Tortured Soul (17 page)

Braiden’s admission shocked me. Even though there was a definite coldness behind Braiden’s dark eyes, there was also a wealth of protectiveness for those less fortunate. It was difficult to imagine him as a cold-blooded, ruthless killer.

“So, we are both broken, Em, in our own way. I wanted to sit back and give you room, space. I wanted to let you heal, rediscover your own wants and needs. But then I realized something. You’re lost, just like me, and maybe we need each other to be whole again. If I can give you that,” his gaze found mine, “it would complete me.”

I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out. What could I really say?

“If I have overstepped my boundaries, I completely understand. You don’t even have to say anything. In fact, your silence would be an admission to your discomfort, and I will take you straight home—”

“You gave me up. You told me you were no good for me, that I was no good for you,” I demanded in a low voice. The surprise on Braiden’s features was almost laughable. “I needed you then,” I continued. Braiden went to speak, but I raised my hand up, stopping him. “I understand why you went, but I need you to understand how much I needed you at that moment. Nobody understood the lifestyle I lived, but you did. It was mortifying to have them see me like that. You were the only one I trusted at that time, and you destroyed that by walking out on me. And you never came back. I don’t know how many nights I lay in that facility, wondering what I did wrong and if you would come back for me. You never even came to check on me.”

“I spoke to Larz every day, Em.”

“I know, but it’s not the same. You should have been there with me.” The helpless tears that spilled at the memory of those first few months pissed me off. I furiously swiped them away. Braiden moved my hands aside and gently cupped my cheeks, wiping the tears with tender strokes.

“At the time, I was no good for you and you were no good for me. I wanted you so badly, Em, in a way that was completely unhealthy for you. If I had stayed, I would have touched you, and it would have been wrong. I didn’t have the willpower to stay away and you needed to heal.”

“I can’t give you what other women can,” I said on a sob.

“I don’t want what other woman can give me, Em. I want you, just as you are. Scars, tears, anger, nightmares, fears, I want it all. I need you, Em, and I think you need me, too. I don’t know if now is the right time or not, but I’ll be damned if I can stay away.” His words tumbled into my heart, warming it, giving it hope. “You are in control here, Em, where we go from here, how fast or how slow. You set the pace, and you can stop it any time you want.”

My fingers, which were clenched in my lap, relaxed, and I raised my hand to touch his lips. I traced the lines of his face and Braiden never moved. I slipped my hand behind his neck and pulled him closer, pressing my own lips to his. This was the first kiss I had ever initiated. It might has well have been my first kiss ever because my heart spilled over with the power of emotion it delivered. Braiden’s lips were tentative and careful at first, but quickly became hungry and possessive, much like the night he had kissed me when we returned to Claymont. Without much thought past,
I need more,
I climbed onto his lap and straddled him, kissing him, tasting him. Braiden’s hands settled at my waist, his grip firm but not painful. When the need for air grew stronger than my desire, I pulled back a little. We were both breathing heavily and Braiden’s eyes searched mine.

“I could spend the rest of my life kissing you, Em.”

I kissed him again. All the need, frustration and emotion that had pooled inside my body poured out into one kiss.

It was Braiden who pulled away this time. “Em?” I could feel the tension in his arms as he worked to keep himself in check. I wanted to take things further, but at the same time my heart pounded with fear. That’s how I knew I wasn’t ready. The kind of intimacy that I yearned for shouldn’t be met with fear. That’s how every sexual encounter I had ever had started and ended.

“Slow is okay for me, Em, just this is okay for me.”

I moved slightly on his lap, the rigid evidence of his need for me pressed at my core.

Braiden’s eyes closed for a moment, then reopened as his lips formed a sly grin. “If you keep that up I might need a cold shower though.” A small smile tugged the corners of my mouth and Braiden’s face turned to shock, and then something akin to awe. “I knew your smile would be perfect,” he whispered.

A loud thump at the front door had me springing from Braiden’s lap as the door burst open. Dillon was scowling, and Bomber shrugged from the doorway behind him before pulling the door closed. I hadn’t even realized Bomber was outside. Dillon’s usual calm demeanor was nowhere in sight. When he saw us and the table set up with candles and food, he stopped short.

