Truly Madly Deeply Boxed Set (58 page)

Not disastrous for him, since the thought of her pregnant with his child was a blessing. One he didn’t deserve. And one that had uprooted her entire life. Again. With his track record of letting her down, he didn’t intend to take any chances. So he intended to keep his distance and put
her
first for once. And maybe then he could look himself in the mirror without wanting to hit the reflection staring back at him.

By the time he walked back into the house, Mrs. Reid had finished cleaning up, had set his wrapped dinner on the counter and was ready to leave for the night. He glanced over the other woman’s shoulder, expecting to see Nikki settled in the recliner watching television, but the room was sparkling clean—and empty.

“Where’s Nikki?” he asked.

“In bed. Asleep.”

“Is she feeling okay?” Their trip to the clinic earlier in the week had been uneventful and the recommendation of the doctor there not much different than that of the emergency room attendant in the hospital.

Kevin wanted to broach the subject of leaving the clinic but he didn’t think Nikki was up to the argument. And he was certain she’d fight him. On this as well as other things. Kevin knew he had to build the foundation for approaching the subject of marriage in a way that would leave Nikki with no doubt it was the right solution. He just hadn’t yet figured out how to make his case.

Mrs. Reid grabbed for her light jacket and swung it over her shoulders. “She’s fine. I don’t even think it’s real exhaustion. She’s bored if you ask me. Had it with being cooped up.”

He exhaled. “Can’t say I blame her, but it shouldn’t be too much longer.” Another week and she’d return to the doctor, and if things stayed the same, she’d be allowed out of bed as long as she didn’t do anything strenuous.

“Boredom often comes from loneliness,” Mrs. Reid said with a pointed stare. “Can I speak my mind?”

Kevin nodded. Some insight into Nikki wouldn’t only help her, but it might make this new living arrangement more bearable. “Go on.”

“I didn’t realize until tonight that she wanted me to do more than clean around her and serve her meals. She wants company. Someone to talk to and some plain human interaction. We all need it.”

“Are you asking my permission to spend time with her? Even though you’re only here part-time, I hired you to be with her for whatever she needs. Not just to cook and clean.”

She shook her head. He thought she muttered, “Men,” under her breath. “Of course I’ll keep that girl company. I like her spirit. But I’m not the only one she needs something from.” She fished for her keys in her black leather purse. “Good night, Mr. Manning.”

“Night,” he muttered, knowing she was right. And not knowing what the hell to do about it.

He let Mrs. Reid out. Following instinct, he made his way toward Nikki’s room. She’d left the hall light burning but her room was dark. Kevin walked down the brightly lit hall toward the door, open just a crack. With any other woman, he’d consider it an invitation. But Nikki had never resorted to playing games.

Even the night she’d shown up on his doorstep, she hadn’t been shy about what she wanted. He stepped into the room, his gaze drawn to the figure in the bed. He walked closer. Her even breathing told him she was asleep.

He ought to turn and go. He’d done his duty. He’d checked and she was fine. He could leave her in peace. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to walk out. Instead he sat beside her on the double bed, careful not to move the mattress and wake her up. As if of its own volition, his hand moved, and he smoothed the dark hair off her forehead.

She stirred, rolling toward him. So much for good intentions, he thought.

“Kevin?” she murmured, her voice groggy with sleep.

“Right here.”

Her eyes opened slowly, and her gaze met his. Surprise warred with pleasure. Pleasure she quickly stifled and he felt its loss. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

“Just wanted to make sure you were okay.” It was too late to remove his hand, nor did he want to. He’d spent too much time keeping them apart but wanting more. He fingered the silken strands between his fingers.

He’d believed the only way their new living arrangement could work was if he kept his distance. He still believed that, but knew it was the selfish man’s way out. “So are you okay?” he asked.

Nikki bit down on her lower lip. She held onto Kevin’s gaze and decided, if she had any hope of happiness, that she had to be honest. “I’m fine,” she told him. “Better now that you’re here.”

