True Beginnings (4 page)

“I…I just needed a minute…” I sniffle, wiping my cheeks with flat hands.

“So you think that makes it ok for you to slam a door…to even
shut
a door on me?” He hasn’t moved, but stands taller, shoulders filling the whole frame. No way to get around him.

“I…I’m sorry, Max…” I’d forgotten this rule in my panic.

His shoulders relax slightly, “You’re just lucky that you didn’t try to lock it.” He walks further into the room, standing in front of me. He puts both hands on the sides of my face and wipes my tears with his thumbs, smiling as I flinched when he raised his hands. He stares into my eyes for a moment longer, then kisses my forehead and lowers his hands. He turns to leave.

“Max...this wasn’t fair…” I can’t stop myself. The chaos of emotions in me bubbles to the surface and I can’t breathe again. I start to shake, tears falling again. “You shouldn’t have left me alone with him…”

Max turns back slowly. I am shrinking away in anticipation of the anger I expect to see. Max only looks hurt, sad. And my reaction is instant. I jump towards him, into his arms, slamming myself against his chest. He holds my back and my head, hands rubbing my hair. “Shhh…it’s ok, baby. It’s going to be ok.”

We stay like this for a while, until my breathing calms. Finally he answers me, “I told you that you need to be able to stand up for us…for yourself in this…Jake isn’t the only one who is going to question how things are between us.” He pulls back to look at my face.

The dawning panic he sees makes him continue, “Lucy…what we have isn’t for everyone…and you have to expect that some people will try to butt into our business.” He pauses, watching me; I only nod. He lifts my chin, “I expect you to be able to hold your head up and stand by my side no matter what.”

I don’t move, forcing my breathing to even out again, my chin still in his hand. “You did just fine with Jake.” He kisses my nose. I manage a small smile and he lets go of my chin.  “What were you saying yes to?”

He’s watching me again. “He said you would change me.” I look directly into his eyes. “And I said that’s what I want.” He smiles brightly at me; I snuggle into his arms again. I feel safe and calm again.

Chapter 4 HIM

Before walking up the final set of stairs, I pull Lucy back for a deep kiss. She responds as always, melting into me, fingers wrapped in my hair.

After this morning with Jake, she’s been quieter, moving around the apartment in tiny, tentative movements. I know she needs a lot of reassurance.

She smiles, her biggest smile today, hands dangling over my shoulders. “Are you ready to hang out with
my
friends tonight?” I don’t like being here, but I think it will help her to feel better…being around her friends.

“Yes…as long as you behave yourself!” I wink at her though. I haven’t pushed her since this morning. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to let her get away with acting up around her friends.

Her smile gets even bigger for a moment, “Of course!” I’m hopeful that her mood is passed because my patience is.

The door opens. It’s Laura answering, hugging Lucy and welcoming me. She takes the bottles of wine we brought into the small kitchen and I follow her to open them.

Josh is stretched out on the sofa; Tad’s in an oversized chair. The large flatscreen is on, but paused. The smell of popcorn is strong. Lucy has already moved into the other oversized chair. I don’t see Tracy anywhere. I’m going to try to be as nice to that girl as I can tonight. It is her apartment after all, but her foulmouth, loud ways get on my nerves quickly.

Laura and I return to the living room, putting the two bottles down next to the assortment of wine glasses on the coffee table.

“You look nice…all dressed up for us!” Tracy kicks Josh’s feet out of her way and stops next to Lucy, putting her phone on the coffee table.

Lucy looks just the way I like her to, sweet. Hair down and more to the left still, flowy long dress, cropped short-sleeve sweater over, one button done to cover her cleavage more. She had tried to wear shorts tonight. I think she thought she could get away with it, since I was being more indulgent with her today. She quickly changed with only the slightest warning in my look to her.

“Thanks!” She is smiling up at me. I sit, pulling her back with me, my arm around her. “And you guys all look…um, nice.” She’s laughing, since everyone else is in baggy t-shirts and shorts. Josh doesn’t even have matching socks on.

Tracy sits down and flips her middle finger towards us with a sarcastic grin. A gem of a girl. Lucy only lowers her head and tries not to look at me. She knows I’m not smiling.

