Trust (30 page)

Leading them to the living room, I motioned for Brianna to sit down. Unfortunately, Ross sat down beside her. Sitting in my chair, I waited to see what she had to say.

Instead of addressing me, however, she turned to Ross. “Could you give us a minute?”

He looked at her as if she’d just asked him to jump off a cliff without a harness. “I’m not leaving you alone with him, Anna. No way.”

“Please?”

Ross hesitated, and for a moment, I didn’t think he was going to comply with her wishes. “Fine, but if he does anything, I’m going to rearrange his face again.”

After giving me a hard stare—a warning—Ross stood and walked back out the front door. It didn’t escape my attention that he’d made sure it remained unlocked when he stepped out into the hall. I could see him pacing on the security monitor.

I turned my attention away from Ross and back to Brianna. She looked too thin again, and I knew she’d not been eating properly. It hurt to know that this time I was the cause of her pain. “You said you read my e-mails?”

“Yes.”

“And?”

“And I need you to explain it to me.”

I took a deep breath. Okay. I could do that. “Let me start from the beginning, all right?”

She nodded and looked down.

“I need you to do something for me first, though?”

Brianna glanced back up to meet my gaze. “What?”

“I want you to promise that you’ll look at me while I’m talking to you. I want you to be able to see that what I’m telling you is the truth. Will you do that?”

“Yes.”

I smiled. It was weak, but I wanted her to know how happy I was that she was giving me this chance to explain.

“About two months after you left, Sarah contacted me. She’d heard about what was going on with Ian and your father and said she was coming to town.” I leaned forward, desperate to touch Brianna but not sure if I should. “She arrived two days later, showing up at my office out of the blue.”

No longer able to stand the distance between us, I stood and walked over to sit beside her on the couch. I kept my distance, not touching her, although it had to be among the toughest things I’d ever had to do in my life . . . right up there with letting her leave me in the first place.

Brianna held herself rigid, clenching her hands together. I didn’t know if that was because she was afraid I’d touch her or to keep herself from reaching out to me. Maybe a little of both.

“That night she invited herself over for dinner. I know that might sound strange, but that’s Sarah. She can be incredibly pushy at times.” I paused. “She reminds me of Lily in that way. You never want to get in Lily’s way when she’s going after something she wants. She’ll steamroll right over you.”

“And Sarah wanted you.” Brianna sounded resigned.

“No! Not at all.” I reached out into the space between us. Reaching but not touching. “She wanted to know about you.”

Brianna looked shocked. “Why?”

Again, I smiled. “Because she realized how important you are to me. I received a phone call from Oscar while she was in my office, and she could tell from my reaction how much I care about you. I’ve never loved anyone before you, Brianna. Sarah wanted to know everything she could about the woman who’d stolen my heart.”

We both sat quietly for several minutes. I wanted to go slow this time. Before, I’d blurted out the vital information as swiftly as possible, not knowing at what point Ross would try and throw me out. This time it was different, and I was going to make sure Brianna knew everything.

“After dinner that night, Sarah told me she was pregnant. It’s one of the reasons she came to visit me. Some things happened with her boyfriend, and she needed time to think. It was then I offered her a place to stay.”

“Did you have sex with her?”

I couldn’t believe she was asking me that, but I answered her anyway. “No. Sarah and I haven’t been together in that way for years.” I paused. “And just to be clear, I’ve not had sex with anyone but you since I met you, Brianna. No one but you.”

“Really?”

I cocked my head to the side. “Yes. Why is that so unbelievable?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. I just thought that when I left . . .”

“No, Brianna. No.”

Again, silence filled the room. I wished I could make her understand how ridiculous the notion was that I’d want to be with anyone but her, but I knew right now wasn’t the time to try to convince her of that. This was my opportunity to set the record straight—maybe my only opportunity—and I had to clear the air once and for all.

“You know the locked room upstairs?”

“Yes.”

“She stayed there while she was here.”

“Not in my room?”

Again I resisted the urge to reach out to her. “No. That’s
your
room, Brianna. Yours.”

Brianna’s gaze left mine and drifted over to the door that led to her room.