His sharp inhale told her she’d hit a nerve. Well, good. It’s about time someone didn’t let Kevin off easily. All this tiptoeing around each other wasn’t good for her and wasn’t good for the baby. If she wasn’t careful she’d end up in a self-induced depression and there was no way she’d let these circumstances get her down. It meant pulling Kevin into the feeling world, kicking and screaming, but she didn’t care.

If she was going to live in his house and be around him constantly, then he was going to have to acknowledge that he wasn’t alone. That she was here, and she affected him as much as he affected her. Not that she expected anything more to come of it, she assured herself.

Perhaps this nap gave her more strength and perspective than she’d realized. Or maybe it was breaking through Mrs. Reid’s reserve, but something had changed. She was pregnant, she was happy about it, and she wasn’t going to let confinement get to her. She was going to live, and drag Kevin along with her.

“I can’t stay.”

She pushed herself higher against the pillows. “Why? Do you have important reruns to watch on television? Push-ups to do that can’t wait?”

A grin edged the sides of his mouth. “You aren’t going to make this easy on me, are you?”

“Why should I? I’m living in your house and having your baby. What about this is easy for me?”

“You’re too smart for your own good, Nicole.”

She laughed. “No, just too stubborn for yours. Stay with me,” she said, knowing she’d be catching him off guard. “Please.” She added the latter for good measure.

He leaned forward and studied her with his intense, dark-eyed gaze. She caught a whiff of his masculine scent and her insides curled with a rush of pleasure. By asking him to stay, she realized she was torturing herself with what she couldn’t have, and yet she wanted nothing more than to wake up with Kevin beside her.

“Mrs. Reid says you’re lonely.”

“It’s a combination of things. Boredom is one of them, but she’s right. I’m lonely. In here.” She tapped on her chest right above her heart. “It’s hard to explain. Maybe some of it’s hormonal, what with the baby and all—but...”

He narrowed his eyes as she spoke, absorbing every word. “Go on.”

“We created this life together. But when I found out I was pregnant I didn’t want to burden you. I planned on doing this on my own, but you pushed and pushed until you became a part of things. And now... here I am. But we’re further apart than ever.”

He let out a groan. “You know what I am, what I’m capable of. Isn’t it better if we just...”

“Shut up and lie down, will you?” She patted the bed beside her. Nikki wasn’t in the mood to hear how they were better off operating separately, how she shouldn’t put her faith in him because he’d let her down. She was tired of the argument, tired of the knowledge, and all she wanted was his shoulder to lean on for just one night.

With an unexpected chuckle, he eased himself beside her. The double bed dipped beneath his weight and the sudden rush of warmth and pleasure blindsided her.

“You’re a bossy female, you know that?” he asked.

“I suppose there are worse things I could be.”

He held out an arm and she curled into him, with an ease and a sense of rightness that shook her very soul. Because she could so easily get used to this. To him.

And he could just as easily take it all away.

* * *

Kevin woke up with Nikki curled in his arms. He didn’t remember falling asleep and he didn’t remember ever sleeping so soundly. Then again he’d never spent the
entire
night with Nikki.

That first time he’d woken with a jolt, realized what he’d done and bolted like a coward. Well, no more. It was past time he face what he’d done, accept responsibility and go from there. His arms encircled her waist and his palms lay against her stomach. Though still flat, within weeks, a slight bulge would rise. His child.

“Can you feel a difference?” The sleepy murmur caught him off guard.

“Not yet.”

“He’s in there.”

“He?”

She shrugged. “I guess I’ve got a gut feeling.”

A son. “Do you have a preference?” he asked.

“Mmm-hmm. Healthy. You?”

“The same.” He inhaled and caught the scent of her hair.

He didn’t miss the intimacy of the situation, or the fact that each moment like this drew him further from his solitary way of living. Drew him closer to Nikki.

“We created a life,” she murmured.

He remembered the night in vivid detail. His hand molded against her soft flesh and the mood changed from intimate to sexually charged. His fingertips dipped lower and hit a wide band of lace. He paused, and when she didn’t stop him or object, he slipped his fingers lower, beneath the scalloped edging.

Her sharp intake of air gave him pause. But only for an instant. Because she wrapped her hand around his wrist and urged him on. There was a part of him that knew better, and a part of him that responded to her silent plea. Not just his body reacted to the knowledge that she still wanted him. Something inside him that had been cold for so long began to thaw.

