Today & Tomorrow (8 page)

She sat up and threw her arms around him. “Thank you! Will you trip with me?”

It would probably suck, but he’d call Double A and have him check in every hour or so. “Yeah, I will.”

That earned him another squeeze. He felt her tits against his back and arm, and he thought he’d like to use the condom he had left before he went anywhere.

“God, you’re so awesome. Will you pick up Thai food when you go out?”

“I have my bike. No good way to bring home takeout.”

“You can take my car.”

Her bright red, convertible Mini? Good God. “Okay,” he sighed. “I’ll take your weenie little Matchbox car and run errands for you. Anything else while I’m out, Madame? Got any dry cleaning to pick up, maybe?”

She threw a pillow at him.

~oOo~

They did use that condom before anything else. And now that she was getting the hang of it, Analisa was already turning into a little bit of a wildcat in bed.

He called Sherlock, who was the club’s connoisseur and purveyor of all things medicinal, and got the name and number of a good source, who happened to be located in Malibu. So Nolan went out in Analisa’s Mini and ran their errands.

When he got back, she had set the table on the patio for dinner and lit a fire in the copper fire bowl. The night was chilly but not cold, and the breeze was gentle when it was there at all. He thought it was a good night to sit by the fire and listen to the surf. Not bad conditions for tripping, either.

They ate by the fire, and then cleaned up.

Nolan was standing on the patio, looking out over the dark surf, thinking about how little of their dinner Analisa had eaten, when she came up behind him and looped her arms around his waist. He put his hands over hers.

With her chin on his back, she asked, “How do we do this?”

He turned and put his arm around her. “First, I call my friend and have him call me regularly, to make sure we’re good. And then I give you some dried mushrooms, and you eat. Then I eat, too. And then we wait and see.”

“What do they taste like?”

He shrugged. “Like dried mushrooms. Earthy.”

“Earthy—like dirt?”

He laughed. “Are you seriously going to balk at the taste? They’re not dinner, Ani. But we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. I’m
so
good with not doing this.”

“No, I want to. Okay. Let’s…let’s do it, then.”

He called Double A, who wasn’t thrilled at getting the job of watchdog, but agreed. Then he gave Analisa about a gram and a half of magic mushrooms. He took a little more, but still a very small dose for him. He led her to the patio sofa, and they sat side by side. He tucked her under his arm, and they started snacking on the funky-looking fungi, while she held her phone up in one hand and took a series of selfies.

He’d convinced her not to take video while they were imbibing illegal hallucinogens.

As she chewed, she said, “They’re kind of gross.”

He chuckled and shook his head. “You want to mix them in some peanut butter or something?”

“And ruin peanut butter? No, I’m good.”

When they’d eaten their respective doses, Nolan leaned back, settling low on the sofa and pulling her close. She laid her head on his chest and took some video, then finally set her phone down. She pushed her hand under his hoodie, running her fingers over the little bit of hair on his belly. It felt good, and his cock agreed. He wondered if they had time for a fuck, but decided against it. He didn’t want the trip to hit them mid-fuck, in case the whole experiment went haywire.

After about twenty minutes reclining together on the sofa, Analisa shivered. She sat up and opened the ottoman in front of them, pulling out a blanket. After she opened it over them and settled back in with him, she asked, “What’ll it feel like?”

“It’s different for everybody, and every trip is different. But generally, colors change. Things distort. Shit that’s not supposed to move moves. Touch feels different, things taste different. Your senses sort of crisscross. I told you I tend to trip dark. That’s why I don’t do it much. What I see is usually on the fucked-up side. Smiles become snarls, shit like that. But other people see pretty things.” He kissed her head. “I hope you see pretty things.”

The trip came on her before he felt anything. He knew when he saw her staring at her hand. “What’s happening, Ani?”

She laughed. “It’s so weird. My freckles are moving. Turning into things.”

That sounded about right. And on the light side. He brushed his fingers over the hand in question, and she gasped.

“Oh, my God. Do that again.” He did. “Your fingers feel…like…oh, my God. I feel that between my legs. Is that normal?”

He wasn’t feeling anything yet. But he’d had a small dose. He liked the thought that her trip would turn sexual. He liked that thought a lot. “Anything’s normal now.”

She ran her hands over his arm. “You’re made of velvet,” she whispered.

