Trace + Olivia Series Boxed Set (151 page)

He narrowed his eyes at what I wore. “Uh, yeah, that thin thing isn’t going to do anything to keep you warm. Put the sweatshirt on and don’t argue with me. I won’t have you getting sick on my conscious.”

“Do you even have a conscious?” I countered, pulling the sweatshirt on. It was warm from the heat of the car and smelled woodsy and masculine with something else that I couldn’t put my finger on that was inherently Jude. 

He grabbed another sweatshirt from the back and shrugged it on before climbing out of the truck with a blanket tucked under his arm. I did the same, standing by the fence as he came around. He tossed the blanket over the fence and grabbed ahold of the top part of the fence and hoisted himself over with one easy jump. Um, yeah…there was no way I could do that in these jeans. It wasn’t that the fence was that high or anything, but I wasn’t sure I was graceful enough not to make a fool of myself. I’m sure Jude would find it absolutely hysterical if I fell on my face. 

He held out a hand for me. “Just put your feet on the bottom piece and lift your leg over. I’ll help you.”

I looked at him hesitantly. 

He thrust his hand towards me again. “Come on, Tater Tot, just take my hand. I would never let you fall.”

I reluctantly did what he asked and let him help me over. Somehow, on my way to the other side I lost my balance and my body slammed into his. We fell to the ground but somehow Jude maneuvered us so that he took the brunt of the fall. He grunted from the impact and then again when my elbow hit his ribs by accident. 

“I’m so sorry!” I immediately jumped to my feet.

Jude was sprawled on the ground with brown pieces of grass stuck in his hair. He seemed stunned, but then he started to laugh. “I said I wouldn’t let you fall and then you went and tackled me. I wasn’t prepared for that pretty girl.”

“I’m so sorry,” I repeated, heat infusing my cheeks at my clumsiness. I was so mortified that I was even able to overlook him calling me ‘pretty girl’. 

He sat up, rubbing the back of his head. “I’m okay.”

He clambered to his feet, dusting dirt and grass from his clothes. He picked up the blanket that had fallen to the ground and started walking. I had no choice but to follow him.

The dead grass crunched beneath my feet as we trudged through the field. It was crazy to think that in a few short weeks spring would be here and the grass would soon be green. Spring was my favorite time of year. I loved the colors and flowers, even the smells. There was something so promising about spring—it was a new beginning.

Jude stopped in the middle of the field and spread the blanket out on the ground. “Sit,” he instructed.

With a reluctant sigh, I did as he told me. “Why are we out here?” I asked, drawing his sweatshirt closer to me as I shivered. 

“I want you to see something.”

“Thanks for the non-answer,” I mumbled as he sat down beside me. He wiggled around until he got comfortable.

He chuckled, sweeping his hair from his eyes. “There’s something I want you to see,” he repeated, “be patient.”

You’d think Jude would know by now that I was the least patient person on the planet. Only a few minutes had past when I asked, “What are we waiting for?”

“Oh, Tate,” he chuckled, his eyes crinkling as he lay back, propping his body up with his elbows, “you’re something else.” Tilting his head, he continued, “Look around you, appreciate what’s right in front of you for a change. You need to slow down and enjoy life.”

“Look at you sounding so wise,” I commented, resisting the sudden urge to smile. I wanted to smile a lot around Jude and that scared me a bit.

He gasped, his eyes brightening. “I am wise.” He sat up and drew his knees up, draping his arms on top. “Now watch, here comes the surprise.”

For a moment, I wondered what he was talking about and then I realized we were watching the sunset. The sky deepened with hues of orange and red as the sun descended. My mouth fell open in awe as the meadow around us became awash with golden light. I didn’t speak and neither did he. For once, I was living in the moment, and maybe this moment wasn’t such a bad place to be.

There was calmness in the air around us as the last of sun’s rays fanned across the land. It didn’t take long for the sun to disappear and for the stars and moon to twinkle above us. 

Without saying anything, we both lay back on the blanket, staring up at the sky above.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” He whispered, his fingers brushing lightly against mine where we rested side by side.

“What?” I asked, trying to pick out any of the constellations.

“Nature…everything…you.”

I felt his eyes staring at the side of my face and I turned to look at him. “Jude—”

He placed a warm finger on my lips. “Don’t say anything. Please, don’t ruin this moment for me.”

