Total Betrayal (Deep Space Endeavor) (24 page)

             
The mental state and coping with the loss had remained the same throughout history, but that was always going to depend on what type of person you were, what kind of support system you had and how healthy you were. Jesse knew he was a very healthy and determined person, and he had a great support system of family and friends who all wanted him to recover almost as badly as he wanted to recover. As hard as losing the leg had been on him, it was Bliney's betrayal that hurt more, he could still see his friend hammering away at his leg with the heavy base of the stanchion, and then with his ceremonial sword. He would need more than help to move past Bliney's treachery, he would need revenge.

             
After almost an hour of exercising, Suzy could see the sweat pouring off Jesse as he began to put more and more weight on his prosthetic leg. "Alright, Jesse, that's enough for today; go hit the shower and we'll pick it up again in the morning."

             
"Not yet, Suzy, I can do this."

             
"Jesse," she began, compassion filling her beautiful blue eyes. "You're not going to get it all back at once. I know you want to, but it takes time."

             
"Unfortunately, I don't have time, Suzy. We're on the verge of war, and I need to be in the briefings and visiting the troops. I may not be able to fight for a while, but I can at least do that."

             
"You can do that anyway, Jesse." Ariel interjected.

             
"No I can't, not on walkers. It's bad for morale."

             
"Whose morale?" Suzy asked.

             
"Everyone's, they need to see me on my feet, know that I'm not broken, and know that I am gonna have some kind of plan that doesn't end with Polisia getting obliterated and fifty three million people getting killed.

             
Ariel knew that Jesse was right, seeing him walking through the base would do wonders for the troops, and seeing him out and about would do wonders for the planet, but Suzy was right, too. It wasn't gonna happen in a day. "Jesse, shower up and let's go meet Kimi, Josiah and Lana for dinner. Tomorrow, you're gonna give us two or three sessions." Suzy and Jesse both looked at her and she smiled. "What? You didn't think this was going to be easy, did you?"

             
He laughed and conceded, "Alright, ten more minutes and then I'm all yours, everyone happy? They nodded and he continued. "Suzy, you're coming with us, right? To dinner, I mean."

             
"Of course, now concentrate. If you're gonna be stubborn, at least do the exercise right."

             
Three days later, Jesse was walking without much help. He showed up at the military briefing, walked though the command center and began to set up meetings around the fleet. When he wasn't rehabbing, he was being seen and when he wasn't being seen, he was with Lana and Kimi. The training of the pups was proceeding very well and things were slowly getting better with Kimi. He still didn't feel worthy, but she was going out of her way to treat him as though nothing had happened, as if he were not different. He knew it was her way of trying to help and he was thankful for it, but he knew that he was different.

             
"Kimi, can we have dinner tonight? Just the two of us? Lana and Raina have agreed to hang out with Sun. I just want to spend some time alone with you."

             
Kimi felt her heart flutter slightly when he said that last line and smiled, hoping this meant that things were finally beginning to get back to normal. She knew it was going to be a long road, but it was helpful to know that he might actually be getting on the road. "Of course, Jesse, where would you like to go?"

             
"Carmine and his chef buddy took over an Italian restaurant a few miles from Nina's. Would you like to go there?"

             
"I would love to." She was happy that he wanted to be seen outside of the base, even in his condition. She knew this was a big step.

             
Two hours later, they were sitting in a fine Italian restaurant. It wasn't as nice as Carmine’s restaurant on Earth, but it almost felt like home. After a greeting by Carmine and several others, he and Kimi finally had some alone time. Jesse looked like he had a lot he wanted to get off his chest and Kimi waited patiently for him to begin. Finally, he drew in a long, slow breath and looked into her eyes. "Kimi, I'm sorry."

             
"For what?" She smiled.

             
"For a lot of things." He paused to gather himself. "I'm gonna tell you some things that may change the way you feel about me, and I wouldn't blame you if it did. Ever since the injury, I haven't wanted to be around you, not because I don't love you, but because I do. This is really hard for me to say, so bear with me for a minute." She silently nodded her head, a look of apprehension in her impossibly dark eyes. "Kimi, when I lost my...you know," He couldn't bring himself to say it, and he didn't know why. "It changed me, I feel like I'm not whole, not worthy of you because you're perfect and you deserve better than me."

             
"There is no one better than you, Jesse. It is I that does not feel worthy, I never have and maybe that's why it took us so long..."

             
"I'm sorry, Kimi, I never knew you felt that way, but it's more. The injury happened at the same time I learned that Rebecca was murdered, and it brought all of that flooding back. I didn't feel it was fair to you to have my mind on Rebecca while we were together, and so I pulled away. I'm sorry."

             
"You have nothing to be sorry about. It's natural to have those feelings well up. Especially given how you found out."

             
"Kimi, if you need someone that can still keep up with you, I'll understand."

             
A look of surprise and mild amusement crossed her face. "Is that what this has been all about? We really need to learn how to communicate better, Jesse. If you think that not being able to run as fast or jump as high would drive me away, you haven't been paying attention. It's never been about that for me. I fell in love with you because you were kind, because you repeatedly helped me and my family and never asked for anything in return. That's why I love you. That's why I'm not going anywhere when you need me most, no matter how much you try to push me away."

             
He looked at her with a sheepish smile and said, "I don't really deserve you, do I?"

             
"Probably not, but still, I'm not going anywhere." She leaned forward and kissed him; for the first time since that fateful trip to Earth, she kissed the man she loved and then she smiled and said, "Now let us eat quickly and go back home, it has been too long since I felt your arms around me, and too long since I have kissed the man I love."

