Touch (11 page)
Authors: Sarah White
Noah
Spinning my coffee cup on the café table in front of me, I try to avoid looking my best friend and lab partner in the eye. I just told him how I feel about Leah. I needed to talk to someone about the situation and he’s the safest bet. I trust him to give me solid, honest advice instead of the crap my other friends feed me. “No relationship, bro. You have it made.” Or, “Just keep it casual. You’re too young to be serious.” I expel a frustrated breath as I think of all the shitty advice they have given me over the years.
Jude takes a long sip from his coffee and then runs a hand through his hair. “Fuck, man. Sounds like you waited too long. The way I see it, you have two options.” He holds one finger up to keep count. “You tell her how you feel and risk that she doesn’t feel the same way, or thinks you’re a total ass-hat for waiting so long to tell her, so she gets pissed and stays with her old boyfriend.” He subtly shakes his head no, and then lifts a second finger, “Or, you keep your mouth shut and let her figure out if her ex is the right guy for her. If you don’t think he is, then maybe it won’t work out and you just need to be patient.” He shrugs his shoulders and offers me an empathetic smile. “Either way, you’re fucked for now.” He picks up his scone and takes a bite.
“That’s exactly what I thought,” I say, twisting my cup around again before taking a gulp. “What would you do?” I watch Jude’s eyes go wide.
“Oh, no. I’m not falling for that. It’s up to you to make that choice, you know that. I don’t want you being pissed at me if what I tell you doesn’t work out.” He’s right and I lean back in my chair and think about what I’m going to do. His phone chimes from his pocket and he reads the screen. “Sorry, I’ve got to run. Let’s meet up again soon, maybe over beers next time, huh?” He stands up and grabs his empty cup to throw in the trash.
“Thanks, man. Beers sound good. I’ll give you a call.” We nod our heads and he takes off. Our talk didn’t get me any closer to a solid answer, but at least it felt good getting it off my chest. I toss my coffee, too, and make my way to my office on campus. I have a few things I have to finish up before I can head home.
* * *
On my way back to the apartment a few hours later, I decide that my goal for tonight will be to let go and have a good time. I don’t want to think about Leah moving out tomorrow or what she will be doing while her ex is in town. I know I’ll have to help move her new bed to her apartment and I can’t stand the thought of him holding her on it.
I assumed she would be here when I arrived, but the place seems empty. The only sound I hear is the faint beat of music playing from somewhere. I follow it until I find myself pressed up against the wall that separates Leah’s apartment from mine. A smile stretches across my face when I hear our song, “Old Time Rock and Roll,” playing next door.
I knock lightly on the wall. “Crash! Hurry up; I’m starving!”
The volume of the music drops and I hear the muffled sound of her laughter. “Have a snack!” she calls. I make my way into my room to change, deciding on a pair of black slacks and a dark gray sweater. I’m just slipping on my black leather loafers when I hear a key in the front door. My heart starts to pound in my chest and I feel as excited as I did on my first date as a teenager.
“In here!” I call.
Leah pokes her head into my room and my breath catches at how stunning she looks. Her hair hangs in loose curls around her shoulders, and she has just enough makeup on to brighten her face. Her black lace dress is suggestive but classy, hugging her body deliciously until it stops halfway between her hips and her knees. The cap sleeves barely kiss the tops of her shoulders and I find myself thinking that I’d very much like to do the same. Her legs are bare and her feet are tucked into a pair of high heels. Altogether, she is the most beautiful sight I have ever seen.
I’m not sure how to tell a ‘friend’ something like that so I offer her a smile, reach for her hand and spin her around slowly. “You look absolutely gorgeous.” Her cheeks flush a soft pink. I would make sure every day that she knew how beautiful she was if I were her boyfriend.
“Thank you. Where are you taking me?” I loop her arm through mine and walk her to the front door. I will miss our time in the kitchen tonight, but I am looking forward to having a few hours where my focus can be entirely on her. I haven’t gone out on a date like this in years and as we leave my place, I take a second to let myself feel the excitement and hope of starting something like this again.
“There’s a little seafood place just up the hill, overlooking the beach. The food is unbelievable and they bring in a classical pianist on Friday nights.” She tucks her head down shyly, but the pleasure on her face is unmistakable. I feel like beating my chest like a caveman for making her happy, knowing I put that smile on her face.
