To the Sea (Follow your Bliss) (9 page)

With
his long arms, he easily carried the board along the beach, and then he plunked
it down in the sand. “So, have to ask, what brings you here to surf?”

The
honest answer appeared on Kira’s tongue. She wanted to tell him the truth, as
strange as she knew it sounded.

“I
was at a yoga class and afterward, there’s the resting pose.”

“Savasana?”
Ian asked.

“That
one. Settled deeply into it, I felt like I imagine what riding a wave is like.
It’s hard to describe, but it happened repeatedly over a week. It was like I
was floating and moving, and just had this, lightness.” Kira looked to the
rising and falling waves for a better way to explain, but all she saw there was
a vast openness that drained her jumbled mind. “So I decided, why not. Why not
try riding a wave in real life?

“Sounds
like the best kind of reason.” Ian said nodding. “Ready to get started?”

Kira
nodded.

“First,
we’ll orient you with the board, then the ocean, and then take a ride.” Kira
observed that he was completely at ease down by the water, like he was home.
“This is a longboard. It’s best to begin on because it’s buoyant, more stable,
and nice in the gentle surf closer to the shore.”

It
was like he spoke a foreign language, but the sound of his voice told her
everything she needed to know. She blinked a few times with surprise at her
thoughts and at the unfamiliar way he made her feel.

“Good
so far?” Ian pointed toward the front of the board. “That’s the nose.” Then he
pointed at the back. “That’s the tail. Underneath are the fins, these are the
rails.” He rubbed the long edges of the board. Kira watched his fingers, tanned
and deliberate.

“And
you see this here?” He wiggled a little loop that attached to a long bendable
plastic rope with a Velcro cuff at the end. “This is the leash. It attaches to
your ankle so you don’t lose the board. And down the middle runs the stringer.”
He pointed to a faint line incorporated into the pattern that overlaid the
Boardroom logo. “The center of the board is the balance point. Too far to the
right, you bail. Too far to the left, same. Try to stay strong along the
midline. Now, I want you to stand in front of me, over here where it’s flat.”

Ian
went behind her, his strong hands clasping her shoulders. Her mind flashed to
his breath on her neck, his lips there, softly. Then, he brushed her shoulders,
and suddenly shoved her forward. Kira extended her right leg to break her fall
as he deftly grabbed her around the waist from behind. She welcomed his
strength through the neoprene, but shock still rocked her.

“Hey,
what’d you do that for?” Kira asked spinning around.

“Goofyfoot.”
Ian’s dimpled grin told her his intentions were harmless.       

“What?”
she demanded, but his smile quickly diffused her fuming.

“Standard
procedure, I swear,” he said holding his hands up. “We do that to determine what
leg you lead with on the board. If I told you I was going to do it, sometimes
without realizing it, people force a leg forward. You ride goofyfoot, which
means your left leg gets the leash. There’s nothing goofy about you,” he said
still wearing a grin. “And I’m sorry if it startled you.”

“Actually
I’m—” but she didn’t get to finish. A tall blonde with a deep tan strode by in
short-shorts and a knit crop sweater. Her outfit alone made Kira shiver.

“Hey,
Ian,” she called. He took his time turning his long body around in the
direction of the girl.

“Oh
hi, Vanessa,” he said weakly. Kira studied the waves and how they broke
gradually, pouring water into water, wanting to ignore the encounter unfolding
behind her. Jealousy swiped at her as she imagined the girl, his girlfriend,
his hands running along her shoulders, his lips kissing hers.

“I
hear you had a wicked session this morning,” she called.

“Yeah.”
Ian stepped toward Kira.

“There’s
a party tonight at Tug’s. I hope to see you later,” she said blowing him a
kiss.

Kira
looked at Ian to gauge his response.

“Cool,”
he said with a nod, but exasperation knuckled his features. He turned back to
Kira. “So where were we?” A deep breath, taking in the vista, settled him
instantly.

“Goofy?”
Kira said mock-insulted and dismissing the possible hot mess of a girlfriend,
but hot nonetheless.