She made him feel in so many different ways. He wanted her. On many different levels. It wasn’t because he’d been celibate since Nikki—although he had. And it wasn’t because she was any willing female. She was Nikki and she was special.

She always had been. And now she was carrying his child, he thought almost reverently. The reminder should have made him want to pull back, but the craving for her overruled his brain. And besides, she couldn’t... complete the act, as per doctor’s orders. Just recalling that conversation and her bright red flush made him grin.

“It’s not like you to be a tease,” she whispered.

“Ever hear of building anticipation?” he asked. His fingertips brushed over her heated skin and the sensitive mound beneath.

She sucked in a heavy breath and her hips bucked toward his hand, as if searching for more of his touch.

“Like that, Princess?” he asked, making sure the tip of his finger met with that one sensitive spot.

Her answer was a breathy moan. One that sent him reeling and caused his body to harden in anticipation. Anticipation of nothing, he reminded himself, but certain body parts didn’t seem to care.

Without warning, she turned to face him. Dark strands of hair brushed her cheeks, and her eyes were wide in her makeup-free face. “I think you’re playing with fire.”

He touched her cheek. “Why’s that?”

“For a number of reasons, but let’s start with the fact that we can’t finish this.” Nikki wasn’t about to mention the fact that with a simple touch, not only did he make her burn, but he made her care again. She hadn’t stopped, but at least she’d been able to lie to herself. It wouldn’t be as easy from here on in. “We can’t...”

“Yes, we can.” His intense gaze told her she wasn’t off the hook. “There are many ways to...” He broke off without finishing the sentence.

“Make love, Kevin.” She finished it for him. Otherwise she’d probably have to hear the male version of what they’d been about to do. Sex was as far from what she’d be doing with Kevin as the sun was from the moon. “But don’t worry. You don’t have to say the words since we aren’t about to do anything anyway.”

His face paled. “Why turn this into an argument over semantics?” He reached out to touch her.

It was all she could do not to roll into a protective ball. “Because those
semantics
mean a lot to me. But that aside, the doctor said there’s to be no penetration or orgasm until further notice.” Though she couldn’t meet his gaze, she forced herself to be as clinical about things as the doctor had been.

It was an uncomfortable and embarrassing topic, but she’d rather discuss what they couldn’t do as opposed to what Kevin
didn’t
feel. “Semantics,” she mimicked under her breath.

He rolled over, his arm covering his eyes. “I’d like to say I’m sorry I started this.”

“But you’re not.”

He exhaled a groan. “Of course I am. But not for the reasons you think. And if I say it shouldn’t have happened, you’ll take it the wrong way and jump all over me.”

“Just spit it out. What is it you’re trying to say?” she asked, then steeled herself for what was to come.

“There’s something between us. It’s sexual...”

“Tell me something I don’t know,” she muttered.

“And it’s emotional.”

“And it’s the emotional that makes you run like hell.”

He raised himself up onto one side. When she continued staring at the ceiling, he grabbed for her chin and turned her head to face him. Looking into his eyes was painful, but nothing she hadn’t experienced before, she thought sadly. “It’s not the emotional that makes me run. It’s you.”

“Talk clearly,” she said, frustration pouring through her. “I don’t get you and God help me, I want to.”

“Everything you are, everything you offer me is good—and I don’t deserve it. Hell, I can’t live up to it. I can’t give you what you want, what you need. And every time I look into your eyes, I realize that.”

“Guilt again. You think you’re responsible for Tony. That you let me down.”

He clenched his jaw tight “I did.”

“Yeah, you did. And I expected too much from one night. We’re past that.”

His humorless laugh chilled her. “Way past. And in too deep.”

She shut her eyes, knowing arguing with him now would be like driving in a never-ending circle. She’d never get anywhere. He carried too much guilt to ever forgive himself and he viewed her as some sort of paragon of virtue that he’d never be worthy of.

He didn’t see himself for the good and decent man he was any more than he viewed her as an ordinary person with flaws, someone who also made mistakes. With his two skewed perceptions of reality, she doubted they’d ever be able to meet in the mortal world.