“Shit. Sorry, man, I totally forgot,” he said sheepishly.

“Everything okay?” Braiden asked, standing beside me, his hands shoved casually in his pockets.

“Peachy,” Dillon mumbled moving to the kitchen. It wasn’t hard to tell that peachy meant hell no. I looked around the room awkwardly, not sure whether to stand, sit or leave. Braiden made the choice for me by guiding me down the long hall to his room and pushing the door open.

“Sorry, Em, just give me a sec to see what’s up his ass then we can watch a movie, or if you want to go home, I’ll take you home.” I nodded as I walked into Braiden’s room, taking in the clean and orderly space. “Remote for the TV is on the night stand, and there are a few books over there.” He nodded to a small bookshelf. “Just make yourself at home. I’ll be right back.”

He disappeared down the hall as I wandered around the room. There wasn’t a speck of dust anywhere. The furniture was bold and dark. The bedspread was white with black and white pillows. It looked comfortable yet masculine. The bookshelf held titles that I had never heard of; they were mostly history and travel books. I admired the picture above his bed for a while before I realized the scene looked familiar. I smiled a little when I realized it was the place Braiden had taken me the week before to take photos. The door quietly closing behind me caught my attention. Braiden had a tired look on his face as he rubbed the back of his neck. I immediately thought they had news on Jonas.

“Is everything okay?” I asked, not really wanting to know the answer, but at the same time needing to know.

Braiden nodded. “Dillon finally gathered the courage to ask Annie out on a date, and she said no.”

I opened my mouth to say something and promptly shut it again. It wasn’t at all what I was expecting to hear, and frankly, I wasn’t sure how to respond. Social etiquette and gossip wasn’t something I was familiar with.

Braiden shrugged as he reached for a book on the shelf. “They’ll sort it out. Annie has battled her own demons. It’s been a couple of years, but maybe she just isn’t ready to date yet. People live their lives and cope with their fears differently.”

Braiden sat on the bed and opened a photo album. He patted the bed beside him. “I want to show you something.”

I sat down and looked at the pages as he began flicking through them. Most of the photos were of children in tattered and worn clothing, possibly African. There were several pictures of Braiden standing among the children, and he stopped when he came to a picture of what appeared to be a family, standing outside a primitive looking hut.

“Mosi’s family sold him as a slave to a wealthy family; they couldn’t afford to clothe or feed him. He was only seven when he was sold. I purchased him back, and with the help of a local mission, I set up an account for the family which will be more than enough to clothe, feed and school Mosi until he is an adult. The mission helps the family manage the money so that it will last. I go back at least once a year to check on them.” He flipped to another page where he held a little Asian girl, no older than five, on his hip. “Sinuon’s family were Cambodian refugees. Her mother died of malaria, and her father could not care for her, so she was left on the doorstep of an orphanage. The day I arrived in Phnom Penh, the orphanage had no room to house Sinuon, and they were looking for a safe place for her. I was able to locate an aunt and uncle in a village seven miles away. They had three of their own children, but didn’t have the funds to take on Sinuon, so I set up a trust for her that allowed her aunt and uncle to carry the financial burden of housing her. I also try to check in on her once a year.” There were many more photos of Braiden with children, and I shook my head in disbelief. “I’m not showing you this to brag, Em, I’m showing you because there are hundreds of thousands of children in this world who have no family. They are desperate for love, for a break. You might not be able to experience the gift of carrying your own child in your womb, but you have the ability to carry a child in your heart and change his or her life for the better.” Braiden gently closed the album and placed it back on the bookshelf. “When you told Rebecca you were unable to have children, I saw the pain in your eyes. I just wanted you to know that there are other ways to have a family.” I was so close to tears I didn’t speak, I simply nodded in understanding. “Do you want me to take you home?” he asked.

I shook my head without hesitation. “I don’t want to go yet,” I whispered, my throat tight with emotion.

Braiden climbed onto the bed and pulled me back with him until we were comfortably propped up on the pillows. He pulled a blanket over us then flicked on the TV. Without a word, I settled into the crook of his arm and nervously rested my hand on his chest. Braiden took my hand and wrapped it tighter around him. His warmth bled into my cold skin, and it made me feel lazy and contented in no time. He smelled so masculine and fresh, I wanted to bury my face into his neck and breathe him in. I had never lain with a man like this. Not once. Not even Jonas allowed this sort of intimacy. When his hand began running through my hair, I was instantly lulled into calmness. With a deep sigh, my eyes fell shut, for the first time ever I fell asleep wrapped in peace.

