To Love and Protect (40 page)

“Thank you for the clothes.”

“You’re welcome.”

After she donned the nightgown, she crawled up on the bed and sat cross-legged.
 
Her bare toes peeking out from under her legs.
 
Justin now watched her warily.
 
Why had she ever thought that all there was to Justin was his light-hearted banter and teasing manner?
 
It had only covered up his more serious nature.
 
She watched him thoughtfully, not sure what to do.
 
She didn’t want to push him away, so she decided just to wait.

Clarissa watched as he reached into a pocket.
 
He brought out something in his cupped hand.
 

“I have this for you as well.
 
I’ve been carrying it around, but for some reason I couldn’t bring myself to give it to you at the ceremony.”
 
He tossed the little box across the room to land on the bed near her lap.
 
She opened the box and a dark gray gem with amber flecks in it sparkled up at her from a ring.
 
Small diamonds encircled the stone.

“It’s beautiful.
 
What kind of stone is it?”

“It’s a cairngorm crystal.
 
There is a mountain range in the Eastern Highlands that it is named after and mined from.
 
I thought of your eyes when I saw it.”

“When?
 
I mean, I don’t remember passing a jeweler’s.”

“I’ve had it since before you fell ill.”

“Justin,” she sighed, shaking her head sadly.
 
Just then a knock sounded on the door.
 
A maid came in laden with a tray of food and drink.
 
Justin moved a table next to the bed and the girl lay the tray down on it.
 
He thanked her and closed and locked the door behind her.
 
After dragging a chair over, he sat, and they ate in silence.

“Are you going to talk to me?” Clarissa finally asked unable to stand it anymore.

“I’m in a dangerous line of work.”

“You help to keep your country and those that live in it safe.”

“By doing that, I make enemies.
 
Powerful enemies.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“What happens if I make an enemy that decides the way to get to me is through my family?
 
Your life could be in danger.
 
Our child’s life as well.”

“You forget, my life has been in danger ever since that woman entered my father’s life.
 
What is the difference at this point?”

“The difference is this.
 
I deal with political assassins.
 
People who will take out anyone and everyone that gets in the way of what they believe.
 
Dealing with a money grubbing woman is like dealing with a mouse compared to a rabid wolf.
 
Besides that, if anything did happen to you or a child, it would be my fault and I couldn’t live with myself knowing that ultimately, I was responsible.”

“I see.”

“Do you?”

“I’m not a simpering miss that does not understand the ramifications of what is going on in our country.
 
My father is a duke.
 
Do you think I truly do not hear the talk that goes on around me, especially when Parliament is in session?
 
Do you think I don’t speculate on the intrigue that persists just within our own government, let alone now that Napoleon is stirring the waters?
 
Or do you think like so many others, I am just a silly woman with nothing between my ears?”

“Then you understand why I cannot put you in that situation,” he rebuked, ignoring her sarcastic comment.
 
“I cannot risk my family’s life like that.”

“What is your answer then?
 
Are you going to wrap me in swaddling clothes and hide me away somewhere so that no one will ever be able to find me?”

“I plan to send you back to Scotland and my parents where I know you will be safe.”

Anger suffused her.
 
She couldn’t help it.
 
He would stay in London and ship her off to another country all in the name of protecting her.
 
How dare he!
 
She ended up saying the first thing that came to her mind, “You know I could die regardless of where you send me.”

His face turned a sickening pallor, “What do you mean?”

“I have already fallen ill once with a mysterious ailment that even your grandmother had never witnessed before.
 
What if it happens again, only when it strikes, it is far worse?
 
What happens if no one is around to save me from a loose boulder?
 
What if there is a babe?
 
Am I prone to be like my mother and die in childbirth?
 
What if Lorraine and Franklin do find us?
 
What if you aren’t around to protect me like you think you always have to?
 
I could die anywhere, anytime.” She could hear her voice waver on those words.
 
She watched Justin clench his fists.

“None of that will happen.” She could hear the determination that laced his voice.

“How do you know?
 
We didn’t think mother would die either.
 
She was young and in good health.”

“That is another reason I want to send you to Scotland.
 
Grams is the best midwife there is.”

“You do not understand.
 
Mother had the best midwife money could buy.
 
When they had to call the surgeon, she had the best then, too.
 
But you know what happened?
 
She still died, and so did my brother.
 
You can only prevent so much before destiny steps in.”

“That was why you were crying the other night, wasn’t it?
 
You were thinking about your mother.
 
I heard you cry out.”

“I cried about several things last night, and I thought you were asleep.”

“I had been.
 
You’re scared, aren’t you?”

“I don’t want to die, Justin.
 
But I don’t want to be in another country, away from you, on the off chance that something might happen to me.
 
We can’t make a marriage work from two different countries. I would rather have you by my side in whatever moments we have than be separated from you.”

“We’ll still see each other.”

“When?
 
Between your assignments?
 
Do you truly think your director will let you hie off to see me whenever you want?”

“We will find away.”

“You’re kidding yourself, and I’m too tired to argue with you.
 
If this is what you want, fine.
 
But know this, I’m not going to waste my energy trying to make a marriage work to someone who won’t even be around.
 
And I
will
help capture Lorraine and Franklin regardless of your dictates.
 
If you are not going to be around to try to be a husband, then I should be able to do what I want.
 
