Traditional Change (10 page)

"I love you, too. I may be lost in life, but one thing I know right now is that I truly do love you."

"I want you to know that my offer of the job is still on the table. Why don't you take it?"

"Maybe. I would like to. I think it could be fun, and a cool environment. Not to mention the fact that I'll get to see you every day. It's just a lot to consider. Give me a couple of days, and I'll have an answer for you."

Not asking permission or even hinting at his plans, Sawyer mounted her then, and thrust his cock into her wet pussy. The punishment had left her body moist and needy, so his sudden assault was more than welcome.

In and out he pumped, silently pulling her toward orgasm. He kissed her neck, nibbled her ear and drove his cock deeper and deeper with every move. She arched her back, closed her eyes, and when Sawyer reached for her nipple and pinched it, a rush of pleasure erupted from the deepest part of her core. She screamed out his name as her body shuddered beneath his.

Not waiting for her orgasm to subside, Sawyer flipped her onto her stomach and reached for the lube. "I'm going to fuck you in the ass now. You were a naughty, naughty girl. And naughty girls get a good fucking in the ass for misbehavior." His deep, firm voice made her pussy drip with need. He was so fucking sexy.

She looked over her shoulder as he coated his dick in the lube. Then she pushed out her recently whipped ass, never wanting something more. Her submissive screamed out for his dominant. The two needed to be unleashed.

He spread her cheeks with his slick hands and positioned his cock at her tightly puckered entrance. "I want you to breathe and relax. The plug will have loosened you up. Your bottom hole is ready for my taking."

She closed her eyes and did as he ordered. Slowly he pressed forward, spreading the entrance to the most taboo spot on her body inch by inch. His cock was large, much larger than the plug that had just been in her hole, and definitely much larger than his finger. But as she took deep breaths and relaxed, she was able to focus on the erotic pleasure the fullness gave her. Once he was seated firmly in her ass, he paused and allowed her to get accustomed to his girth.

"Are you doing okay, baby?" he asked as he placed soft kisses to the back of her neck.

She nodded and moaned in pleasure. "I like the feeling. I feel so close and connected to you."

Very gently he pulled out a little, only to push back in. He took his time moving, allowing Rebecca's bottom to adjust to the impending ass fucking. She knew it was just a matter of time until his slow movements would turn to hard thrusts. And she wanted it hard. She wanted him badly.

"Fuck me hard, Sawyer," she whispered. "I don't want you to make love to my ass. I want you to fuck it. Fuck it hard."

With a growl, he grabbed her hips and shoved his dick in deep. Without any sense of gentleness, he ploughed her ass. Over and over he jammed his cock inside her—so deep that his balls slapped against her whipped behind. Her pussy gushed, her screams muffled against the sheets, and Rebecca rode the wave of the most intense orgasm ever to rock her body.

Sawyer had been right when he'd said there was a difference between making love and fucking. As her body rocked back and forth, and the hint of pain turned to pure pleasure, she allowed the fire of desire to consume her; the fire caused by the combination of a good ole fucking after a good old-fashioned spanking.

Rebecca walked into the studio anxious to see Sawyer. She hoped he didn't have a client, but even if he did, she was pretty sure he wouldn't care if she stopped by to say hello. Seeing him in his element would be a turn on, anyway. The picture of him hunched over someone, tattoo gun in hand, marking that person forever with his artistic talent made her heart swoon. She had good news to share. She had done some major soul searching and decided to throw caution to the wind. She'd quit her job and given notice to her apartment manager that very morning. She wanted to work with Sawyer. It felt right. She was going to start apartment hunting right away so she could be close to her new job, and closer to him. She couldn't wait to tell him the news, and wanted to do it in person.

She licked her lips and tucked a wayward strand of hair behind her ear before entering. She smiled at Sawyer's front desk man. What was his name? Frank, Hank, Joe? Odd that she had no idea.

"Hi there," she said, as the chime of the door announced her entrance. "Is Sawyer in the back? I was hoping I could stop in and say hi."

The man shook his head as he continued to read the magazine in his hands. He didn't even bother looking up. "Nah, he left."

Rebecca waited a moment for him to offer a little more information. When he just continued to read as if she wasn't even there, she asked, "Is he coming back?"

The man shrugged. "Don't know."

"Did he say anything when he left?" Her annoyance was growing by the second. She made a mental note that one of her first duties in helping with Sawyer's business would be to get rid of this nameless guy.

The man put down the magazine and stared at her for the first time, almost surprised to see that she was still standing there. "He got a call and rushed out of here. He said he had a family emergency. That was it. I'm not even sure if he wants me to lock up or leave." He shrugged and flipped a page. "But I need the hours, so…"

Her heart skipped. "Family emergency? Was he upset?"

