Tommy Puke and the Boy with the Golden Barf (5 page)

 

*****

Chapter 17

That's how I got to be here, following Tommy through the sewer on the trail of the boy who barfs gold.

"Look!" Tommy points a filthy finger at a shadowy niche in the sewer wall. "There it is!"

As I lean forward to look over his shoulder, my eyes cross from the stench of his body odor. I want to lean back to get away from the smell...but then I catch sight of what he's pointing at
, gleaming in the flare of his flashlight
.

It looks like a golden blob, as if a bar of pure gold had melted into a puddle, then hardened again. The puddle is lumpy, as if the molten gold had oozed over a cluster of
pebbles
. Either that...

...or it's exactly what he said it was. The object of the crazy and stomach-churning quest he's taken me on. The legendary prize that's supposed to change my life forever.

Solid gold vomit.

"You know what this means, don't you, Josh?" Tommy scratches his head, and dandruff flakes shower down from his unwashed rat's nest of hair. "We're
close
now! This is his
lair!
"

I look around nervously. "Do you really think so?"

"We're about to
find
him!" Tommy turns and grins. "We're going to meet the son of the god of vomit! We're about to throw down with the Boy Who Barfs Gold!"

Suddenly, a strange
voice booms
from the darkness ahead
. "Don't you mean throw
up
?"

Tommy and I both swing our flashlight beams in the direction of that voice. I think I spot a flicker of movement, and I try to follow it, but all I see are concrete walls oozing with raw sewage.

"Chonganda?" Tommy sounds giddy as he calls the name. "It's me, Tommy! Tommy Puke!"

I, on the other hand, don't feel giddy at all. All the hairs on the back of my neck stand at attention as I sweep my flashlight around the sewer. It's like knowing there's a ghost coming to get you; we heard his voice, we know he's
close
, but we can't see a trace of him.

"We mean you no harm," says Tommy. "We just want to meet you. We have a lot in common, you and I."

I think I hear a shuffling sound across the sewer, and I zip the beam of my flashlight toward it.
I scan the light from side to side, revealing nothing new...

And suddenly, that strange voice is
right next to me
, whispering in my ear. "
I'll chew you up and vomit you out, boy.
"

I cry out and stumble away, whipping my flashlight around to catch the culprit...but no one's there. Just walls coated with sewage.

And then I bump into Tommy, and I think it's Chonganda, and I freak out. I twist around, flailing with both arms, trying to fight off whoever's stalking us.

In the process, I knock the flashlight right out of Tommy's hand. I hear it crash off the wall and drop in a pool of sewage
with a splash.

Suddenly, we're down to one flashlight.

 

*****

Chapter 18

"I'm sorry, Tommy!" I shine the light on him, throwing a huge shadow from his warty pickle nose. "He was right there beside me!"

Tommy still doesn't look worried. "Give me that a second." He reaches for the flashlight, and I hand it over. "All right, Chonganda! We'll play it your way!" With that, he turns off the light...and throws it.

I feel the breeze of it flying past me, and I hear it splash down into the sewage.
My heart speeds up a thousand times
faster
as I realize just how dead we are.

"You don't like the light?" says Tommy. "Fine! We're all in the dark now."

I stay as close to Tommy as I can, watching the absolute darkness for any sign of attack. I listen as hard as I can, but every little noise sounds deafening. Even the dripping of sewage sounds like a disembodied vomit-god gliding toward me.

"Can we talk now?" Tommy sounds as calm as ever. "I think we might be
related
, Chonganda. I think we might be
cousins
or something."

For a moment
, nothing changes. The sewage continues to drip, and the voice remains
silent.

Then, I feel
a gust
of wind, and Tommy cries
out.
I hear
him fall against something and come down with a splash a few yards away.

"
Fool!
" The voice of Chonganda
i
s back, booming through the sewer like thunder. "How
dare
you claim kinship with a
god
?"

I hear Tommy sputter and slosh in the sewage. "No, wait! I'm an
admirer
. I just want to hang out and..."

"
Mortal scum!
" roars
Chonganda.
"You will not
steal
my
treasure
! You will not
take
the
golden vomit!
"

I'm not sure what happens next, but it sounds like Tommy gets knocked around again. I hear his body slam into something--the wall, probably--and he lets loose a howl of pain.

"What a puny specimen!" Chonganda's laughter echoes through the sewer.
"You miserable excuse for a
snot rag.
"

Tommy coughs something up and spits it out. "I've worked so hard to find you, Chonganda. Can't you just hear me out?"

"You sound like constant
farting
to me!" Chonganda laughs again. "Farting that ought to be
squelched
."

Again, I hear
the sounds of furious motion
,
but thi
s time is worse than before. There a
re several collisions, each one knocking a fresh cry of pain out of Tommy. The l
oudest
one
comes when he splashes
down again
.

"Awww!" Chonganda's voice booms louder than ever. "Poor baby! Did I hurt your
feelings
? Did I make you
cry
?"

It's then that something changes
inside
me. Until this moment, I've been too terrified to move a muscle. I've been too scared that Chonganda will come for me, too.

But hearing him beat up Tommy strikes a chord. Hearing him ridicule and laugh at him reminds me of a similar scene.
Lots of them, actually
.

Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt.

