To Love Anew (23 page)

Hannah’s stomach churned. She tried to maintain a calm exterior, but the closer they came to the factory, the more distressed she felt. Like Gwen had said, it held memories best forgotten.

Mrs. Atherton had been quiet, mostly watching the countryside pass by the window. “It seems the weather is improving. Dalton is a skilled driver. I trust him no matter what the weather.”

Hannah glanced outside. Sunshine peeked through heavy clouds. “It may turn out to be a fine day after all.”

Mrs. Atherton settled a sympathetic gaze on Hannah. “I’ve often wondered what it is that troubles you, dear.”

“Troubles me?” Hannah felt a knot of fear in her stomach. “Nothing’s troubling me. I’m quite content.”

Mrs. Atherton’s eyes seemed even more gentle. “I’ve been thinking about Lottie and how much she must have meant to you.” She rested a hand on an open window. “I do hope my finding a home for her wasn’t too painful for you.”

“No. Of course not. Certainly, I’ve missed her, but I’m thankful she has a good home and a family.”

“Good, I was just wondering. You seem to carry a burden, and I wondered if that might be it.”

“We all have our burdens,” Hannah said, hoping her tone didn’t give away her alarm. She didn’t want Mrs. Atherton to know about her past. She changed the subject and asked, “I’ve wondered why you never adopted. You’ve helped others.”

Her mistress didn’t answer right away, and Hannah feared she’d crossed the line of propriety.

Then Mrs. Atherton smiled. “I don’t believe anyone has posed that question to me before.”

“I apologize. I shouldn’t have asked. Forgive me.”

“No.” Mrs. Atherton sighed. “I don’t mind, truly.” Her eyes took on a faraway look. “When William and I first married, we planned on a family. We believed it would simply happen. But the years passed and there were no babies. I kept believing God would bless us with children of our own, but it didn’t happen.

“In his younger years William was quite an adventurer.” Her eyes sparkled at the memory. “He’d accomplished a great deal in England, but when he heard about this place with so many opportunities, he decided we should move here.” She smiled. “That’s my William.” She let out a soft breath. “So we came. It was a wild place in those days.”

Her eyes turned sad. “We were no longer young and we were still childless. I must admit that I wallowed in my sorrow. By the time I saw beyond my own need, it was too late. I was too far advanced in years. Taking care of a child requires more stamina than I have.” She pressed her fingertips to her lips and then continued. “I always watch for the little ones, and if I know of a good home, I see to it that they have a chance at being part of a family.”

Hannah’s heart ached at Mrs. Atherton’s sorrow. “I’m so sorry, mum.”

“No. No. Don’t be. God has blessed me in ways I’d never counted on. I couldn’t do what I do if I’d children of my own to look after.” Lifting her eyebrows slightly, she added, “Sometimes I feel like a mother to the suffering women in the gaols and a grandmother to their little ones.”

As the carriage approached the Female Factory, Hannah tensed and her stomach ached. At the Athertons, her old wretched life seemed like someone else’s. Now, it came rushing back—real and ghastly.

The carriage stopped. Dalton opened the door and assisted Mrs. Atherton as she stepped out. She looked back. “Hannah, dear, can you bring the dresses?”

Hannah remained tucked safely inside the carriage. She stared at the building, picturing the pitiful conditions inside. Maybe it had been a mistake to come. Then she remembered Lydia.

She grabbed the bag of clothing and moved to the door. When she stepped out, she immediately came face-to-face with a familiar and malicious guard. Wearing a scowl, he stared at her.

Hannah held his gaze. She stood erect and defiant.
He’ll not intimidate me.

Mrs. Atherton glanced at the driver. “Pierce, could you please carry in the box of books?”

“Glad to, mum.” He lifted the box off the floor of the carriage.

Stepping around a large puddle, Mrs. Atherton smiled pleasantly as she approached the guard. “Good day, young man. I’m here to—”

“Right, I know, to offer these poor women a bit of solace.” His tone was sarcastic.

“Indeed.” Mrs. Atherton remained unruffled. “And I might add the Governor has been quite pleased to hear of my visits. I’m certain he’d also be interested to know how I’ve been received.”

A puzzled expression touched the guard’s face, and then grudgingly his demeanor softened. “Go on in.” He stood aside.

“Thank you.” Mrs. Atherton moved indoors and then up the stairs. She glanced back at Hannah. “Come along, dear.”

