Tortured Soul (15 page)

“You will have that, Em, one day, when you’re ready.”

I barely heard his words as I continued on, “Then I have these other wants, these desires. Things were done to me that I found pleasure in, and the thought of experiencing them again, makes me crazy.” My laugh was without humor. “That’s how you know when you are truly broken and beyond help. When the humiliation you experienced turns you on rather than make you sick. The doctors say it was my body’s natural response to erotic stimulation, that I shouldn’t be ashamed of it. They don’t know I still want it though. If I told them that they would lock me up and throw away the fucking key.” I hadn’t noticed that Braiden had moved forward. He was so close, he could reach out and touch me. A tear slipped from my lashes and slid to my chin. “He broke me, so now I need to break him. I need to have that because I won’t ever have what Rebecca has. I won’t have normal.”

Braiden’s hand rose to my face but he hesitated and pulled away. “Normal is overrated.” He sighed.

We stood there like that for the longest time. Me trying hard not to cry. Braiden trying hard not to comfort me.

“If we do this, if I help you take him out, you must obey me. Not as your master but as your superior. This is my hunt but I will let you have the kill. The moment you argue or disobey me, I send you home. Understand?” He didn’t even bother to try and hide the command in his voice this time. A small part of me found immeasurable relief in his authority. Another part of me was flat-out shocked he was offering me the opportunity to kill Jonas.

“I understand,” I said eagerly, not wanting to pass up an opportunity for retribution.

“I can give you that, Em, I can give you your revenge, but you’re going to have to learn to trust me, and I know that it’ll be difficult for you. You’ve been hurt by men you put trust in, but I promise I will never hurt you. I will never betray that trust.”

I turned my head unable to look at him. He was asking too much. Trust wasn’t something I did anymore. The moment he left me, he had broken the delicate first steps in building my trust in him. A finger under my chin forced my gaze back to his before his hand dropped to his side once more. “I don’t expect you to give it freely; I’ll earn it.”

I searched his eyes and saw nothing but determination. He stood tall and strong before me, not touching, but close enough I should have felt intimidated. I didn’t of course. I knew Braiden wouldn’t hurt me. I accepted that in the first few days I spent with him in Claymont Memorial. Instead of fear, I felt a small spark of desire. That dark awful need that crawled at my skin, the need for contact, for touch. The need to be controlled was an ugly voice inside my head that never really went away. It made me wonder what Braiden would truly think of me if he knew the things I craved. The thought of presenting myself to him, naked and on my knees made my nipples tighten and I was grateful for the thick clothes I was wearing. I grimaced at my body’s response to my thoughts. I was sick, demented. Normal people didn’t want those things, normal girls didn’t go through years of pain, rape and abuse only to continue wanting it once they were free.

“What’s going through that head of yours?” Braiden murmured.

I shook my head in frustration. “I wish I could stop wanting the things I want,” I quietly confessed.

“What is it you want, Em?” I took a small step away, ashamed to admit my needs but needing to tell someone. Someone who might have a chance at understanding them, accepting them. This could go two ways. Braiden could accept my desires with professional courtesy, or he would have me committed again.

“Things, bad things.” Braiden’s head tilted slightly in curiosity and I continued before he could interrupt and before I could chicken out. “Sex, but not normal sex.” I felt my cheeks heat under the admission, and much to his credit, Braiden’s face remained impassive.

“You enjoy some of the submissive aspects of sex.” I nodded in agreement. “There is nothing wrong with desiring that, Em. In a normal, healthy dominant/submissive relationship, there is no pain unless one of the partners prefers it, and then it is delivered in such a way that it is enjoyable. Gentle restraint, spanking, domination, it can be a highly sensual and pleasurable experience. It’s not about what’s normal because what’s normal for one person may not be for another. After all you have been through, you shouldn’t feel ashamed for trying to take something from that ugly experience and turning it into something beautiful.” I nodded, yet didn’t truly believe I could be so easily forgiven for my sinful thoughts. “Come on, I have to get you out of this snow before those pretty lips turn blue.”