“Sounds wonderful.” She smiles up at me and wraps her free hand around my arm. When our eyes meet we both chuckle, feeling like young kids on our first date. We haven’t even left the building and I’m already trying to think of ways to extend the night. Tomorrow morning I’m going to have to put on a brave face and help her move her stuff next door, the whole time knowing she is taking my heart with her. Tonight, however, she is mine.
Leah
I can’t believe Noah never told me about his car. If someone had asked me, I would have guessed he’d drive something practical and safe, but instead he drives a fully restored, cherry red ’64 Chevy Nova. When I slipped into the seat beside him, I felt like I had stepped back in time. He obviously cares deeply for that car and I have to admit I’ve fallen for her a little myself.
The roar of the engine set the mood as we drove along the coast to the restaurant. My heart sped in my chest and my pulse thumped heavily in my neck as I let the crisp night air cool my heated skin. It wasn’t so loud we couldn’t talk, but we still were quiet as we took in the sights and the vibration of the powerful engine.
Noah orders us a bottle of Pinot Grigio. The candlelight flickers against his freshly shaved skin and highlights the depth in his eyes. I can’t seem to tear my gaze away from his mouth as he tells me about his latest couple in the study. He can’t give me any identifying details, but for the first time ever I hear hope in his voice that this couple can make it. It is great to finally see him passionate about helping to save these relationships.
“Why counseling, Noah? What made you decide you wanted to do it for a living?” His mouth goes flat for a minute before he takes a sip of his wine. I can see the intensity in his stare as he looks into my eyes.
“My parents. They divorced when I was ten and my mom really struggled to pull herself back together.” Noah’s love for his mother is evident in his voice. “One day she came home with a little bit of hope again, and when I asked her about it, she told me she had seen a therapist.” My heart hurts for the younger Noah.
“That’s hard. My parents split up a long time ago, too.” It used to bother me, but the sting has long since disappeared. Noah reaches out and takes my hand in his. I can feel the tingle of his touch all the way up my arm. I squeeze his hand.
“Well, as you know it isn’t always easy. I remember asking my mom one time why she and my father didn’t stay married.” His thumb draws circles on the top of my hand. “She told me that sometimes you need a little help understanding each other and she’d asked him to go to counseling several times, but he would never agree. She told me to remember that just like anything you cherish, you have to take care of it. A relationship is not any different.”
“Your mother sounds like a wise woman.” I make a mental note to ask him if I can meet her someday. I smile and place my other hand on top of his, but instantly I remember seeing him like this with that other woman and I pull my hand away as if the touch had physically caused me pain. My eyes flash to Noah’s and I can see the confusion on his face.
“What’s the matter?” he asks, reaching to take my hand back in his. Reluctantly, I let him.
“I saw something yesterday. I didn’t want to talk about it because it isn’t really my business, but holding hands with you just now reminded me…” I tip my head down, embarrassed about freaking out on him.
Noah gently lifts my chin with his fingers. “What did you see?” I only hesitate for a minute before my curiosity about the woman wins out.
“I was leaving my class and I saw you at the café with a woman. She was holding your hand and you were talking. I saw the way you were looking at her and how you held her before she left.” I feel the tears at the back of my eyes but refuse to let them fall.
He places both of his hands over mine and smiles at me. “That was Eva. The girl I told you about.” He waits for me to make the connection and as I do, my stomach drops to the very bottom of my gut. It’s worse than I thought it was. I had imagined someone new, someone I might be able to compete with. Not someone he would love for the rest of his life.
“That’s great. You must be thrilled to have her back.” My voice sounds a little shaky but I smile, trying to play the role of the supportive friend.
“I don’t want her back,” he says softly. “She was guest lecturing here on campus and asked me to meet with her. As you know, we had a lot to talk about. We went for coffee and spent some time together finding the closure we both needed.” He squeezes my hand in his and leans a little closer to look into my eyes. I hadn’t realized I had averted my gaze.
“I’m glad you had that opportunity,” I manage.
He chuckles softly and lifts my hand to his mouth, pressing a soft kiss to my knuckles before returning it to the table. “I’m glad we did, too. It felt good to see her and to hear that she was satisfied with the way her life has worked out. You know, Leah, in that moment I realized that I’m pleased with the way mine has worked out, as well. I’m happy for her—that’s huge for me.” I can see in his face that talking to her has lightened the heavy load he’s been carrying all these years.
“Eva’s getting married soon, and she’s accepted a job running her own department abroad. She’s always wanted to travel the world and to have the freedom to move from place to place any time she wanted to. Her life is perfect for her.” I nod my head, imagining them traveling together, but he continues, “It’s the complete opposite of what I want in my life. I love living here and I love clinical work. I don’t want to be a professor and I don’t want the responsibility running my own department would bring.”
