Touch If You Dare (39 page)

Well, that was the most unhelpful advice ever. “I’ve boned every eligible female in the physical world, and a bunch who weren’t,” Augustus sighed. “No sparks. Nothing. I’ve tried them all.”

“Maybe you weren’t ready. It wasn’t until almost three hundred years after I’d killed our daughter, abandoned my wife and grandson, and fornicated my way through thousands of assassinations that I realized I’d done it all out of love for my wife.” Napoleon suddenly threw his knife so quickly Augustus didn’t even see it coming before it plunged into his chest.

“What the hell’s that for?” He yanked it from his ribs and nearly doubled over from the agony. “I thought we were bonding.”

“Sorry, mate.” Napoleon punched him on the shoulder affectionately. “But I want my wife back. Talking about her made me realize it was time to take control.”

“Well, you can’t have her!” He coughed, and rainbow bubbles drifted out of his mouth into the air. “What’d you lace this with anyway?”

“Black magic spell. I call it Leprosy on Speed.” Napoleon pulled a heart sock out of his breast pocket and laid it across Napoleon’s knee. “You’ll die in five minutes unless you tell me where she is.”

“But if I die, you’ll never find her.”

“I’ve located every target I’ve ever agreed to kill. I’m like a bloodhound with hands.” He leaned forward, and Augustus saw the ruthless determination. “I will find the woman I love, and it can be either over your dead body or your live one. Your choice.”

Oh, come on. Like the old fart had any chance of bluffing his way out of this one. They both knew he needed Augustus alive to find the love of his miserable life. But even knowing that his nemesis had just played his last card and blown it wasn’t remotely satisfying.

Clearly, Augustus had no heart left. It was time to capitulate. “I wish you the best of luck.” His fingers were turning a shade of green that was really quite putrid. Augustus leaned back, clasped his hands behind his head, and stared at the sky. At the stars. He was tired of fighting. Why bother? He knew the Afterlife rocked. Why not just go? “I accept death.”

“What? You can’t just accept death! You need to be so desperate to live that you tell me where my wife is so I will spare your life!” Napoleon grabbed his shirt and hauled him upright. “What about that woman you’re supposed to meet? Maybe it’s Reina Fleming! And you’re going to die without finding out?”

“Reina?” Augustus rolled the name over his head. “Reina Fleming, woman of my destiny,” he mused. “No, no. There’s no magic there.” Then he remembered that angelic face beaming at him as Reina had argued with him. “But you know who was really interesting? Her sister.”

“Ah…” Napoleon’s grip loosened and he got a hopeful look on his face. “Natalie? She’s a decadent little thing, isn’t she?”

“She’s got a zest for life that’s quite awe inspiring.”

“So, maybe it’s Natalie!”

Augustus contemplated her cherubic face. “Nah. She’s not my type.” His phone rang and Augustus glanced down at it. “Speak of the devil.” He sighed and picked it up, noticing that his fingernails were starting to flake off. “Reina Fleming. You got tired waiting for me to kill you, didn’t you? Well, you’re just going to have to keep waiting because—”

“I’m going to Fenway Park in ten minutes,” she interrupted. “Come take me out.”

Augustus watched his little pinkie slough off and land on the curb. “You bore me. I’m going to die now on my own. Good-bye.”

“Wait! Don’t!”

He sighed. “What now?”

“You really want to die? Then let me kill you. It’s the only way to save my sister.”

“Yes, yes, she’s dying. I already know that.” He noticed that his left foot had fallen off and was now sitting beside his leg. He raised his eyebrows at Napoleon. “Interesting spell.”

Napoleon shrugged modestly. “It has good showmanship value.”

“The Godfather’s going to kill Natalie tonight,” Reina shouted. “Can’t you do one decent thing before you die and let me kill you?”

“Tonight? The Godfather?” Augustus shot upright, sudden fury rushing through him. “That’s not acceptable! Where is she?”

“Fenway Park. Be there in ten.”

“Five. I’ll be there in five.” He shoved his phone in his pocket, whipped out a star, and held it at Napoleon’s throat. “Heal me now, peon!”

