Too Far to Whisper (14 page)

Rosalind shook her head. “You are wrong. This is something I have given serious thought to. Truth be known, I have felt drawn to you since the first day we were introduced on the Corwins’ land.”

Rosalind’s confession greatly pleased Shadow, but he was careful not to allow his expression to reveal his feelings. He also was careful not to allow his desire for her to rule his actions. Fear and exhaustion, he decided, had made Rosalind vulnerable. He did not wish to live up to the title of “savage” by taking advantage of her in any way.

“Get some rest,” Shadow whispered, attempting to pull her head back against his chest.

Rosalind jerked away from him. “I fear what I am feeling cannot just simply be slept off,” she said. Silently she cursed herself. What, she wondered, had possessed her to so foolishly blurt out such a bold request when it was painfully obvious that Shadow was not the least bit attracted to her? Granted, he had treated her with naught but kindness during their journey, but she sensed it was solely because she had saved him from the gallows. Had she possessed the ability, she would have been sorely tempted to deliver a well-deserved kick to her own backside.

Rosalind rose to her feet and walked a few steps, presenting her back to Shadow.  She wondered how she ever could face him again, especially once she no longer had the dark of night to conceal her humiliation. She momentarily contemplated running off into the blackest part of the forest where Shadow would never find her. Dealing with a pack of hungry wolves, she decided, would be preferable to having to face him.  She closed her eyes and silently wished the ground would open up and swallow her.

Rosalind tensed when she felt Shadow’s hands on her shoulders. Gently, he turned her to face him, but she was much too ashamed to look at him. Her cheeks burned and she swallowed nervously as she awaited his lecture. She already knew what he was going to say: that she was in urgent need of a good night’s sleep; that her exhaustion was to blame for her behavior; that she would feel like a new woman come morning. He would, she was certain, speak to her in the same tone and manner as one would speak to a disobedient child.

With the crook of his index finger, Shadow nudged Rosalind’s chin up until she was forced to look at him. He hesitated only briefly before he lowered his lips to hers. The kiss was as gentle as a feather, so light, it barely was perceptible, yet it immediately stirred something within Rosalind that she was unable to comprehend…or control. Uninhibitedly, she clung to him and returned the kiss, her fingers moving up to thread through his thick hair, her body pressing to his.

When she felt Shadow’s arms tighten around her and his lips grow more insistent, she concealed a victorious smile.  He
did
find her desirable!

Rosalind could not understand the feelings that were coursing through her. Her lips could not seem to get enough of the taste, the warmth of his. Her breasts, pressed against his solid chest, felt as if they were hardening, tingling. Her breathing grew more rapid. All she did know was she wanted the kiss to last forever, blotting out all thoughts of Nathaniel and Jonathan, blotting out all but the delicious warmth that was spreading through her.

Seconds later, much to Rosalind’s disappointment, Shadow broke away from her. Suppressing a shiver as the cool night air replaced the heat of him, she tilted her head back and stared up longingly at Shadow’s face. She wanted to memorize every angle of it, every handsome feature, exactly as it looked at that very moment.

Shadow pulled her against his chest and settled his chin on top of her head. His breathing was rapid and Rosalind could hear his heart pounding wildly, just as she was certain her own heart was pounding. She desperately craved another kiss, a much longer one this time, but thought better than to ask for one. It was best, she decided, if she allowed Shadow to make his own decisions about when – or if –to kiss her again. She prayed it would be soon.

Shadow inhaled deeply, attempting to calm the waves of desire that Rosalind’s soft, sweet mouth had aroused. He had not expected her to cling to him with such abandon, nor to return his kiss with such a degree of passion. He had intended to kiss her only lightly, to silence her so she would go to sleep, but the moment she pressed her body to his and ran her fingers through his hair, his honorable intentions nearly had dissolved. He could think of nothing other than how much he wanted to touch every inch of her soft, pale skin…to possess her totally.

“We had better get some sleep now,” he whispered hoarsely. Reluctantly, he loosened his grasp on her and took several steps backward.

“Thank you, Shadow,” she whispered shyly, her cheeks still burning. “I know you kissed me only because I was so insistent…only because you wished to silence me.”

His eyes captured hers and held them. “I do not do anything I do not wish to do.”