The last thing I remembered before darkness swept me under was Braiden’s lips on my brow and his soft whisper, “Sleep, Malen’kaya, I’ve got you now.”

BRAIDEN

I woke long before Em, her slow breathing and soft features too beautiful to disturb. I took advantage of the quiet moment and took a quick shower, then called Sam. He lived right above the office, and I knew if he wasn’t already up, he wouldn’t be far from it. The man damn near lived and breathed his computers. I couldn’t imagine him being away from them for longer than necessary.

“All quiet here, Boss,” he said with a yawn, “I’ve got the account setup in such a way that as soon as it gets any activity, I’ll get an alert.”

I found myself both relieved and nervous that Em hadn’t received another email from Jonas. “Thanks, Sam,” I said, while struggling to hold the phone between my ear and shoulder as I made a fresh pot of coffee.

“No problem. Anything else you needed?”

“Is Dillon there?” Dillon’s bedroom door was open, but he was nowhere in sight.

“No, but I think he had some Christmas shopping thing with Eli today.”

That wouldn’t be awkward much, taking the son of the woman, who recently rejected him, shopping.

“Thanks. Keep me updated.” I hung up and threw the phone on the counter so I was free to concentrate on the task at hand. With the coffee made, fresh juice poured, fruit, yogurt, toast and cereal spread out on a tray, I made my way back to the bedroom. Emily was sitting up in the middle of my bed, her hair a tangled mess, her clothes rumpled, and her pale blue doe eyes looking a little lost and confused. When she saw me standing at the door, she blushed. Such an innocent reaction that made it almost possible to forget the atrocities she had endured over the years.

“Thought you might be hungry.” I strolled into the room and pretended not to notice her bashfulness.

“I slept,” she murmured.

“You did. It’s after nine already. I called Larz last night, and he told Rebecca where you were. He told me you normally have the day off today so I didn’t bother waking you. You obviously needed the sleep.”

“But I didn’t have a nightmare,” she continued. She looked more than a little surprised. I sat down and placed the tray of food on her lap. “And you made me breakfast,” she noted.

“Very observant of you. Eat.” The command spilled easily from my lips and I cringed. I didn’t mean for it to sound like an order, but Emily gave me a small smile and went straight for the cereal. She responded to my command with such a casual ease that it went completely unnoticed. She fed herself and that alone made me realize leaving her when I did had been the right thing to do. She had gained so much of herself back in such a short expanse of time.

“Have you done your Christmas shopping?” I found myself asking her.

Emily looked like a deer caught in bright headlights. She gave me a small shake of her head and took a sip from the glass of juice.

She cleared her throat before she spoke. “I haven’t had to buy gifts in a long time. I’m not sure what to buy or who to buy for.” She seemed a little embarrassed to admit that.

“Let’s enjoy your day off then and go to the mall. Bomber and Gabbie can tag along; they need to get out before they kill each other.”

She fiddled nervously with hem of her shirt. “I’m not really good in those sorts of situations. I’m not entirely comfortable around large groups of people.”

“You like shopping though?”

She shrugged. “What girl doesn’t like shopping?”

I laughed and admitted to myself that I liked the thought of taking her shopping. The thought of caring for her, providing for her made me feel ten fucking feet tall. “Well, you’ll have me beside you scowling and looking very intimidating; that should keep the other shoppers at arm’s length. Gabbie and Bomber will be right there, too. If it gets to be too much, we’ll leave.”

Emily thought about it for a moment. “Alright, I’ve saved a little money and I did want to buy something for Rebecca and Charlie. I need to change though. I think I smell a little funky, and I have morning breath.” She cupped a hand over her lips testing her breath.

“I think you smell perfectly exquisite first thing in the morning, but we can stop by your place before we go to the mall.” I took a piece of toast from the tray and pulled on my shoes, trying hard to ignore the slightly stunned yet thrilled look on her beautiful face. If I ever had any doubts about making Emily mine, they had completely evaporated in the last twenty-four hours.