Napoleon grinned. “I think you have a crush on the girl.”

“I do not! The Godfather usurped one of my most important clients, giving an ecstatic death to someone who was supposed to suffer egregiously. It took me years to repair the damage to my reputation. I will not let that bastard destroy the one woman on this planet who has an inner fire deserving of deification!”

“You want to kiiisss her,” Napoleon chanted. “You want to huuuggg her. You want to loooove her.”

“Natalie’s an angel child, not a love whore! She’s a beacon of glimmering light. She cannot have her death soiled by that bastard orgasming his dirty soot all over her.” It felt fantastic to want to destroy the Godfather! He hadn’t cared about anything in so long. There was a spark of life inside him after all. Revenge killing was a beautiful thing! He leapt to his feet and whistled for his horses to bring the carriage around.

But his lips flew off and landed in a puddle of engine oil.

“So, shall we go wife hunting then? I hear the Godfather works fast. You don’t have much time.” Napoleon brought out a dagger with a white blade that looked like it might be handy for reversing a body-falling-apart spell. “What’s it gonna be, old man? You going to pass up on exacting revenge on a bastard by saving a girl you idolize, or are you going to let yourself die some pathetic, wimpy loser?”

“I am on fire!” It was time for orgasms to be vilified! Augustus tossed an orange star at Napoleon. “Angelica’s in the null-zone in my mansion. You need—”

“Your mansion?” Napoleon frowned. “I already checked that.”

“The null zone, you dimwit! Am I really going to put her somewhere where magic will work? You can’t sense her because you’re magic! Take the star with you, use it to open the liquor cabinet, and then follow the directions.” He ripped his shirt open and bared his chest. “Save me now! I don’t have time to waste.”

“Stab yourself with this.” Napoleon tossed him the weapon. “You screw with me, and I’ll finish the job. Your penis will be the next appendage to fall off.”

Augustus slammed the blade into his heart and nearly screamed at the pain (“nearly” being the operative word—all he really did was give a manly sneer of disdain). Then his left foot dropped off and he fell to his knees. “You lied!”

“Relax, hot stuff. It takes time to reverse. You’ll still be on your knees by the time I find out if you’re telling the truth about Angelica. It’ll be easy to finish you off if you’re lying.” Napoleon saluted him, wove some archaic and unintelligible figure in the air, and then vanished.

Augustus yanked the blade out and tried to whistle again. No lips rendered him useless. His horses continued to graze on the sparse grass peeking up between the cobblestones. “Hey! Snowball! Carmen! Come on, girls!”

They didn’t move.

“Shit.”

He began to crawl.

***

Yeah, call Jarvis cynical, but the fact he could barely feel Reina tucked up against him because his skin was burning so badly could not be a good sign.

“These things are annoying as hell.” The Reap batted another flying specter out of his way. “But they’re fantastic for image building. Who did them for you?”

“They’re mine.” And he wasn’t all that happy to find they’d followed him into the limo and were caking the windows with their smut.

“Can I borrow them?” The Reap closed his eyes as Reina affixed the second set of falsies on him.

“Be my guest, if you can pry them away from me.” Because it could really be that easy to ditch his destiny.

The Reap held up his scythe. “Anyone want to come with me? Hop on.”

They circled closer to Jarvis. He shrugged. “Can’t help it. I’m a ghoul magnet.”

“Well, then, you must stay by my side. No one will know they’re for you.” The Reap eyed him with a calculating expression. “I’ll double the money. Come work for me, Hate. I think we’d get along so well.”

“I’ll think about it.” A man did need a career, after all. You know, if he wasn’t going to blow up. Odds of that? Not looking so good. Not even with Reina snuggled up against him and stroking his chest. What would he be like if she wasn’t touching him? He didn’t even need to ask. He knew.

He’d be dead.

“Finished.” Reina sat back. “I can’t believe you want to cover up your gorgeous lashes with false ones that are sparse and mutated. Don’t you think that would be a great tactic to have these luscious eyelashes such a contrast to the darkest hell you offer?”