             
"Maybe we should just get it to go." He laughed.

             
"We don't want to offend Carmine, plus I think he's cooking something special up for us to bring back to the girls. We wouldn't want to deprive him of an opportunity to make Lana and Sun smile."

             
"No, we wouldn't, I guess I'll just have to have some self-control," he added with a wink.

             
When the meal ended, they thanked Carmine and gratefully took his gift back to Lana, Sun and Raina. They eagerly accepted and Lana was instantly on the transmission thanking her burly friend. Jesse and Kimi went into the other room and just relaxed on the couch. She leaned into his chest and he wrapped his arms around her. They talked well into the night until Jesse fell asleep.

             
The next morning, Nina sat at the head of the conference table while several friends filled in the remaining seats. She looked solemnly around the table. Seated on her left were Josiah, Suzy, Collin and Reece. To her right were Manny, Jason, Ariel, Maria and Serge. Directly across from her sat Carmine. She knew Kimi was still with Jesse and was glad for it, he really needed her right now and she was happy he was trying to let her in. She looked at Jesse's closest friends and his family and said, "What are we going to do about Jesse? How are we going to help him? I fear he is going down a path that none of us wish to see him go down, how do we make him whole again?"

             
Josiah looked up sadly and replied, "He may never be whole again, he didn't just lose his leg and his fiancé to Bliney, he lost his faith in humanity to the man. There was no one he looked up to more than Admiral Bliney, except maybe General Kelly. Bliney took away his ability to believe that good people could be in power."

             
"Just another reason to destroy everything he holds dear and then kill him." Jason added.

             
"You scare me sometimes," Ariel quipped, not entirely joking.

             
"I'm sorry if that doesn't fit with your whole live and let live world view, but not even counting what he's done to each of you and your company and Jesse, he has tried to kill me, and tried to kill Raina twice. He doesn't get to walk away from that."

             
"Well get in line, Jason," Manny angrily replied. "His assassin stabbed my wife in the chest and killed Sun's mother. There's not a person in the room that wouldn't gladly kill him given the chance."

             
"Guys, this is off point and not helpful. We're here to figure out how to get Jesse back to his old self, or at least a semblance of his old self, not plan a trip to the dark side with him," Suzy yelled, frustrated at her friends violent ramblings. She looked like she was about to lose it and Josiah gently put his hand on her shoulder for comfort.

             
"I agree with you, Suzy, but we may have to let Jesse get some sort of revenge." Serge began. "Bliney didn't just kill Rebecca; he was responsible for Ladyhawk and President Sandoval's deaths as well. He sent assassins after Jesse's daughter and all of us. Add to that losing his leg and this may be too much for even Jesse to forgive. All he talks about with me is finishing the galaxy drive so he can get his revenge and then leave our galaxy never to return. His mind is clouded by darkness and revenge. What do we do?"

             
"We let him do whatever he needs to in order to heal and move on, and then we pray we can pull him back from the edge." Carmine interjected somberly.

             
"Nice, Carmine, but I don't want to envision my friend standing at the edge." Suzy replied, still on the verge of tears.

             
“Suzy, we're all worried about him, but Carmine may be right. Partially anyway." Ariel smiled and winked at her big friend. "We do everything we can to keep him from getting to that edge. As his family, and that's what each one of us are to him, family, we do what we can. We also accept him with open arms if he does take his revenge too far. He may not be the same man he was, but he's the same man we all love."

             
"I agree," Nina added. "We try and stop him from doing anything he might regret, but we still need to accept him if he does. This is gonna be a long process and we need to stick with him through the good and the bad."

______

              Lana walked into the living room to see her dad sleeping on the couch and Kimi sleeping on the opposite couch. She was happy that it seemed he was letting her back in, but she was worried that he rarely seemed to smile anymore. She hated that she was just getting to know her father during the most difficult time of his life. Kimi's eyes opened and she flashed a tired smile as she got up, fixed Jesse's blanket and walked with Lana into the kitchen. She could see the worry in Lana's eyes; it was the same worry she had been trying so hard to hide.

             
"Lana, is everything alright?" She asked as Lana was putting out water for her three pups.

             
"I'm not sure, Dad seems different, and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to be around him right now." Her eyes told Kimi that this was really bothering her, and she felt so bad for the young lady that waited her whole life for a father only to have him ripped away a few weeks later.

             
"Whatever you've been doing, keep doing it. You're the only one that gets a consistent smile from him." Kimi answered as she put her hand on Lana's shoulder for comfort.

             
"He was smiling with you last night; does that mean he's getting back to his old self?"

             
"I am not sure, Lana, it would seem we did have a breakthrough last night and he is ready to begin letting me back in. I do not know what that means exactly, or if he will even feel the same way this morning, but I was thankful for last night. Something tells me this will take a lot of time and patience. He is dealing with a lot, and his leg is just the beginning."

             
Three snow wolf pups came bounding into the kitchen and made a beeline for their food and water. Lana called out in a stern voice, "Sit," before they got to their food and Soldier and Lady immediately obeyed. "Duke, I said sit," she added with a little more force to her voice. He looked at her and slowly inched towards his food. She walked over and gave him a good swat on his bottom and repeated, "Sit, or you get nothing." Duke sat and Lana turned to Kimi and smiled. "He's always pushing the boundaries because he thinks he's so cute." She looked back at the wolves eagerly awaiting their breakfast and relented, "Alright, go." she commanded and as one, three pups happily tore into their breakfast. Kimi looked impressed.