Trigger (14 page)

“Simon?”

“Yes, baby, I’m here. I’m not going to leave you.
I’m here. Please say my name again. I can’t believe you said it. I
love you Judy, I always have.”

“Simon . . . dead too?”

He laughs. It sounds wonderful. They must be in
heaven where everything is love and fun and “Chocolate”.

He laughs again. “I’ll get you some chocolate Judy,
as much as you want.”

“Heaven . . . Simon . . . chocolate” . . .
black.

Whispers . . . low voices like they’re far away. She
can’t concentrate for more than a few seconds. Voices, mechanical
sounds over here and then over there . . . the only thing that
doesn’t move is her hand because there’s a hand that isn’t hers
holding it. It feels hot like Simon’s hand when she was in a red
dress dancing with Simon.

“Simon?”

Soft lips on her hand “I’m here Judy. I’m taking
care of you. I love you Judy, I always have.”

And then she remembers that she’s dead and Simon’s
in Heaven with her. “Heaven . . . dancing.”

The hand squeezes hers tighter and it feels good and
she hears a laugh that sounds like Simon’s laugh. “Simon?”

“Yes, Judy, it’s Simon. I’m here with you. Hold onto
me and we’ll dance together.”

“In Heaven?”

“Yes, Judy.”

Heaven’s soft and warm and she’s feels heavy except
for her hand because Simon’s holding it and taking care of it so
she doesn’t have to.

Whispers . . . she’s feels like she’s moving . . .
driving . . . she can’t see where she’s going . . . she’s going to
crash . . . she tries to scream but nothing comes out . . . she
tries to move.

“Shhhh . . .

Simon’s voice.

“Shhhh you’re okay Judy. You feel like you’re moving
. . . its okay you are. I’m taking you home Judy . . . We’re moving
you to the plane. I’m taking you home Judy that’s why you’re moving
. . .

Lips soft and warm on her forehead and cheeks . . .
Simon’s lips . . . she’s confused that there are planes in Heaven
and dead people fly in them? She’s scared and hears her whimper . .
. like crying. She’s never been on a plane before “Scared.”

“Oh baby everyone is taking good care of you . . .
I’m here and I’m won’t leave you . . . squeeze my hand if you’re
scared.”

She squeezes. She feels him squeeze back. “That’s
good. You’re doing great. We’re almost there.”

“Leaving . . . Heaven?”

“Yes. You are special you get to leave Heaven and go
home.”

She feels like she’s panting and she hears a beeping
and loud noises and something inside her hurts. She squeezes Simon
as hard as she can . . . “Hurts!”

“Oh my God, Judy! Judy!”

Simon is upset and yelling and she feels like she’s
floating . . . running away . . . from Simon.

“Simon you need to rest or at least get a shower and
shave. When Judy wakes up the smell alone is going to scare her.
She’s doing fine; the doctors are very pleased with her progress.
Go on I’ll stay with her until you get back.”

Steven’s voice? She doesn’t understand. Where’s
Simon?

“Simon.” She tries to call for him her throat dry
and it feels like her tongue is taking up all the space in her
mouth.

“I’m here Judy. It’s Simon, I’m here.”

“I’ll get the doctors.” Steven’s voice says and it
doesn’t sound very happy. She can imagine the crease between his
eyes is deep.

She moves her lips because her mouth is so dry.

“Here this is good.”

Cold . . . wet . . . wonderful, it’s gone too soon.
She moves her lips for more.

Simon laughs. “Thirsty Judy? It probably feels like
your tongue is as big as a basketball.”

There’s more in her mouth. She groans with relief
and moves her lips. Another piece and something soft touches her
lips.

“Cold ice and a warm kiss, does that feel better?”
Simon is teasing her.

She feels her head nod. He laughs again and another
piece is in her mouth followed by a touch of lips? Simon’s lips on
hers?

“More Judy?” She opens her mouth and hears Simon
laugh. Ice and lips. “I could do this all day Judy.”

She hears a door open and feet are walking on the
floor. A hand is hard on her shoulder. She jumps and reaches out to
find Simon’s hand. Her hand is caught by both of his, she can feel
it. She wraps her fingers around anything she can grab. A finger
and squeezes it hard.