“Right.
No, nothing goofy about you.”

“Actually,
I can be goofy,” Kira retorted.

“Really?”
Ian said pretending not to believe her, but she worried maybe her Mercedes,
designer clothes, and fear of the water hadn’t given him the impression that
she was capable of being silly. But when she unpacked the recent days, weeks,
and years in her mind, she couldn’t remember the last time she let herself
really have fun. This thought sobered her desire to splash Ian or tickle him,
anything to show her long-forgotten playful side.

“The
leash,” Ian said picking it up. “You’ll wear this around your ankle after we
practice the popup. I want you to lay on the board, then when I say popup, bring
your right leg up in front of you, and balance your weight evenly between the
front and the back feet. Got it? Here I’ll show you.” With easeful skill, Ian
shifted from a completely prone position to the classic surfer stance.

“You
make it look easy,” Kira said, unsure she’d be as graceful or well balanced.

“Give
it a go,” he encouraged. On her first try, Kira tripped over her own leg. Ian
caught her before she completely face-planted in the sand.

“Thanks,”
she said. She felt incapable, but by the time her arms started to ache, she got
to her knee, and then finally semi-upright.

“That
was great. You’re getting the hang of it.”

“Really?
It didn’t feel how you looked.”

“I
have innumerable nautical miles under these feet,” he said laughing. “Take as
much time as you need, but eventually it’ll feel as effortless as getting out
of bed.”

“Yeah,
that isn’t always that easy,” she said aloud. “I mean, some days.”

Although
Frank Brinkman had done little to enamor himself to her, his declaration of not
bringing the troubles at home to work reminded her of the dictum, don’t mix
work with pleasure. Spending so much time in her head, recovering, and healing
from the recent tragedy and trauma felt like work to her, so she told herself
she wouldn’t bring up her personal woes. She didn’t want Ian or anyone else to
treat her like some kind of blubbering mutant that would break down in tears,
like they did at the office. She didn’t want to share the experience out on the
water with her grief.

Kira
tried the popup a few more times. Thanks to the week of yoga, some strength had
returned to her and she made it to her feet.

Ian
hooted and called, “Surfer girl.”

Kira
doubted that, yet. She shook her head.

“About
the ocean, I take it you haven’t spent much time in it, but I trust you know
how to swim.”

Kira
nodded. She knew how thanks to a high school requirement, but she’d mostly
practiced in bodies of water where she could see the bottom and even that required
a hefty dose of courage.

“If
you fall off, just wrap your hands around your head like this to protect it
from the loose board,” Ian said demonstrating. “I’ll come get you right away,
but today we won’t be going in beyond where we can stand.”

 Nonetheless,
Kira worried he sensed her trepidation. He took a few steps closer, tilting his
head kindly.

“Nothing
to worry about here. No rocks. Just sand. The waves are mellow now and as for
the critters, we’ll stay shallow today. So if there’s anything like that, that
might freak you out, I’ll push you safely to shore on top of the board and
sacrifice myself to the briny deep.” He smiled and mimicked a large creature
carrying him away.

A
chuckle snuck out of Kira’s mouth. He had no idea how much his joke meant to
her. His assurances and the softly rolling waves calmed her. Ian wrapped the
Velcro leash around Kira’s left ankle snuggly, his fingers brushing her skin.

Stepping
into the water, she hesitated as the foam rose up around her feet.

“I
don’t want to pry, but are you sure about this?” Ian asked when she stood,
statue-like, ankle deep. She looked back over her shoulder toward the parking
lot, then beyond the breaking waves out to the horizon. Kira looked directly at
Ian, his warm eyes smoldering in the sun, and a smudge of sunblock that he
hadn’t quite rubbed in by his ear. His smile was the kind that made her feel
like the center of the universe. Like it was just him, her, and the ocean, no
dark nights, no self-doubt, no loneliness. As Kira basked in the light of the
sun, she knew with certainty what she wanted to do. One foot in front of the
other. 