"I guess." He looked back down at the magazine. "You want to leave a message or something?"

Rebecca spun on her heels and left. The front desk man was useless, and right now she had a sick feeling in her stomach. Something had to be pretty bad for Sawyer to just storm out and not say anything or give any instructions to his idiot staff. She grabbed her phone and tried calling him but there was no answer. She also sent a quick text, asking him to call her. As she opened her car door, she decided to just head over to his place. Maybe she was overreacting, but she couldn't shake the feeling of doom that was washing over her.

When she reached his house, she could see he wasn't home. Where was he? At his brother's, possibly, but she didn't know where he lived. She picked up her phone and tried calling again with no answer. Something was wrong, and she was helpless to offer any assistance at all.

* * * * *

"Sawyer, it's Rebecca again. Please, I'm so worried."

No response.

"Sawyer, whatever is going on, please call me."

No response.

"It's Rebecca. I'm terrified that something has happened to you."

No response.

"I've been by your place, your work. No one has heard from you! I'm freaking out! Call me!"

No response.

"I love you, Sawyer. I thought you loved me."

No response.

"Clearly you have no intention of calling me again. I thought I meant something to you."

No response.

"Fuck you!"

No response.

"Please call me! Please! You owe me that much."

No response.

* * * * *

Two days had passed, and she hadn't heard from Sawyer at all. Rebecca had left countless messages and texts. She'd even had Caine call—but to no avail. Sawyer hadn't shown up at work, and every time she went by his house, he wasn't home. His piling up mail gave away the fact that he hadn't been home. Her emotions almost paralyzed her. They ranged from fear, to anger, to hurt, and then repeated all over again. Where was he? What was he doing? Was he okay? Did he even care that he hadn't reached out to her in days? Was she nothing to him? Weren't they a couple? Was he hurt? Should she call the police? Rebecca was losing her mind.

"He'll call," Coley tried to comfort her, even though Rebecca could read her friend's expression and could tell that Coley didn't mean what she said. That much was obvious.

"Caine has left a couple of messages. I'm sure Sawyer will get back to him soon," Neely offered.

Rebecca turned toward her friend and glared. "What? Because he isn't going to reach out to
me
? He's not going to call
me
? Is that what you're saying?" She didn't mean to snap, but her emotions and lack of sleep over the past couple of nights had her fried.

"I didn't mean that," Neely said. "I just meant that we will hear from him soon. Maybe he had to go out of town and didn't bring his phone. Caine is calling around, and he should be able to reach someone soon who will know what's going on."

Coley rolled her eyes. "Let's face it; the guy's a jerk. Why wouldn't he call his so-called girlfriend? It's bullshit if you ask me." Her words stung, but Rebecca had to agree. It was bullshit. Complete and absolute bullshit!

"Jesus! I was packing up and moving closer to him. He wanted me to help him with his business. We weren't casual anymore! Or at least I didn't think so. And now he goes and disappears?" Tears exploded from her eyes. She couldn't take it anymore. The pain, the fear, and the threat of abandonment became so overwhelming that it hurt. "I quit my job for him! I gave notice that I was moving out! I really thought we had something special." The tears continued as her words became sobs.

Neely came over and wrapped her arms around Rebecca's shoulders. "I'm sure he is okay and there is a good explanation for this. You just have to remain calm and keep it together."

Rebecca shook her head and swiped at her runny nose with the back of her hand. "No, I scared him away. This was all too much for him." She continued to cry as Neely stroked her back, failing to offer any comfort at all. "I even let him spank me!"

Coley laughed loudly, which had Neely giving her a dirty look. "Coley!"

Coley blushed and looked down at the ground. "Sorry. That was funny, though." She looked up and met Neely's disapproving eyes. "I'm sorry."

"No, it is funny," Rebecca spat. "It's
funny
that I thought I could live this ridiculous lifestyle. Sawyer even said himself that DD takes trust, and it is
funny
to think that I could ever actually trust someone enough. This is proof that you can only have trust in yourself."

"Stop it, Rebecca," Neely said. "We don't know what happened, and until we do, you need to not think that way."

"Why don't you come stay with me tonight?" Coley offered. "Vance is working for the next forty-eight hours, and I'm all alone. We can have some girl time."

Rebecca shook her head. "No. I might as well start getting used to being alone again. It's not like I haven't gone through this before. I'm a pro at picking up the pieces of my fucked up life."

"You don't know that it is over," Neely said. "I still think you will hear from him."

