Oh yes. I wanted to try the real thing.

In all those pornos I’d ever watched, the actors had pounded their partners’ asses. And my ex-wife had always begged me to do it harder, just like when I’d fucked her pussy. Could I handle it harder?

Only one way to find out.

I sped up my hand, fucking myself harder with the toy, and couldn’t help moaning aloud. I didn’t even care if the guys had come home and heard me. I did it even harder, until my vision blurred and my arm ached.

Fuck. This was
amazing
. And I needed to come. My neglected cock was rock hard and desperately needed attention.

I wasn’t sure I could contort myself enough to move the toy in and out while stroking myself, though, and I wasn’t ready to give this part up. My dick could wait a few more minutes. I was enjoying this too much, feeling something moving inside me and imagining I was being fucked by the man who’d rocked my world so hard last night. How much more amazing
would
this be when it was Sailo’s dick? Would he moan like he did when I was sucking him off? Cursing and gasping?

A shudder rippled through me. I shifted a little, and—

Whoa.

Whoa.

That was what the book was talking about when they mentioned the male G-spot. Holy fucking…oh God. I couldn’t get enough. I tilted the toy a little more, not caring about the vague strain in my wrist and elbow, and moaned as I fucked myself harder. My balls tightened and my eyes rolled back.

Am I going to…whoa, is this really going to make me—

“Fuck!” The word burst out of me, and then I arched off the bed as semen landed on my stomach. I kept pounding myself with the toy as my eyes watered and my toes curled and my whole body seemed to levitate off the mattress, and I didn’t stop until it was suddenly too much.

With a long sigh, I sank back to the bed. I withdrew the toy and lay back, staring at the ceiling with tear-blurred eyes. I’d been scared to death that anal would hurt, and then…this? I had never—
never
—come without me or someone else touching my cock.

“When you’re ready for it,”
Sailo’s voice echoed in my mind,
“I will pound you into the goddamned mattress.”

I closed my eyes and shivered.

Yes, please…