Hannah didn’t try to conceal her satisfied smile as she followed her mistress. Her satisfaction, however, quickly faded as she moved through the downstairs quarters. They were just as awful as she remembered, only now they were also damp and cold. The hearth contained no fire, and the stink was worse than before.

Upstairs in the loft, women sat as they always did on the benches, twisting rope twine and carding wool. There were new faces, including children she’d not seen before. She thought of Lottie and thanked the Lord that she’d been adopted. The Parnells were good people and fine parents. Since arriving at the Athertons, she’d hoped to see Lottie in church, but heard that the Parnells had been on holiday.
Maybe soon we’ll become reacquainted.

Without warning, Hannah’s mind carried her to her dead child. It would have been happy and well cared for at the Athertons.
If she’d survived, we could have shared a life
. She tried to focus on the women.

Abigail, the first woman Hannah had met at the factory, was still there. She looked thinner. She stood. “Mrs. Atherton. Grand t’ see ye.”

“Hello, Abigail. I have gifts for the ladies.” Mrs. Atherton sat on a bench.

“Abigail,” Hannah said. “Do you remember me?”

“Hannah?” Abigail smiled. “Ye don’t look the same.”

Hannah glanced down at her simple but fine-quality frock. “The Athertons have been good to me. Are you well?”

“Good as a soul can be in a place like this.” She managed to smile, lack of care. “Yer lookin’ real fine. Like a lady.”

“Thank you.”

“Hannah? Hannah!” a familiar voice cried.

“Lydia,” Hannah said, turning to see her friend running to her.

“I was out back. Heard someone, but never expected ye.” She threw her arms about Hannah and hugged her tightly. “Ye’ve been on me mind every day since ye left. Wondering how ye are.” She stepped back. “And look at ye. Yer a grand lady now.”

“Just a housemaid,” Hannah said with a laugh. It was so good to see her friend. She was a bit thinner and pale, but she was the same Lydia—her red hair falling down around her shoulders and her green eyes steady.

Lydia hugged her again then stepped back. “Oh dear, I’m going to get ye dirty.” Staring at Hannah, she smiled broadly. “It’s truly grand to see ye.”

“I’ve thought about you every day.” Hannah stepped aside and glanced at Mrs. Atherton. “This is my employer, Mrs. Atherton. Mrs. Atherton, this is my good friend Lydia.”

Lydia nodded slightly. “I remember meeting ye at Port Jackson. Ye come by with some pretty dresses and sweet treats.”

“Oh yes. It’s been some time ago. As soon as the weather improves, I’ll be on my way to Port Jackson again.” With a smile, she hoisted a basket. “I’ve brought cakes.”

The women crowded around the visitors, and Mrs. Atherton distributed the sweets. “I’ve also brought some gowns for you.” She turned to Hannah. “Could you and your friend Lydia match up the ladies with the right dresses?”

“Absolutely.” Hannah hefted the bag of gowns.

“I’ve books as well,” Mrs. Atherton said. “I’ll leave them here and you can share them.”

The women chatted excitedly while they sorted through the dresses and tried them on. There were exclamations of delight and even some prancing as they showed off their new gowns.

Mrs. Atherton walked among the women, asking questions about their health and their troubles. Some needed doctoring and she did what she could for them.

One woman had a terribly infected foot. There was little to be done, but Mrs. Atherton cleaned it and applied liniment and a bandage. “Make sure to change that every day and wash it.”

“We’re only allowed to bathe twice a year, mum.”

Mrs. Atherton looked at the man standing guard. She chewed her lip as she studied him. “I’ll ask if you can wash every day until it heals.”

“Thank ye, mum. Don’t know what I’d do without ye.”

Mrs. Atherton rested a hand on the woman’s arm. “I can do little. Lean on Jesus, dear. Find strength in him.”

“Yes, mum,” the woman said, sounding unconvinced.

Lydia walked toward Hannah. She hadn’t put on her dress.

“Why aren’t you wearing your new gown?”

“Figure I’ll wait until I bathe. Don’t want to ruin it.”

Suddenly Hannah was angry. It wasn’t right that someone like Lydia lived such a cruel existence. She studied her friend. She looked gaunt and weary.
Quiet yourself
.
Being angry won’t help.
She took a steadying breath and asked, “Have you been well?”

“I’m all right. I had the fever, but I’m better now.” Lydia sat on the bench beside Hannah. “Tell me ’bout life at the estate. Is it grand?”

“It’s good. The Athertons are kind and generous. John works there too.”

“John? Really?”

