Trespass (12 page)

Russ killed the engine and held the steering wheel, staring out over the lot, past the town, up toward the mountains.

“So this is it, huh?” she asked.

He kept his attention on the distant hills, wishing his heart were there with it.

“Russ…”

He shut his eyes tight for a second then opened them and met her light brown ones.

“Please, Russ. Let me go.”

What he saw and heard in her broke his heart—not a trace of manipulation, barely even desperation. Just fear and regret. He felt it in his own body, way down deep in his bones.

“If I let you go, it’s my fault the next time you rob somebody.”

She didn’t deny that she might indeed do such a thing…no denials or promises to straighten up. She really didn’t see another option for herself, and that about ripped Russ to shreds. He studied her face, took a deep breath to try to quell the ache in his chest.

“How come you didn’t ask me for money?” he asked. “How come you thought drugging my dogs and stealing from me was the best thing you could do?”

She aimed her eyes lower as she thought about it, staring at Russ’s throat or collar. “If I’d asked you and you’d said yes, I’d have owed you an explanation.”

“And you don’t feel like you owe me one now?”

She smiled sadly. “Probably. But also, you’re a very nice man.”

“You got some policy against stealing from assholes?”

She bit her lip. “I thought if I got away, you weren’t the type who’d hold a grudge. I thought maybe you’d let me go, realize I’d only do that to you if I was in really deep trouble. I hoped maybe you wouldn’t report it.” She offered another weak smile, looking unimpressed with her own reasoning.

Russ wondered if she’d gotten him pegged about right. He couldn’t be sure, given how things had ultimately played out. “I’d have lent you money. I’d have
given
you money. No questions asked.”

Her eyes shifted unsteadily between his. “Would you?”

“Sure.”

“Why?”

“Because I liked you. Or I liked Nicole, anyhow. I liked who I thought you were.”

She drew a long breath through her nose and stared out the window past Russ. “I’m sorry I’m not her.”

He swallowed, choking down a clot of painful emotion. Oddly, he missed Nicole. He’d fallen half in love with a woman who didn’t exist, and now she was gone, like a dream.
“It’s a real shame how all this turned out.”

She nodded.

“You got anything else to say to me before we go in there?”

“I already asked you to let me go, Russ. I’m not going to beg.”

“Fine.”

“Is there something else
you
wanted to ask me before we go in there?”

He let the steering wheel go, slid his keys from the ignition and held them tight, metal biting skin. He turned to her. “Why’d you sleep with me?”

Her eyes widened. “Why’d I sleep with you?”

“Was it to get me all cozy, lower my defenses?”

Her mouth dropped open, and she touched her lips, looking as though he’d slapped her across the face. “No, Russ. I slept with you because I wanted to. It was selfish, but I wasn’t… I didn’t fake any of that. I wanted that. I wanted
you.”
She looked down at her hands. “If I hadn’t messed all this up and wrecked the memories for the both of us, I’d still want you, right now.” She glanced up again. “You’re the kindest, most genuine man I’ve ever met.”

Russ frowned, unwilling to believe her and put himself in a position to be the dupe again.

“And I knew when we slept together I didn’t deserve you, because I already knew I’d end up hurting you. But I still wanted you. I just wanted a night or two with somebody like you, because I’m not going to meet a man like you again. That’s a fact. I took that, like I took your watch, knowing I didn’t deserve it. And I’m sorry. Not because I got caught, either. I’m just sorry.”

“It wasn’t like my goddamn watch,” Russ said. “You took my watch and it burns me, you know.” He rubbed at the knot forming beneath his ribs. “You sleep with me, let me think maybe there was something there that wasn’t…that just rips my fucking heart out. Don’t compare the two. It pisses me off.” Hope versus gold; Russ knew which it hurt more to lose, and which one would be keeping him up nights.

He watched her collect her thoughts. Her hands rested on her thighs, one finger picking at a rip in her jeans. “I’m the last person who’s earned a chance to defend themselves, but I wouldn’t have done that if I hadn’t felt something too. I swear.” She tilted her chin up to meet his eyes. “I just wanted to know you, while I had the chance.” She looked away and Russ could see a tic in her jaw from the effort she was making to not cry. A tendon rose along her throat as deep pink patches blossomed on her neck. She was a good actress, but Russ doubted even this girl could fake herself a case of hives.