***

Emily didn’t lie when she said crowds made her uncomfortable. Her legs bounced with excitement the entire car ride, but as soon as we walked through the doors, that excitement drowned under the fear that radiated like a thick blanket around her. With eyes as wide as saucers, a fine sheen of sweat on her forehead and trembling hands, Em stuck to my side like glue. Gabbie and Bomber strolled casually on either side of us, but I knew that behind that casual swagger two soldiers were at the ready—their eyes always observant, their hands loose and ready at their sides. We knew Jonas had someone observing Emily in Claymont, and the fact that none of our team had picked up on it was slightly unnerving.

The stores were a little busier this time of year, with the holidays quickly approaching. Christmas decorations hung from the ceilings, lights twinkled, and shoppers looked both frazzled and excited. A stark contrast to Emily who looked ready to bolt at any moment. I took her hand in mine, and made my grip firm and reassuring, as I pulled her towards a store I knew she would be grateful to find. It was a store that I knew had a selection of vintage and retro items. Charlie told me about it when I quizzed him about my own gift for him and Rebecca. I felt Emily’s tension drain as soon as we were out of the crowds and in the empty store. Bomber and Gabbie remained just outside the doorway, arguing over something as frivolous as holiday decorations. Emily immediately noticed the clearance section and drew away from me to look it over. She finally settled on a retro red and white polka dot dinner setting, and a small framed poster that pictured a retro style pin-up girl holding a cup of coffee, the saying along-side of the woman read, “Drink Coffee: Do stupid things faster and with more energy.” I had to agree that it was perfectly Rebecca-like. I carried her bags and took her hand again as we left the store.

“Em, maybe you should get Eli something. How about a new Xbox game,” suggested Gabbie.

“Okay,” Emily agreed. “I wonder what he would like.”

“I know he wants a game called
Lego: Marvel Super Heroes
, it’s some sort of super hero game that Dillon said isn’t too violent.” We found a shop that specialized in gaming, and Emily’s thoughts became lost in the wall of games; she barely noticed the people milling around her. We found the game for Eli, and I didn’t miss the look of disappointment as Em noticed the price.

“How about we all split the cost. It can be a gift from all of us. That will save me from having to find him something.” Bomber grinned.

Gabbie smiled. “Best idea you’ve had all day.”

Em glanced at me, and I shrugged. “If that’s what he wants, it makes the decision easy for me. Pick one for yourself while you’re at it.”

Emily’s brows drew together in a cranky looking frown. “Why?”

“Because then I can wrap it and give it to you for Christmas. I would prefer to get you something you want rather than something you have to feign interest in and politely smile at just to appease me.”

“Good idea, pick two and the other can be from me,” said Bomber handing me some cash.

“Don’t look at me. I’m hoping to pacify your feminine side by buying you clothes,” said Gabbie.

“That means I have to buy you all something, too!” Emily said in a panic, and then realized she’d said it out loud. “Not that it’s a problem, I just wasn’t expecting it,” she mumbled, trying to cover her outburst.

“I don’t need anything,” Bomber replied. “All my crap’s in storage until I find a house. I’m living out of a suitcase right now; I don’t need more stuff to weigh me down.”

“I like chocolate, maybe you can get me some from Annie’s shop. She has those chocolate covered coffee beans. They are to die for.”

I knew Gabbie was finding Em an inexpensive way out of buying her a gift. Em wouldn’t be happy if we all told her not to buy us anything. She looked to me waiting to hear what I had to say.

“You’ve seen my place. I have everything a man needs.” I took her hand and pressed a kiss to her fingers. “I have everything I want this Christmas.” She blushed, and thankfully didn’t notice Bomber’s grin or the roll of his eyes.

The cafeteria was a mad house, but we still managed to find a booth at one of the far corners. Strategically it was perfect. We had our backs to a wall, an exit to one side and a perfect view of the entire crazy scene before us.

“What do you all want?” I asked as Em slid in one side of the booth, Gabbie and Bomber into the other. “Boss’s treat.”

“And here I always thought you were a tight ass,” said Gabbie with wonder in her voice.

“You wanna buy your own lunch?” I smirked.