Hannah nodded. “He’s even more handsome cleaned up. And he’s a fine man.”

Lydia grinned. “Has he asked ye to marry him yet?”

“No. You know that can never be. If he knew . . .”

“It won’t matter to him, not if he loves ye.”

“I can’t tell him. And I won’t deceive him.” Hannah changed the subject. “There seems to be several new women. Any of the others come back?”

“There’s lots of new ladies. They come and go. The gents still show up lookin’ for wives.” She glanced at her dirty hands. “That man who took Rosalyn . . . he was back last week. Said he needed a new wife.”

“What happened to Rosalyn?”

“I guess she went with another man.” Lydia’s eyes turned hard. “So he killed her. He was braggin’ ’bout how he done it. Said he wanted the rest of us to know what we’d get if we dared look at another man.”

“Poor Rosalyn.” Hannah had known she’d end up badly. The blood thundered through her head. Things like this shouldn’t happen.

She couldn’t talk about it. She took Lydia’s hand. “I miss you. I think about you and pray you’ll find a better life.”

Lydia smiled. “Thank ye.”

“Are you really all right?”

Lydia averted her eyes, then looked at Hannah. “I need yer prayers. I’m not so strong anymore. It’s gettin’ harder to believe there’ll be something better. Months go by and I’m still ’ere, not knowing if I’ll ever get home. I think of me mum and wonder if she’s all right. I pray for her.”

In all the months at sea and the days in the gaol at Port Jackson, Hannah had never heard Lydia so disheartened. “I wish there was something I could do.” She pressed Lydia’s hands between hers. “I will pray.”

Lydia smiled softly. “This world comes with peril and hardships. The Lord says we’ll know tribulation. Figure there’s no reason I be spared.” She smiled.

Hannah shook her head. “It’s wrong that you’re here.”

“I hang on to my Savior.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath and then said, “Even if his will is that I die, then I say yes, make it so.”

Hannah remembered Corliss from the ship and how she’d been ready for heaven, but this was different. This was Lydia. She looked her friend straight in the eye. “You can’t give up. You mustn’t. You’ve many years left to you. I know it.” She gripped Lydia’s shoulders. “Don’t surrender. Remember when you told me you wouldn’t die on that ship. If you let go now, those blokes from the ship, the soldiers at Port Jackson, and the guards here will win.”

“I know, but I’m tired.” Lydia stared at the floor, then looked at Hannah through tears. “Sometimes it’s hard to fight.”

The guard stepped into the workroom. “All right, back to work with you.”

His eyes went to Hannah. She could feel his loathing. He was the type who took pleasure in meting out pain. Why did God give him authority over these women? They didn’t deserve it. Especially Lydia.
God, be merciful. Deliver her from this place. I beg you.

“I hope to see ye again,” Lydia said.

“You will. I’ll return. I promise.” Hannah rested her hands on her friend’s shoulders. “Don’t give up.”

Lydia nodded.

Hannah hugged her.

“On your way,” the guard shouted.

As the coach bounced over the rough road, Hannah’s mind remained at the factory. Even Mrs. Atherton was quiet and thoughtful.

Finally she asked, “Are you all right, Hannah? You’ve said almost nothing since we left.”

“I guess I don’t have anything to say.”

Mrs. Atherton reached across and rested a hand on Hannah’s. “It’s never easy to watch the suffering of others. But we must trust in the Lord. He has a way of working these things out.”

Hannah looked at Mrs. Atherton’s hands. Her touch was gentle and kind, yet Hannah dare not speak her mind.

“What is it, dear? Please, tell me.”

Hannah looked up at Mrs. Atherton. “I used to believe that, but I don’t anymore.”

“You don’t believe in God?”

“I believe in him, but I don’t see him as just. What I see in this world is the strong beating down the weak.”
And God as a liar
, she thought, knowing to speak of such a thing would be blasphemous. “My mum used to read the Scriptures to me. And she told me God is loving and kind, and that he watches over his children. But he doesn’t. Instead, he stands back and watches while they suffer and die.”

“Indeed, it does appear that way at times, but he isn’t the one who brings calamity. He created perfection for us. It was mankind who rejected his gift. We yearned for our own desires and did exactly what God told us not to do. Yet he still loves us, so much so that he sent his Son to redeem us.”

Mrs. Atherton settled back more comfortably in her seat. “It is evil in this world that kills and destroys. Not God. He offers us his presence and his peace. Even when we suffer we can trust in him. He sees it all and promises to reward those who endure.”