Torn: Bound Trilogy Book Two (23 page)

“Why would I help you?” I asked. “You had to have known I wasn’t going to help Severn. That’s what you do, isn’t it? Aren’t you his oversized lapdog?”

Aren took a deep breath, and any hint of a smile vanished. “If we were helping Severn, why would we have saved you from the soldiers who were taking you to him?"

My stomach dropped as I realized that my fear had made me overlook information. Aren and his friends did seem to be working against Severn. But him pointing out my error only made me like him less. I wanted to work against Severn, but not with them. Not with him.
My dear brother.

I reached up to push my tangled hair away from my face. “I have no interest in finding my father. I have nothing to say to any of your family, especially the king and Severn. They took everything from me and my mother.”

Everything
, my mind echoed.
Schooling. Comfort. Warmth. I was a princess. I should have wanted for nothing
.

“I had nothing to do with your being sent away,” Aren said.

“No. You didn’t help, though.”

“I was four years old when you left,” he said, his voice deep and threatening. “I thought my mother dead, and I never knew I had a sister. Why would I have come looking for either of you?”

A cold breeze whipped through the trees, rattling branches and sending a chill down the back of my dress. Kel offered me his jacket, and I refused. Aren’s words should have made sense, but it was all too much. Trying to keep him out of my mind, making sense of this new information while still feeling aftershocks of fear from the soldiers and the dragons, either of which should rightly have killed me…

“I don’t know or care,” I told Aren, just to shut down the conversation. “I can’t do this.”

My mother had been silent on our history for so many years. All I’d known was how she hated “that horrible boy” who was next in line for the Tyrean throne. She never spoke his name, but she had passed on her hatred of Severn to me as surely as she had her long fingers and black hair. She’d never spoken of Aren, though, until she revealed our secret to me. She’d never wanted me to hate my twin brother.

I did hate Aren, though. I hated him for how much our mother loved him, even knowing what he was. How she nearly died of her grief that first winter in Cressia, how she wished she’d been able to bring him with us. I hated him for having enough to eat, a warm bed, and no fear of people breaking into his home to take whatever they wanted because it was only defended by a magic-less exile and her useless daughter. For the fact that he’d been kept, while I’d been thrown away.

Not that any of Aren’s advantages seemed to be doing him any good now.

Gods and Goddess,
I swore at myself,
forget all of that. Focus on the future. Now that you’re free, perhaps you’ll find your way to Luid, after all, and make something of your life.

Kel rode up beside Cassia to speak privately. The heated discussion went on for a while. They seemed to reach a decision, and she looked more composed when he left her to speak quietly to Aren. I tried to listen in, but all I heard was Aren saying, “Whatever you think is best. You see her better than I do right now.”

Kel came up beside me again. I was growing dizzy watching his movements. “We’re thinking that it might be beneficial for you to stay with us for a little longer. These woods are dangerous enough for four people, let alone one on her own.”

I tried not to smile at the sincerity and honest concern in his voice. I couldn’t help liking Kel, just a little. I’d definitely have to be careful. “I think it might be more dangerous with you people around.”

He smiled at that, lips parting to reveal perfect teeth. “You might be right. But I can promise we won’t intentionally attract any more dragons. You probably know more about avoiding them than we do, and we’ll listen to you. And we have bedrolls to share, blankets, and a few coins.” He lowered his voice. “I understand that you and Aren probably have some differences to work through, but you both want the same thing, really. At least, I assume that you want to see Severn removed from power.”

“That’s one way of putting it.” I thought that I’d rather see him castrated and impaled on one of the iron spikes that I’d heard topped the palace walls in Luid, or see him torn apart by a hundred dragonlings. Removed from power would be a start, though, and if Aren wanted the same thing, perhaps we could tolerate each other for that.

Kel held my gaze, and I felt myself responding to something strange and compelling in him. I looked away.

“Fine,” I said. “We’ll travel together. But if any of you get in my way or try to interfere with me, I’m leaving you to the dragons.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Kel said, and pressed his lips together to hide another smile.

“Don’t call me ma’am.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

I suspected it was going to be a long ride.

N
ox seemed
content to ride in silence through the day, head hung low as though wearing her hair as a mask, shadowing her faint scars and the mistrustful expression she wore. She answered questions from Kel and Cassia in short sentences, never giving more than she seemed to think necessary, never leaving avenues open for further conversation. I shouldn’t have faulted her for that. Under the circumstances, I’d have been less trusting than she was.

And yet her presence was like a splinter under a fingernail, irritating beyond what it had any right to be.

I never should have looked into her thoughts. It had only been a test to see whether she was alert to it. But what should have been a quick glance had turned into a fast and unintentional free-fall into her mind that flooded me with resentment, fear, uncertainty, obstinacy, and above all her desire to get away from me. It had been far too easy, as though there were an established connection between us. If I’d had any lingering doubts that she was my sister, that would have ended them. I’d have to be careful not to let it happen again.