She was definitely on her way.

~oOo~

Analisa tripped quietly, fascinated by the smallest touch or sound. She pushed his hand between her legs and held it there, flexing, masturbating on him, and he let her. He was turned on to about broiling, but he didn’t make a move, not wanting to change the direction of her trip, and, anyway, he liked what she was doing, using his body to make hers feel good.

He didn’t think he was going to trip at all. His senses intensified a little, but that was about the extent of it. He was glad. Double A called as scheduled three times, and then Nolan gave him the all-clear.

When Analisa began to shiver in earnest, he led her back inside, and they went to bed.

They got naked together, and she pushed him flat on the bed, smoothing her hands over his chest. “I want to touch you,” she whispered.

That was fine by him.

She examined him with scientific precision, her hands and mouth touching him everywhere. Yes, his senses were certainly intensified. Even though she didn’t get him off, even with his cock straining toward her, unfulfilled, it was the best-case scenario for his mild little trip—no darkness, just sensation.

When she got to the scars that trailed over his right leg from hip to foot, she traced her finger over every one. “Are you hurt?” she asked, looking up with wide, awed eyes.

“Not for a long time. I got hit by a truck when I was a kid.”

Tears made her pale eyes swim. “Oh, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’m okay.”

She nodded, but even so, tears overran her lashes. He reached down and brushed them away.

“I love you, Ani.”

She smiled. “Thank you.”

“I’m not saying it because you want to hear it. It’s true.”

Her smile changed, and he saw it as a warping. Her whole face melted into an extreme grimace. He blinked, and then she was only frowning sadly.

“I love you. It feels good to love you. But you shouldn’t love me. I’m dying, you know. Soon. I can feel It filling me up. I feel It right now.” She closed her eyes. “I feel It in my stomach. It creeps like black tar. I feel It in my chest, like spider webs catching my breath.”

What she was saying made his heart ache and his head panic, but he pushed that aside, because she was taking a wrong turn. “Ani. Analisa. Open your eyes, babe. Look at me.”

She did. “You love a corpse.”

“No. I love a girl.” He sat up. “Come on. Sit up here with me. Does that television on the wall work?”

She laughed, her expression brightening again. “Sure, it does. What do you want to watch?”

He searched his brain for something bright and happy. He settled on Disney. That worked. Analisa sat tucked under his arm, quietly enthralled by the sounds and colors. They watched cartoons until she fell asleep. Then Nolan turned off the television and sat in the dark, holding the first girl he’d ever loved.

The doomed girl he loved.

The ‘shrooms had just enough hold on him to give real pop to the shadows and sorrow that always lived in his head.

Analisa awoke and opened her eyes in the full sun of late morning. Her chest ached heavily, and she could feel a coughing fit sitting at the bottom of her throat. If she let it loose, she’d freak Nolan out. Swallowing, she tried to push it down.

She was curled at his side. He was sitting against the headboard. When she looked up, he smiled and brushed her hair from her face.

“Good morning. How’re you feeling?”

“Good,” she lied. Then she remembered that she’d spent the night before tripping on ‘shrooms, and she considered if, in addition to the weight on her chest, she was feeling any ill effects. No. No, actually—except for her chest, she felt okay. “I’m good.”

Her memory of the night was odd. It seemed clear, but it didn’t make a lot of sense. Everything seemed to have flowed together. She remembered lying outside with Nolan for a long time. She remembered how amazing his body had felt, and her body, and everything she touched. She remembered the way the ocean had sung to her, with actual words. She remembered watching television and the cartoons jumping around in the room with her. And she remembered feeling It wrapping her up in black ropes.

She remembered that Nolan had told her he loved her, and that he had insisted it was true.

Settling her head on his chest, she ignored the way her lungs demanded more room. “How are you?”

“I’m good, too.” He combed his fingers through her hair, and she closed her eyes and let the gentle sweetness of that caress distract her from her tightening chest. “What’s left on your list, Ani?”

“Let’s see…Make a movie. Which reminds me.” She started to turn to the nightstand and get her phone, but he held her in place.

“Let’s just keep this moment between us, okay?” She nodded, and he asked, “What else?”

“Invent something cool. Buy a house.”

“I know those. What about your secret list? What other scary desires are lurking in your pretty head?” He tapped her temple lightly.

