True Refuge: Finding Peace and Freedom in Your Own Awakened Heart (32 page)

Perlman smiled, wiped the sweat from his brow, and raised his bow to quiet the crowd. Then he spoke, not boastfully, but in a quiet, pensive, reverent tone. “You know, sometimes it is the artist's task to find out how much music you can still make with what you have left.”

Recently I was disappointed to learn that this story has been called into question. But the message stays with me. We weigh down our lives with memories of how it used to be and fears of what we have yet to lose. But when we surrender into the living moment, we, like Perlman, become emptiness dancing—a part of the creative flow. We respond with a tender heart to our world's pain and beauty. We make music with what we have left.

A Heart That Is Ready for Anything

When the Buddha was dying, he gave a final message to his beloved attendant Ananda, and to generations to come:
“Be a lamp unto yourself, be a refuge to yourself. Take yourself to no external refuge.”

What did he mean? Our ultimate refuge is none other than our own being. There is a light of awareness that shines through each of us and guides us home. We are never separated from this luminous awareness, any more than waves are separated from ocean. Even when we feel most ashamed or lonely, reactive or confused, we are never actually apart from the awakened state of our heart-mind.

This is a powerful and beautiful teaching. All of us ordinary humans have this essential wakefulness; this open, loving awareness is our deepest nature. We don't need to get somewhere or change ourselves—our true refuge is what we are. Trusting this opens us to the blessings of freedom.

Buddhist monk Sayadaw U Pandita describes these blessings in a wonderful way:
A heart that is ready for anything
. When we trust we are the ocean, we are not afraid of the waves. We have confidence that whatever arises is workable. We don't have to lose our life in preparation. We don't have to defend against what is next. We are free to live fully what is here, and to respond wisely.

You might ask yourself: “Can I imagine what it would be like, in this moment, to have a heart that is ready for anything?”

If our hearts are ready for anything, we can open to our inevitable losses, and to the depths of our sorrow. We can grieve our lost loves, our lost youth, our lost health, our lost capacities. This is part of our humanness, part of the expression of our love for life. As we bring a courageous presence to the truth of loss, we stay available to the immeasurable ways love springs forth in our life.

If our hearts are ready for anything, we will spontaneously reach out when others are hurting. Living in an ethical way can attune us to the pain and needs of others, but when our hearts are open and awake, we care instinctively. This caring is unconditional—it extends outward and inward wherever there is fear and suffering.

If our hearts are ready for anything, we are free to be ourselves. There's room for the wildness of our animal selves, for passion and play. There's room for our human selves, for intimacy and understanding, creativity and productivity. There's room for spirit, for the light of awareness to suffuse our moments. The Tibetans describe this confidence to be who we are as “the lion's roar.”

If our hearts are ready for anything, we are touched by the beauty and poetry and mystery that fill our world. When Munindra Ji, a vipassana meditation teacher, was asked why he practiced, his response was, “So I will see the tiny purple flowers by the side of the road as I walk to town each day.” Our undefended heart can fall in love with life over and over every day. We become children of wonder, grateful to be walking on earth, grateful to belong with each other and to all of creation. We find our true refuge in every moment, in every breath. We are happy for no reason.

My prayer is that we trust the beauty of our hearts and awareness. Holding hands, may we help to bring healing and freedom to our world.

Guided Reflection: Prayer of Aspiration

The key to spiritual awakening is remembering—being in touch with what your heart most cares about. There are two classical prayers of aspiration in the Buddhist tradition that help us remember.

Bring to mind whatever you are encountering right now in your life. As you deepen your attention to this situation, can you imagine how it might help call forth your natural love and wisdom?

Consider how your life is inextricably woven with the entire natural world. Can you sense that as you become increasingly open and kind, the ripples extend endlessly in all directions?

Guided Reflection: Finding True Refuge

The three facets of true refuge—awareness, truth, and love—come alive as we dedicate our presence to them. This simple reflection will give you increasing access to both the outer and inner refuges first introduced in chapter 3. Ultimately, it is an invitation to rest your heart in what is true, the purity and radiance of your own essence. I've placed this meditation at the end of this book, as you have now journeyed through each of the gateways. Taken together, they reveal the one taste of freedom inherent to all paths of awakening.

You will be mentally reciting the three phrases—I take refuge in awareness; I take refuge in truth; I take refuge in love—and after each, reflecting on what is vital and meaningful about the particular refuge. Instead of awareness-truth-love, you might use the Sanskrit words Buddha (or Buddha nature)-dharma-sangha.

In my own practice I use the classic Buddhist order (above) for the refuges. Feel free to adapt this reflection—the sequence and language
—
in whatever way most resonates for you. Let this practice be a fresh and creative ritual, one that aligns your life with what most matters.

Now begin the first recitation, mentally whispering
I take refuge in awareness.

As you offer these words, you might feel a resonance with a human being or spiritual figure who expresses the qualities of enlightened awareness—of luminosity, openness, love. Can you imagine that same presence illuminating your being? Or perhaps it is more natural to directly sense the awakened presence that lives within you. You might simply ask yourself, “Is awareness (or consciousness) here?” What is it like to notice the presence of awareness? How does your mind experience the space of awareness? Your body? Your heart? What happens as you let go into this refuge of awareness? What happens as you rest your heart in what is true?

Now begin mentally repeating the phrase
I take refuge in truth.

As you offer these words, you might take a moment to recall what is precious to you about the spiritual path—about meditation practice and teachings, about living a compassionate life. This is the outer expression of a path of truth. With this in your awareness, open without resistance to the changing flow of your moment-to-moment experience. Coming into the center of now, be aware of the sounds, feelings, and sensations that are arising and passing. What is the experience of opening to life, just as it is? What happens as you let go into this refuge of truth? What happens as you rest your heart in what is true?