I’d broken the connection as quickly as I could, without manipulation. She’d noticed, though, and made a feeble and ineffective attempt to push back. I couldn’t blame her for the surge of indignant anger she’d felt before I pulled away, but her attitude toward me still grated on my nerves.

“Hold on,” Nox said, and stopped her horse. It was the sixth stop she’d made already, and it was barely late afternoon.

“Have you had that much to drink today?” I asked politely.

Her shoulders stiffened. “No. I just need to stretch my legs.”

There was purpose in her steps, though, as she stalked off into the woods, and she stooped to dig a handful of roots out from the dirt beside an oak stump. She paused to scrape lichen off of the side of the rotting trunk beside it and came back to tuck the items into the saddle bags on the fine horse she’d claimed for herself.

She’d obviously inherited a Potioner’s talents, and they had to be strong if Severn wanted her. Their skills were nothing like the power we Sorcerers carried in us. Though I’d learned a little about Emalda’s talents while I lived at the school, I still found it hard to be impressed by what amounted to glorified cooking skills.

Rowan would have given me hell for looking down on someone with lesser magic, and I felt a flash of guilt.

It’s not that
, I told myself.
She’s unpleasant, and has no information that can help us. She’s not an asset, and we have work to do. It’s best if she moves on.

Cassia took a long drink from her water bag, and Kel did the same. I didn’t like her cough. Merfolk were hardy, rarely falling ill, recovering quickly from injuries. She’d said it was the air. There wasn’t much I could do about that, but we’d need to get her home soon.

“Would it be acceptable to you if we moved on, now?” I asked Nox. Kel gave me what I took to be a warning look. I ignored it.

“Yes. Thank you,” she said stiffly. Still afraid. I didn’t have to look into her thoughts to see that. She mounted, and we rode on. Kel spoke quietly to her, and I thought I caught her smiling, if only briefly.

So Cressia had been a dead end. I’d learned that my father hadn’t killed my mother. Perhaps that would make me less inclined to hate him if we met again, but the news did me little practical good. Nox had no answers, and offered nothing but rude words and another body to keep safe on the road.

At least I had Kel and Cassia. Not so long ago, I’d wanted to be alone and resented having a travelling companion. Now I found myself lonely when left with only my thoughts for company.
Rowan’s ruined me,
I thought, not unhappily.

And if I ever want her to ruin me more, I’d better get back to work.

If Xaven had no idea where my father had gone, if Severn had no answers he was willing to give, my task seemed hopeless. I had to accept the fact that he was dead, either by Severn’s hand or someone else’s. There was no one but me left to challenge Severn for the throne.

Dead weight filled my chest, making it difficult to take a breath. I couldn’t. I was trained for killing, for manipulation, and for underhanded dealings with enemies, not for magical combat. I could defend myself in a fight against someone less powerful than me, but Severn knew my weak points. He’d trained me himself, for the most part, and had chosen what I studied in order to make me most useful to him. I couldn’t control his thoughts, though I’d have had no qualms about using that skill on him.

Even if I won, what then? I’d drive the country into the ground as surely as he would have, even if my intentions were better.

“You okay?” Cassia asked. Her voice had grown raspy.

“Fine. Just thinking.”

She gave me a sympathetic smile. “Tempted to just run away from it all?”

“If I had anywhere to run, I might.”

“Well, if you—” She held up a hand and leaned away as a coughing fit overtook her. “Excuse me.”

Ahead of us, Nox sighed heavily enough that I heard her. She halted her horse until we caught up. “I might help with that. Can we stop?”

I didn’t object this time. It would be an interesting test of her skills. Perhaps she’d turn out to be useful after all.

Cassia shook her head. “Let’s find a place to make camp, first. It’s getting late.”

We made our way off the road to a clearing and let the horses forage. Nox and Cassia stood together and talked while Kel and I cleared a space for the fire.

“Is this cough new?” Nox asked.

“Yes. It’s just since we came through Cressia. Something about the air here, I suppose.” Cass and Kel had obviously decided not to share their true nature with this stranger.

“May I examine you?” Nox sounded more confident now than she had before. Cassia nodded, and Nox placed her fingertips under her jaw, then on her throat.

Kel coughed. “I’m not feeling so good, either. I might need—”

Cassia cut him off with a dirty look.

“Open your mouth?” Nox peered into Cassia’s throat. “Is that sore?”

“I’ hee gah hah,” Cassia said.

“You can close your mouth.”

“It feels all scratched up.”

“Give me a minute.”

Cassia sat on the ground and watched as Nox went through her saddlebags, pulling out roots, shoots, and new leaves, as well as a dark glass bottle the horse’s previous owner had left behind. She opened the lid, sniffed, and made a sour face. “That’ll do. Anyone have a bowl? Pot? Something?”

