Truly Madly Deeply Boxed Set (63 page)

“Through those doors and ask at the desk inside,” the woman said, then turned to the next person on line behind them.

They stepped aside. “Maybe I should have had him move into the house,” Kevin muttered. But he’d escaped hell once, and he hadn’t wanted to live with Max ever again. Selfish, Kevin knew. Because now his father lay passed out in a hospital bed.

“You can’t stop a drunk from drinking,” Nikki said, reminding him of his own words.

He shrugged. She was right, but damned if he could shake the nagging notion that he could have prevented this. Just like he could have prevented Tony’s death.
If he’d just been there
. “I’d better get in to see him.”

She nodded in agreement “I’ll wait here,” she said in an obvious effort to give him space.

He ought to take it but couldn’t. He gave Nikki’s hand a tug and headed through the emergency room doors, uncertain what he’d find. What he found was Max, looking sallow and appearing to be out cold in a small cubicle enclosed by a curtain similar to the one found in bathtub showers.

Kevin shook his head. Change the scenery and the hospital bed, and this could have been Max’s living room couch. “Is he okay?” Kevin asked the attending nurse.

“He’s stable. The doctor will be by with more information later. He’s resting comfortably now.”

He nodded. “Thanks.”

Kevin walked to the bed and stood over his father. He couldn’t say the man had raised him. By sheer luck and a sainted mother, he’d survived. And he had to admit looking at Max, he’d survived well. He hadn’t thought so up till now, but at least he hadn’t ended up a drunk like his old man, and that was saying something.

Kevin’s childhood had been a nightmare. Though he wanted so much more for his child than he’d been given, he didn’t know if he was capable of providing it. All he’d managed so far was one letdown after another.

But Nikki had asked him to try. Looking at his father now, Kevin knew he’d have to give more than he’d managed so far. He’d have to be there for them both.

He only hoped it would be enough.

* * *

Nikki woke up alone in her bed. Because Kevin had been adamant, she’d taken a taxi home from the hospital so she could get a decent night’s sleep on a comfortable mattress. For the baby’s sake, and for Kevin’s peace of mind, she’d agreed, but she hadn’t left him willingly. She just didn’t want to give him something else to worry about when he should be focusing on his father.

After a quick shower and change, she called for a cab and headed back to the hospital. Max had been admitted and Nikki tiptoed into his room so as not to disturb him. But the sight that greeted her was more moving and more disturbing to her than she’d anticipated.

Max lay in much the same position they’d found him in last night, sleeping on his back, an IV sticking out of his arm. But Kevin had fallen asleep in a hardback chair he’d pulled to the side of the bed, no doubt so he could watch over the father he didn’t understand.

He was standing guard, Nikki thought, in the protective mode she’d come to know too well. Her heart twisted at the sight. After his admission last night she understood now why Kevin took his responsibilities so seriously, why he berated himself when something went wrong, and why he insisted on being in control.

To his way of thinking, if he controlled the situation around him, bad things couldn’t happen. He really believed his mere presence could prevent fate from intervening. As if anything could, she thought sadly.

But at least she now understood why he felt responsible for Tony’s death, why he believed if he’d been there, he could have prevented it. Why he insisted on taking care of her and the baby.

And why she had to allow it. She had to accept him as he was or walk away. A man like Kevin couldn’t change.

She touched a hand to his shoulder and he jolted upright. “Sorry,” she whispered.

He rubbed his palms over his eyes, reminding her of an exhausted but weary little boy. Yet when he removed his hands and rose to his feet, he was every inch a man. Between the razor stubble, which was more than a day old, and the deep onyx of his eyes, he was the rebel cop she...

Nikki cleared her throat, choking back the word love, unable to cope with the reality of such a strong emotion when she’d just acknowledged that Kevin wouldn’t, couldn’t change. Not for his child and certainly not for her.

“Is he okay?” She rubbed her hands over her arms. Anything to keep busy and not think about the driving need to comfort him.

He shrugged. “Max had a restless night but what can you expect when you’ve ingested that amount of alcohol,” he said in disgust.

She nodded. “I brought you a change of clothes.”

