To Protect and Serve (24 page)

Instead, she said “Okay.  Doug.  Is there anything else you need from us?”

His gut twisted inside.  “No, Nancy.  I’ve got everything I need for the report.   I can drop it by tomorrow if you want.” 

Please say that you want me to, Nancy.  Please show me that I mean something to you.

Oh, God.  He looked so incredibly good standing there!  If she didn’t get out of his vicinity soon, she’d make a fool of herself. 

“You don’t have to go to all that trouble, Doug.  You can just mail it.”

His jaw clenched with anger and hurt.

“Fine.  That’s what I’ll do.”

Her eyes narrowed with pain.  “Fine.” 

And with that, Nancy walked over to her car and slipped into the driver’s seat.  Kate sat in front and Robert quietly took the backseat.

As Nancy drove away she glanced in the rear view mirror and saw Doug standing there watching as her car pulled away.  His feet were set wide and his hands were on his hips.  He looked like some warrior facing the enemy.  Nancy felt her heart crack in two.

Doug watched as Nancy pulled away.  It was obvious from her last statement that she sure didn’t want him coming to her house.  Doug wasn’t aware of how long he stood there, but it was way past the time her car had disappeared from sight.

Out of sight, out of mind?  No way.  Doug’s thoughts churned as he got back into his unit and radioed in to dispatch.  It was going to be a very long time before he would be able to erase Nancy from his thoughts.  Her soft skin, her green eyes, the way she looked after he’d kissed her that time, with her hair is disarray and her lips open in wonder.

She’d made him feel so needed and wanted.  She’d made him feel like the world’s greatest, most handsome guy.  Like some sort of hero.

And now he felt like the world’s biggest fool.  He slammed his car into drive and then stopped and pulled his emotions together.  That’s all he needed right now; to do something stupid while on duty.

              By the time Nancy parked in her driveway, she’d pulled herself together enough to hopefully not show any emotion to Kate.  They’d dropped Robert at his house and Nancy had accepted all fifteen of Robert’s apologies and promises to pay for the car damage.  Nancy had assured him that she was just glad that they hadn’t been hurt.  And she meant it.  It was just a car.

They walked in through the front door, and Nancy put her purse on the front table. 

“Honey, I think I’m going to take a nap.  Are you sure you’re not hurt?”  Nancy smiled at Kate.

Kate folder her arms and just looked at Nancy.

“What?!”  Nancy sounded to her own ears like one of her students after she’d caught them doing something they weren’t supposed to be doing.

“Mom, how long are you going to keep this up?”  Kate sounded ticked off at her!

“Keep what up?”  Nancy couldn’t believe just how lame she sounded.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about.”  Kate pinned Nancy with a look.

Nancy felt defensive and hurt.  Why should Kate be mad at HER?  She wasn’t the one who’d disappear from this relationship with Doug – if that’s what you could call it.  He’d made it pretty clear that he was no longer interested in her.

And it hurt like hell.

“I’m tired.  We’ll talk later.”  With that, Nancy walked to her room and shut the door. 

She didn’t even kick off her shoes.  She just fell down on the bed and curled into a ball.  Slowly the tears started to run down her face onto the pillow.  It was a silent cry.  No sobs.  No keening.  Just tears that kept running.

At some point Nancy fell asleep and didn’t wake up until she smelled something cooking.  As she slowly sat up and mopped her face, she realized that she was really hungry!  Why didn’t grief make her appetite disappear?  Then at least she’d have the solace of being thin while single.  Oh, well.

Nancy splashed cold water on her eyes hoping to lessen their puffiness and finally ended up resorting to an old trick she’d learned decades ago from an actress she had trained with.  She pulled out a witch hazel pad and dabbed it below and over her eyes.  After about 3 minutes she could see a difference and felt a little better.   She ran a brush through her hair and gave herself a quick inspection in the mirror.  Okay, she didn’t look too bad.

Nancy looked like hammered beefsteak, Kate thought when Nancy came into the kitchen.  Christy and Jackson had just finished setting the table and had already been given the full rundown from Kate, so they knew to be quiet about how Nancy looked or acted.

“Perfect timing!  Dinner’s ready!”  Kate sounded and looked normal, as did Christy and Jackson.  Oh good, Nancy thought.  I don’t look as devastated as I feel!

It took all the acting powers that Kate, Christy and Jackson had to just get through the dinner.  They’d never seen Nancy look so bad before.  It was as though someone had taken away all her perpetual optimism and left her just an empty shell.

At the end of dinner, Nancy started to grab the empty plates, but Christy took them instead.

“It’s okay, Mom.  It’s Jackson and my turn to do the dishes.  Kate cooked tonight.”  Christy nudged Jackson in the shoulder when he didn’t stand right away and they both grabbed plates, glasses and silverware and carried them to the sink.

Nancy just sat there wondering what she was supposed to do now.  She didn’t want to watch a movie.  She didn’t want to read.  It was only 7:00 pm and she wasn’t tired after the nap.  She’d already bought everything she needed for Thanksgiving dinner.

As though reading her mind, Kate asked “Hey, Mom?  Do you want to go shopping with me?  I need to buy some Christmas presents and I don’t want to wait until the last minute.”

That sounded great!  Nancy had a few items to get herself, and this would be perfect.  The downtown shops didn’t close until 10:00 pm during the holidays, so they had a couple of hours.

“Sure, honey.  Let me get my jacket.”  Nancy left the kitchen and missed the weighted looks that her kids gave to each other.

“We’ve got to do something about this!” Jackson said.  “This is killing her!”  He rinsed and handed the plates to Christy while she loaded them into the dishwasher.