Kel retrieved a cracked wooden bowl from among Cassia’s things. Nox took it without a word and got to work, pounding plant pieces with a rock and mixing a splash of the alcohol in.

“This is going to taste horrible,” she warned Cassia, “but it’ll help.”

“What do you think?” Kel asked me, speaking quietly.

“Nice of her to help.”

“You hate her, don’t you?”

Cassia glanced at us, and I stepped farther away. Kel followed. “Keeping her around seems pointless,” I said. “I need to figure out what to do about Severn, not help a runaway from Cressia get back on her feet.”

“She’s your sister.”

I nearly laughed. “Blood doesn’t mean much. Most of my worst enemies are family members.”

“I suppose that’s one way of looking at it. But there’s your grandfather. You said he’s a good person, and powerful. She has his blood in her, too.”

I remembered the hatred in her mind. “I think she’s got more of our father in her than she’d care to know. She doesn’t want to stay with us anyway. She might be warming to you and Cass, but she wants to be as far away from me as possible.”

“You peeked?” He didn’t sound surprised. Disappointed, perhaps.

“Only for a moment. I’ve never felt anything like it. Are the rumors about me truly that bad?”

Kel hesitated before answering. “I don’t spend a lot of time on land, normally. My dealings with humans tend to be…”

“Less conversational. I know.”

“But yes. Honestly, if I’d never met you and saw you on the street, I’d turn and run. Give her some credit for sticking around this long. She wants Severn dethroned, too.”

“She told you that?”

“Sort of.” He smiled as Nox tasted a finger-scoop of greenish goop, made a face, and handed the bowl to Cassia. Cassia said something, and Nox nodded and laughed. “I believe she has personal reasons for hating him.”

“Don’t we all. I just don’t like her, Kel. All I saw in her was fear and hate. That’s the last thing I need more of.”

He turned his attention to me. “Are you sure that’s all it is? No bitterness there over—”

“Absolutely not. That would be childish.”

He shrugged, and held back a cough.

“I thought you were joking about that,” I said.

“No. It’s not as bad as Cassia’s, but it’s there. We’re not built to breathe this way for so long.” His smile widened as Cassia offered Nox a more practical change of clothes, and Nox thanked her. “See? She’s friendly. Just not with you.”

“Kel, are you sure you’re thinking objectively right now?”

“Yes. Completely.” He leaned forward slightly as Nox bent over to set her bowl down. She pulled Cassia’s pants on under her skirt, then stepped behind a horse to slip the filthy dress off and a sweater on.

“Right,” I said. “Tell me, what do you see there? Don’t tell me you haven’t tried to look into her, too.”

He turned to face me. “I see more deeply than you do, my friend. You saw her thoughts, her emotions. I can’t see any of that, and I’m glad of it. It only confuses matters, and it isn’t important.”

“It is in my line of work.”

“I looked into her eyes, and I saw a person who’s struggling, who’s frightened, who has no idea what the future holds, but who’s strong enough to handle whatever comes. She’s determined. Look at her now—no one asked her to help Cassia. There’s a good heart there. Maybe she’s scared to show it, but it’s there.”

“And?”

His lips twitched. “Fine. She’s terribly attractive under the dirt. I can’t help it if you people are pretty.”

I snorted. “Don’t bring me into this. She looks nothing like me.”

“Whatever you say. In any case, she’s not interested in romance at the moment. At least, I don’t think so. She’s nice enough, but guarded. She’s hurting.”

“Wasn’t she accused of killing her husband?”

Kel shrugged, and a fit of coughing overtook him. “I think I’m going to find out whether that potion’s as horrible as she claims. You coming back?”

“No. I’ll look for firewood, thanks.”

Nox gave Kel a tight smile as he strode toward them. They’d be better off if I left. I couldn’t ask Kel and Cassia to come to Luid with me if I decided to challenge Severn. They couldn’t help me there, and needed to get home. Maybe the merfolk would even help Nox.

What I wanted was to return to Belleisle and tell Rowan I’d changed my mind and needed her with me. She’d help. She’d done it before. And if I were honest with myself—not that I cared to be—I just missed her. Severn was right. I’d always had this weakness in me. I missed her smile, her strength, her gentle touch, the way she so often found the words to make me believe everything would be all right.

And if I were to face Severn, I wanted a chance to say goodbye to her, first.

No. Self-pity had never helped anyone. I hadn’t asked for this job, but it had fallen to me.

Rowan was safer where she was. She would be fine, whatever happened. As for me, I would accept help from my strange travelling party if they still wished to offer it, and head south. If no other brilliant plan came to me along the way, I would challenge Severn. Alone.

I produced a flame in the palm of my hand and watched it grow.

Time to practice.