I shivered, but it wasn’t from the cold. “I don’t know you at all,” I admitted, feeling ashamed of all the judgments I’d made of him. Knowing Jude in high school, and after what happened with Graham, I’d turned him into this horrible person in my mind but he really wasn’t the guy I thought he was. People are always spouting about not judging one another, but we all do it, and I’d been completely unfair with my assumptions of the man looking at me. I’d held onto childish notions making him into the bad guy, when he really wasn’t. It was so much easier to blame him, though. But easier doesn’t always mean better.

“No, you don’t,” he breathed, scooting closer to me so that there was barely any space between our bodies. He turned away from me to look back up at the night sky. “We didn’t ask any questions today.”

“No, we didn’t.”

“I don’t even know what to ask,” he chuckled.

“I’ll go first then,” I smiled, even though he didn’t see it. I racked my brain for something to ask him. I didn’t want it to be something stupid or irrelevant. Finally, I breathed, “Why me? Why am I different?”

He chuckled, turning to look at me again. His gaze was intense as he grinned. “That was two questions, Tater Tot.”

“They’re similar, so it counts as one.” I stuck my tongue out at him.

Sobering, his eyes darkened as he gazed at me. I saw a million different things in his eyes, none of which I could figure out. “Because you just are.” 

I laughed, “That’s a really sucky answer and you know it.”

“It’s the truth,” he lifted his shoulders in a small shrug. “Even in high school there was always something about you that caught my eye.” Chuckling, he pinched the bridge of his nose. “I think you carved a permanent spot in my heart when you kicked me in the balls. You were so beautiful and fierce.” 

“You’re a strange guy, Jude Brooks,” I shook my head. “Most guys would be turned off if a girl did that to them.”

“What can I say?” He smirked. “I’ve always been different.” He shifted so he hovered above me. My breath stuttered at his proximity. “You wanna know what I think is the most attractive thing about you?”

“What?” I whispered, scared to move.

“That you’re completely unaware of how beautiful you are.”

I didn’t know how to respond, so I didn’t. He lowered his head, and my heart rate picked up, convinced that he was going to kiss me.

I turned my head away before he could try anything and he sank down beside me, letting out a heavy sigh. 

Wanting to alleviate the awkward tension hanging in the air, I said, “Your turn.”

He bit his lip, thinking carefully before searing me with his dark brown eyes. “Do you think you’ll ever stop hating me?”

I wasn’t expecting that question and was unprepared with how to answer. After a moment, I replied honestly. “I don’t know.” I knew that wasn’t the answer he wanted, but it was all I had.

He scrubbed a hand over his face. “At least that’s better than no.”

With a groan, he stood and held out a hand to help me up. I reluctantly placed my hand in his, ignoring how my whole body zinged at the touch.

He draped the blanket over his arm and we headed back to the truck. It didn’t take long for the house to appear and it was just as beautiful as I remembered it.

“I know it’s not the nicest place—” Jude started but I quickly cut him off.

“It’s magical.” Before I could feel embarrassed by my words I jumped out of the truck. 

His grandpa was expecting us and opened the door before I could step up onto the porch. His smile widened and then he asked, “Jude, who’s this pretty girl? Have you finally settled down?”

Jude chuckled, shoving his hands in his pockets. “This is Tatum, she’s a…” He peered at me, tilting his head, “friend from school.”

His grandpa snorted. “I’m old, not blind.” Turning to head inside, he kept a hand on the door and said, “Come on in, Tatum.”

“Play along,” Jude mouthed unnecessarily.

“You know,” his grandpa chuckled as he headed to the kitchen, “I should’ve known you weren’t his girlfriend. You’re too pretty for him.”

I laughed at the same time Jude groaned, “Pap!”

“What?” Jerry shrugged innocently. “It’s true.”

Jude shook his head, muttering under his breath before asking, “What did you make for dinner? Something smells delicious.”

“Pulled pork,” Jerry replied, setting a platter on the table and waving his hand for us to sit.

We had no more than started to eat until he asked me, “Jude said you were a friend from school, what are you studying?”

“Journalism,” I answered, waiting for the dirty look. Anytime I told people what I was studying they would cringe and tell me, ‘good luck with that.’

