Totally Fishy (A Miller Sisters Mystery) (5 page)

Evo shifted his phone to the other ear and began to pace. "Tony, Tony, listen to me. These fish may all be dead, too. Luis skimmed the lagoon for live fish, so I hope some make it home. Literally thousands of floaters are washed up on the beach as we speak. I got pictures. I'll send some to you.

"We have got to get a hold of Fernandini and we have to keep this quiet. Only you, Luis, his brother Alfredo, and I know so far, and I'm not talking to anyone until I find the source."

"What about the samples?"

"I have samples of both water and dead fish. I'll bring Alfredo in to help with the diagrams and soil samples while I look for the connection and interview the locals. Is there anything else you would need?"

"Yeah, to be there in person, and to get Sam back from the States."

"She said she wanted to visit there again someday. Didn't she go to undergraduate school or something up there? Funny, I was thinking about her and Wisconsin earlier."

"You were thinking about Sam in the jungle, Evo? I thought you barely tolerated her." Tony scrunched up his eyes, waiting for the explosion.

"I do, er…I did. Uh, never mind–leave her out of this. What the heck is she doing way up there, anyway?"

"She's visiting her old college roommate, Fred Miller and her family. I guess they had a lot of classes together until Sam split off and specialized in fish. Her friend Fred–"

Evo interrupted, "What the hell kind of name is Fred for a girl, anyway? Is she some kind of woman who wants to wear the pants all the time? Probably dresses like a man too. I hear a lot of that goes on in the States. Now it comes down here with Fernandini being called Sam. Next thing you know, Mother will want to be called Melvin."

"Sweet Virgin Mother, Evo. Are you 40, or 140? Fred is a nickname, like Tony. When people are close to one another and they love them, they give them nicknames. Fred's whole family has nicknames. There's Buzz, Al, Fred, and Mag.

"They call their parents,
The Bill and Gerry Show
. Hell, Mag is short for
The Maggot
. I've spoken with most of them and cannot wait to meet them. You're such a tight-assed Neanderthal!"

"I am not! I tell you, Tony; you know it's my life's dream to meet a woman named after a disgusting little worm that feeds on necrotic tissue."

"Good Lord, Evo, lighten up. Mag would surprise you, but I am happy to hear you want to meet the Miller family."

"Isn't the Bitch-thyologist supposed to be here working on your project? Come on, Tony, I'm counting on you getting your degree so we can make our plans a reality. How can we start our own business if the key to our success lies with a woman more interested in shopping for shoes in the States than finishing crucial research?"

"Evo, don't call her that, and she's not a shoe-shopper. It's not like that at all. Sam hasn't been on a vacation in years, the opportunity came up, and we're stalled in the research until the final water samples of the test lakes come in at the end of the month. I was invited to go, too, but I declined so you and I could hang out, so get your ass home."

"Oh." Deflated and irritable, Evo lifted the bill of his muddy ball cap and scratched his forehead. I'm sorry, Tony, don't mind me, I'm probably just jealous. I
do
know I'm wet, tired, shot at, and I want red meat and a beer. Shit, I think I need a vacation too. Tell you what, don't worry about me. You should go to the States. I won't even be back until the end of the week, or so, and I am not good company for anyone–just ask poor Luis and Alfredo."

"Shot at?"

"We're okay."

"A long shower, a Band Aid for the bullet hole and a large chunk of cow and you will once again be a lean, mean party machine, my man. You get back here on Thursday or Friday, and I will add your ticket onto mine. What day will you want to leave for Wisconsin?"

"Leave for where? What the heck are you talking about, leave for Wisconsin? I'm not going to the States with you, Tony. I'm in the middle of a job here. I have an inspection to conduct, reports to write, media to contact, and probably some damage control to deal with. I probably won't get back to Lima before Friday."

"Great, our flight out will be Friday night. Just think of it, Evo, fresh air, bon fires, beautiful women and American Football–and you have to admit, you love American beer, my little suds sucking sibling."