* * * * *

Sleep eluded Rosalind that night as she lay snuggled against Shadow beneath their blanket. Over and over again she relived their kiss and the unexpected way she had reacted to it. Try as she might, she could not comprehend the feeling that had raced through her when Shadow’s lips first touched hers. It was as if her blood had been heated over a roaring fire prior to flowing through her veins. Why, she wondered, were Nathaniel’s kisses so distasteful to her, while Shadow’s left her wanting more? And why, after all her years of fearing Indians, was she lying here, desperately craving the touch of one?

Frowning, Rosalind realized how pointless it was for her to form any sort of attachment to Shadow. For all she knew, he probably was counting the minutes until he could be free of her…free to move at his own pace. She realized he already had sacrificed far too much for her, and for that, she was overwhelmed with guilt.

If she had no family to consider and no ties whatsoever to bind her, she wondered, what would her future plan be? She did not have to consider her answer for very long. Her heart told her she would remain with Shadow, no matter where his path took him or how difficult the journey would be.

Rosalind rolled onto her side and gazed at Shadow as he slept. A feeling of deep sadness overtook her as she thought of what it would be like never to set eyes on him again. Too soon, she lamented, she would have to return to the Corwins’ house, where she would be expected to resume her daily tasks and carry on with making plans for her wedding as if nothing had occurred, nothing had changed. She anticipated that for a while, she would be the center of gossip in town and that people would point at her and whisper speculatively about her unfortunate ordeal with the “savage.” But Rosalind held little doubt that after the gossip died down, her life would return to exactly what it had been before – with two exceptions: Shadow no longer would be a part of it…and Nathaniel would be her husband.

CHAPTER EIGHT

Sighing wearily, Abigail pushed aside her supper tray and leaned back against her pillows.

“You really must eat something, ma’am,” Grace scolded her. “’Twill certainly not help matters any if your starve yourself to death! Lord knows, we already have enough to worry about around here.”

“I cannot eat,” Abigail said, frowning. “Not while my husband, sons and future daughter are off wandering in the forest somewhere, at the mercy of wild animals, savages, and heaven only knows what else!  I shan’t rest until they all have safely returned home.”

“But no one knows how long that might be,” Grace said. “If you neither eat nor sleep until then, your family might return to find naught but a corpse in your bed!  Is that what you wish?”

“No, of course not,” Abigail muttered. “I am not avoiding food. I simply have lost my taste for it.”

Before Grace could make another comment, Abigail asked her, “Did you do as I instructed and send word to Rosalind’s brother?”

“Aye. Early this morn¸ the upsetting news about Rosalind was delivered to him. From what I understand, he was not at all pleased that no one had seen fit to inform him the moment the incident occurred. He was prepared to leave posthaste to join in the search for his sister, but his young bride carried on so about being left alone, he finally, although much disinclined to do so, chose to remain with her.”

“I am sorry to hear that,” Abigail said. “The greater the number who search for Rosalind, the sooner she is likely to be found.” She slowly shook her head. “I had hoped it would not be necessary to tell Benjamin about any of this because I clung to the belief Rosalind would walk back through the door at any moment. But now I have come to accept the possibility she…may never return.”

“You must have faith,” Grace said. “If anyone can find Rosalind, the captain can. Why, at this very moment, he might be heading back home with her.”

“I wish I possessed your confidence.” Abigail released a long, defeated sigh.

“I truly believe Mistress Rosalind will return to us,” Grace said. “And when she does, how do you think she will feel when she sees how poorly you have fared during her absence? She has put a great deal of effort into improving your heath, and here you are, about to undo all of her hard work. Why, I would not blame the poor lass if she changed her mind about becoming a part of this family because of you!”

Narrowing her eyes at Grace, Abigail lifted a chunk of buttered bread and took a large bite of it. “There!” she huffed, chewing. “I am eating!  Now cease your complaining!”

* * * * *

Crinkling her nose, Rosalind warily eyed the raw fish Shadow set before her. “Do you really expect me to eat this?” she asked him. “I could swear I just saw it breathe!”

They had paused to eat at midday, which had not been their habit, as they usually did not cease walking until dusk. But their gnawing hunger had dictated otherwise. They were seated beneath a tall maple near a bend in the stream that was well concealed by trees.

Shadow smiled in amusement at Rosalind. “Granted, it is not as flavorful as cooked or smoked fish, but I assure you, it is not bad.” He used the carving knife to slice off a small piece of the fish. He then stabbed it with the tip of the knife and extended it toward Rosalind. “Here, try it.”