She waved a hand at the station. “Let’s just go.” Tears formed and fell, and she dragged her knuckles beneath her eyes, as though angry at her glands for betraying her.

“You can get yourself calmed down first,” Russ offered.

“I’ve taken enough from you already. Don’t let me waste any more of your day.” She unstrapped her belt. Russ grabbed her wrist as she reached for the handle.

She tried to tug her arm from his grip. “I’m not running.”

“I know you’re not. Just wait a second.”

More tears came, and it was the crying Russ suspected she was eager to flee from, not him. “You got family? Somebody who’s missing you?”

She shook her head, wiping her nose with her free hand.

“The man you said you hurt, more than you meant to,” Russ said. “Did he hurt you first?”

The words came out through a stifled sob, sticky and thick. “No. But he hurt a friend of mine.”

Russ felt two bad decisions tugging him in opposite directions. He opened his mouth to speak just as the door to the station swung open. The sheriff’s deputy strolled out, pulling a pack of cigarettes from his pocket. He grinned in their direction and crossed the pavement. Russ let Sarah’s wrist go and rolled down his window, heart thumping against his ribs. He offered a broad smile. “Mornin’, Ben.”

“Mornin’ yourself, Doctor. Anything I can help you with?” Ben leaned his bony elbows on Russ’s window, ducking to smile at Sarah. Russ stole a glance at her, saw fear plastered all over her grinning face. He wondered if Ben was taking in her hives, her brimming eyes, maybe just her breasts… Russ tried to pick the right words, to figure out what he was supposed to do. One mental image of Ben leading her into a holding cell and the nausea it triggered was all the answer he needed.

“Oh, no,” he said. “Me and my friend were just arguing about where to grab some breakfast.” He smiled at Ben again, wondering what Sarah’s face must be doing behind his back. “Sorry to compromise the station parking lot while we’re deciding.”

“Tough call,” Ben said, eyes still locked over Russ’s shoulder. “Diner’s got the best eggs, but the café’s got better coffee.”

Russ nodded. “Think we’ll go to the diner then. Anyhow, I’ll let you get back to work.”

Ben finally straightened, sliding a cigarette from his pack and wandering to the sidewalk to stare down the quiet road.

Russ jammed the key back in the ignition and started the truck. “Buckle up.”

Sarah turned her head so fast it whipped her hair around. “Why?”

“Because I’m not sure what to do yet. We’re going back to the house.”

“Seriously?”

“I didn’t say I’m letting you go,” Russ said. “But I don’t know what to do with you yet. Don’t get your hopes up. Consider yourself under citizen’s house arrest ’til I’ve made up my mind.”

She buckled her belt and squared her shoulders. Russ could see her thick outer shell falling back into place, the pink blotches on her neck the only evidence still undermining her otherwise convincing tough-cookie act.

As he swung the truck out onto the street, Russ wondered if she’d won…if all this with the tears and the flattery had been an act he’d gobbled right up, idiot that he was. He didn’t think so. His blinders were off, gone along with the mind-clouding lust. Gone was the gullible, horny romanticism, replaced by Russ’s usual good-natured pragmatism.

“How much were you hoping to sell my watch for?” he asked.

She eyed him distrustfully, holding back her answer.

“Enough to buy a ticket to Calgary or someplace?”

“I can’t leave the country. I don’t have my passport, and even if I did it might be flagged.”

“So what then?”

She shrugged. “I dunno, Russ. Just keep moving.”

“For how long?”

Another shrug. “I don’t think there’s a statute of limitation for what I did, so forever, I guess.”

Russ’s people-reading faculties had indeed returned to him, and he could sense a breakdown brewing behind her blasé act. He decided to let her keep her charade—her pride was probably the only she had left to her name. Whatever that name might be.

He pulled them into a gas station, and Sarah got out of the car to stretch as he filled the truck. He kept his eye on her but she didn’t make a run for it, didn’t lunge for the squeegee and try to clock him. She sat on his hood, staring across the street at the tiny town center.

“Does this place have a drugstore?” she asked.

Russ didn’t respond. He topped off the tank and replaced the pump. He came around and opened her door for her, slammed it as she took a seat. He climbed into the driver’s side and started the engine.

