Trace + Olivia Series Boxed Set (122 page)

I was about ten seconds away from being
pissed
if he’d told his brother what happened. I’d never be able to look Trace in the eye ever again.

“What? No, of course not,” he stopped walking. “Why would you think that?” He asked, his thick brows furrowing together.

“Um, because of the no sex in the office comment,” I tossed my thumb over my shoulder, pointing at the garage.

“Oh, that’s because of Luca and Avery,” he shrugged as he started walking towards his car.

“They’re real people?”

“Yeah,” he laughed, stopping by his car and crossing his arms over his chest. “Luca is Trace’s best friend, which I seriously don’t understand since the guy barely speaks, and Avery is his fiancé… wife,” he shook his head, scolding himself for the mistake. “They’re gone on their honeymoon now.”

“And they both work here and have sex in the office?”

I was so confused.

Trent laughed, clearly amused by me. “Luca does. He helps Trace. Avery’s just hornier than a guy and can’t leave him alone.”

“That’s not very nice of you to say,” I frowned.

Trent shook his head, giving me a small smile. “Once you meet Avery, you’ll see what I mean.”

I wasn’t so sure I wanted to meet this Avery. She sounded like she’d get on my nerves.

“I’ll see you later.” I wasn’t sure if I should kiss him, or hug him, or I don’t know what, so I turned and walked away. That seemed to be the safer option.

“Wait!” He called, the gravel crunching beneath his boots. “Why don’t we go to lunch?”

“I should really go home,” I mumbled.

“But if you were working you wouldn’t be home,” he peered down at me.

He was right. “Fine,” I relinquished without any fight. “I’ll follow you.”

Ten minutes later I found myself sitting at the same booth in the same restaurant I thought Trent might kill Jude in. I couldn’t help but feel a bit nostalgic when I thought of it, and what had then happened in the bathroom.

I also couldn’t believe I’d just gotten fired. I couldn’t care less about the ‘sex tape’ as Trent kept calling it. Did it really count as a sex tape if it was caught on a security camera? Probably.

“I’ll have the club sandwich,” I told the waiter, handing over the menu.

Trent placed his order and eyed me over his glass of water. “Didn’t you get that last time?”

“I did,” I nodded, “and it was delicious. That’s why I got it again.”

“Why not try something new?” He suggested, his smile widening so that I caught sight of the small dimple in his cheek—it didn’t always show, but when it did, it was adorable.

I squeezed the lemon, dropping it into my water before taking a sip. “If I like something, I don’t see the need to try something else.”

Trent cleared his throat and wiggled in his seat, like he was unsure if he wanted to ask something. “Is that why you… uh… haven’t been with anyone else… since me?” His voice was hushed so it didn’t carry through the restaurant.

I traced my finger over some words carved into the table. “I guess you could say that,” I shrugged.

“If you… had feelings for me all these years,” he ventured, “why did you stay away?” His eyes were truly inquisitive and I knew he genuinely didn’t understand why I had avoided him.

“I had my reasons,” I answered vaguely.

“Your mom?” He pressed me for more information.

“She was part of it,” I sighed, swirling my finger around the condensation shimmering on top of the table from my water glass.

“You can talk to me about her, Rowan.”

I looked up at him and his eyes pleaded with me to open up to him. I couldn’t do it though. I wasn’t the kind of girl to confess her feelings and seek comfort in the arms of another person. I preferred to fight my demons on my own. I didn’t need Trent to slay my dragons and be my knight in shining armor. I could save myself… I didn’t know if I wanted to though.

“Rowan?” He repeated my name when I didn’t say anything.

With a sigh, I said, “I know I
can
, but I don’t want to. It’s not something I like to talk about.” I stared down at my water glass and away from his eyes that always saw too much.

“Fine,” he sat back, “I won’t push you.” Tapping his fingers along the back of the booth, he asked, “Have you thought anymore about going to New York with me?” He questioned.

“You asked me last night! This morning I lost my job! So, no, I haven’t thought about it,” I snapped.

“Sorry,” he chuckled. “I really want you to go.”

“I want to go too,” I admitted, crossing my arms over my chest, “but I have to work things out with the kids.”

“I understand,” he nodded.

“No, you don’t,” I muttered. “You don’t get it at all.”

“Why are you in such a mood today?” He eyed me. “Is this a PMS thing or something?”

“No, it’s called a ‘you’re being annoying’ mood,” I countered, looking around the restaurant. I began to feel bad though. I shouldn’t have been taking my anger out on him. “I’m sorry,” I apologized. “I didn’t get much sleep, and getting fired was the icing on the cake for this craptastic day.”

Trent grinned.

“Why are you smiling?” I asked.

“Because, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say that you’re sorry.”

“Well, there’s a first time for everything.” I sat up straighter.

“There most certainly is,” he smirked.

“I don’t want to go to grandma’s without you!” Tristan protested, stomping his foot.

“You love grandma’s,” I kneeled on the ground so that we were eye level. “You’re going to have so much fun and bake cookies for Santa!”

“I want
you
to help me,” he pouted.

“I’m sorry, Tristan,” I ran my fingers through his sandy hair, “but I need to do this.”

Watching the tears brim his eyes was tearing me apart. Maybe I could tell Trent I had changed my mind. I knew he’d understand.

“Okay,” Tristan finally agreed as he hugged me. Just as I was beginning to talk myself out of it, he’d finally agreed. He was such an easygoing child, and so easy to love.