She lay a plastic bag at the foot of the bed. “And some black coffee. I figured you’d need some.”

“Know what I really need?” he asked.

She shook her head.

“You,” he said and she walked into his open arms.

Nikki allowed his warmth to envelop her and hoped she gave some of the same strength back to him. They’d need it in the days and months ahead. Because she now knew nothing would play out the way she’d hoped. Mannings are no good for taking care of anyone except themselves. What a misguided legacy Max had passed on to his son.

But this episode with Max had driven home the fact that Kevin would always consider her a responsibility. One he had no choice but to face, but one he feared failing.

Maybe he’d need her for a moment, or a night, but in the end, he’d keep his distance for fear of letting her down, for fear of destroying what he touched. He’d never let himself admit to caring. To loving. To wanting the family she so desperately needed.

Nikki blinked back the tears forming in her eyes. She’d marry Kevin as planned. She’d give her child a name and all the benefits he deserved starting out in life.

But happily ever after wasn’t in her future, and she’d put out feelers in case of this eventuality. Now it was time to act accordingly.

“I
can’t believe I came back in time for a wedding.” Janine smoothed the soft petals on Nikki’s bouquet. Delicate white lilies spread their fragrant scent throughout the confines of Janine’s small car.

True to bridal tradition, Nikki had spent the night before at her sister-in-law’s apartment refusing to see Kevin until she arrived at the justice of the peace.

“With his father still in the hospital, we almost canceled.” In truth,
she
almost canceled. The thought never crossed Kevin’s mind.

She’d desperately wanted to postpone the wedding. She wanted Kevin to go into this day with a clear head. She didn’t want him to be able to look back and feel he’d been distracted or that she’d taken advantage of him in any way. But he’d insisted, claiming Max’s illness had nothing to do with their future.

Nikki would have laughed at his naiveté if the consequences weren’t so dire. Until Kevin accepted the fact that Max had everything to do with not only his outlook on life but his self-perception, they didn’t stand a chance of making it through the long haul.

“How is his father, anyway?”

Nikki shrugged. “They should release him in a couple of days. He can’t undo the damage the alcohol’s done to his liver, but if he stops drinking, he gives himself a chance.”

“Will he?”

“The better question is
can
he. It’s sad, but I really don’t see it happening.”

Janine sighed. “You never know. What with you two getting married and a grandchild on the way, he’s got good reason to want to stick around.”

If Nikki closed her eyes, she could almost imagine the family Janine had just alluded to. Nikki, Kevin, and their baby—and Kevin’s father, the only grandparent arriving on Sundays for dinner. Just the thought put a curling warmth inside her.

“Speaking of weddings...” Janine glanced over at Nikki. “I spoke to you last week and you didn’t say a thing. Wasn’t this an awfully quick decision?” Janine asked.

“Depends on how you look at it.” Nikki smoothed the waist of her dress down so her stomach became more visible. “The bride’s already pregnant. Some would say it happened too late.” She forced a smile, one at odds with the jitters in her stomach.

Janine slowed the car and pulled over to the side of the road. She glanced at Nikki, whose bulky form made turning impossible. “You aren’t fooling me, Nicole.”

Meeting her sister-in-law’s penetrating stare wasn’t easy. Nikki wished she could have blamed her inability on the blazing sun. But having reached suburbia, a large tree prevented the sharpest rays from blinding them through the windshield. Besides, fooling Janine wasn’t an option. She had always been too perceptive by half, and being pregnant had only intensified her radar when it came to matters of the heart.

“I’m scared to death,” Nikki admitted. Once the words had escaped, her body reacted. Her heart began to pound and she broke into a cold sweat.

“Put your head between your knees,” Janine suggested.

Nikki shook her head. “I’m not going to faint.”

“I nearly did. The day I married your brother, I had my head in a brown paper bag up until right before I walked down the aisle.”

“Are you trying to tell me I’m normal?”

Janine laughed. “I’d never say such a thing.” She grinned. “What I’m saying is what you’re feeling is normal.” She shifted position again. “Unless you’re truly having second thoughts and not just last-minute jitters.”