Now if you don’t mind, I’m going to bed and please do not bother me tonight or any other night.”

“Is that what I have been doing?
 
Bothering
you?”

“Do not twist my words.
 
Until you decide to face our marriage like an adult, and realize that there is more to it than sex and dictates from you as to where I will spend the future, this is a marriage in name only.”

“I can make you change your mind.”

“No, you can’t.
 
If you try, I will hate you for it until I draw my last breath.
 
Do you understand?”
 
Not waiting for a response, she crawled to the far side of the bed and burrowed under the covers.
 
Silent, angry tears fell from her lashes.
 
She heard a low oath followed by the slamming door.
 
So much for this bed bringing a long and happy marriage to all newlyweds
, she thought bitterly, as she watched the firelight and shadows dance on the wall and lull her to sleep.

***

Don’t bother me
.
 
The words echoed through Justin’s mind as he escaped the room, then the inn.
 
The frigid air hit him in the face making him shiver.
 
Did she find his lovemaking a nuisance?
 
His neck and shoulders ached from the tension that had crept into his body.
 
She would not get involved looking for Lorraine and Franklin.
 
He forbade it, and if he had to buy locks and chains and imprison her within their house, then dammit, that is what he would do.

Justin walked the length of the village, when he found an alehouse filled with raucous laughter.
 
This place did not even have a wench to serve the men.
 
It was a place where only men could be seen and heard.
 
Refreshing from what he had just left.
 
He paid the barkeep a substantial amount of money to see that his glass never fell empty and then moved to a corner of the room.

The ale did not help to relieve his anger and frustration.
 
It only kept it simmering just below the surface.
 
When the barkeep finally made his way over to refill his mug, he practically growled at the man.

“Don’t leave it so long next time.”

“Yes, sir,” the man replied bringing him a pitcher so that he could keep himself replenished.

When had his life spun so out of control?
 
Yes, he had been looking for a wife, but not overly hard.
 
He enjoyed working to keep their country safe.
 
Now he would have to rethink his future.
 
He did not want Clarissa to come to harm.

Someday, though, there would be children.
 
Their marriage would not be one in name only forever, and when that happened there would inevitably be children.
 
Her mother had died in childbirth.
 
The thought kept playing in his mind like a bad nightmare.
 
His ale sloshed over the top of his mug as his hand shook.
 
Justin plopped it back on the table and ran his hands over his face and around the back of his neck.
 
When had he found that Clarissa meant so much to him that just the thought of her no longer in his life scared the hell out of him?

Raucous laughter came from the bar area and Justin shot the group of men a withering glare before continuing with his drink and thoughts.
 
What had happened to Clarissa lately?
 
No longer was she the meek and mild woman that he had met during the Little Season.
 
Now she was most unruly.
 
She spoke her mind and did not back down from her beliefs.
 
How would she deal with society now that this change had overcome her?
 
Would she still be able to play the games that society often played?
 
Not that he cared, but it could prove to be difficult with the position he held.
 
Often times he had to investigate members of society, and being one of them made it very easy to infiltrate their ranks.

“Did you see that pretty little filly that came into town today?” Justin vaguely heard the man ask the others.

“Which one?”

“There was only one, ye bloody fool.
 
Her hair was short but looked like spun gold.
 
Reminded me of a harlot I once knew.”
 
Justin’s body perked up when he realized they were insulting his wife.

“Do ya think she’s just as good as the harlot?”

“I ‘magine I could have her screamin’ me name before the night was over,” the man snickered.
 
A red haze covered Justin’s vision.
 
He stood, pushing his chair back with a loud scrape that drew the men’s attention.

“That’s my wife you’re talking about.”

“Well, there ye go, Ed.
 
Ask him if she’s as good as she looks.”
 
The man turned and took a big chug of ale.

“You miserable bastard,” Justin swore.
 
He moved stealthily across the room and watched as the other men grabbed their mugs and moved to the perimeter of the room.
 
Justin grabbed the man by the shoulder and swung him back around, knocking his mug from his hand to crash on the floor in the process.
 
“I said,” he pronounced slowly, “that is my wife you’re talking about.”

“There’s your answer, Ed.
 
If she were any good, he wouldn’t be here and in such a sour mood,” the man threw his head back laughing.

Justin lost what little control he had at that moment.
 
He reared back and brought his fist to the man’s jaw.
 
A cracking sound filled the air followed by the man spitting out a few of his barely there teeth.
 
He stomped on Justin’s foot and then kicked him in the knee.
 
Justin cried out in agony at the pain that lanced through it.

The two men began exchanging blows.
 
The men standing around the perimeter were cheering and placing bets on who would win the match.
 
The barkeep kept a tally of who broke what.
 
Both men were losing their energy, when the villager got Justin in a stranglehold from behind.
 
Knowing he had to get out of it or die of suffocation, he used some of the moves they had been taught from the Orient.
 
Before anyone knew it, the villager lay in the middle of the floor, unconscious.

Justin looked around the room and saw men’s jaws hanging open in amazement.
 
He rubbed his neck and took several deep breaths before the men began exchanging money.
 
Blood trickled from one corner of his mouth, and more from above one of his eyes.
 
One eye was already swelling shut and he could already feel bruises developing on his ribs.
 
His knee hurt the most.
 
Justin was not sure where the man learned that move, but he tucked it away in the back of his mind in case he needed it in the future.