“No, no, there can be no sign of humanity.” The Reap peered into the mirror. His face was steel gray, he appeared to be missing half his teeth, and his face was pinched and drawn with sunken cheeks and eyes. “I look great! I’d scare a vampire right out of his grave. You’re fantastic, my dear. Just in time, too,” he said as the car began to slow down. “We’re almost here.” He gave Reina a pair of cheek kisses that made something not so soft and fuzzy shift inside Jarvis.

“Wouldn’t do that if I were you,” he muttered. “I get testy when another man touches her.” He pulled her onto his lap, so they were chest to chest.

She draped herself over him, and pressed her lips to his neck. “You’re sweating.”

“Hot.” He closed his eyes, focusing on the coolness of her skin. “We gotta find Cameron.”

She rested her cheek against his. “I don’t want you to die,” she whispered. “I want you to stay with me.”

I do, too.
As soon as the words jumped into his mind, an unfamiliar emotion flared inside Jarvis. Something that had nothing to do with darkness and hate and destruction. It was a feeling he’d never experienced before. He was stunned by the magnificence of the sensation. By the faintest hint of soul-deep peace, the utter stillness of his spirit. Then it filled him with warmth… not the burning fire of hate… something richer, purer, like the feel of the sunlight on his face in the morning when he was a kid, when he used to sneak out at dawn to watch Cameron play with the fawns. He reached for the light with his mind, tried to catch it—

The window beside Reina exploded in a shatter of glass. She was ripped out of his lap. Jerked out the window.

And then she was gone.

***

Reina shielded her head as she was hurled through the air. She smashed into a street vendor, sending his T-shirts flying off his cart.

“Hey! Watch out! Those are specially ordered for tonight’s award ceremony!” the man yelled at her.

“Sorry!” Yanking a
Green Monster for the Testosterone Award
T-shirt off her face, she rolled to her feet as a teenager in overalls, a straw hat, and freckles leapt across the road. He landed in front of her, crouching like a frog. His tongue flipped out, like a lizard or a teenage boy going in for his first French kiss.

Or a deedub trying to scent chocolate.

He smiled, revealing two pigeon-toed canines and a chipped incisor.

Her blood went cold. She’d never forget the tooth imprint she’d found on her sisters. It was him. The one who had killed their family. He was back, just as Natalie had said. “Tell me what you want,” she pleaded. “Anything, I swear it. I’ll give it you, just save my sister.”

“Save her?” He gave a low laugh that made her skin prickle. “Baby, I’m here to make sure she dies. One more kill and I’ll be able to graduate. And you’re not going to screw it up. Five hundred years in high school is two hundred years too long.”

“Screw it up?” Reina stared at him, realization dawning. “So it’ll work! That’s what you’re saying?”

“It might, and that’s why you’re going to have to stop messing with her.” The deedub approached with the cocky swagger of a teenager who could get anything he wanted. “I hate to do this, because you’re not a sweet, but hey, a guy’s gotta do what a guy’s gotta to do.” His teeth flashed and his gaze fixed on her throat. “My dad’s going to cut off my inheritance if I don’t graduate this spring. Can’t have that, now can I?”

“I don’t have time for this, you ingrate.” She waggled her fingers and dust shot out of her hands—

He slapped a gas mask over his face a split second before it hit him in the face. “You really think I’m dumb enough not to research who I’m going to kill? Come on, woman, don’t underestimate me just because I’m gorgeous.”

And to think her scythe was just sitting in the car. It so would have come in handy right now—

She forearmed him as he dove for her throat. His teeth slammed into her arm, and she had a split second to rejoice in the sensation of her forearm cracking underneath the force of his bite when pain ripped through her abdomen.

Oh, yeah, forgot about the raptor claws—

She grabbed for her stomach, and he grinned. “You just forgot to protect the throat.” And then he came at her with an openmouthed, full teeth assault—

A tower of raging black flames slammed into the deedub, sending him spinning sideways. Reina scrambled to her feet as Jarvis, utterly consumed by the purple and black fire, thrust his sword into the deedub’s heart. The creature screamed, his skin turned black and wrinkled, like he was having a party in raisin-ville, and then he vanished.