There were three. Or, she guessed, after their talk about condoms, now only two. But she didn’t want to tell him the last one. She was pretty sure she knew how and when she’d cross that one off. “Just one. Make Thanksgiving dinner for my family.”

His finger curled under her chin, and he lifted her head so that she was looking up into his eyes. Their blue was a wonder—sometimes the color was so deeply vibrant they seemed faceted; other times the blue was so dark they were almost black. Her blue eyes were just weird, the color pale and watery.

“Why is that on your secret list? That seems like the easiest one on either list.”

“Because I want to do it in my own house, and I want to do it myself. I used to cook with my mom. It was fun. But if my dad knows about it, he’ll want to fix it up for me.” She moved her head off his finger and settled back on his chest. “And I have to be alive for Thanksgiving to be able to do it.” Thanksgiving was six weeks away.

His arm tensed around her. “I love you, Ani.”

Those words were so wonderful to hear that her eyes began to burn. But she wanted them to be real. “I changed my mind. I don’t want you to lie to me.”

“I’m not lying. I was wrong when I said I didn’t. I just hadn’t let myself see it.”

Her burning eyes ran over and wet his chest, but she fought back actual sobs—if she started to really cry, she wouldn’t be able to hold back the coughing. As it was, she was nearing a crisis and needed to send him off to take a shower or something soon. She didn’t want him to know that she was getting sicker. She didn’t want him to be different with her, the way her father was different with her.

“I love you, Nolan.”

He rolled her onto her back and hovered over her. She thought he was going to kiss her, but he only brushed his fingertips over her cheekbone. “How about ‘be a mom’? That’s on your list, too, right?”

Lying flat like this made her chest hurt more, but she forced her mind to overcome that matter. She shook her head. “You were right yesterday. I can’t have that one. It was shitty for me to even think that way.”

“What if I could make it happen?”

“What?”

“If you can stretch what it means a little, I think I know a way for you to be a mom. Maybe just overnight, but still. Would that work?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He grinned. “I guess you’ll just have to trust me.” Then he did kiss her.

~oOo~

She was able to get him into her shower just a few minutes later. When the water was running, she grabbed her inhaler from her nightstand drawer and hurried to the kitchen. Once at the sink, she let the coughing have her. She coughed and coughed until her middle ached, her throat stung, and she was spitting blood into the sink.

She took her morning meds, then slid down the cabinets to the floor, taking hits off her inhaler until she no longer thought she might actually die right there on the floor.

Six weeks until Thanksgiving. Ten weeks until Christmas.

Analisa considered adding something new to her secret list: ‘Spend Christmas with Nolan.’

It was a pipe dream, and she had too many of those on her list already. Like being a mom. But for now, feeling like she’d won this morning’s skirmish with It, she rinsed out the sink, put her meds away, and went back to her room.

Nolan was still in the shower, so she pulled off the t-shirt she’d grabbed on her way to the kitchen and went in to join him. She’d never showered with anyone before.

Her bathroom had an open shower, sectioned off from the rest of the room with a glass-block wall. When she walked in, she could see Nolan, his body distorted through the wavy glass, leaning on the wall, his arms extended, his head down, the spray running over his back. She stood and watched for a couple of seconds, but he didn’t move.

She crossed the room and went around the glass wall, standing just inside the shower, but he still hadn’t moved.

“Nolan?”

He jumped and turned fast, his eyes fierce, like he was expecting to fight. But that eased from his face and body as soon as he saw her, and for a flash, what she saw in his eyes was the kind of sadness her father showed her.

But then he smiled and held out his hand. “Hey, you. C’mere.”

He pulled her against him, and she felt his erection growing as it pressed into her belly. She wished that she’d known him earlier. It would have been nice to have this feeling, this desire, this kind of love, for more than only a few weeks.

He kissed her, and his hands slid down her back to cup her ass. As the hot water cascaded over and between them, slicking their bodies, she hooked her arms around his neck and held him as closely to her as she could, feeling as much of his body on hers as possible, lifting up onto her toes, trying to keep up with his tongue.

When he groaned, she felt it on her lips and against her chest. She felt it between her legs.

She was practically climbing him, and then he lifted her off her feet and shifted his hold, hooking her legs over his arms, one by one, and then lifting her even higher until she couldn’t keep contact with his mouth any longer.