“I’m
sure,” she said. For the first time in a long time, her mind unified with her
heart, pleasantly, buoyantly. The shadow of pain and hurt still clung to the
edges, but big and bright, front, and center, something warm glowed inside. 

Chapter Thirteen

Gathering
her resolve to move forward, and blocking out the voice in her head that whined
that it was too cold, too windy, too everything, Kira said, “Let’s go.”

Surprisingly,
moving into the water wasn’t the freezing shock she’d expected. The wetsuit
provided a toasty layer between her and the frigid temperature of the Atlantic.
Ian being so close helped too.

They
walked out chest deep with Ian guiding the board over the waves. “Now, to hop
on.”

Hop
was not a technical term or a word that accurately described how Kira flailed
as she tried to mount the board, which floated on moving water. She thrashed,
arms and legs waving wildly, as she tried to lay on it lengthwise on her belly.

“You
are goofy,” Ian said, all dimples, when she emerged from underwater. He didn’t
mean it in an insulting way, but she felt like crying nonetheless. Kira had
imagined she’d get right up and surf a wave into shore on her first try.
Whenever she tried something new, she usually had an easy time, the signature
of her status as a capable over-achiever.

“It
just takes practice and patience. And more practice,” Ian said encouragingly.
“You’ll get it. Here, I’ll help you up.” He motioned to pick Kira up to lift
her onto the board, but she sunk back, despite her desire to feel his warmth
again.

“No,
I want to do it,” she said.

Ian
offered an understanding smile. “That’s the spirit.”

 Something
passed between them as Kira called upon her confidence. She could tell by his
subtle grin, that his esteem for her effort grew.

After
looking ridiculous as she tried to get on the board, sliding off, and repeating
the broken bit of choreography until she sweated beneath her suit, she finally
managed to get on it. Kira rested her cheek on the surfboard facing Ian. In a
moment of vulnerability and triumph she uttered, “I did it.” Then she closed
her eyes and cried. A few moments later, she opened them when Ian placed his
hand lightly on her upper back.

Looking
right into the heart of her tears he said, “Yes, you did.”

She
couldn’t be sure, as wet as they both were, but it looked like his eyes were
moist too.

Kira
floated there for a few more minutes, the water lapping gently at the rails of
the board, the end of the long braid she’d done earlier that morning splayed in
the water. The receding tide carried away the emotions that threatened to rock
her. She felt comfortable with Ian’s presence anchoring her.

“This
is about more than being afraid of the water and surfing, huh?” he said softly.

Kira
nodded.

“Are
you okay?” he asked. The tears had passed and an irrepressible smile pushed at
the corners of Kira’s lips.

“I
will be. You?” she asked, actually feeling refreshed and renewed in some way.

“I
am.” He nodded. Then a sharp whistle called their attention. A wetsuit-clad
figure stood on the shore waving her arms above her head. Ian pulled the sleeve
of his wetsuit back to look at his watch. “Oh, next lesson,” he said absently.

Kira
paddled in, Ian showing her how deep to dig with each stroke. Just before they
were within earshot of his next student, he asked, “Will you be back for more?”
The peacefully private mood they shared out on the water quickly dissipated as
they rejoined the walking and talking world, but Kira wanted to get back in
only if to revisit it and try again.

“Tomorrow,
if you’re available.” Kira replied, her cheeks feeling rosy.

“Let’s
do it,” Ian said.

Once
onshore, the student was Vanessa, the same blonde from earlier. She put her
hand on Ian’s arm in a familiar way when he approached her with the longboard
Kira had used.

Kira
turned away and walked back to the surf shop to peel the wetsuit off and gather
her things. As she neared, Jamie languidly leaned in the doorway, wearing his
sunglasses.

“Hey,
you. Good sesh?” She deciphered the surfer speak.

“Got
on the board. That’s a start,” she said while awkwardly trying to unzip her
wetsuit.

“Ian
had another student, eh?”

“Oh,
yeah,” Kira said trying not to think about Vanessa.