She touched his arm, and Russ chose to believe that tingling sensation was his skin crawling, not warming.

“Drugstore? Please?”

Giving her a stern look, he weighed trust against stupidity. He turned them back onto Main Street, holding up the hand he had dangling out the window as he passed a regular client.

“Please, Russ. I haven’t felt like a human being in three weeks. If you’re going to turn me in tomorrow, give me one day to feel like that again.”

“Maybe.”

“Look, there’s one.” She aimed her finger up ahead of them. “Let me just get a couple things.”

“Fine.” Russ made a left into the pharmacy parking lot. “But I’m coming with you.”

They parked and he followed her inside, followed her straight to the women’s hygiene section. Russ felt his face go red and rethought this plan. He went to the rear of the store, checking to see the back door was locked. Passing by Sarah again, he kept his eyes off the box she was examining.

“I’ll be in the truck.”

Sarah stepped out of the store five minutes later with a plastic shopping bag swinging from each hand. As she climbed into the cab and slammed the door, Russ’s hammering pulse began to slow.

“Thank you. See? I didn’t run off or anything. Just needed some things.”

He shifted in his seat. “You got enough money?”

She met his eyes. “Yeah. Enough.”

“Where’d you get it?”

Her amber eyes narrowed. “I didn’t steal it.”

Russ started the truck. “I believe you. But don’t sound so defensive, after what happened last night.”

“It’s the last of my savings,” she said quietly.

Russ turned a thought around in his head as he steered them out of town and onto the two-lane highway. “I’ll pay you, you know. If you help me with the chores and the horses.
If
I let you stay.”

Neither said anything for over a minute, until Sarah finally asked, “Yeah?”

“Sure. Not a lot. I mean, I’d already be feeding you. But something, so you can maybe save up enough to get someplace, when you’re ready to. Again,
if
.”

“When I’m ready to? You mean when you decide it’s time to kick me out?”

“I mean the next time you decide you’re ready to drug my dogs and run off in the middle of the night. Maybe by then you’ll have enough cash for bus fare to wherever you’re wanting to go, and if I find my truck and my family heirlooms and my ketamine are still where they should be, I won’t run after you.”

She made a smug little noise, a laugh or sigh, and the warmth in her voice made Russ’s collar feel tight.

“Deal,” she said.

He looked at her sideways with a raised eyebrow. She raised one back and put out her hand. Russ gave it a brief, awkward shake then wrapped his own back around the wheel, trying to forget how soft her skin was, how burned he still felt about the sex.

He supposed they both knew what his decision was, then—the one he’d already known he was making the second he pulled away from the police station. He wouldn’t be taking her back there tomorrow, not ever, unless she had the gall to screw him over again and get caught at it.

The only place he was taking her was
in,
back into his home. Stupid-ass decision, maybe, but he’d accept whatever bad came of it. Couldn’t be worse than leaving her in custody, not knowing her full story.

“You know,” he said, thinking out loud, “one of my uncles used to have this old saying about how you could tell a stupid man, because he was one who’d get kicked by a donkey, over and over. And how a smart man was the one who’d get kicked once, then learned to not stand behind a fucking donkey.”

She huffed out a tiny laugh. “Okay.”

“You’re the donkey, Sarah.”

“Yeah, I figured as much.”

Russ waited for a straight stretch of road then turned to stare at her, waiting until she met his eyes. “I’m not a smart man, so I’m asking now—please don’t fucking kick me again.” He turned back to the road.

“I promise I won’t if you never tell me another hokey country wisdom adage ever again.”

Russ smiled grimly to himself, kept his attention trained homeward. “Guess I’ll keep the ice handy.”

Chapter Seven

During the forty-minute drive home, Russ’s heart slowed to a manageable pace. Wrong decision or not, keeping Nicole—no, keeping
Sarah—
here felt right. Or if not right, at least he could breathe again. Still, he was careful to take his keys with him as they left the truck.

He trotted up the steps and unlocked the house, glancing at his prisoner’s face as he held the door open. Her hives had faded but her nostrils and lips and ears were still flushed pink.

“Thanks.” She slipped by him and went to take a seat at his dining room table.

He followed, dumping his keys on the counter then picking them up again, mustering the good sense to keep them in his pocket. “Don’t thank me yet. Like I said, I don’t know what I’m going to do with you.”