My fingers automatically rose to my familiar frown. The thought of Braiden and my lips sent all sorts of confusing and unfocused feelings through my body. I pulled my hand away at his knowing look. Suddenly the dark wants and desires I had been battling hit me full force, and a handsome and wicked face accompanied those desires. Braiden Montgomery. I wanted him and not just on a physical level. I needed him—his dominance and control, his promises, his safety. He had already abandoned me once though, and he was here now offering me a business deal, not romance. He was going to help me kill Jonas Levier, and then we would be done. He’d move on to his next job, and I would somehow try and figure out how to live again.

BRAIDEN

It had taken every ounce of self-control I possessed to keep my hands to myself. The need to reach out and take Emily into my arms was a force to be reckoned with, but I needed to control myself. She didn’t need a man fawning over her while she fought to heal. Her admission that she wanted to kill Jonas didn’t shock me. Her admission that she longed for submission in an intimate way almost stopped my heart, and my dick became instantly hard and tried to burst through my clothing. God, I wanted to be the one to show her that passion, to prove that her needs were nothing to be ashamed of. I wanted to vanquish every memory of the painful and humiliating ways Jonas had touched her body and replace them with pleasure. I knew that she wasn’t ready for it though. I could see the conflict in her eyes. Separating what she wanted, what she needed and what she was prepared to accept were battling for recognition in her heart and mind. These were things she needed to be sure of before any man attempted to give it to her.

We were sitting in my office at Montgomery Securities; Sam at my computer, Em nervously by my side, and Dillon, Bomber and Gabbie crowded behind us. Bomber had a shit eating grin on his face as he stared at Gabbie, who hid behind her sunglasses, clutching at her coffee as though her life depended on it. They were supposed to have the day off, which would have given Gabbie more time to deal with her hangover, but I had called them in to discuss our next course of action. Emily’s email account had received a hit—it was time to move. Sam tapped away on my keyboard. His fingers typed freakishly fast, and his eyes never left the large screen before him.

“He’s covered his tracks pretty well. I’ve narrowed the origin down to an IP address in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia.” Sam looked over his black rimmed glasses and gave me a pointed look. “I don’t think that’s your boy’s usual terrain; I think this is a trail to lead us in the wrong direction.”

“What did the email say?”

Sam clicked away on the keyboard. “’You’ve been a bad little pet, but I’m willing to make an exception this once. There will be a pick up from Collars and Coats, time and date to be advised. And, Pet, you will only get one chance. If you try to cross me, you know what will happen.”

“What the hell is Collars and Coats?” murmured Bomber.

“Collars and Coats is a store that provides boutique accessories for pets. Rhinestone collars, fancy leashes, dog coats...and hats,” said Sam, his voice laced with humor. He swung the computer screen around to face us. The website for Collars and Coats sat before us with an array of animals wearing ridiculous outfits.

“Poor puppies,” sighed Gabbie from behind me.

“Jonas won’t come for her himself,” Bomber said.

“He’ll send Nate,” Em whispered. We all glanced in her direction and she shrugged. “It’s always Nate. He was my guard from the beginning.”

“I shot him,” I confessed. Emily gave me a curious glance. “I put a bullet in him when I took you from the villa,” I explained further.

“You killed him?” she asked startled.

“I don’t know,” I replied.

He could have died, he could have also lived. I hadn’t bothered to check.

“I hope you killed him, otherwise he’s going to be really pissed off. He didn’t like it very much when I stabbed him in the foot. I can’t imagine what being shot would do for his temper.”

“You stabbed him in the foot?” echoed Dillon.

Emily nodded, a faraway look in her eyes. “In the early days, I fought. I was granted permission to sit at Jonas’ feet one evening for dinner. Nate was being his usual self, making his disregard for my presence known. We have a love hate relationship; we love to hate each other. Nate always inferred I was a liability. That Jonas should only keep his slaves for a short while then properly dispose of them. On this particular evening Nate called me a whore, so I grabbed a knife from the table and stabbed him in the foot.” Emily sighed. “It was absolutely worth a week in the cage.”

Bomber groaned loudly. “What the fuck was the cage?”

