Trigger (10 page)

“Steven . . . it’s . . .”

“What’s wrong Judy?”

“I . . .”

“I’m at the club come over now.”

She barely stops at Charles’ door and tells him
she’s going out and doesn’t know when she’ll be back.

BB got her to Steven who
was waiting at the door. She doesn’t know how long she’s been
crying in frustration, self pity and shame. Steven’s shirt is wet
and he’s still holding her and handing her tissues. He hasn’t said
a word, but he’s listened to everything.

She’s told him about her family and how humiliated
she is over her actions at the charity event and the ice cream with
the chocolate covered cherry on top and giving the red gown to the
hooker and how she bought three companies and she probably won’t
need Simon to destroy her company because she’s going to do that
all by herself and the life size poster that her own staff made to
throw in her face and then she lays down on his lap and goes to
sleep.

It takes forever for her to figure out where she is
and then she remembers and she feels worse that she dumped all that
shit onto a very nice man, who doesn’t deserve her whinny ass crap,
as her Dad always yelled at her.

A chair has been pushed near her. There is a bottle
of water and what looks like a couple of Advil.

She takes the pills and drinks the bottle of water
without stopping. Crying really makes a person thirsty. Her eyes
feel puffy and she knows anyone who looks at her will be able to
tell she lost it and cried from weakness for hours. She groans with
shame and knowing that for the first time she let everyone in her
life down, but even more painful is the realization that she let
herself down for not keeping it together.

Checking her cell phone for the time, Judy ignores
the blinking message light. She’s been sleeping for three hours.
It’s nearly one o’clock in the afternoon!

She’ll have to hide out in here until her face
resembles a living person, but she really has to pee. The palm tree
planter is her only option and she strongly considering it when the
door opens quietly and Steven walks in.

“Everyone is gone. Go to the locker room and wash
up. I’ve got lunch ready for you.” He smiles and motions with his
head for her to leave his office and come out of hiding.

“French fries! You made me French fries and a
burger.”

“No, I ordered them for you.” Steven sits across
from her and his plate is filled like mine.

“No way, you eat French fries.”

“Don’t tell anyone, but I’m a recovering junk food
addict. Any excuse to fall off the wagon and I’m on it like flies
on fresh shit.” He gives her a wicked grin.

“Ew! I’m trying to eat here.”

We share the same ketchup bowl for awhile.

“Thank you.”

“I should be thanking you, Judy. These French fries
are delicious. I’ve been craving them for weeks.”

“Do you cook?”

“When I’m desperate and too tired or uninspired to
go out, you?”

“I’ve thought about it. At home, I do cereal. Milk
is all I have in the frig and maybe some cheese. Captain Crunch is
my favorite. Not that peanut butter one; the original.”

He lets her choice of cereal pass without a
disparaging comment.

“Thank you Steven. Thank you for this wonderful meal
and for . . . everything else.”

He nods and stuffs three French fries in his
mouth.

“I was so out of control. I was shaking and my teeth
rattled. I thought of everyone I knew, but you were the only one I
wanted to call. I’m sorry I brought all my mess to you. That wasn’t
a nice thing to do. Are you my friend?”

Steven is startled by her question.

“I’ve never had a friend, are you what a friend
is?”

“Yes.”

“Am I your friend? Would you call me if you were in
trouble?”

He doesn’t answer for a long time. “I don’t know
Judy. I’m not a sharing kind of guy.” His voice lowers, “that’s
probably the biggest reason my wife, left me. The last thing she
yelled at me before she stomped out the door, taking my life and my
daughter with her is that she’d never seen me cry.”

“Why did she want to see you cry?”

“I guess I didn’t show enough emotion. I guess she
thought I was cold and standoffish. Sharon is high strung, full of
fun and energy. She’d bawl her eyes out over a movie and make snow
angels that held hands all over the backyard and then cry when the
snow melted. She’d get turned on and turned off so fast, I didn’t
know which way was up and which way was down. It was easier . . .
safer to be stable and consistent, especially after the baby was
born.”

“You still love her.”