“She’s scared. You scared her!” Simon says and she
can hear his voice turned away from her and toward someone else.
It’s full of disapproval.

“Sorry, Miss Mason. I’m your doctor, my name is Dr.
Callis. Do you know where you are?”

She hadn’t thought of anything but Heaven and in a
flash her stomach turns over and she sees blue sky and the flash of
silver from BB’s hood and knows that she and BB are going to die.
She isn’t afraid. Then there was Simon calling “Judy” and then she
thinks of BB. She’s squeezing Simon’s finger and her chest is
heaving and she can’t get air and she can’t feel the tears she
knows are in her eyes and she realizes she hasn’t seen anything,
not even Simon’s face.”See!”

She hears her scream. “BB!” She feels the heaviness
of Simon’s body as he lies on top of her and holds her as she sobs
against his cheek. “BB!” Sadness she’s never felt before consumes
her.

People come and go but Simon is usually with her.
He’s seems to switch with Steven when he leaves to get a shower and
clean clothes or check on something. Steven is there more often
than she can see or hear, but she feels him just the same. He
doesn’t say much and doesn’t take her hand.

Franklin came and held one hand, while Simon held
the other as the doctors told her what has happened to her.

Concussion, broken sternum, both ankles broken,
right arm broken, ribs broken, tendons here and there, bruised and
cut everywhere else, and stress damage to her neck and spine, nerve
damage has left her blind. They fixed the physical damage and now
it’s wait-and-see.

She’d told them about seeing the light and it hurt
her eyes. “Hummm,” was Dr. Snider’s response and nothing else.

They listed her injuries with detailed descriptions
but she didn’t really listen. It didn’t matter. She’s living her
worse nightmare and now she’s the same as her Mom, too damaged for
anyone to care about.

An alley would be preferable to laying here in this
hollow sounding space not seeing anything, not running, not boxing,
not knocking Renzo on his ass at Kempo and not shooting the
grinning man between the eyes and not working in her office at
Stalwart.

She can’t even think about going back to work – they
said -- for maybe a year. And while she’s surrounded by people to
seem to want to be there, BB is crushed, broken and alone in a shop
or a junkyard somewhere and she can’t get to him.

“Open.” Something touches her lip. “Wider.” Judy
hears Simon’s grin and does as he says. “Close and let it
melt.”

Chocolate on chocolate smooth and rich with a heavy
vanilla cream that bursts through the chocolate shell and fills her
mouth with taste and her nose with aroma, it’s another delicious
Simon surprise.

“Savor it,” Simon nuzzles her neck and it tickles.
“Don’t swallow until you’re ready. He whispers in her ear. “Relish
it, delight in the flavors and appreciate each texture until it’s
all your brain can think about. Memorize each sensation and the
pleasure it gives to you.”

In a deep, sexy, soulful voice, Simon’s
presentations are always better than the candy and there’s no
comparison to either.

His arm gently slides under her neck and he lifts
her slowly and with caution. “It’s hot so sip.” Rich, coffee now
mixes with the chocolate and vanilla and she’s overwhelmed with
intense satisfaction and pleasure.

“Ummm,” she groans and Simon’s lips that she feels
so often she can visualize open and his tongue slides in to enjoy
it with her.

“Ummm,” he groans. “That’s the best one yet.”

“Cut that out Simon and go take a cold shower. You
have no business molesting a beautiful woman when she can’t defend
herself.” A woman’s voice that could be either angry or teasing,
Judy can’t tell which.

Simon puts her back in place and she feels his
weight leave the bed. Instant anxiety, she doesn’t want him to
leave.

“Deidre it’s always a pleasure to see you.” She
hears hear Simon grab Deidre into a huge hug and Judy knows because
Deidre grunts and then there are two loud smacking kisses. He
kisses her cheeks?”

Steven hasn’t said anything as usual, but she
imagines him standing with Deidre and Simon with his arm draped
over her shoulder as the three of them look at her.

“Doesn’t Judy look better today? Her cheeks are
filling out and look how she blushes when I embarrass her.” He
laughs happy and Judy feels her smile and the heat rise in her
cheeks.

“A week ago, I could embarrass her and she couldn’t
even blush, now look. Isn’t she beautiful?”