“Let
me help you outta that suit. They’re easy to get on, but no one, not even pros
have an easy time getting them off.”

They
worked it loose from her shoulder. Kira got an arm free, and Jamie unpeeled the
black material as he stood on his knees drawing it down to her hips. His
fingers grazed the side of her chest. An unfamiliar thrill of intimacy rushed
through her. It had been a long time, but Jamie’s touch there met her with
desire, lust. As he crouched and pulled the suit from around her ankle, she
tried to help. A piece of her hair, now loose from its braid, grazed his
shoulder. He gazed intensely into her eyes.

 “I
forgot a towel,” Kira said, feeling goose bumps on the sunny May morning.

“I’ll
warm you up,” he said, leading her inside. Jamie grabbed a towel off a shelf
with the Boardroom logo. “A gift from me to you.” He wrapped it around her
shoulders, bringing her in close to him.

“Thank
you,” she said already feeling warmer and suddenly unsteady.

“How
about a coffee to thaw you out?” he asked.

They
passed shelves of t-shirts, hoodies, and flip-flops on their way to the café
part of the shop. The cinnamon buns Kira smelled baking earlier cooled on a
large platter.

The
girl behind the counter smiled coyly. “Morning Jamie, what can I get for you?”

“What
can you get for us?” he corrected, with a smile motioning to Kira. “I’ll have
my uzh. And for Kira,” he swept his hand in her direction.

She
asked herself if this was real. Her own husband hardly noticed her, now two
guys, in the same day, remembered her name, acted friendly, flirtatious. No way
did they had a bet, there was just no way, she told myself, traumatized by
Blain’s scathing words that cut through the moment.

“I’d
like a coffee, just milk please.”

“And
one of these babies,” Jamie said pointing to the gooey plate of giant cinnamon
buns.

He
stretched his arms overhead while they waited for the order, revealing the
toned line of his waist and abs. She practically drooled and not over the
melted glaze drizzle on the cinnamon confection.

Kira,
her body exhausted from being in the waves, welcomed the chair Jamie pulled out
at a vacant table. When he joined her, the sleeves of his t-shirt hugging his
upper arms and the eager expression on his lips, caused something primal and
long dormant or never quite conscious to begin with, to awaken within her.

“So
Kira, what brings you here, this time of year? We usually get the beach babes
in the summer months.” He said the words as if they were the most normal thing
in the world. Like beach babes were the same as kittens or apples.

Kira
wasn’t sure what to say. She didn’t feel the same connection to Jamie as she
did to Ian, she felt like she could be herself with the latter. Both were
intense. But with Jamie, it was different; there was attraction, but the kind
that left her tongue-tied. She wasn’t sure he’d understand her vague
explanation.

“I
wanted to try something new, I guess.”

“You
came to the right place. I just got back from Costa Rica. The swell was up so I
flew down there for a couple. It was really going off. You have to do it while
you can, yanno? You just never know when the waves will be flat or when your
number might be up.”

“Too
true.”

 Jamie
pulled a chunk off the cinnamon roll. “Delicious. Have a bite.”

Kira
took a length of the coiled roll. He smiled flirtatiously at her, his eyes
crinkling at the corners as he sipped his coffee.

“You
know they say cinnamon is an aphrodisiac.”

“I
wouldn’t know,” Kira said candidly.

“You’ve
got something, there,” he reached over and wiped a crumb off her lip then
licked his finger. A hot flame ignited within her. She pressed her lips
together in the place he’d just touched, and she felt a deep longing sizzling
inside her.

A
couple young surfers approached their table.

“Hey,
bro,” said a thin kid with the hood of his sweatshirt pulled up.

“Hey
dudes, how are ya?” Kira got lost in how he swallowed the letter “r” for how
ahhh ya and drew out the letter a.

His
accent was another sexy thing about him. Kira nearly choked on her sip of
coffee when the thought tumbled in her mind.

Jamie
fist bumped each of them.

“We’re
here to check out the new boards we saw posted on Facebook.”