Tracy sits back into Josh and starts the movie. It’s the latest in a Vampire series, not in theaters long. Laura gets up and hands us a bowl of popcorn of our own. She is a sweet girl. I think she could do better than Tad. He’s nice, but not very driven.

After only thirty minutes, Tracy’s phone vibrates on the table. She picks up the call, “Ok…be right down.” She turns to Josh, “Pizza’s here.”

He only shakes his head, “No…I went last time. Your turn.”

Tad asks, “Why don’t you just buzz the guy in?”

Tracy answers, “Because the little old lady on the second floor was punched and robbed last month and made everyone in the building
promise
not to let any delivery people in anymore
unattended
as she put it.” She pushes Josh’s shoulder. “You go.” But Josh only crosses his arms and shakes his head.

“A girl really shouldn’t answer the door this late alone,” I stand up and leave the apartment.

When I return with the pizzas, Laura is sitting next to Tracy on the sofa and Lucy is still sitting in the chair, fidgeting with her hands. They all just look up at me, not saying anything. I walk into the kitchen and set the pizzas down. Tad and Josh are drinking beer in here.

Tad looks sheepish, “The money’s over there.” He points with his bottle towards a few bills sitting on the counter. I don’t move, just stare back at Josh.

Josh pushes himself off the counter to address me finally, “Man…you don’t have to come in here and I dunno know…act like you’re better than everyone.”

“Sorry if I stepped on your toes,” but I keep my voice even, no apology in it, facing him directly.

Tracy comes into the kitchen and pushes by me. Taking Josh’s arm she pulls him a little and he looks at her. “Can you get us two pieces and come back to watch the movie now?!” She doesn’t wait for his answer, just pushes by me again.

I return to sitting with Lucy. Tad and Josh come in with plates and take their seats. Laura jumps up to be next to Tad again. Tracy starts the movie, but keeps some distance from Josh now.

Lucy whispers to me, “Do you want some pizza?”

I smile, brushing her hair away from her face and kiss her. “Thanks, baby.” She jumps up and returns quickly with plates for us.

Another half hour goes by before Tracy finally thaws towards Josh again. Laura and Lucy both relax, then. By the time we leave, everyone is laughing and making fun of the movie. Tad did a pretty good impersonation of the worse moments.

Tracy calls down the stairs to us, “Are you coming to the beach tomorrow?”

Lucy looks at me before answering. I shake my head slightly; she answers, “No…we have plans.”

“Losers!” Tracy closes her door, laughing.

Jeff isn’t waiting for us. Lucy looks around for him. “I told him to come later. It’s still early…we’ll grab a drink. There’s a place we’re thinking of buying near here.”

We walk hand in hand down the street. Lucy puts her other hand on my arm too, hugging me to her. She smiles up at me. “Thanks for a nice night with my friends…even if Josh was an idiot for a little while.”

The bar is around the corner. It’s full, the side open-air area packed too. “Good crowd.”

“We’re not going to get in there.” Lucy is dubious, looking at the line of people.

“Have a little faith…” I frown at her and tweak her nose. She laughs. “I’ll be right back.” After talking to the bouncer, I wave Lucy over and we walk right in.

She’s still laughing. “How do you do that?!”

“I knew the guy. I told him we’re interested in the bar and he knows that would be good for him…” She’s smiling up at me. In the middle of this crowd of people, she’s all mine. “That…and my charm, of course.” She slaps my stomach lightly. I turn her around and we head to the end of the bar.

I order one drink for us to split, getting the bartender’s attention with my height.  Lucy starts to remove her sweater. “Keep that on.”

She halts with one sleeve pulled down, “Why? It’s hot in here.” She realizes that she just questioned an order and immediately pulls the sweater back on, looking down.

I reach over with both hands and she jerks her chin up and away from me. I only smile and slowly button up the front of the sweater all the way. I
have
been too lenient on her today.

She’s swallowing hard, trying not to look at me. I hand her the drink and she takes a small sip, “Thank you!” her little girl voice barely audible over the crowd, handing it back to me. She squirms so beautifully under my glare, finally blurting out, “I’m sorry!” I only lift a brow, so she adds, “…Sir,” quietly. She’s learning fast.

Chapter 4 HER

I put my purse down on the bench just inside his apartment and start down the hallway. The calm depth of his voice stops me, though, “Face the wall.” I’m so shocked that for a single second I don’t move, then quickly turn back to look at him. He nods towards the wall, his face a dark cloud of anger. He didn’t seem angry in the elevator; I can’t imagine why he’s mad now.