“It’s probably a reaction to the chocolate you keep
stuffing into her. You’re going to put her into a sugar coma. Now
go away, you’re going to be late for your meeting.” Steven’s voice
sounds the same as when he used to order her around the gym.

Simon kisses her and talks with his lips against
hers. “I’ll be back. Don’t go outside alone and don’t drink any
wine or pickup any men while I’m gone.”

She laughs.

“I love that sound.” He kisses her lips with a soft
peck. “Promise?”

“Promise.”

He’s gone and she misses him already.

The air hangs heavy for a while.

“The fun is over, Judy. Your doctors agree with me
and I’m going to start your physical therapy right now.”

She’s startled and reaches out for Simon but the
Deidre that Simon kissed takes her hand instead. Judy forgot that
Simon left. Steven sits down and pulls the chair very close to her
bed. She can feel his heat and his breath on her face.

“You and I have worked together for years. I know
your body Judy and I been working with your other doctors since day
one. We have a plan that will hopefully prevent additional surgery,
as well as strengthen your body.”

Steven, it turns out is a doctor, he never said but
it must be true, he sounds like all her other doctors. He clears
his throat and she knows it’s going to be bad. It’s always bad when
Steven clears his throat.

“There will be some pain. Deidre and I aren’t going
to hurt you but your body will. It’s going to protest. It’s going
to rebel. It’s going to fight to keep from getting hurt. It’s been
three weeks. You’ve barely moved and your body has settled down
where it’s comfortable, but if we don’t wake it up you may very
well be partially paralyzed and a cripple for the rest of your
life.”

She can’t help it. She starts to cry. There are no
tears she can feel behind the heavy bandages over her eyes but her
chest heaves in sobs.

“Stop it. Stop right now.” Steven yells at her.
“That’s not going to help and it won’t stop me. If you don’t like
it, tough shit, get up and kick my ass. Got it?”

Now after everything that’s happen, he’s breaking a
promise to never hurt her and for the first time in her life, she
wants to hurt back.

“Why didn’t you tell me you knew Simon? I told you
all about him trying to date me and punish me for refusing by
destroying Stalwart and you said nothing.

“You kissed me and knew you were lying when you did.
You made me feel special and for the first time in my life, you
made me believe that I could love someone and be loved back and
then you walked away and didn’t fight for me. I would have fought
for you!” She’s yelling and a nurse barges in.

“Judy if you don’t calm down, I’ll sedate you and
Dr. Harter you should know better. Get on with your therapy, but I
will make a note in the chart.”

The door shuts and the air is heavy and stale. It’s
too hard to yell because every muscle and bone in her body hurts.
Her voice is low, but her anger is raging.

“You told me about your wife and the moment you knew
you died. Now so do I. I called you because I was in trouble and I
just wanted to hear your voice to steady me. What you said clicked
like the sound of a door shut and I died. I didn’t breathe for
nearly two years and when I did, it was when I knew it would be my
last. Simon will do the same to me as you did. After all, you and
he go way back.” She spits the words she’s been holding in for
nearly two years.

“I love Simon and always have on some level. But I
never wanted to love him and I didn’t hide that from him. I would
have kept my feelings in check and maybe he and I would have been
friends one day. I wanted to love you.”

Deidre has been soothing my hair. “Men are pigs. But
what can we do, they are our other half.”

Deidre kisses her on the forehead. “However, I do
know you’re wrong about Simon. He’s always said he loves you and
I’ve never seen him as happy as he is being with you now. Steven
knew that too, Judy. Can you see the conflict here?”

“What’s that got to do with it? Someone loves you or
they don’t. I don’t play games. I was honest and told the truth and
was paid back by deceit and callousness. It would have been hard to
hear the truth that you were not going to love me Steven, but I
would have tried to keep you in my life, even it was friendship.
You threw me in the alley and walked away to let me suffer alone
without explanation or apology. I wouldn’t do that to my worse
enemy!”

She hears Steven gasp.

“Get on with it Steven. There’s nothing worse you
can do to me.”

Deidre laughs nervously and squeezes Judy’s hand.
“What we’re going to do is slowly wake up your body. We’ll start
with your feet and legs and your hands and arms. We are going to
massage and increase the blood flow and try to encourage your
nerves to relax and work properly. What Steven said is true, it’s
going to hurt. You will have to bear some pain, but we’ll go
slowly.