I kissed his cheek and he squirmed. “Ew, Row! Don’t kiss me!”

“Get in the car,” I told him. “Grandma is waiting for us.”

I checked the trunk again to make sure I had all their stuff and the gifts from Santa that I had carefully hidden.

My grandparents lived over an hour away in a much nicer neighborhood than the one we lived in. We didn’t visit them much. My mom didn’t like for them to help us. I’d been bringing Tristan and Ivy to their house for Christmas since I could drive, and our mom always stayed behind. I knew Ivy still remembered previous Christmas’ we’d had with our mom, and it never ended well. Tristan was lucky enough to have never experienced it.

I pulled into the driveway of the nice two-story home. I wasn’t surprised when the door opened and my grandma appeared, her arms spread wide to welcome Tristan and Ivy into her embrace. I grabbed their suitcases, watching her chat happily with them as they beamed up at her.

I didn’t have a very good relationship with my grandparents. It was nothing like what I had with my mom, but I didn’t really know them. I’d never allowed myself to. My mom had made me wary of other people, and because of it I’d shut off my emotions. If you didn’t feel, the things people did to you could never hurt you.

As my mom got worse, I had reached out to my grandparents for Ivy and Tristan’s sake. I did enjoy being here though, it was peaceful, and I didn’t have to worry about my gross step-dad or my drunk mother.

I wheeled the suitcases up the pathway, the bag with the presents slung over my shoulder. Tristan and Ivy had gone inside, but my grandma waited, holding the door open for me.

“I’m sad you won’t be staying,” she smiled kindly, her eyes crinkling at the corners. “I was looking forward to spending time with all of you.”

“I’m sorry I can’t stay.” I placed the suitcases and bag by the steps, shoving my hands in the back pockets of my jeans. The house was clean, warm, and welcoming. The scent of cinnamon hung in the air. “Are you baking something?”

She nodded. “Cookies. Would you like some?”

I started to say no, but instead I found myself nodding.

“Come on then,” she closed the door and waved for me to follow her down the hallway to the kitchen.

I ran my finger along the marble countertops, smiling at the kids as they devoured the cookies.

Being in this house, and seeing how
nice
my grandparents were, made me question how my mom had become such a monster.

“Here,” she held out a baggy filled with snickerdoodle cookies. I gladly accepted them as she patted my cheek. “You’ve grown into such a beautiful young woman. I wish we saw you more often. All of you,” she smiled at Tristan and Ivy. “Please, don’t let your mom keep you away from us.”

I frowned. It wasn’t my mom that kept me away, it was my fear of abandonment. Keeping at a safe distance meant you couldn’t be disappointed by someone’s actions. I’d given Trenton a chance though, so why not them?

“We’ll try to visit more often,” I smiled. “I have to go,” I looked over at Ivy and Tristan. “Give me a hug.”

They dove at me, getting cookie crumbs all over my shirt and on the floor.

“I’m so sorry,” I lowered, stretching my arm out to pick up the crumbs.

“Don’t worry about it,” my grandma reached down, grabbing my arm and helping me up. Stray pieces of gray hair fell into her face. “Can I… can I hug you goodbye?”

“Yeah, of course,” I mumbled, as I hugged the woman. Was I such a horrible person that my grandma felt like she had to ask for my permission to hug me?

“I love you, Rowan,” she smiled as she led me back to the front door.

Love.
There was that word again, the word that made me cringe and feel like my insides were curling in on themselves. Love was nothing but a lie in my mind.

“Mhmm,” I mumbled. Pointing at the bag I’d dropped on the floor earlier, I said, “Their presents are in there. Be sure to hide it.”

“I will,” she assured me, standing in the doorway as I headed to my car. “Have fun!”

I waved my hand and got in my car. I sat there for a moment, staring at the house and the happy picture it made. When had I gotten so messed up? When had my childhood innocence transitioned me into this hardened shell of a person? Would I ever be able to break free of myself?

Back home, I still had an hour before Trent was picking me up for our evening flight. I hadn’t packed yet. I had stared at my closet, willing the clothes to magically appear in the open suitcase, but so far that wasn’t working. Everything I owned didn’t seem like it was enough, but it would have to do. I didn’t have the money to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe.

I packed what I had that I felt would be acceptable for a city like Manhattan and zipped the luggage.

“Where are you going?”

I jumped at the sound of my step-dad’s voice. I hadn’t heard him come home. I guess since he’d been gone for a few days I expected him not to come back.

“I’m leaving for a week,” I answered.

“That’s not what I asked you,” he stepped further into my room and it felt like the aqua walls were closing in around me.

“I don’t see how where I’m going is any of your business,” I stood up straighter. I would not be intimidated and I would not act afraid. I was a strong woman and I wouldn’t let this insignificant piece of shit frighten me. Jim preyed on the weak, and I certainly wasn’t that.

He reached out, wrapping a strand of my hair around his finger and tugging—hard. My teeth ground together as I fought to control the wince that so desperately wanted to twist my face.

“Don’t. Touch. Me.”

The words were hissed between my teeth and they barely sounded human. I was sick of being afraid in my own house.

Jim clucked his tongue. “You can’t talk to me like that.”

He pushed me onto my bed, and all the air left my lungs as his body fell on mine, pining me to the mattress.

Panic shook my body. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t think.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

The counting calmed me and helped to clear my head.

Jim pinned my wrists down and despite the fact that he was a scrawny man he was still strong.