“I will always love her. When she left my life
ended. I remember the moment. The door shut, the lock clicked and I
died.”

She studies his face like she’s never seen Steven
before. He’s a person with hopes and dreams and has been hurt
beyond what she can imagine. She wants to hold him, to wipe away
his nonexistent tears that she can feel but not see. Her brain
tells her to get up and walk over to him and hold him. Her instinct
tells her not to rock the boat he’s built because she is not strong
enough to save him if she’s wrong.

“Can I get another drink?”

He nods.

“Want one?”

He shakes his head.

Quietly she stands undecided then walks slowly
behind him and wraps her arms around his shoulders and holds on
tight pressing her head against his. “We’re quite a pair aren’t
we?”

Steven wraps his arms around hers. “When you started
to come here, little by little I began to feel life again. Small
things you would do. Look up at me with your beautiful eyes begging
me to let you stop, or stomping mad when I wouldn’t let you do
something you wanted. How you always look happy to see me when you
come in. How you look around for me, when you need me, and light up
when your eyes find mine. There are a thousand of them. You’ve
become important to me and I can’t image how I’d feel if you
stopped coming here.”

She lets go, sits in his lap and holds his face
between her hands. She’s never felt the desire to see another
person closely. Everyone in her life is a quick snap shot, which
she memorizes and puts in alphabetical order in her head. She wants
to see Steven with different eyes. She’s hungry to see beyond the
face, there’s got to be more than what she has experienced or the
human race would not have survived.

She looks at his strong nose, lush eyebrows, feels
his eye lashes and drags her fingers across his cheek bones. His
skin is warm and soft and rough where his stubble is growing from a
morning shave. Her hands now eager to see all of him, cup his jaw
that has been hit so many times as he boxed, but it is still
strong, undamaged and hard like a Greek statue.

His lips are full and perfectly shaped even to the
heart that begins in the center and gracefully flows to the
corners. She traces its shape and feels him tremble.

She smiles at the dimple centered on his chin. She’s
always wanted to touch it. She touches it lightly.

“I’ve always wanted to touch your dimple. It gets
deeper when you’re mad and even deeper when you’re happy. I check
it out when I come in, to see what mood you’re in.”

He laughs once and licks his lips. His tongue looked
soft and puffy and left his lip glistening wet. His lips are
slightly parted and she feels his warm breath on her face.

“I want to kiss you? I’ve never kissed anyone
before. I’ve never wanted to kiss anyone. Please.”

Steven swallows and licks his lips again. She leans
in closer until their noses touch, it feels good. She never thought
that noses were so sensitive to touch and wonders if it feels the
same to him. Wanting more she gently glides her nose against his,
delighting in the sensation. He groans softly deep down in his
chest.

It’s a spark she feels on the first tiny touch of
lip-to-lip but it doesn’t hurt. It makes her want more, to feel all
of his lips on her. She presses her lips to his but its not enough
something’s missing.

“Please help me, Steven, I don’t know how. I want
more but I don’t know what to do.”

Her lips vibrate against his as she pleads and
Steven tilts his head, puts his large hand on the back of her head,
lifts her chin with the other and presses his lips against hers.
She hears her groan and he presses harder and now she’s desperate
for more to be closer to feel more of this heady feeling of flying
into the sun and joy of discovery and the warmth.

Her body moves until she has a leg on either side of
his lap and her chest presses against his. Her hands grip his hair
to bring him down harder against her lips as her arms clench around
his ears holding him tight to her.

She breathes and he breathes and they share their
breaths that smell delicious of French fries and tastes of sweet
ketchup as his tongue touches the tip of hers.

It’s like a jolt of electricity and she must have it
again. Her tongue reaches for his and she feels the moist, gliding
warmth and softness. His tongue strokes hers and she groans into
his mouth.

Steven’s mouth that she’s watched move as he talked,
pressed his lips together in disapproval, smiled at her in
happiness, and told her he was proud of her. Her feet reach for the
floor so she can stand and use all her strength to move and
discover this wonderful, magnificent man that promised he would
never hurt her.

