Touch of Madness (34 page)

After spending a few minutes worrying about him, and praying a lot, I hung up. I started a stew cooking in the crock pot and spent the next several hours cleaning house and trying to find places to put all Tom’s stuff. I hung the picture of his family and the group shots of him with his firehouse buddies on the same wall with all of my photos, including the one of Tom as Mr. August from the firehouse calendar. It’s amazingly hot and stays just this side of decency because of the careful placement of a coiled fire hose.

Blank convinced me that he was starving to death and hard food just wouldn’t do. He also lured me away from my work for a while with a wild game of “attack the feather duster.” Eventually he tired of the game and curled up in a sunbeam between a pair of potted plants.

By dinner time the place looked pretty good. Oh, it would need more work before the crew showed up, but the place definitely looked better than it had in a while. I was feeling pretty self-satisfied when the phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Hey baby, it’s me.” Tom was in a good mood, which probably meant that thus far this shift he hadn’t had to deal with anything bad. We’d been together long enough now that I could recognize the strain in his voice when he called after a bad fire, one with injuries or fatalities. He tried to hide how he felt every time, but it always affected him.

“Hi gorgeous. Hope you don’t mind. I’ve been unpacking your things. You get the right half of the bedroom closet and the bottom two drawers. Oh, and I hung your photos.”

There was a long silence on the other end of the phone. “Tom? Is that all right? Did I do something wrong?”

He laughed. “Wrong? Hell no! I just never expected you’d let me move in without pitching a fit, and here you are hanging my pictures for me.”

“Yeah.” I grinned. “Kind of surprises me, too. I guess you’ll just have to repay me in creative ways.”

“Oh, I can do that.”

I mentioned the interview, and my job prospects. He told me it had been a good shift thus far, and that Rob had found another job. Then we said we loved each other, joked about what we’d do when he got off shift the next day, and hung up the phone.

I was in love. And it felt really good.

I ate the stew while watching Danger Mouse on DVD. It’s a British cartoon, with a one-eyed white mouse as a secret agent. Tom’s not a big fan but I am, so I watch it when he’s not around. I had a wild case of giggles watching “The Bad Luck Eye of the Little Yellow God” when there was a knock on the front door. I felt outward but for some reason, couldn’t tell who it was. I furrowed my brow and asked, “Who is it?”

“It’s me, Bryan.”

That seemed odd, but I was glad he was here. I hit the pause button and walked over to unlock the door and let him in.

He gave me a hug as he came through the door. I noticed there was a dusting of snow on the bomber jacket he wore. Apparently while I had been watching the television it had started snowing. His hands were red and cold, which meant the temperature was dropping, too.

“I heard you laughing all the way up the stairs.”

“I’m watching cartoons.”

Bryan stripped off his jacket and draped it over the back of one of the stools by the kitchen counter. “Cool! Danger Mouse. I love that one! Any chance I could talk you out of some of that stew? I’m famished. I spent all day at the hospital and didn’t get a chance to eat.”

“Sure. Help yourself. Any news on Mike since this afternoon? I called, but they wouldn’t tell me anything.”

Brian reached into the kitchen cabinet and pulled out a large bowl. He was filling it with stew as he spoke. “They’ve upgraded his condition to stable.” I raised my eyes and offered a sincere thank you while Bryan kept talking. “He’s conscious and aware. He was worried as hell that Amanda might have gotten you. I told him you were fine, that you’d be there if you could. When Joe came by, Mike raised hell with him for getting you kicked out. Told me that as soon as they get him in a room with a phone he’ll call you, and that you are not supposed to blame yourself.”

I snorted and the cat sneezed in unison. “Yeah, right.”

“We’ve already talked this to death, Kate. You can’t help it that you’re a magnet for nut cases.” An impish grin lit up his face. “It’s like that curse Willow put on Xander accidentally, making him a demon magnet.”

I laughed at his joke. My little brother had shown a grim determination to get reacquainted with pop culture while we were at Brooks’s house. He blew through the movie and DVD rental section at the local grocery with a vengeance. Buffy the Vampire Slayer was becoming one of his absolute favorites. He was trying to catch up with the rest of the series. He’d watched a couple of seasons already, all in a row.

Bryan opened the fridge and pulled out a can of soda. “Okay if I have one?”

“Go ahead.”