"Alright, alright–I'm convinced. I'll admit I'd love to go, but I can't just drop everything and take off for the States. The only things I have with me are field clothes and dead fish."

"You got vacation time coming?"

"Yeah."

"You got money in the bank?"

"Too much."

"Figures. I know your passport is in order."

"Of course it is, but Tony…"

"
But Tony,
my butt! I'll even pack for you."

"Hold on a minute; don't you dare touch my underwear! Brother or no brother, I'll beat the crap out of you if you mess with my stuff. That itching powder episode still gives me nightmares."

"Aww, c'mon, big brother, can't take a joke? That was years ago."

"Seems like last week. Besides, how the hell do you know what to pack, anyway?"

Tony laughed. "Do you own anything but field clothes, blue jeans, and polo shirts?"

Evo thought a minute. "Uh, no."

"There you have it. I also hear there is a
Gander Mountain
real close to Fred Miller's house. The original store was built about four miles from White Bass Lake. I can pack light and you can shop there. How cool would that be?"

"Tony, you're an ass, but a convincing ass. I think I'm going to the States on Friday. What the hell; go ahead and throw some stuff in the suitcase under my bed. I have a pre-packed hygiene case in the bathroom cabinet, but I mean it; stay out of my drawers–literally! I'll buy what I need in Wisconsin. I don't want to take a chance you'll somehow sabotage my underwear and I'll end up in some American hospital with raw balls. I'm sure they sell underwear and socks somewhere up there."

"Got it, but you hurt my feelings." Tony heard Evo snort and ignored him. "I'll call your secretary and take care of all the preparations. You just show up at my place on Friday."

"Will do. My credit cards are in my safe; I'll need those too."

"You trust me with your credit cards, but not your underwear?"

"My credit cards won't give my genitals a wasting disease."

"Aww, come on. It wasn't that bad."

"Yes it was, and I still haven't forgiven you."

"You're a hard man, Evo."

"I thought I'd never be hard again after that last fiasco."

There was a short silence on Tony's end. "No kidding? Geez, I'm sorry, Evo maybe I went a little overboard in the itching powder department. You really rotted off your winkie? I mean, the flag flies at half-staff?" He chuckled and Evo rolled his eyes. There was no stopping Tony once he was on a roll.

"The little soldier stayed at parade rest?"

"Tony…"

"The old peter putzed?" He chuckled harder.

"I'm not kidding, Tony."

"The willy nillied?" Tony guffawed.

"
Tony
!"

"Uh, oops. Sorry, Evo. What were we talking about?"

"Retrieving my credit cards from the safe."

"Oh, right. What's the combination?"

"The combination is Great Aunt Sophie's birthday."

There was silence on the other end. "Sophie's birthday? Why ever did you pick that?"

Evo was glad no one but the dead fish were around to witness his embarrassment. "It's the only six numbers in a row I ever remember. I had to remember that date under the threat of death. To miss that old woman's birthday is to poke a sleeping crocodile with a sharp stick–you get your head bitten off by three generations of female members of the family."

Tony hooted. "Evo, you kill me. It
has
been too long, my brother, I cannot wait until Friday. If you get in early, call me."

"Okay. Hey, Tony, one more thing. Luis knows about the site. Maybe we should keep him and his brother close. While I'm gone they have no work anyway–I'd bet they'd love a trip to the States. Put their tickets on one of my credit cards. We'll put them up in a hotel or something and we'll show them a good time up north."

Evo turned and shouted to Luis, "Hey, you and Alfredo got any special plans for the next week or two?"

"No,
Señor
Evo," Luis called back. "We go where you go."

"Good, because I'm going to the United States, and you and your brother are coming with me."

Luis stared at Evo, and with childlike wonder said, "Disney World?"

Evo cringed. "Maybe, we'll have to see, but we'll be near Chicago."

Luis did a little wiggle. "
Woo-hoo
. Chicago Cubs. Chicago style hot dogs. Blackhawks. Bulls. White Sox. Chicago style pizza. Chicago style football... Da Bears!" Luis sucked in a breath and looked at the cloudy sky. He closed his eyes, smiled, folded his hands as if in prayer, and said reverently, "Snow."