Nikki bit down on her lower lip.

“Cut it out, you’ll eat off your lipstick. Now what’s wrong?”

It all came down to the same thing. She wanted the fairy tale wedding. The “to love and to cherish,” the happily ever after. With the seconds ticking down, she was forced to look into her heart.

She loved him.

She always had. When she looked at Kevin, her heart raced and blood heated. When he was in pain, she hurt for him, and on the rare occasions when he laughed with her, her heart soared toward the clouds. She loved him, all right. But he didn’t reciprocate the emotion.

His sense of duty was strong, so here she was in a cream-colored suit loose enough in the waist to accommodate her pregnant form. She may not want him coerced into marriage, but what else could she call it? If it weren’t for the life growing inside her, she’d run far and fast.

“What is it?” Janine asked.

Nikki met Janine’s questioning gaze. “He doesn’t love me,” she admitted.

“He doesn’t know how to show it. There’s a difference.”

“I wish that were true, but...” She lifted her shoulders, then dropped them again.

“I believe it is, but unless he says the words, what I think doesn’t matter.” Janine sighed. “Do you want to call it off?”

“For the baby’s sake, I can’t. And besides, I want to make it work.”

What she couldn’t explain to Janine was that she was going into this marriage while making contingency plans for herself in case it failed.

Nikki loved Janine like a sister, but her faith in Kevin was strong, her desperation to see Nikki with the man she loved even stronger. Tony’s death had reinforced her belief in grabbing happiness while it was still possible. And though Nikki understood, Janine’s behavior in the past made trusting her in this case impossible. Besides, in another week, Janine would be packed up and back home.

And Nikki would once again be on her own.

“So you’re sure about this?” Janine asked.

Nikki closed her eyes, knowing this was her last chance to back out. She took a deep breath before facing Janine. “I’m sure.”

Janine glanced at her watch, then shifted gears and placed the car back into drive. “Then we’ve got a wedding to make.”

* * *

Kevin paced the floor outside Max’s hospital room, debating the merits of whether to go in or turn around and walk away. He wanted to. But that was Max’s style, not his.

You walked out on Nicole
, a voice in his head taunted. And it sickened him to realize how like his father he’d become. So he pulled open the door and walked inside.

The television blared too loud from the remote speaker buried inside the covers on the bed. Kevin shook his head, wondering if Max even cared. “Hey, Max. How are you feeling?” Kevin yelled above the blaring television.

His father, looking more sallow than ever, pushed himself up against the pillows. He let out a loud whistle, more suited to a construction site than a hospital room. “Where’re you going all dressed up like that? Ain’t no way I’m the reason you cleaned yourself up.”

“I’m getting married,” he told his father. And that was the reason for this visit.

Although Kevin had given up on having a real father years ago, he couldn’t face this day without at least letting the old man know he was tying the knot. That he intended to make a go of this marriage. Hell, he intended to make a go of his life—despite his parentage.

If he were honest with himself, Kevin knew he wanted his father’s blessing—something he’d never get. But here he was anyway, a sucker for punishment.

“Well at least you’re doing the right thing,” Max muttered.

“Like you did?”

“I never said...”

“You didn’t have to.” Kevin walked over to the worn plastic chair he’d spent a night in and sat down. Sunlight streamed through the blinds and heated his back. “You reminded Mom that she’d trapped you and destroyed your life every day she lived under your roof.”

He shrugged. “Don’t think you won’t be doing the same thing. Coming home every day to a reminder of how you got tied down.”

It shouldn’t hurt to hear his father’s feelings on parenthood. He’d been exposed to it often enough as a child. Yet on the verge of a major life change himself, Kevin wanted some support. He knew an
I’m proud of you, son
would have been too much to ask for, but he’d have at least liked a pat on the back.

Kevin rose from his seat. “Nikki’s not tying me down. Besides it takes two to tango,” he reminded his father. Not that Max understood the concept of responsibility.

“Talk to me in a couple a years and you’ll feel differently. In the meantime when are you gonna get me sprung?”

“When the doctor says it’s time.” Kevin glanced at his watch. “I have a wedding to get to.”