"And then what? Have him tell me that I wasn't the girl for him? I wasn't submissive enough? I couldn't offer him what he wanted. I scared his noncommittal ass away. It's clear to me." Rebecca tucked her bare feet underneath her and curled up in a ball against the armrest of her oversized couch. She knew she looked pathetic in her sweats, with her messy hair and swollen eyes, but she didn't care anymore. She didn't care about much at the moment.

"When's the last time you ate? I'm going to make us some soup," Coley announced as she got up from the couch and made her way to the kitchen, not waiting for an argument from Rebecca.

"I actually believed that we had something special. I should have known better. It was happening too fast and too intensely." Rebecca grabbed a tissue and blew her nose. "I loved him. I really did. I know that might sound crazy since it was so quick, but I allowed my heart to throw caution to the wind." She blew her nose again. "And look where that got me."

"I think you're being too rash in assuming you guys are over. You don't have all the facts yet," Neely tried to offer.

"And you know, I actually got the whole DD thing. I finally understood why you all believe in it and live it. It was something I was prepared to give him. My biggest gift was giving him my full and complete submission." Rebecca's sobs became too much, and she could no longer talk. Not that it mattered. She had nothing left to say. Her heart hurt. Her body ached. Her soul was shattered.

All she could do at that moment was close her eyes and hope that the darkness would take away some of the pain. Sleep was all she had left at this point that could offer some sort of comfort.

She wasn't sure how long she had been asleep, but she awoke to her phone ringing and Neely answering it. Rebecca sat up and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes as Neely walked over and handed her the cell with a gentle smile on her face.

"It's Sawyer," Neely announced.

Rebecca stormed into the house without even knocking. All sense of reason, respectability, and sanity had left her days ago, he was sure. He was pretty positive he had put the poor girl through hell. "It's been two fucking days! Where the hell have you been?" she demanded.

Sawyer flinched at the pain and anger in her voice. He hated that he'd hurt her, but he couldn't deal with anything but the pain and the blackness that almost swallowed him up on a minute-by-minute basis. The previous days had passed in a blur. "I'm sorry. I know I should have called sooner. It's just that I—"

"What? That you are a coward and couldn't break up with me in person? You don't have the balls to end it like a man?" Fury had his beautiful Rebecca turning red as her small frame stiffened more with every attacking word. He had never seen her so angry or so hurt before.

His eyes welled with tears he couldn't fight off, and he swore under his breath. "My brother died." Saying the words aloud filled him with a sudden urge to vomit. It made it real. Too real.

"Amos?" Her voice went from screeching banshee to barely audible in an instant. "Dead?" Her brown eyes filled with tears. "Oh God. Oh, God!"

Sawyer cringed inside. He'd spent the last two days not sure whether he could survive, but somehow he'd come out of the black tunnel. He had to. But now, standing here and telling the woman he loved that his brother was dead almost buckled his knees. He wasn't strong enough to breathe right, let alone to comfort Rebecca, but he owed her something.

The full implication of his words seemed to hit her as she gasped, and the blood drained from her face. Her chest rose and fell rapidly as she raised a trembling hand to her lips. "How?"

"Overdose." He couldn't stand not touching her. He pulled her trembling body to his and held her tightly. "I should have called," he whispered as he petted her hair. "I don't know. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do."

"Are you okay? I'm so sorry." She pulled away from his embrace and stroked the side of his face. "Is there anything I can do?" She started to cry and shake her head, as if in denial. "You must be in so much pain. Amos… he overdosed?"

"I warned him. I told him that shit would kill him someday." Sawyer just shook his head and walked away. He needed to sit down before he collapsed.

"What can I do? What about the funeral? Do you want me to help with that?" Rebecca followed him to the couch and sat down beside him.

"No. Amos didn't roll like that. He would have hated that shit."

She nodded in agreement, swiping at her tears. "Is there anything I can do at all? I'm here for you in any way you need."

Sawyer bent his head, elbows on his knees, covering his face. He closed his eyes, trying his best to block out the agony. It didn't help that Rebecca started to rub his back. He knew her intent was to offer comfort, but she was only increasing his pain.

"I know I should have called. I'm sure you were worried," he offered. She remained silent but continued to rub his back. "But my life is out of control, and I'm trying to get it figured out right now. Everything has changed for me." He ran his hands through his hair and took a deep breath. "He was such a fucking mess, but I loved him. I tried to get his stubborn ass clean so many times. I threatened, I begged, I offered money, rehab—anything for him to stop. He had so much to live for."

"It's not your fault," she whispered.

"It feels that way. I keep thinking there was more I could have done."

"You did what you could. You can't make someone quit. He knew you loved him."

"But it wasn't enough. He died with a fucking needle in his arm! My world is spinning, and I don't know what to do next."