“And just what do you suggest?”  Christy felt angry that her mom was hurting and she didn’t have a clue about what she could do to handle it.

“I think it’s time we had a heart to heart with a certain officer of the law.”  Kate handed Christy the detergent and watched while Christy placed it in the dishwasher, secured the door and turned it on.

All three of them stood facing each other while they dried their hands and didn’t say another word, yet all were in agreement about their next step.

Nancy came back into the kitchen and announced she was ready.  “See you guys later!  Love you!”

“Love you, Mom!”

Christy and Jackson watched as Nancy and Kate walked out to the car.

“Babe, promise me we’ll never get that nuts with our relationship.”  Jackson put his arm around Christy’s waist.

“Oh, we will.  But we’ll get over it because we love each other.”  Christy rested her head on Jackson’s shoulder.

They watched the car pull away.

Then Christy said something that she knew would make Jackson change the expression on his face.

“Honey, let’s go through the bridal magazine – again.”  And was rewarded with his look of dismay.  “Just kidding.”

CHAPTER 23

             
By the time Kate and Nancy reached downtown, Nancy was actually feeling better.  She guessed the nap and food helped.

             
It took them almost ten minutes to find a parking spot because of the holiday traffic.  By the time they got out of the car they already knew exactly which stores they were going to hit and in what order.

             
The holiday decorations and lights made the historical downtown area look festive and the piped in music also helped raise Nancy’s mood.  Why did stores start decorating for Christmas in November, anyway?

             
They were heading for their first stop when the best smell in the whole world hit them.  They turned and looked at each other and knew without speaking what was going to happen next.

             
“Gingerbread!”  They both laughed and headed to the Gingerbread Hut for dessert.  The bread was made fresh every two hours and was topped with your choice of either real whipped cream or a lemon hard sauce.

             
Nancy and Kate got both.

             
They found a corner table and were soon enjoying their treat.

             
By the time they’d finished and licked all the gooey sweetness off their fingers, Nancy felt better than she had for quite a while.  She didn’t particularly enjoy shopping, but she enjoyed Kate’s company.

              They threw away their trash and headed for the first stop of many.  Nancy found just the right teaching gift for Tess as Kate browsed through the card section.  After paying for Tess’ beaded apple-shaped ornament, they exited the store and turned left. 

Next stop, the high-end lingerie boutique where Kate bought Christy a cute pajama set with matching slippers.  Nancy looked through the lingerie section and wondered if she’d ever feel the need to purchase something sexy again.  Which brought her thoughts back to Doug.  Nancy sighed but by the time Kate was ready to leave the store, she had once more reined in her emotions.

  As they walked down the festive crowded street, Nancy was once again struck with how many couples were shopping.  It seemed like everywhere she looked, a man and a woman were either arm in arm or having a conversation.  Some were young, some were old.  Nancy watched a couple that looked to be about her age and wondered why they could make it work, but she couldn’t.  What was wrong with her anyway?

She knew she wasn’t ugly.  Nancy thought she looked better now that she’d cut out sugar and white flour (well except for the gingerbread) and had dropped about eight pounds.  She also knew that with make-up and jewelry, she looked pretty good for her age.  Then why wasn’t some guy falling head over heels for her?

As they entered their next stop, a handsome man about 10 years younger than Nancy held the door for them.  They both thanked him, but Kate was the only one who noticed how his gaze lingered on Nancy after she passed by him.  Kate shook her head.  Her mom just didn’t see the guys who checked her out.  She’d tried to tell her mom about the men who had tried flirting with Nancy, but Nancy scoffed at Kate and told her she was reading things into innocent remarks.  Boy!  Could her mom be dense sometimes!

Nancy and Kate went in together for Jackson’s gift, a lounge chair that had a built-in back and foot massage feature.  Luckily it came in two boxes, assembly required, so they could take it with them.

Nancy also found a great saddlebag that would go perfect with Doug’s motorcycle.  Again her thoughts had turned to Doug.  She mentally chided herself.  This is ridiculous!

A grown woman, for gosh sakes, mooning over some guy.  Well, maybe not just some guy, but a modern day hero in armor.  Okay, okay.  Kevlar to be precise.

“That would go good with Doug’s bike.”   Kate spoke out loud what Nancy had only thought.  “We could get it for him, you know.”  Nancy almost gave in.

             
“Honey, I’m not sure we’ll ever see him again.”  Nancy had to choke the words out from around the huge lump that had formed at the base of her throat.

             
“Mom.  You really need to call him.  I could tell watching you two today that there is still something there between you.  Neither of you looked happy.  Please call him!”  Kate was using her best powers of persuasion.

             
“I just can’t, Kate.  I was raised where the men called the women, not the other way around.  I know that sounds old fashioned, but it’s just the way I am.”

             
“Yeah, mom.  But you’re forgetting the fact that old fashioned women also knew how to bake a casserole and take it to the guy they were interested in.  At the very least they knew how to drop a hanky.”  With that final statement, Kate pretended to walk like she was wearing a corset and floor length gown, and dropped a woman’s handkerchief behind her with a coy shifting of the eyes.

             
Nancy couldn’t help but smile at her daughter’s antics.   She guessed that the acting gene HAD passed on to her offspring.

             
She laughed and watched Kate’s eyes release some of their worry.

             
The remainder of their shopping went well and they had everything purchased and in the trunk of the car before 9:00 p.m.

             
Nancy wished that she’d actually bought the motorcycle saddlebags for Doug, even if they weren’t going to continue their relationship.  She knew how good it would look on the bike.