Evo shook his head and chuckled. He turned back to his phone. "Looks like we have traveling companions, bro. Luis wants to see Mickey Mouse and snow."

Tony said, "Yeah, I heard him. Snow,
hmmm
. I never thought of that. Alfredo once told me they signed on with you because they wanted adventure. Well, I guess they are about to have an adventure, alright. Do they have snow in Wisconsin this time of year?"

"I don't know. I'm more concerned with protecting the brothers from media attention and whoever might have shot at us."

"Right you are. This could become sticky if word gets out, and depending on what you find, it could become dangerous. I'll take care of the travel details, and have everything ready. You take care, big brother. No Superman stuff, hear?"

"You got it, little brother; bye for now."

"Bye, Evo, be careful, and be safe."

"Hey, Tony, just one more thing; I mean it–keep your fingers off my underwear."

Evo could still hear Tony laughing as he hung up his phone.

3

Tony hung up the phone and leaned on the back of his couch. He had his work cut out for him. Where he didn't quite lie, he did exaggerate a little. Tony picked up the phone again and called his work. He told them he would be out of country with his brother for a couple of weeks. He called Evo's secretary, Elena, and told her the same thing and asked if she could swing some time off for Evo. She put him on hold while she checked her computer and assured him she could clear Evo's schedule for almost three weeks. Tony practically jumped up and down until she made him promise that Evo would get his ulcer looked at while on vacation.

That made Tony stop.
Ulcer? Big brother-solid-as-a-rock-Evo has an ulcer?
Good thing Tony was sitting down. Getting Evo away from work sounded more and more like a good idea. Evo shouldn't be working for the
enemy
anyway. Why he did escaped Tony and made Dr. Sam crazy. It couldn't be the money. Hell, Evo already had four more dollars than God did. He never took time off so he didn't spend what he made; let alone what he'd inherited.
He busts his ass for some millionaire who could give a shit, and now he's making himself sick. Idiot.

"Looks like it's time for
Almost
-Doctor Antonio Enrique Moronez-Castillo to step in and save the day. Maybe I can marry him off to some beautiful, outdoorsy American woman–Wait! Maybe I can marry him off to Dr. Sam. Would that not be poetic justice? Then Evo could settle down and earn his ulcers the old fashion way; with a wife, ten kids, a hundred fish tanks, and a dog."

Tony was beyond excited as he pushed off the back of the couch and practically skipped down the hall to his office. His towel dropped somewhere along the way, but by the time he realized it, he had procured a private plane to Milwaukee, rented an SUV (who knew what kind of bad highway led to the wilds of Wisconsin?), and had MapQuested directions from Mitchell Field Airport to White Bass Lake, Wisconsin.

While his directions printed, he ran to his bedroom and pulled on a pair of ratty looking shorts. Good thing money was no object, he thought, as he rummaged through his closet for a suitcase. They would buy what they needed for Luis and Alfredo in Wisconsin. The brothers would probably get a kick out of an American wardrobe for their first American vacation, anyway.

The following day Tony took care of the money and passports. The first thing he did when he arrived at Evo's apartment was snoop through his underwear drawer. He thought about messing it up, or stealing all the underwear, but figured Evo would expect something like that. Instead, Tony stopped at a woman's wear store, bought some pink ladies' underwear, and stashed them in Evo's suitcase. He packed in less than ten minutes, knowing Evo would end up buying a couple of suitcases in the States to accommodate what he bought at the outfitter stores anyway.

Proud of his subtle revenge on his brother, Tony had dinner in town, visited their mother and told her of their plans, and rolled back into his own apartment about suppertime. He made motel reservations online with Evo's credit cards, and used them to pay for the plane and the car. He made himself a peanut butter and banana sandwich and went over his notes. When he finally went to bed, he felt good; everything was falling into place. He felt even better after having spent Evo's money doing it.