"I know. You just lost your brother. It's going to take time."

He sat up at that, and stared directly into her eyes. "That's just it. I don't have time. I have to get my shit together now more than ever." He stood up and reached for her hand. He pulled her down the hallway to his room and quietly opened the door. Inside the dark room, lying in bed with the blanket pulled up to her chin, was a little girl, fast asleep. When he saw the shock and confusion on Rebecca's face, he said, "That's Amos's little girl, Lanie. She's three years old and alone. All she has is me." He closed the door and led them back into the living room.

"Amos had a-a daughter?" Rebecca stuttered. "Where is her mother?"

Sawyer shrugged. "She could be dead somewhere or high in an alley for all I know. She left shortly after Lanie was born. She was more fucked up than Amos."

"So…"

"So, I'm all she has now. Just like that I lose my brother and become a guardian for a toddler." He began to pace the living room. "I might not be on drugs, but I'm just as fucked up as Amos. I don't know shit about raising a kid."

"You'll figure it out. You're a good person, Sawyer."

He shook his head. "I was just starting to get things figured out. I have a good job, and I found a wonderful woman. Now everything is fucked!"

She walked up to him and placed her small hand in his. "Why? Why is it all fucked up? You still have a good job, and you still have a wonderful woman. I'm not going anywhere."

His heart skipped a beat as he looked into the eyes of the woman he couldn't imagine losing. But she couldn't be serious. What woman in her right mind would want to start off a relationship with this much baggage? "I can't ask you to stay. It wouldn't be fair."

Tears welled up in her eyes again. "Don't say that. I already thought I'd lost you, and it literally made me ill. I cried more over you than when I went through my divorce. Don't expect me to just turn my back and walk away."

For the first time since the terrifying phone call and Amos's death, a hint of hope entered Sawyer's nightmare. Was she serious? She wasn't running away to find something a whole lot less complicated? "His little girl. She needs me. I'm all she has."

Rebecca nodded and smiled. "Yes, she does need you. She's going to need a lot of love, and the last time I checked, I had a lot of love to offer." Showing a side of strength, focus and stability that Sawyer wasn't used to seeing in her, she continued, "I'll help you. I'll help you in every way."

* * * * *

Rebecca could have kicked herself for ever doubting Sawyer's love for her. She should have known better, and known there had to be some sort of explanation. He wouldn't have just left her, and it was about time she started to truly trust in the man standing before her. He was good, loving, protective, extremely alpha, and, right now, in a lot of pain. In an unexpected turn of events, he needed her more than she needed him at the moment. And there was a little girl asleep in his room who needed them both.
Both
. Without any doubt in her mind, she would volunteer for the job.

It was time she rediscovered the level-headed, responsible Rebecca that everyone knew. She'd lost that girl in her pot smoking, tattoo receiving, tree-climbing haze. But it was high time she put her skills to use. She pulled Sawyer over to the couch and made him sit.

Looking at him as she paced, she began. "So, the first thing we need to do is make things comfortable for Lanie." She looked around the living room. "We need to find a larger place. This house has only one room, and it's a real bachelor pad. We need to get her clothing and belongings from Amos's place, and we need to—"

"Wait." Sawyer held up his hand and stood up. He took her into his arms and placed a small kiss on her lips. "Are you sure you want to do this? You don't have to. I'm giving you an out if you want it."

She shook her head, trying not to be offended by his statement. "I don't want an out. I want you and all that it entails." She pulled away so he could see the seriousness in her eyes. "I quit my job, I gave notice to my apartment, and I'm coming here to help you with your business. And now with Lanie."

"It's a lot to ask."

"I want this, Sawyer. I wanted it even before Amos's death. But I think before it was because you were helping me find myself. I was grateful for that. But now…" She paused and studied his face while she came up with the right words. "I realize that you need me, too. We need each other. This journey of life, as crazy as it is—we can do it together."

"You're stronger than I gave you credit for, Rebecca. I expected you to run, with the stress of my life being too much for you to take."

She smiled. "I am strong. I guess I just forgot that a bit myself. I needed to make a change in my life; in my way of thinking, and in my way of loving." She wrapped her arms around his neck. "But, please, promise me something."

"Anything," he said, kissing the tip of her nose.

"Don't ever think I'm too strong to be spanked."

He laughed out loud; the joyous belly laugh that Rebecca loved so much. "Never. You will never be too strong, too independent, or too anything to land yourself over my knee."

"Then it's a deal. We'll take the next step of this journey, and every step after that, together."

And just like that, Rebecca had found the woman she had lost. Found the man she had always needed and craved. Found the life she had been searching for. And all she had to do had been to make a change. A Traditional Change.

~The End~