Now turn to the phrase
I take refuge in love.

As you offer these words, notice what they mean to you. Do you feel a sense of treasuring and valuing your family and friends? Does it bring up a yearning for more belonging? Allow a particular friend or loved one to come to mind, and as you sense that person's goodness and dearness, notice the response of your heart. Is there warmth? Tenderness? Openness? Now let go of any idea of “other,” and open directly to the loving itself. Notice what happens as you relax and
be
that loving. What happens as you fully inhabit this refuge of love? What happens as you rest your heart in what is true?

You can “take refuge” in this way as part of your regular meditation practice, or at any time on its own. If you approach this practice each time with freshness and curiosity, it will continue to reveal the profound depths of your being.. Sometimes you may spend many minutes reflecting on each refuge, and at other times, just a brief contact will awaken you to an open and tender presence.

My extended community has been a cherished source of refuge through this journey of writing:

It has been my great good fortune to have Toni Burbank—editor par excellence and now dear friend—keeping me company in the unfolding of this book. Her understanding of the human heart and brilliance in the writer's craft lent invaluable editing and mentoring throughout.

I benefited from the bright talent of Barbara Gates in the initial shaping and drafting of the first chapters, and then, still the early days, the astute commentary of Beth Rashbaum, my first editor at Random House. Angela Polidoro, again from Random House, offered her great attentiveness, clarity, and care to bring
True Refuge
to its fruition.

A deep thanks to my agent, Anne Edelstein, for the warmth, enthusiasm, and sage guidance that has made her such a trusted, wonderful ally and friend.

I've been blessed with a circle of dear ones who reviewed the manuscript, offering encouragement that refreshed my spirits and suggestions that helped simplify and refine my writing. Much gratitude to Jack Kornfield, Barbara Graham, Stephen Josephs, Darshan Brach, and Nancy Brach.

Supporting me throughout, my assistant, Janet Merrick, has taken care of every loose end, from making copies to responding to e-mails to seeking permissions. I have great appreciation for her generous and loving service. More recently, Cindy Frei has joined the team, bringing her extraordinary energy, brightness, and know-how in media, marketing, and video production.

To my sangha in the D.C. area and beyond—fellow teachers, students, and friends on the spiritual path—my deep appreciation for sharing your stories and your hearts, for teaching me, and for bringing your sincerity and dedication to the practices of presence.

A great bow of love and gratitude to my teachers, past and present. These bodhisattvas have inspired me with their dedication to realizing truth, embodying love, and serving the awakening of all beings.

To Cheylah, Hakuna (now deceased), and Dandy (also gone)—who took me for walks, cheered me with wagging tails, and showered me with unbounded affection—you have my wishes for ample strokes and treats and play, here and hereafter.

Grateful acknowledgment is given for the following permissions:

Quotations from THE ILLUMINATED RUMI by Coleman Barks and Michael Green, copyright © 1997 by Coleman Barks and Michael Green. Used by permission of Broadway Books, a division of Random House, Inc.

Quotations used from THE GLANCE: RUMI'S SONGS OF SOUL-MEETING by Rumi, translated by Coleman Barks, translation copyright © 1999 by Coleman Barks. Used by permission of Viking Penguin, a division of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

“Poem: Vigilance (8 lines),” from ONE MINUTE WISDOM by Anthony de Mello, S. J., copyright © 1985 by Anthony de Mello, S. J. Used by permission of Doubleday, a division of Random House, Inc.

Quotations from “Peace” by Dorothy Hunt. Copyright © by Dorothy Hunt. Used by permission of the author.

Quotations from poetry by Danna Faulds. Copyright © by Danna Folds. Used by permission of the author.

Quotations from “The Unbroken” by Rashani Rea. Copyright © 1991 by Rashani Rea. www.rashani.com. Permission granted by the author.

Quotation from PEACE IS EVERY STEP: THE PATH OF MINDFULNESS IN EVERYDAY LIFE by Thich Nhat Hanh. Used by permission of Bantam Books, a division of Random House, Inc.

Quotation from DEEPEST THOUGHTS: So Deep They Squeak by Jack Handey. Copyright © 1994 by Jack Handey, used by permission of the Wylie Agency LLC.

Quotation from
Offerings at the Wall: Artifacts from the Vietnam Veterans Memorial Collection
by Thomas B. Allen. Copyright ©1995 by Thomas B. Allen. Used by permission of Turner Publishing.

Quotation from WHEN ONE HAS LIVED A LONG TIME ALONE by Galway Kinnell, copyright © 1990 by Galway Kinnell. Used by permission of Alfred A. Knopf, a division of Random House, Inc.

Quotation from “Blessing: ‘For Grief'”, copyright © 2008 by John O'Donohue, form TO BLESS THE SPACE BETWEEN US: A BOOK OF BLESSINGS by John O'Donohue. Used by permission of Doubleday, a division of Random House, Inc.

Quotations from
The Radiance Sutras
by Lorin Roche. Copyright © 2012 by Lorin Roche. Reprinted with permission from Sounds True, www.soundstrue.com.

Quotation from “School Prayer,” from I PRAISE MY DESTROYER by Diane Ackerman, copyright © by Diane Ackerman. Used by permission of Random House, Inc.

For information about Tara Brach's teaching schedule please go to her website: www.tarabrach.com

For information about the Insight Meditation Community of Washington: www.imcw.org

Book:

Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha
(Bantam, 2003)

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