I slowly face his wall. “Hands behind your back, Lucy.” I slowly move my arms. He walks over to me, standing so close, my hands can feel him. “Head up, eyes straight ahead.” I do as he says, swallowing hard, shaking a little. The calmness of his voice, how he’s slowly saying this as if I’m a child, only makes me more nervous…and afraid…and wet.

The last time we were in this hall and he was mad at me, he slapped me. I don’t know what he’s going to do now.

“Lucy, I’ve been lenient with you today. But I think that this may have been a mistake on my part.” He speaks softly right next to my ear, the anger in his voice clearer. “You’ve shown too many lapses in care…too many rules you’ve forgotten today.” I know I’m in trouble now. I want to shake my head, plead with him to not be mad at me. But I can’t; I’ve been holding my breath and I’m starting to feel light, like my legs don’t belong to me. I’m afraid to move or speak.

“You’re going to stand here and think about every rule that you’ve broken today, little girl, including any from last night. And when I come back, you’re going to tell me each one.” My eyes are darting in a panic. He expects me to tattle on myself?! “And
if
you can recite every rule to my satisfaction, you’ll go to bed tonight without a spanking.” He walks away. I resist the urge to turn my head and look at him.

I can hear him in the bedroom, moving around. He turns on the TV quietly. I’m in a complete panic now. I need to concentrate, but my brain will only focus on how scared I am.

For one second, I think about grabbing my purse and running out the door. But I know I won’t. I had my chance to run. After he slapped me, Max had pushed me towards the door and told me to decide to stay or leave. And he told me the next day that was the only chance he was ever going to give me to make a decision for myself. I no longer had a choice of leaving him.

And I knew he was right. My heart no longer had a choice. I’d given in to him…to his anger…his control...his love. I’d given up the right to make any choices, just as he said. My only choice was to love him…to please him…to obey him. And I’ve made a mess of that today. I want to cry, but I think this would only make him angrier right now. He expects me to be thinking, not feeling sorry for myself!

I don’t know how long I stand like this. I lift my head up more when I hear the TV turn off. He walks quietly down the hall to me, “Time’s up, little girl,” grabbing my arm to yank me down the hall, my hands fall apart for a moment, “Keep your hands together, behind your back.”

He pulls me into the center of the bedroom. My eyes are drawn to the bed. On it is a brown leather belt. One I’ve not seen before, not one Max would wear. It’s too thick and wide. Oh, my God! He intends to spank me with that?! I panic more, forgetting about my hands, but not dropping my arms in time. I turn to face Max.

His look is still angry, but not as dark. He sits on the edge of the bed, next to the belt. I pivot to follow him. “Undress.” I hesitate, but react when he frowns more. I take off my sweater and dress quickly, hesitating only briefly before removing my bra and thong as well.

He raises an eyebrow and says sarcastically, “Do I have to tell you again, Lucy?” I blink twice, before realizing that he means my arms. I put them behind my back and he gives me a small smile. I’m very exposed now. Only my hair covering the top of my nipples provides me any comfort. “Begin.”

I’m frozen for four full blinks. I start with last night’s slip as he called it, this being the first to come to my mind now. My voice shaking, “I had a drink without you ordering it for me, las…”

He interrupts, his voice deadly calm. “
No
. What is the
rule
you broke?”

I swallow and start over, “I’m not to order anything for myself when I’m with you.”

He nods, "Good. Continue.”

“I’m not to talk back to you.” He nods. “I’m to dress how you like, in skirts and dresses only, but not too revealing.” He nods again. "Oh...and I'm not to close any doors to you." He smiles slightly at my eagerness, nodding.

“And I’m not to question your orders.” I wait for him to nod.

His face has become unreadable. I try to think if there was anything else.  But my mind is a blank, I say the only thing I can, “I’m sorry, Max, please...”

“Very good. “ It’s like a pat on the head, I feel almost giddy. He stands up, pulling the belt with him, though. I can’t pull my eyes away from it until he’s standing right in front of me. “Take this to the closet. Hang it on the back of the door.”

I practically run to do this, but hold the belt away from my body, not wanting it to even touch me.