“Thanks.” He hooked the refrigerator door with one foot and pulled it closed before moving over to take a seat at the counter with the food in front of him. It was such a familiar gesture that it made me smile again. He took an experimental spoonful, blowing on it to cool it a little before putting it in his mouth. He got a look of rapture on his face. “Damn this is good. I don’t remember you being able to cook like this before. This is as good as Mom’s was.”

“I’ve been practicing,” I admitted with a small blush. “But I’ll never be as good as her.”

He dug in, alternating bites with sips of soda. I wandered back over to the couch and settled down to make myself comfortable.

“Katie.” Bryan’s voice was more tentative than I’d heard it since he’d come back to himself. None of us Reillys are exactly known for timidity, so I had to wonder what was up.

“What?”

“I did something, and I don’t want you to be pissed at me.”

That didn’t sound promising. “What did you do?” It sounded suspicious, even to me.

“I went to look up some of my old friends from…before.”

My stomach tightened into a hard knot. I closed my eyes and fought down a wave of rage. I wanted to scream at him, ask him why in the hell he’d do something so stupid. They’d gotten him into drugs, and when it had gone badly they hadn’t even had the decency to take him home or to a hospital. They’d dumped him at the side of the road in a strange town like so much trash. Why would he care about what had happened to them? But he did. Just like I’d cared enough to save Dylan, even though I knew he’d cheated on me with Amanda.

I grabbed a throw pillow and clutched it to my stomach with both arms, clenching the soft fabric in both fists so that I wouldn’t scream or throw something at the wall. I’ve gotten much better about controlling myself. I’ve only gone through two alarm clocks in the whole time I’ve been with Tom. A new record. But this was definitely pushing my limits. “And? What did you find out?” My voice actually sounded neutral. I was proud of myself for that. Bryan started listing the names of the people he’d hung out with. I remembered a few of them. Others I hadn’t really known. A lot of them hadn’t liked me, or I them. Even the ones who didn’t dislike me had thought I was either a hard-ass or a stick-in-the-mud. Watching his face as he spoke, I saw the depth of pain he tried to hide behind a mask of calm. “Max died of an overdose. John was killed in a car wreck. Mindy and April got scared after what happened to me and stopped using. April got married to Josh last June, They’re expecting their first baby.” He smiled, grateful there’d been at least some good news.

“What about Toby?” Toby had been his best buddy. The fact that he hadn’t mentioned him first was probably a bad sign, but I couldn’t not ask.

He paused and I could almost feel the heartbreak flowing off him in waves. “Toby’s a zombie.”

Shit.

“I’m sorry, Bryan.” I was sorry. I hadn’t liked Toby much, mainly because I’d blamed him for getting Bryan into the Eden scene in the first place. But on my worst day I wouldn’t have wished he’d become a zombie. It was just too horrible.

“I know you hated him.”

No sense denying it. “Only because I blamed him.”

“You shouldn’t. It wasn’t his fault I took drugs, Kate. It was stupid, but it was my choice. You can’t blame anyone else for that.”

Yes I could. And I most certainly did. But I wasn’t going to say that out loud. Nope. Nope. Nope. “We should probably change the subject.”

“Why? It’s over. I’m not going back. Why can’t you talk about it?”

I couldn’t stand any more. “They dumped you at the curb like trash, Bryan! I had to go find you in a strange city, without any clue where you were. Nobody would tell me. If I had any idea for certain who’d been with you that night I would have hunted each and every one of them down and beaten the living shit out of them for that. Yes, I blame them. You’re damned right I do.”

It occurred to me that I sounded exactly like Joe had when I’d agreed to help Dylan. It was a flash of insight like a blinding light that illuminated some of the darkest corners of my mind. I owed my older brother an apology. Maybe not the one he wanted. But I definitely owed him.

Bryan was still talking. I’d missed part of the conversation. He’d moved on to some other tangent and I hadn’t followed it. I shook my head to clear it and turned to look at my younger brother.

“…you just don’t get it! You never have. Joe’s the smart one. He’s a doctor. You were a professional athlete. More than that, you’re utterly fearless. How could I possibly live up to you two? I wasn’t a good enough athlete to pursue professional sports. I wasn’t smart enough to get a scholarship. I didn’t want to do anything else. What was I supposed to do? What was I supposed to be?” He was ranting now, not really expecting an answer. His face was flushed, his hands waving in broad gestures.

“Whatever you wanted.” The words were just a shade above a whisper. He was on the verge of really losing it. I wanted to talk him back from that ledge. I just wasn’t sure how.