I’m pretty sure I didn’t want to know.

“It is what you would expect—a cage—about three feet by three feet. Large enough for an average size woman but small enough that you can’t stand up and can barely sit. Jonas housed his cage in the basement of his home, so there was no light or sound; the sensory deprivation was maddening. You would only receive a slice of bread at morning and night, and a half a glass of water. Even though your body would scream for sustenance and just one chance to stretch your limbs, it was the psychological torture of being locked in a cage that was the real killer.” There was no inflection or emotion in Emily’s voice.

“Motherfucker is going to die hard,” growled Gabbie.

Sam looked a little pale and Bomber and Dillon were trying hard to maintain control. I, on the other hand, had been struck speechless, simply in awe of the strength Emily had to endure to survive her time with Jonas.

“If Nate is alive, he’ll come for me, and if he isn’t, another of Jonas’ personal security team will. Jonas himself won’t come, so I’ll need to go with whoever comes for me, to get to Jonas.” The room was silent as Emily seemed to think this through out loud. My eyes never left Emily’s.

“You won’t be going anywhere with Nate, or any other of Jonas’ men,” I calmly stated. I wanted to roar and bellow, but I managed to keep my composure.

“Jonas won’t come for me and anyone who works for Jonas wouldn’t think twice about dying for him, so don’t think you can grab them at the pickup for information. I am going to have to go willingly. It’s the only way to get to Jonas,” Emily argued.

“There is only so much a man can endure before spilling secrets, Em. I can’t imagine Jonas being a caring, honorable boss, I’m sure there will be a few of his men that would crack under very little pressure,” Gabbie carefully explained.

“No,” Emily shook her head almost violently, “the ones at the top would never give him up. Jonas only lets certain people close to him, and they are people he can control, people who have something to lose. He will have threatened family or loved ones to gain their compliance. It’s how he ended up keeping me, it’s how he keeps everyone. I went through all those years of hell to keep Rebecca safe. There are men working for him that would go through ten times that to keep their loved ones safe.”

“Do you have any idea what will happen when Jonas gets his hands on you?” I growled, calling an end to the discussion. “I told you I would hunt him and I will. Once I have him, you get to finish him.”

She shook her head stubbornly. Sam tried unsuccessfully to shrink behind the computer screen, obviously wanting no part in this debate.

“Em, Braiden is right. It’s too dangerous to allow you to get that close. Once we’ve secured Jonas, then we will let you do what you need to do.” Dillon was always the voice of reason. But Emily completely ignored him as she set her determined focus on Sam. He tried to shrink further away under her resolute gaze.

“Is there some sort of a tracking device I can wear?”

That caught Sam’s attention, and he sat up straighter.

“No,” I growled. “Jonas will strip you of everything, jewelry, clothing...”

Emily didn’t look my way; she just kept staring at Sam who was staring back at her with a thoughtful look.

“We would have to assume they won’t leave anything on your person. You’ll be searched, just as Braiden suggested, and possibly bound and gagged. We can put an RFID tag in you. It works just like a GPS tracker in your phone but can be placed under the skin. The only downside is we have to maintain a close distance. If you get too far away, we’ll lose the signal.”

“How close?” asked Dillon.

“Thirty to thirty-five feet, tops.”

The room erupted into argument. Of course there was no way we could remain covert if we followed that closely.

“Wait, hear me out.” Sam put up his hands in defense. “The RFID tag is just a precaution, insurance if you will. We may not even need to use it.” The team grew quiet once again. “When they pick up Em, they’re most likely going to want to stop somewhere and strip search her. I doubt they’ll do it in the middle of the street. If they know about Collars and Coats, they know she is in Claymont which means there have been eyes on her, which means they have to have a local base nearby. And that’s where they will more than likely take Em. You do your ninja stuff and follow, when Emily is taken inside to be searched, we bug the vehicle, then you can follow it at a safer distance.”

“There are a lot of ifs and buts in that plan, Sam,” I murmured.

I wasn’t used to operations being so flimsy. I prepared them by taking in every angle, every possible failure and plugging it up with a backup plan that wouldn’t fail.