“Cool.
I’ll be with you in just a sec.” Jamie turned back to Kira.

“They
come in here whenever we get a shipment, goggle the boards, but never buy. I
remember doing that when I was a kid, lusting after things I couldn’t have.”
Jamie popped the center of the cinnamon roll in his mouth, his eyes full of
meaning.

“That
reminds me, I have a board. Ian said the shop buys used ones. Well, not used.
He said it’s brand new. I just want to get rid of it.” Kira could almost taste
Ian’s name in her mouth. But she suddenly felt self-conscious about her choice
of words. She was new to this world and surfers were serious about their
boards.

“I’ll
take a look.” He stood to assist the young customers. “Do you have a change of
clothes?”

“Oh
yeah, in the back room.”

“Too
bad, you look good in that bikini.” When she walked passed a mirror hanging by
a display of sunglasses, her cheeks in the reflection couldn’t have been any
redder. They burned and that wasn’t all. He was so bold. No one ever said
anything like that to her. Kira’s mind chattered like a schoolgirl with her
first crush. What did he mean? What was that look he gave her, a wink? She
wasn’t old by any standards, but she didn’t look like Vanessa either.

Kira
ducked into the back room and found her things, realizing she’d didn’t remember
underwear. She chuckled about going commando as she quickly pulled on her
pants.

As
she slipped the strings of the damp bikini top from around her neck, the door
opened and Jamie’s tall figure filled the doorway. Kira covered her chest with
her arms, despite the rack of wetsuits shielding her. He approached her with an
easy gate and placed his hands lightly on both of her shoulders. He tilted his
face down to her. He paused; looking into her eyes as if that was all the
permission he needed, and then moved in all the way to her lips, his still
sweet from the cinnamon bun.

It
took her breath away. His kiss was primal, wild like the ocean on that first
morning she visited the beach. He pulled her to his chest. Kira wasn’t sure if
she still breathed, with the intensity of being so close. She wrapped her arms
around him, letting the warmth of his skin penetrate her. He pawed her chest
with one hand. Then he pulled off his sweatshirt and they pressed skin to skin.
Kira couldn’t believe what was happening, but the sensations in her body
blocked out all other thought.

A
vibration on Kira’s hip jolted her back to reality. It was Jamie’s cell phone
in his pocket. They both tried to ignore it, but the moment passed, and they
slowly pulled out of each other’s arms. Kira scrambled around for her top.

“Will
you be taking another lesson?” he asked.

“I
think so.” Kira panicked, fearing he gave lessons too. She felt so comfortable
in the water with Ian and wanted him to be her instructor, especially now. She
didn’t want Jamie to see her floundering on the board and especially not
crying. Out there, that morning, wasn’t her most attractive moment.

“I
can pencil you in whenever you want. Ian’s available on the weekends.” His
words brought relief and courage.

“Is
tomorrow too soon?”

“Not
soon enough. I’d offer to bring you out myself, but I have to mind the shop. In
fact, I better get back to the front.”

Once
dressed, Kira walked out behind him, feeling both elated and sheepish, though
there weren’t any witnesses to see her still rosy cheeks. She smoothed her hair
and straightened her fleece.

“About
that board,” he said.

“I’ll
bring it in tomorrow,” Kira said, suddenly needing fresh air. She had to
process what just happened. She’d never done anything like that. Ever. The fire
between them burned so intensely. She couldn’t piece together what had come
over her.

“Looking
forward to checking it out,” he said as flirtatious as ever.

Kira
felt a twinge below her belly. “See you then.”

As
Kira made her way to the parking lot, Ian walked along the beach with the
longboard beneath his arm. Vanessa trotted beside him like an eager puppy. She
wanted him to notice her, yet was afraid he might read the kiss, still fresh on
her lips, that she just shared with Jamie. She felt one thing around him and
something else with Ian. Her orderly life kept getting more confusing. Less
than six hours ago, she lay in her bed weeping, lamenting loss, and shaking
with anger. Now she found herself on the other end of the spectrum, filled with
desire and longing.