“I didn’t know—” he paused, taking a deep breath. “I don’t know what I want. That’s the problem. I’m alive, but I only have my old life, and no hope of any future. I don’t have a fucking clue.”

I let out a sudden burst of bitter laughter. “Welcome to my life, Bryan. Do you think I have a clue? I wish I could help you, but you’ll have to figure it out for yourself. Maybe when you’re at college—”

“I’m not going to college.” He glared at me as he blurted out the words, defying me to argue. When I didn’t, he had the grace to look puzzled. “You’re not upset?”

I sighed. “Bryan, it’s your life. I’m just glad to have you back. Go to college. Don’t. Get a job. Go on welfare. It doesn’t matter. Don’t you understand? You’re alive…you’ve got the whole world to play with. Whatever you do, I’m still going to love you.”

He snorted and thrust out his jaw. “Joe was pissed.”

I shrugged because I wasn’t surprised. “Joe spends most of his life being pissed. He’ll get over it.”

Bryan gave a rueful laugh. “Yeah. I expect he will… eventually. But it really bothered him hearing that I took a job at a grocery store over by Brooks’s mom’s house.”

“You got a job?” I tossed the pillow aside and stood up. “That’s terrific. When did you do that?”

“The other night. You know how I told you I didn’t make it back in time to help you deal with Amanda because I was applying for a job? Well they called me back. I went for an interview and they gave me the job. I start Monday.”

“Congratulations!” I hurried across the room to give him a huge hug. “I’m so proud of you.”

He returned the hug with interest, “You really are, aren’t you? For a minimum wage job moving lettuce around.”

“Of course I am. It’s got to be hard, coming back like this. A lot has changed. But you’re diving in. I mean, you’re not asking for a thing. You’re just dealing with the reality. But you do realize that’s clear on the other side of town. You’re going to have quite a bus ride every day—especially in the winter.”

“That’s partly why I’m here. I was hoping you could give me Brooks’s telephone number. I was going to see if he’d sell me the Oldsmobile.”

“Ooo! Good idea.” I let go of him and started rummaging through the stack of papers that had accumulated at one end of the counter. I’d done most of the cleaning, but I’d run out of steam before I got to the paperwork. Of course, I’d left it for last because I hate it so much. But the card with Brooks’s cell phone number was here somewhere. I finally unearthed the card and read off the number so that he could make the call. He dialed and waited. But apparently there was no answer because he left a message explaining what he wanted and asking that Brooks call him back at my number to let him know one way or another. Brian put the phone back in the cradle. Rising to his feet, he walked over to the kitchen sink and began rinsing out his stew bowl before putting it into the dishwasher. Keeping his back to me so that I wouldn’t see his face he asked,

“Are you going to apologize to Joe?”

I lowered myself onto the nearest stool. The thought had been simmering in the back of my mind for a while, but was particularly strong since my insight a few moments before. But damn it, if I apologized he wouldn’t. He needed to. Not so much to me, as to Tom. My sweetie might hide his feelings well, but he’d been badly hurt by the things my older brother had said. Joe had been wrong. He’d been deliberately cruel, and I wanted him to be sorry about it and say so. The thing was, I was pretty sure he didn’t think he’d done anything worth apologizing for.

“If you’d apologize first, he’d follow. He really does realize that he was wrong about you.” Bryan grabbed his empty pop can from the counter and threw it into the trash with excessive force. “But you’re both so damned stubborn. Neither one of you wants to be the first to give in and admit you were wrong.”

I closed my eyes and counted to ten before I answered. I didn’t want to snarl at Bryan. I didn’t. But he was pushing me into a corner. “If Joe apologizes to Tom for the things he said, I’ll apologize to him for—” I tried to think of the right words for what I was sorry about.

“Um…maybe not being more careful? For making us worry?” Bryan prompted.

A part of me wanted to shout, I know what I’m doing. I can handle it. But I didn’t. Not really. Most of the really dangerous things that came up didn’t give me a lot of warning. Or if they did, I wasn’t bright enough to put together the pieces. I would’ve thought the psychic abilities would help, but they didn’t. Which nightmares were dreams, which ones premonitions? If there was a way to tell, I sure didn’t know what it was. Bryan stepped forward. He put a hand on my shoulder, giving a gentle squeeze. “I know it’s not fair to ask. You were always the first one to give in. But I know Joe won’t, and damn it, I want my family back. Is that so much to ask?” He was pleading with me; the look in his eyes so raw that it clawed at my heart. My throat tightened with emotion.