Tommy Puke and the Boy with the Golden Barf (4 page)

 

*****

Chapter 13

I pinched the kernel between my fingers. It was hard
as
metal, not squishy like corn.
"But how...?"

"Don't you see? We're closing in on him!" Tommy pinched the golden kernel with his own filthy fingers. "The snot-casting and poop-reading were
right. We did three of the four
labors, and now we're about to find the golden barf!"

As the shock wore off, my heart started pounding. For the first time in my life, I had the proof of something magical right there in my hand. Maybe incredible things
could
happen in this world; maybe there was more to life than nasty nicknames and getting picked on
by bullies
.

"Come with me!" Tommy hurried through the living room and out the back door. Gertrude looked up for a second, then went back to gobbling her cat food.

Breathless with excitement, I followed Tommy outside. The wild dogs were gone, thank goodness;
they must've run off into the woods in search of less troublesome prey.

Tommy ran down the back steps and stopped in the dusty yard, waving for me to join him. When I caught up, he grabbed the hand holding the baggie and hoisted it high between us. "Watch it now! Don't take your eyes off it!"

I did as he said. "Watch it for what, Tommy?"

"More changes!" Walking backward, he led me across the yard toward the trees. The whole time, he never let the kernel out of his sight.

Neither did I.
"What
kind
of changes?"

"There! Like that!" He shook my wrist, and the bag flapped in my grip. "See?"

Squinting up at the kernel, I
did
see. The corn no longer looked like pure gold. Somehow, it had shifted back to its original yellow state.

"Why did it change?" I tried to lower the baggie for a closer look.

Tommy wouldn't let me. He kept it hanging overhead between us. "Because Chonganda isn't in this direction. He's nowhere near the dump, which is on the other side of those trees."
With that, Tommy turned and led me back across the yard and around the corner of the shack.

We kept going around the next corner and ended up in front of the place. Tommy paused to hork up a loogie, then pulled me along to the middle of the front yard.

That was where we checked the corn again.

At first, I wasn't sure what I saw. The sun had gone down, and dusk was settling over us, making it harder to see. But when Tommy let me lower the baggie, the corn's condition became clear.

"Gold again." I pinched the kernel through the baggie, and it was hard and metallic like before. "Which means..."

"Chonganda is in
that
direction." Tommy pointed a finger at the woods in
front of the shack. "So now we know where we're going next."

"Where's that?"

"One of my favorite places." Tommy grinned and let go of my hand. "I know it well. I hang out there all the time."

I frowned. "So what is it, exactly?"

His eyes lit up when he said it. "The sewage treatment plant, of course."

 

*****

Chapter 14

Is there such a thing as a "house skunk?" According to Tommy, there is, which is why he said it would be okay to leave Gertrude in Mr. D.'s shack. He made sure she had plenty of food and water, and then he kissed her goodbye
on the nose
. He wasn't a bit worried that she'd wreck the place; she'd lived there all her life,
apparently.
She'd had the run of the place since Mr. D. had gone to the nursing home. S
he could come and go as she pleased, thanks to
a tiny flap in the back door.

Once Gertrude was squared away, Tommy and I set out through the woods. We had flashlights from Mr. D.'s, which we needed, since dusk was quickly turning into night.

Even with the flashlights, the woods were creepier than before. I heard lots of scratching and scuffling sounds in the brush. The moon was full, but there were shadows everywhere
, concealing
what I imagined
were
lurking
horro
rs. I hoped we would get where we were going before night fell completely.

As we hiked, I checked the corn in the baggie often, dangling it in the beam of my flashlight. Each time I loo
ked, the gold seemed to glitter more brightly.

"We're definitely getting closer," said Tommy. "Tonight's the night we
come face to face with Chongand
a."

"Then what?" I asked him. "You said you wanted to get the golden barf, right? But what then?"

"You can have it." Tommy aimed his flashlight dead ahead and kept walking. "The golden barf is all yours."

Frowning, I fell into step behind him. "But I thought you wanted it. I thought that was the whole reason for this quest."

His twin plumes of greasy hair bobbed as he shook his head. "The golden barf could make you rich. Then maybe the kids at school won't pick on you. Maybe you'll be popular." Tommy released an echoing belch. "
If
that's what you
want
, that is."

I wasn't sure what to say to that.
Was
that what I wanted? To be like all the rest? "Then what
do
you want, Tommy? If you don't want the golden barf, what
do
you want?"

Tommy stopped for a moment. "
Chonganda and I are both descendants of Bumba, the god of vomit. We're like brothers." He wheezed out a snot rocket and wiped his nose on his arm. "We're like family, Josh, and that's what I want. I want family."

"But you're a cynic like Diogenes, right? You don't care what other people think. You don't want to be like them."

"Doesn't mean I'm not lonely," said Tommy, and then he kept walking
through the darkening night.

 

*****

Chapter 15

I'm not sure how long we walked through the woods. I truly lost track of time.

But eventually, I saw lights in the distance, glowing through the trees. And not long after that first glimpse, I smelled the proof that we were approaching our destination.

The aroma of
raw
sewage
flowed through the air, thick as pudding, strong as sulfur. I gagged when it hit me, then switched to breathing through my mouth to cut the stink.

As for Tommy, he inhaled one deep breath after another
direct through his nose
, beaming like he was smelling the sweetest perfume.
"Ahhh." He actually turned a little circle of pure happiness on the path. "Just wonderful."