Hesitantly, she accepted the morsel. With her eyes clamped shut, she quickly stuffed the fish into her mouth and swallowed it.

Shadow chuckled. “Might it not be better if you chewed it?”

Rosalind shook her head and grimaced. “I do not believe so.” Scrambling to her feet, she hastily covered the short distance to the stream, then knelt at the edge of it and gulped water from her cupped hands.

Shadow, who sat with one knee propped up as he leaned against the tree, smiled and shook his head as he watched her. “Ready for another bite?” he asked.

Rosalind stood and turned to glare at him. “I fear the first bite is still lodged in my throat…and may very well remain there.”

Shadow laughed then, his dark eyes sparkling in the afternoon sun. Just minutes ago, Rosalind had watched with fascination as he had stood statue-like in the water, his face etched with deep lines of concentration, his arm holding his makeshift spear at eye level as he had waited to strike the fish. She had been unable to tear her eyes from his magnificent form, from the perfect symmetry of it. Although Rosalind felt Shadow’s appearance was enough to cause any woman’s heart to flutter, she also admired his other many qualities – his physical strength, his courage, his unselfish nature and his intelligence.

After she managed to wash down the piece of fish, she walked back toward Shadow and seated herself on the ground at his feet. Silently, she watched him as he ate, her eyes settling on his mouth…the mouth that have given her so much pleasure the night before.

“What are you thinking?” Shadow’s voice startled her back to the present.

“I am thinking I shall retch if I have to eat one more bite of that slimy fish!” she lied.

“Then do not blame me when your stomach begins to rumble like thunder,” he teased, “and the noise draws Elias and his henchmen directly to us.”

Rosalind giggled. She lowered her gaze and absently traced the shape of a smooth stone on the ground with her fingertip. Finally, she gathered the courage to ask a question she had spent most of the morning contemplating.

“Shadow…may I meet your friend, Mr. Stoddard, in Portsmouth ere we part ways?  I would much rather be left to be discovered in a port than out in the middle of the forest, at the mercy of wild animals. What if the search party is farther behind us than you suspect? Or what if no one is searching for us at all? “

Shadow was surprised at her request, but he secretly was pleased she would be staying with him longer than he had anticipated.

“I will wager that just about everyone who has ever met Elias is searching for us by now,” he said. “And I also will wager they are much closer than you suspect. If you wish to meet Adam, then I am not opposed to it. In fact, I am certain you will instantly like him…and he, you.”

Rosalind smiled. “When will we reach his house?”

“By tomorrow eve.”

She found the courage to look at him. “And what then? Will you leave me there?”

“I must.” His eyes briefly held hers. “You can trust Adam to see to your safety. I shall have to keep moving, probably north, up to New France.”

“I have heard it is dangerous there.” Her concern was apparent.

“No more dangerous than if I remain here to face the gallows.”

“I truly am sorry,” she whispered. “I never meant for any of this to happen.”

“I shall be fine.” Shadow’s eyes swept over her face. “And what of you? Will you be all right with…the Corwins?”

She slowly nodded. “They treat me well enough. I shall lack for naught with them.”
As long as I agree to wed their son.

Shadow’s lips tightened. Although he realized the unlikelihood of it, he had held the small hope that Rosalind might choose to sever all ties with the Corwins and remain with him. She certainly had not acted in the manner of a betrothed woman when she had kissed him with such passion the night before. He battled the urge to tell her he did not wish to leave her at Adam Stoddard’s and go on without her. But, he thought defeatedly, what purpose would such a confession serve? If Rosalind were to remain with him, she would be condemned to spend the rest of her life on the run, breaking all ties with her family and friends, and sacrificing the luxuries she had come to know at the Corwins’. And what could he offer her?  He had lost everything. He no longer even had a place to call home. As much as he disliked Nathaniel, he was forced to admit that Rosalind’s life with the captain still would be better for her than a life with him.

“I believe you and Nathaniel will have a good life together,” Shadow finally said, nearly choking on the words.

Rosalind felt as if he had struck her.  How, she wondered, after all she and he had been through together, could he so casually sit there and encourage her to marry Nathaniel? Had not their kiss meant anything to him?

Apparently not, she concluded, her pain increasing. She wondered how she so foolishly could have allowed herself to believe, even for one second, that Shadow actually desired her.