Sam shrugged. “If things don’t feel right, you can always use those fancy guns you carry and shoot everyone, or try interrogation.”

Everyone had become quiet, all possibly thinking the same I was thinking: this was madness. We were actually contemplating handing Emily right back to the man we had rescued her from. And this time I had no doubt he would kill her.

The team slowly disbanded, and I took Emily home. The drive was quiet with neither of us able to find our voices. I was too deep in my thoughts to bother with small talk, and Em seemed distant. If the curled fists in her lap were any indication, maybe a little angry, too. As we approached the front porch to her home, Emily hesitated and pressed her ear to the door. It was then I heard the laughter beyond. It sounded like Ella.

Em sighed.

“I can take you somewhere else for a while if you aren’t in the mood for socializing,” I offered.

Emily shook her head. “If I lived my life that way, I would spend forever locked in a room avoiding people.” She pushed open the door and sure enough, on the other side sat Rebecca and Charlie, Ella and Jax. Rebecca’s eyes lit up as soon as the spied Emily safe and sound. She signaled for us to join them.

“We’re choosing baby names, come help. Ella wants to call their baby Sunshine if it’s a girl. We need to talk some sense into her. I’d offer to knock it into her, but she’s pregnant.” Emily reluctantly moved towards the cozy setting.

“Where is Larz?” I asked, not particularly wanting to be involved in this little social scene either.

“In the kitchen. I swear that man never stops eating. He should be the size of semi-trailer,” said Rebecca.

Em cast me a nervous glance as I moved to the kitchen, her discomfort clearly visible in the way she held herself stiffly. Apart from the short anxious look my way, she moved easily into a mask of impassiveness. I thought about asking her to join Larz and me, but thought better of it. These were situations she was learning to adapt to. She herself had said if she didn’t force herself to partake in group gatherings like this, she would likely never leave her room. I found Larz heating leftovers in the kitchen and quickly filled him in on what was happening.

“It’s doable. Not ideal, but doable,” he finally said after thinking it over.

I’d hoped Larz would be the responsible one who would refuse to put Emily is such grave danger. Seeing his positive response to the plan made me furious and yet I trusted Larz. I knew he also cared for Emily, so if he could go with this plan, then I guess it was just my irrational possessive claim on Emily that was clouding my own judgment.

“For all we know Jonas is here in Claymont.” Larz took a long drink from his water bottle.

His words sparked something within me though.
Could Jonas be in Claymont?
I had been so lost in the hunt, so consumed with tracking him across the world, I hadn’t even paused to think he could have made his way here.

“And if he is here, the fucker wouldn’t just put a gun to her head and pull the trigger. He doesn’t work that way. He’s the kind of man who holds a grudge and believes in cruel and unusual forms of torture. He wouldn’t kill her right away, which would give us time.” Larz was thinking like a soldier, forcing himself to think of Emily as a faceless civilian and nothing more. It’s the only way he could have considered her being tortured and killed, and not start breaking things.

“It’s a long shot though. Jonas could be anywhere; however, hiding in plain sight does seem logical. He sure as hell isn’t popping up on any of the usual radars. Alexander emailed me this morning, wondering if Jonas is dead. He has never known a man to disappear so effectively who wasn’t already six feet under.”

The pause in our conversation allowed for the chatter in the living room to spill into the kitchen.

“What do you mean?” came Rebecca’s voice, laced with worry.

I moved out of the kitchen and into the dining room that opened into the living area. Larz was right behind me. All eyes were on Emily, her sorrowful eyes full of pain. Jax cast me a nervous glance.

“I mean what I said, B,” her words were mumbled. She looked shy and embarrassed about all the attention that was focused on her.

“Don’t be silly. Of course you can have a baby. You’re young. When this is all over and you’ve had some time to heal, you’ll meet the right man, and you’ll see that having a family isn’t all that impossible,” Rebecca argued.

Charlie placed his hand on Rebecca’s shoulder. “Betty Boop, I don’t think Em is suggesting she doesn’t want to have children. I think she meant she can’t, medically.”