A little further on, the woods ended, and the plant lay before us. It was surrounded by a chain link fence topped with loops of barbed wire. Bright lights
around the perimeter shone down on huge, bubbling pools of orange sewage, six of them arranged in a row. Huge pipes led from one to the next, and from the first in the row to a rectangular white building.

"He's in there." Tommy stepped up to the fence and wrapped his fingers through the chain links. "I can feel it."

I stepped up beside him and checked the corn: more glittery than ever. "So how do we get in after him?"

"Not a prob." Tommy grinned. "I've got a key."

Sure enough, he did. Walking along the fence, we came to an entry gate with a magnetic lock on it. It had a ke
y card reader like the ones I'd
seen in stores for swiping credit cards.
There were two little lights on the reader, and the red one was lit.

Tommy handed me the flashlight and fished in his pockets, pulling out all kinds of gross stuff. He brought out a glob of chewing gum studded with
gray and white
lint
;
a clump of hair stuck together with some kind of
gluey substance;
what looked like a plump, dead slug; a dried, black patch that could have been a scab or a huge booger; and a handful of squirming white maggots.

Finally, he pulled out a white plastic card with a black magnetic strip on one side. When he slid it through the
reader, the red light went out, and a green one flashed on. The lock clacked open, and the gate swung free.

We pushed through, closed it behind us, and headed for the white building at the start of the row of pools.

 

*****

Chapter 16

Tommy let us in to the building with his key card. The lights came on automatically when we entered
.

As the door closed behind us, he
strolled around like he felt right at home.
"Too bad t
he gang's not here. You'd love those guys."

Looking around,
I thought the place
seemed
kind of small for a control
center
. There were computers and monitors on desks, all blinking and humming with activity. At the front of the room, the huge pipes from outside crossed through the wall,
then elbowed down into the floor, mounted with big red shutoff valves. The back half of the place was dominated by other pipes and valves and equipment, plus red metal rails framing a stairway descending into the floor.

There was a huge map of the sewer system on the side wall, and I walked over to check it out. "So what do you
do
when you hang out here, anyway?"

"You name it," said Tommy. "Sometimes I even go down and clean up th
e underground junction. It can get
pretty clogged up."

"You like doing that kind of work?"

"It's in my blood." Tommy laughed. "Which is just one of the reasons the guys who work here think I rock."

Turning away from the map on the wall, I pulled the baggie out of my pocket and unrolled it. When I held it up to the light, I saw that the corn inside had changed again. "It's
glowing
, Tommy! The corn's all lit up!"

"Then we're closer than ever." Tommy walked over and gazed at the
illuminated kernel. "It's like we're right on top of him."

"You mean literally?" I looked down at the floor. "Like he's below us?"

Tommy nodded. "Come with me." He walked to the stairway at the back of the room and leaned on the red railing, staring down into the shadows. "What's it doing now, Josh?"

As I walked over to stand beside him, I thought I felt the baggie moving. Sure enough, when I held it up near the railing, the golden corn was vibrating. "Holy smokes! It's moving!"

"Hold it over the stairs," said Tommy, and I did.

That was when the solid gold kernel started jumping in the baggie.

"I guess we know where
Chonganda
is." Tommy combed his dirt-encr
usted fingers through his grease-soaked hair. "We know exactly where we're going next, don't we?"

Gazing down into the darkness, I swallowed hard. "Do you think he's waiting for us?"

"
Does it matter at this point?" Tommy shrugged. "We're still going, aren't we?"

My hands were sweaty, and my heart was speeding up. I wondered what I was
about to walk into
. "I guess so."

Tommy patted my shoulder and grinned. "The thing to remember is, we're not alone. We can handle anything as long as we have ea
ch other, right?"

"Right." I nodded nervously.

"Then let's go." Tommy ripped a monstrous fart as he headed for the stairs. I hung back a moment, hoping the fumes would clear, and then I followed him.

My eyes stung and watered as I set foot on the first step. The fumes from his fart hadn't cleared by a long shot.

Midway down the stairs, Tommy flipped a switch on the wall of the stairwell. Nothing happened. "The lights are out." Raising his flashlight, he turned it on with the press of a button. "Good thing we've got these."

I shivered as I turned on my own flashlight. "Are you sure it's enough? I mean, it's pitch black down there, isn't it?"

"Relax!" Tommy reached under his shirt and picked his belly button. "I know these tunnels by heart, remember?
We'll be fine if we stick together." When he pulled his finger out of his navel, it was coated with some kind of white slime, which he wiped on the wall. "You know you can depend on me, right?"

I stared at the white smudge he'd left on the concrete and nodded. "Right." That was what I said. But the truth was, I wasn't feeling so sure about depending on Tommy Puke at that moment.

I'd known him less than a day. He'd done amazing things, taken me on an incredible adventure, but
could I trust him with my life down in the darkness, facing some kind of crazy god?

Tommy continued down the stairs, but I just stood there, wondering if I should turn back.
No one would blame me; they'd say it was crazier
not
to turn back.

Then again, did I really care what other people might think? As a rule, they hadn't treated me so great so far, had they?
Other than my parents and grandparents, how many people had stood up for me? Who had put themselves on the line for me when I was in danger?

Tommy Puke, that's who.

"Wait up!" Which is why I walked down into the darkness after him, armed only with a flashlight and a glowing kernel of corn.