“Club sandwich,” she promptly replied. “With fries.”

“I second that, and a chocolate milkshake,” added Bomber.

I glanced at Emily.

“Ummm, that sounds fine, and a chocolate milkshake, too...please.”

“Good to know someone at this table has manners,” I remarked.

“Thank you, Boss,” chorused Gabbie and Bomber as I headed into the madness of the food court.

EMILY

Gabbie and Bomber went straight into an argument as soon as Braiden walked away. It seemed to be all those two did, argue. Strangely though, it wasn’t out of spite, nor did they dislike each other, quite the opposite. They actually seemed to really, really like each other. Gabbie leaned into Bomber a little as she spoke with a low irritated growl in her voice. Bomber gave her his most charming smile and didn’t once look away from her dark brown eyes. I wondered if they were oblivious to everything except each other in that moment. There was entirely too much sexual tension between the two.

“Oh, come on, you really think
American Idol
ruined modern music? That’s ridiculous. If anything, it paved more paths and opportunities for musicians who wouldn’t ordinarily have the slightest shot at it.”

“Exactly, they don’t have a shot at it because they don’t have the talent. If they don’t have the talent, they shouldn’t be there!” Gabbie’s Spanish accent, barely noticeable usually, became thicker when she argued.

“Ordinarily they wouldn’t have a shot at it because producers simply don’t have the time to view them all. This way, the entire world gets to see them perform, and even if they don’t make it through, someone out there might see them and give them a chance.”

“Or, recording artist A over here, who is full of unrestrained talent yet gifted with looks less than graceful is working hard, trying to make a name for herself, while recording artist B over there has some mediocre talent but a perfect rack and pretty face, therefore, is more suitable for some ridiculous TV show that is all about ratings rather than music.”

Bomber became quiet and thoughtful for a moment. “Is recording artist A or B a hypothetical person, or do I sense a note of personal soreness here?” Gabbie’s lips closed tight and she took deep breaths in and out through her nose. “You auditioned for
American Idol
,” Bomber exclaimed.

Gabbie moved slightly away from him. “I did not nor would I ever lower myself to audition for
American Idol,”
she said through gritted teeth.

“Holy shit, you can sing?” Bomber seemed to be getting more excited by the moment.

I lost interest in the conversation, even though I was fascinated with the relationship unfolding before me, this argument was mind-numbingly boring. I glanced around the busy food court, looking for Braiden. It seemed like he’d been gone for a long time. As my eyes took in the frantic shoppers around me, a face stood out from everyone. Buzz cut short, dark hair, thin lips, and cold eyes. My heart tripped over a beat and the world around me seemed to swirl into an inaudible mess. But that face remained clear and focused. I tried to speak but no words came out. I wanted to look away, but I was scared he might disappear. My breathing grew ragged. I finally tore my eyes away from him and searched for Braiden. When I looked back to the place the familiar face had been, it was gone. I rose slowly from the seat, and anxiously scanned the crowds.

“Em?” came Bomber’s sharp voice from beside me.

My breathing was wild, my heart was beating so loudly it echoed in my ears, and dark, blurry dots filled my vision. “N...N...Nate,” I managed to stammer out before darkness claimed me.

“You think you’re something special? I’ve got news for you, Pet, you are nothing but a stain on his shirt. You are replaceable and insignificant. The moment he tires of you, I will put you down like a dog, like I did all the others.”

The cold steel barrel of his gun pressed hard under my chin. My sobs were almost uncontrollable. Tears, snot and spit dripped from my face making me feel just as pathetic as I was. For one year I had been metaphorically chained to Master Jonas, one entire fucking year, and Nate knew I wanted him to pull the fucking trigger. He knew I wanted nothing more than the death he promised me.

“It’s not time yet,” he growled, as if reading my thoughts. Bringing his gun away from my face he drew back and hit me with it. It sent me sprawling across the tiled bathroom floor. He grabbed the bottle of pills off the vanity beside me. “Where did you get them?” he yelled. I rolled myself into a ball, my hands over my head, protecting myself as best as I could. I knew what was coming because there was no way I would betray Jen, the girl from the club who had acquired the forbidden drugs for me. “Fucking useless whore, you die when he says and not a fucking moment before.”