And I realize, as scared as I am, that I have to do something. I have to deal with this bully the only way he understands...
with
strength.
The same way Tommy dealt with those other bullies when we first met.

Even if it kills me.

 

*****

Chapter 19

I take a deep breath and square my shoulders. "That's enough!"

As soon as the words leave my lips, I feel a rush of air on my face. I sense his presence there in front of me, inches away.

"What did you say?" His deep voice
curdles
like smoke in the pitch blackness.
"What did you say to me?"
He has the worst vomit breath I've ever smelled in my life,
tangy and putrid and fishy and sweet.

It makes me want to puke, and I have to fight the urge. "I said that's enough!
Leave my friend alone!
Quit acting like a jerk!" I have to fight to keep myself from shaking, too. I hope he can't sense how scared I am right at this moment.

"A
jerk
? Is
that
what I am?" Chonganda roars with cruel laughter. "Who are
you
to call a god like me a
jerk
?"

"A
god
, that's who!" The words tumble from my mouth, surprising me when I hear them out loud. I'm thinking so fast, I can't keep up with myself.
"A god like you!"

I didn't think Chonganda could get any closer, but he does. "If you're such a god, what's your name?"

My mind races, and I surprise myself again. "Mighty Jiggles!"

Chonganda breathes more putrid vomit breath in my face. I can't tell if he's taking me seriously or just biding his time till he squashes me like a bug. "And what are you god
of
, Mighty Jiggles?"

"God of
shaking
." I bark out the words with as much confidence as I can muster. If there's any chance at all of him backing down, I need to be totally convincing. "I have power over all manner of vibrations!"

"Vibrations?" Chonganda snickers. "Not much of a power, is it?"

Good thing I've read so many comic books. "Not much of a power, you say?"
The words pour out of me like dialogue on the page of a super-hero comic. "Only if you think an
earthquake
isn't powerful! Only if shaking apart a
mountain range
means nothing to you!"

For a moment that feels like a month, the only thing I hear from Chonganda is the rasping of his putrid breath. I start to worry that he hasn't bought a word I've said. I mean, come on:
Jiggles
, god of
shaking
? How intimidating is
that
? I could've done so much better.

But I said what I said, and it's out there now. All I can do is wait and hope for the best. Hope he doesn't kill me on the spot with a deluge of vomit. Hope Tommy's still alive over there in the sewage where he landed.

Another moment passes. I wonder if I should say something else...or maybe I should just run. Take my chance
s in the darkness and hope I do
n't bash my brains out on the sewer wall.

Suddenly, Chonganda speaks. "You are
trespassing
, Mighty Jiggles."
I don't think he's making fun of me anymore.
He sounds more angry than amused. "I have every right to
destroy
you for intruding on my territory."

I take a deep breath and snap right back at him. "How would you like it if I
shatter
your territory to pieces? What if I shake the ground so hard, it tumbles down and becomes your eternal
tomb
?"

"And what if
I
vomit up horrors you can't
imagine
," snarls Chonganda, "and turn them loose on you and that mortal
excrement
you call a
friend
?"

Reaching deep, I dredge up every last bit of courage I can find. It's time to put everything on the line. "Go ahead and try!" I lunge forward, shouting into his putrid presenc
e. "I'll show you what a
god
is
made
of!"

Chonganda swoops closer, his reeking breath
oozing over
my face. "You think you're
better
than me, Mighty Jiggles?"

That's when I get the idea. I think of a way to turn this around. "I
do
think I'm better than you
...but my
friend
doesn't." I wave in what I think is Tommy's general direction. "Some friend!"

"What are you tal
king about?" Chonganda sounds more puzzled than furious.

I
think I might
have him on the hook. Now to start reeling him in. "Tommy
worships
you. I thought
I
was his favorite god, but I don't even come
close
to
you
."

"Impossible!" roars Chonganda. "I
have
no worshippers anymore!"

"Well, you do now." I shake my head like I'm irritated. "And don't think I haven't tried
converting
him.
But h
e's
devoted
to you."

Chonganda falls silent for a moment. Again, the fear rises inside me, the urge to get away. What if he figures out I'm lying about being a god? What will he do to us?

But I stand my ground. It seems to me our only chance is to see this through.

And maybe, just maybe, it will work.
When Chonganda speaks up,
he hardly sounds angry at all
. "You mean he really doesn't want to steal the golden barf?"

I fold my arms over my chest and nod. "He
adores
you. He made me bring him here just so he could
meet
you."

"And offer up a sacrifice?" says Chonganda.

"Love to." Tommy's voice is shaky when it pipes up from across the sewer. "
I'm the world's biggest Chonganda fan.
I'd do
anything
for you
."

"But, I...I thought you were..." Chonganda's voice falters. "I thought you were like everyone else. I thought you only wanted to
get
something out of me."

"No way." Tommy splashes around a little; it sounds like he's getting to his feet. "The only thing we want is to tell you how much we appreciate you.
Maybe get to know you, too.
"

The next time Chonganda speaks, his voice comes from across the sewer, over by Tommy. "Do you really mean that?"

"Ask the Mighty Jiggles," says Tommy. "Would a fellow god ever lie to you?"

"He means it." As I say it, I realize I'm not nervous anymore. It feels like the danger has passed.

That, of course, i
s when the whole place goes crazy
.