Jerry didn’t do that.

His smile widened. “Good for you.”

As we ate, he lapsed into tales of Jude and all the shenanigans he’d pulled on the farm. Like trying to ride a cow, falling off the tractor when he was ten and breaking his arm, and skinny dipping with the girl on the next farm over at fourteen. Jude shrugged sheepishly at that one. 

“Always a ladies man, that one,” Jerry chuckled. “I’d like to see him settle down before I die.”

“Pap!” Jude groaned, setting his fork down. “How many times have I told you not to talk about that?”

“Face it, boy, we all die someday and it’s looking like my someday is around the corner. Between my age and my mind, I’m a ticking bomb.”

Jude frowned, his shoulders slumping with sadness. “I don’t like to think about it,” he mumbled.

“I ain’t going to live forever,” Jerry tried to get Jude to look at him, “might as well accept that fact.”

“I’m not very hungry anymore,” Jude pushed away from the table and stormed from the room without looking at either of us. I heard his boots pound against the steps.

Jerry sighed and looked at me sadly. “I practically raised him. He looks at me like I’m his father, and that makes it that much harder for him to accept that I won’t be here much longer.”

“Jude isn’t close with his dad?” I questioned. I’d picked up on some animosity there, but I hadn’t wanted to ask him about it.

“No,” Jerry shook his head sadly, “Andrew, my son, was never a real father to him. My wife and I took him in and practically raised him. It was hard on him when my wife, Mae, died a few years ago.” His brows furrowed together and I was sure he was trying to remember exactly how long it had been since she passed. “Jude doesn’t have much to do with either of his parents. I love my son, but let’s just say he and his wife weren’t cut out to be parents. Jude was merely an accessory for them.”

“That’s horrible.” Something in my heart shifted, a small piece filling with compassion for the man I’d blamed for the worst event in my life. I hated myself for making so many assumptions about him. I’d never given him a fair shot and that made me a pretty sucky person. 

“It is,” Jerry agreed.

Sliding my plate away, I said, “Would you mind if I went and checked on him?”

“Not at all,” he smiled. I started to leave, but his next words stopped me in my tracks and I leaned against the doorway for support. “Be kind to him, Tatum. He needs someone in his life besides me to care about him.”

I swallowed thickly and didn’t look back at Jerry as I headed out of the room and up the steps.

I found Jude in his room, sitting on the bed with his back to me. His shoulders shook and I frowned, realizing that he was crying. Jude Brooks had feelings. Who knew?

I took a hesitant step into the room. I wasn’t sure if I’d be welcome.

“Jude,” I said his name softly as I reached out and put my hand on his shoulder, “are you okay?”

“No,” he looked up at me with red-rimmed eyes, “I’m not.”

I sat down beside him and laid my head on his shoulder. Air escaped his lips in a sigh. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” I whispered, gazing out the window at the night sky.

“Yes. No. I don’t know,” he mumbled, rubbing his face tiredly. “It really fucking sucks to know he isn’t going to be here for much longer and there’s nothing I can do about it. I hate being helpless.”

“It’s okay to be sad or angry or whatever it is you need to feel, but he isn’t gone yet. Enjoy every moment you have left with him, that way you’ll never have any regrets.”

“You make it sound so simple,” he chuckled humorlessly, “but there’s nothing simple about watching someone you love disappear right before your eyes...” He paused, gathering his thoughts. “It’s not even the thought of his death that upsets me, it’s the thought of what comes before…how he’ll completely forget me and I’ll cease to exist in his mind.”

“We can’t live our lives worrying about the unknown,” I stated. “Every day and what it brings is a mystery, a gift to be unwrapped and treasured. All we can do is find happiness in the little things and peace in the chaos.”

He was quiet, absorbing my words. “I can so tell you’re a writer.”

I laughed. “It’s not about being a writer, I’m just a deep thinker.”

We sat like that for a while, side by side with my head on his shoulder. 

Eventually, we headed back downstairs and helped Jerry clean the dishes. I gave the man a hug before we left, holding him tight. 

“You come back now,” he told me, walking out onto the porch as Jude and I headed towards his truck.

“I will,” I assured him, wondering when I returned whether I’d be Tatum or Julia.