“Nolan, what?”

“Shhh.” He lifted her until he could set her thighs on his shoulders. Then he stepped to the wall, pressing her back to it.

“Oh. Wow.”

Looking up at her, he tucked his face between her legs and opened his mouth. When she felt his tongue against her clit, she grabbed his hair in both hands. Then he sucked her clit into his mouth, his tongue still moving, and she shouted, “Oh, fuck!”—the words echoed against the glass tiles.

He chuckled, and the feel of it on that sensitive part of her made her shake. He sucked and licked and nibbled, his tongue moving from her clit to dip inside her as if he were tasting her; then he returned his attention to her clit. His nose brushed against the little crystals of her piercing, and that light twinge made everything all the more potent.

The wet heat of the shower had eased the last of the rigor in her lungs, and that was a very good thing, because she was panting and heaving as if she’d just finished one of the Tough Mudder competitions her brother was so fond of.

She couldn’t hold still. God, oh God, it was like nothing she’d ever felt. Different from what they’d done the day before, different from anything ever. She realized that she was rubbing herself against his face, but she couldn’t stop. She was coming, and it was amazing.

When it really hit her, she let go of his hair and slammed her palms back against the wall. “God! God! Nolan, God! Oh fuck, God! Yesyesyesyesyes!” Then words became impossible, as every muscle in her body locked down tight.

Like a switch, what he was doing changed from something she never, ever wanted to stop to something she couldn’t stand for even one more second. She pushed on his head and flexed away. Smiling, he leaned back and changed his hold on her, shrugging her legs off his shoulders and letting her slide slowly down his body, over his long, solid erection, until her feet touched the wet tile of the floor.

“You like that?”

“Oh, my God, Nolan,” she gasped. He kissed her, and she tasted herself. He was still hard, digging into her belly. With their mouths joined, she brought her hands between them and took hold of him. He grunted and twitched at her touch.

She broke their kiss and looked up at him. “Can I do something like that for you?”

Pushing her wet hair from her face, he smiled and kissed her forehead. Then he turned and leaned back against the wall.

~oOo~

“On the weekends, Lexi and Ian go to bed at eight-thirty. Ian needs a bath at night. Lexi prefers to shower in the morning—but she’ll handle that on her own. In fact, Lex’ll help out a lot. She’s a little mom. She’ll tell you if she needs help, or if there’s something her brothers need.” Riley laughed. “She’ll tell you what they’re allowed to do and what they’re not. Ian will try to get over, but Lex will keep you straight. Right, sweetie?”

Standing next to her mom, Lexi looked at Analisa and nodded seriously. “Yes. I know the right way to do everything.”

Riley and Analisa looked at each other and chuckled quietly. Lexi Elstad was a typical firstborn: Type A and a little bit of a know-it-all.

Declan squirmed in Analisa’s arms and reached for his mother. “No, Deck,” Riley said. “Analisa has you.” She moved away. “Deck sleeps through. We put him down around ten, and he’ll be down until seven, sometimes eight. He naps twice during the day, at around ten in the morning, and then again around four. If he has a big day, he might want to nap in the evening, too, but it’s better to keep him entertained. If he falls asleep for the night too early, you’ll be up before dawn with a very energetic baby, and then Lex and Ian won’t be far behind.”

Odin, the Elstads’ gargantuan fawn Great Dane, walked through the kitchen, right between them, bumping everybody’s legs and whacking them all with his thick tail. He went to an equally gargantuan dog bed in the far corner and plopped down with a heavy sigh.

Riley smiled at the dog and turned back to Analisa. “Odie is a lug, and he’s in the way a lot, but he’s a good sitter, too. He won’t give you any trouble, and Lexi’s job is to take care of his food and water. But if he’s too much in the way, you can call Muse, and Odie can go play with Cliff for the weekend.”

“He’s awesome. I love big dogs.” She’d never had a dog of her own; Tristan was allergic.

“That’s the third time you’ve gone over this, babe. I think she’s got it.” Bart was leaning against the wall at the entrance to the kitchen. Analisa didn’t know where Nolan was—probably still playing cars with Ian.

He’d done this for her—convinced Bart and Riley to go away for a weekend and leave their three children in Nolan and Analisa’s care. To let her be a mom for a couple of days.