“You were right about one thing,” Rosalind said softly. “I did need these few days away from everyone to calm myself and collect my thoughts.” She turned to face Shadow. “Many things are more clear to me now.”

“I am glad,” he said. He moved to bury the remains of the fish, then carefully concealed the area with leaves and branches. Dropping to one knee, he bowed his head over the spot and spoke several words in his native tongue, as if eulogizing a dearly departed friend. Rosalind observed his actions with marked curiosity, but thought better than to question him about it.

Shadow stood, his eyes narrowing as he scanned the hills behind them. “We should be on our way,” he said. “The sooner I deliver you to the safety of Adam’s house, the better I shall feel.”

Because you finally will be rid of me,
Rosalind thought.

* * * * *

Concealed amongst a thick growth of trees on a ridge overlooking Portsmouth harbor, Rosalind and Shadow silently eyed the scene below. The port was bustling with activity and sound, the laughter of children playing, mingling with the shouts of workers on the docks. Lining the shore were the fishermen’s modest dwellings, interspersed with the more impressive residences of the wealthy. The ocean stretched out as far at the eye could see, its waves gently rolling in.

“We shall remain here until the sun sets,” Shadow said. “It is better if we make our way to Adam’s in the cover of darkness, so as not to attract attention.”

Rosalind sighed and sat on a flat tree stump. “I look a mess,” she complained, using her hand to brush at her wrinkled, dirt-covered skirts. “My garments are torn, I am in urgent need of a bath, and my hair is tangled with leaves and twigs…and I dare not imagine what else. I cannot bear the thought of facing your friend while looking this way.”

“I fear you have little choice,” Shadow said. “Besides, Adam will understand.”

“Has he a wife?”

“Yes…Esther. She is a kind woman. You will like her.”

“I shall
love
her if she offers us a hot meal!” Rosalind’s hand settled on her stomach. “I am nearly hungry enough to eat your raw fish!”

“If you had eaten my fish, you would not be so hungry now,” Shadow said. “But I must warn you, Adam and his wife are so fond of raw fish, they eat it daily. So you may be offered that instead of a hot meal. And it would be rude of you to refuse it.”

Rosalind turned to stare wide-eyed at him. When she did, she saw by his expression that he was teasing. She broke into a relieved smile and said, “Then I hope I shall not offend your friends if I toss the fish into the fire ere I eat it!”

* * * * *

As the sun slowly settled behind the trees, Rosalind battled a thousand conflicting thoughts. She and Shadow sat on the ground next to each other, their backs braced against a boulder that sat amongst a cluster of pines. She glanced at Shadow, who sat cross-legged, his eyes closed. An overwhelming sense of sadness hung about her as she realized this would be the last sunset she and he ever would share. She could not help but wonder whether he would choose to spend the night at Adam’s, or hasten on his way as soon as he felt she was safe.

She took a deep breath. The smells of the port – the fish, the salt air, the freshly cut white pine to be used for ships’ masts  – filled her senses. But there was something else of which Rosalind wished to fill her senses…Shadow. Suddenly it became imperative that she savor every moment of her remaining time with him. Greedily, her eyes traced the angle of his jaw, the slope of his nose, the curve of his lips.

An aching need to touch his face caused her to abruptly turn away and close her eyes. By tomorrow, Shadow no longer would be a part of her life. Why then, she wondered, was she so desperately attempting to fill herself with the memory of him, when she knew she should be making every effort to forget him?

Several silent minutes passed before Shadow opened his eyes and stole a glance at Rosalind. She looked as if she were sleeping, so he allowed his gaze to linger on her. Even with her face smudged with dirt, he thought he had never seen her look more beautiful. In the orange glow of the setting sun, her hair resembled spun gold as it framed her face in a wild disarray of curls. He imagined she resembled one of the angels Mary, Adam’s daughter, so often had described whenever she had spoken of her people’s heaven.

Shadow was unable to look away from her. How, he wondered, could he possibly bear to leave her behind? Did he really possess the strength to walk away, never again to look into her wide, innocent blue eyes…never again to taste the sweetness of her lips? Did he actually possess the strength to send her back to the likes of Nathaniel Corwin?

Rosalind could feel Shadow’s gaze burning into her, but she knew if she allowed herself to open her eyes and look at him, her feelings would be revealed and she would succeed only in humiliating herself again. After all, Shadow had made his own feelings quite clear when he told her he thought she would have a good life with Nathaniel.