Truly Tasteless Jokes One
TRULY TASTELESS JOKES
by
Blanche Knott
Ashtonia LLC
Truly Tasteless Jokes
© 2011 Blanche Knott
e-Book ISBN 978-0-9833594-0-1
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form, by any means, including mechanical, electronic, photocopying, recording, internet, or otherwise, without the express written consent of the author.
All digital rights revert to the author who holds all rights of publication to this and all electronic editions.
FIRST KINDLE EDITION - April 2011
Published in the United States by Ashtonia LLC
Web: trulytastelessjokes.net
Digital Typesetting: Swensonia Inc.
Original Print Edition appeared as a Ballantine Book, published by The Random House Publishing Group, 1982
Selected jokes from WHAT DO WASPS SAY AFTER SEX? by Matt Freedman and Paul Hoffman, Copyright © 1981 by matt Freedman and Paul Hoffman. Published by St. Martin's Press
Contents
Too Tasteless to Be Included in This Book
What does it take to make a dead baby float?
One scoop of ice cream and a scoop of dead baby.
*
How did the dead baby cross the road?
Stapled to the chicken.
*
What's the difference between unloading a truckload of dead babies and a truckload of bowling balls?
You can use a pitchfork on the dead babies.
*
Why do they boil water when a baby's being born?
So that if it's born dead, they can make soup.
*
How do you fit a thousand dead babies in a phone booth?
Use a blender!
*
How do you get them out?
With a straw!
*
What's red and squirms in the corner?
A baby playing with a razor blade.
*
What's blue and squirms in the corner?
A baby in a baggie.
*
What's green and sits in the corner?
The same baby two weeks later.
*
What's red and hangs from the ceiling?
A baby on a meathook.
*
Why do you put a baby in the blender feet first?
So you can watch its expression.
*
What's the perfect gift for a dead baby?
A dead puppy.
*
What's red and goes around and around?
A baby in a garbage disposal.
*
What's red and bubbly and scratches at the window?
Helen KellerA baby in a microwave.
How did Helen Keller burn her fingers?
Reading the waffle iron.
*
How did Helen Keller's mother punish her?
By rearranging the living-room furniture.
*
How did Helen Keller meet her husband?
It was a blind date.
*
Why were Helen Keller's fingers purple?
She heard it through the grapevine.
*
What did Helen Keller do when she fell down the well?
She screamed her hands off.
*
Did you hear about the Helen Keller doll?
Wind it up and it walks into walls.
*
Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
So she can moan with the other.
*
Why did Helen Keller's dog jump off a cliff?
You would too if your name was Uggggrrrgggh.
*
Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow?
Her dog was blind, too.
*
How did Helen Keller go crazy?
Trying to read a stucco wall.
*
How did Helen Keller burn her ear?
Answering the iron.
*
What did Helen Keller's parents do to punish her for swearing?
Washed her hands with soap.
*
Did you hear about Helen Keller's new book?
Around the Block in Eighty Days
*
How does Helen Keller drive?
With one hand on the wheel and the other on the road.
*
What's Helen Keller's favorite color?
PolishCorduroy.
Did you hear that the Polish government bought a thousand septic tanks?
As soon as they learn to drive them, they're going to invade Russia.
*
Did you hear about the new Polish drink?
Perrier and club soda.
*
Why does the Pole always take a dime along on his dates?
So that if he can't come, he can call.
*
Why were the Poles pushing their house down the road in the middle of the winter?
They were trying to jump-start the furnace.
*
A Pole suspected his wife of infidelity and began to follow her movements. Sure enough, his suspicions were justified. Coming home from work early, he burst into the bedroom, catching his wife and lover in the act, and, crazed with grief, he put the pistol to his own head.
“Don't laugh!” he shouted when his wife burst out in giggles. “You're next!”
*
“Knock, knock.”
“Who's there?”
“Polish burglar.”
*
A group of scientists discovered an apelike creature in the wilds which they were certain was the Missing Link. The proof of their theory, though, required that a human mate with the ape in order to see what characteristics the progeny would take on. So they put an ad in the paper: “$5000 to Mate with Ape.”
The next morning a Pole called up in response to the ad and said he'd be willing to be part of the experiment. “But,” he said, “I have three conditions.”
The scientists agreed to hear him out.
“First: My wife must never know.
“Second: The children must be raised as Catholics.
“Third: If I can pay in installments, I'm definitely interested.
*
Ever seen the Polish sex manual?
*
Why did the Pole spend all night outside the whorehouse?
He was waiting for the red light to turn green.
*
Lick cover of a book of matches, then bend it back so matches are exposed. Stick to forehead. Ask, “What am I?”
A Polish miner.
*
Did you hear about the Polish starlet?
She went to Hollywood and fucked the writer.
*
The manager of a prosperous whorehouse in Warsaw one night found, to his dismay, that he was short of girls for the evening's entertainment. Thinking quickly, he dashed out and bought several inflatable fuck dolls, figuring that, given his clientele, no one would know the difference. Soon he ushered a customer into a room that housed one of the new lovelies, assuring him he was in for an especially good time.
When the customer came out of the room a little while later, the manager was waiting eagerly in the hallway. He winked at the fellow and asked, “Well? How'd you like her?”
“I don't know what happened,” said the customer, shaking his head. “I bit her on the tit, she farted, and flew out the window.”
*
A stranger walks into a bar and announces to the barman, “Hey, fella! Have I got some terrific Polish jokes for you guys.”
The bartender leans over to him and says, “Listen, if I were you I’d watch your tongue. The two 250-pound bouncers are Polish, I'm Polish and I ain't no midget, and every man in here is Polish.”