I feel a flicker of hope as he discusses his future over the dim light of the candle. “I’ve figured out that I might have judged marriage too harshly,” he muses. “Maybe one day I’ll give it a shot. I’m sure my nieces and nephews would love a few more cousins.” I giggle, loving the images that come to my mind of Noah surrounded by a gaggle of children. “Eva convinced me that when the right woman comes along I’ll be willing to put in the effort it takes to have the happy moments.”
Ouch. I’ve been saying the same things to Noah for weeks, but it took Eva to make it sink in. “She’s right. I believe it’s worth the effort.”
Someday when the right woman comes along.
I wonder if I can survive this friendship long enough to watch that happen.
The waiter sets our food down and we eat our dinner while Noah shares stories about his nieces and nephews. By the time dessert is served we are laughing again and the mood has turned from serious to more playful. We’ve order two different dishes: a rich chocolate mousse and a slice of lemon meringue pie, but opt to put them in the center and share them. Noah stopped after one glass of wine, but I sip mine slowly as the pianist takes his place at the grand piano. Noah was right to choose this place. The songs are soothing and beautiful, making the perfect background for spending time with someone you love.
* * *
On the way home, Noah raises his voice over the sound of the engine. “Do you believe in ghosts?” he asks.
I shrug my shoulders, “I don’t know; I’ve never really thought about it.” I twist my hair and hold it to the side as the wind blows in through the open windows. “Why? Do you have a ghost story to tell me?” He laughs and shakes his head no.
“There’s an old church just up ahead that everyone says is haunted. When I was a kid I would go there with my friends and we would try to scare the shit out of each other.” I bite my lip and nod my head.
“Show me,” I shout. He turns off the main road and follows a driveway that winds up the side of a hill. When we reach the end of the lane Noah parks his car and shuts off the lights. The world around is pitch black. I see the outline of the small church as my eyes begin to adjust to the darkness.
“Ok, tell the truth. You really just used to tell girls that story so you could bring them up here and make out,” I tease.
“Would it work with you?” he asks, lifting his eyebrows up and down quickly. I laugh and slap his arm as he steps out of the car. I wait for him to come around to my side and open my door and then he reaches for my hand and helps me out of the car. He shuts the door behind me and takes my hand again so he can lead me up the trail that is worn into the dirt. I can only see about a foot in front of me clearly, everything else is just silhouettes in the dark.
My heels dig into the ground as we make our way toward the church. “There used to be a security guard here, but I think they let him go. They probably didn’t need him here anymore once my friends and I graduated and stopped terrorizing the place.” We finally reach the end of the trail and I can see how beautiful the little church is with its stained glass windows. I peer inside, leaning in close so I can get a better look.
The only sounds around us are the chirping of crickets and the hum of the cars driving by on the road far below. Noah cups his hands so he can look through the window next to me. My heart is racing from the suspense and the pure exhilaration of standing next to him. Suddenly the floodlights go on all at once as if someone has flipped a switch. The entire place is lit up around us.
“Shit!” Noah shouts as he grabs my hand. He tugs me outside the circle of light and into the darkness. “Ditch those heels. I guess they didn’t get rid of security after all. We’re totally trespassing. We need to run.”
“What?! Noah, are you kidding me?!” I kick off my heels and he tugs my arm, laughing and pulling me in the opposite direction from the way we came in. The ground is cold beneath my feet as we run through what I imagine to be a large grassy field. As if he had perfectly timed it, the sprinklers all around us begin to turn on. I hear the hiss of the water before I feel the cold burst of it against my skin.
Both of us are completely drenched and I am laughing so hard I am having a hard time breathing. My feet slip out from under me and I fall in the wet grass, lying on my back with the water raining down on me.
“Holy shit! Crash, are you okay?” Noah stands over me, laughing, with his hands on his knees. I reach up when he offers me his hand. Since we are already completely soaked and probably going to get caught anyway, I yank a little harder than he is expecting and he loses his footing and falls down beside me.
We lie in the wet grass with the water falling all around us, the hissing of the sprinklers and the pelting water drowning out our laughs. “Remind me never to take you along on a robbery,” he gasps. His deep, rich laughter is like music to my ears. ”That was the most pathetic getaway ever.”
“Oh, Noah,” I sigh, reaching out and taking his hand in mine, “I thought you had finally learned to have fun in the adventure instead of always looking for your getaway.”