She’s forced his head back, so she can take all of
his beautiful mouth in hers. Her hands let go of his head to cradle
his face, caress his strong neck and feel his shoulders strong and
muscular but so soft and warm to her touch.

Steven suddenly breaks away and buries his face into
her breasts and wraps his arms around her.

“Oh my God Judy, what are you doing to me?”

“I don’t know love. Please help me, but please don’t
stop kissing me. That I know I love.”

Steven pushes her away, but he doesn’t let go and
he’s holding her tightly away from him. He looks at her, his eyes
bore into hers, searching for something and she doesn’t understand
what he’s searching for. She looks back at him trying to see what
he sees and sees herself reflected in his eyes.

“I can see myself in your eyes Steven. Can you see
you in mine?” She feels so happy and her smile stretches her
lips.”You look good with me in your eyes. Your beautiful blue eyes
that I can’t wait to see everyday and miss when I can’t come
here.”

“I can Judy.” His voice is throaty and sexy.

“Kiss me quick before I die of happiness.” She’s
yelling and knows he’s not going to slap her for being too loud.
He’s going to kiss her again and he does. Soft and gentle Steven
brushes his lips against hers. Each time she tries to press him
harder against her, he pulls back to lightly caress her lips.

“Relax sweetheart. Savor the kiss, its God’s
greatest gift.”

She groans and does as he asks. He’s never been
wrong when it comes to her body. She’s whirling, spinning and
begins to ache in her belly. “It’s uncomfortable Steven.”

He stops kissing her and pulls away. “Am I hurting
you?”

“No. I ache in my belly. I’m quivering in my legs
and deep in my belly. Please don’t stop, I need you not to stop
Steven.”

Stevens stands up and pulls her tight against him.
She feels him hard against her belly and she likes it and moves her
hand down to touch him. She feels him twitch there and then he
pushes her away.

“Stop Judy, you’re not ready to go that far.”

“How far?”

“Making love, you’re not ready and I’m not going to
let you get hurt.”

Steven’s voice is firm like he is when she wants to
do or try something he doesn’t think is good for me.

“How do you know I’m not ready? How do you
know?”

“Because I do,” he says in a low, soft voice. She
feels his gentleness toward her. “I’d like nothing more right now
than to get naked with you and get lost inside you Judy. If I were
a different man, I would have already taken you and then you would
hate me. I’m not going to let that happen.”

Steven grabs her tight against him and buries his
head in her neck. “I will not take that risk with you.”

He raises his head and looks deep into her eyes. “Do
you understand what I’m saying?”

She shakes her head yes, because she knows that’s
what he wants her to say. She’s clear about her intentions toward
Steven. She’s comfortable with giving herself to him and knowing
him. She wants that. But he wanted her a few minutes ago. She
couldn’t have been wrong about that “No, I don’t.”

Steven’s laughing and he runs his hands through his
hair like he does when he’s frustrated or upset with her. His head
is shaking back and forth and he’s almost stomping in place. She
does what she always does when he gets like that. She walks to the
cooler and gets a Diet Coke and then sits on the floor and stares
at him.

What Steven always does is walk away until she’s
finished her Coke. Then he comes back and orders her to get up and
run a mile.

This time he sits down next to her, takes the Coke
and drinks all of it. “Hey that was mine.” He hands it back to her.
“It’s empty!”

Steven puts his arm around her and pulls her close,
pressing his lips to her temple. “It’s wonderful to kiss you,
Judy.” he says and laughs. But she knows that laugh. It’s the one
that says he’ll do what he thinks is best.

“I have nothing to compare to, but I’ll bet Stalwart
Company that no other man in this planet could kiss as good as you
do.” She looks up to see if he’ll take the bet. She can see the
beginning of his crease. “Do you want me to run a mile?” She
counters.

Steven laughs louder than she’s ever heard him and
he pulls her into his lap and cradles her like a child.”No, I want
you to go back to work and get settled there and then I want you to
come back at nine o’clock and have dinner with me. We’ll talk
things over after you and I have had a few hours away from each
other.”