“Do you want to see it? It hasn’t changed since you left.”

She looked at me once more. I could see the conflict in her eyes, so I made the decision for her. Standing, I motioned toward her room and waited for her to rise.

It took her several moments before she got up from the couch and followed me into the room. I hadn’t been in there myself for more than a week. Since she’d been gone, I’d rehired a maid to come in once a week and clean. This room had been off-limits to her. I hadn’t wanted anyone to touch Brianna’s things but me, so I cleaned the rooms myself when needed.

“It’s the same,” she whispered, her fingers grazing the edge of the bed.

I stood back and let her walk around the room. Every once in a while, she’d pick up something and then put it down before moving on to the next thing. She seemed to be in awe that everything was exactly as she’d left it, with the exception of the items I’d sent to her.

Once she’d made a complete pass around the room, she returned to stand several feet in front of me. I took a step forward, and when she didn’t retreat, I took another one. “We weren’t communicating when Sarah moved in, and when I saw you at the gala, all I could think about was how good it felt being with you again. If not for Lily, I wouldn’t have even remembered that Sarah was my date, and that I’d left her downstairs. At the time, all I could think about was you.”

Taking a chance, I tentatively extended my hand, hoping she’d take it.

She glanced down at my offering, and after a moment’s hesitation, she linked her fingers with mine. Being able to touch her again was like a breath of fresh air.

We stood there holding hands for what felt like forever. I didn’t want to break the connection, but eventually I knew I had to. There was more I had to say. “I want to be honest with you, Brianna. Telling you about Sarah’s baby hadn’t really crossed my mind until my uncle brought it up to me after the gala. It’s Sarah’s baby, not mine, so I didn’t see the relevance. I realize now that was naïve of me, and I should have told you right away.”

Pulling her a little closer, I waited until she looked up at me. “I meant what I told you at Ross’s. I was planning to tell you when we met for our date at the planetarium. I was afraid if I told you over Skype, you would only hear that Sarah was living with me and expecting a baby . . . that you would panic and think I didn’t want you anymore.”

Reaching up with my other hand, I cupped her cheek. “I realize now that by not telling you right away, I ended up with exactly what I’d feared.”

Brianna

I was trying very hard to stay focused, but it was difficult with Stephan’s hand on my cheek. The only thing I wanted to do was close my eyes and melt into his embrace. It would be so easy to forget everything else and lose myself in him.

“Tell me what you’re thinking, Brianna.”

The heat of his hand was doing funny things—very pleasant funny things—to my insides. “I want to believe you.”

He frowned. “You don’t believe me?”

“I want to.”

Stephan sighed and stepped away from me, leaving me cold and alone once again. I wrapped my arms around my waist in an attempt to warm myself.

The distance only increased, physically and emotionally, as he collapsed into the chair in the corner. I wanted to go to him, but I didn’t know if I should. If anything, I was more confused than I’d been before. Everything in me wanted to believe him, but there was a little voice inside my head that sounded a lot like Cal telling me I shouldn’t.

“Would you like to see the room Sarah stayed in? I haven’t felt like doing much with it since she left.”

Since I had no better suggestion, I nodded.

He got up, and I followed him out of the room. We passed through the living room, and I could see Cal on the screen Stephan had installed after I’d opened the door to John. He was sitting along the wall, tapping his fingers against his legs. He hadn’t wanted to bring me tonight. If it were up to him, I would forget about Stephan and move on with my life. I wasn’t sure I could do that, however. Stephan was too important.

We walked up the stairs and passed through Stephan’s library before arriving at the room that before had always been locked. He opened the door and motioned for me to go inside.

The first thing I noticed was that the walls were a dark blue—darker than you’d normally find in a bedroom. There was also very little furniture in the room other than a bed, a single nightstand, and a dresser. Also, unlike the bedrooms downstairs, there was no carpet in this room. The floor was some sort of rubber, but a throw rug had been placed over a section of it to soften it. “This was her room?”

“Yes.”

I stepped farther inside, not understanding. This didn’t feel like a bedroom.

“You’re probably wondering why I had the room locked before.”

Glancing over my shoulder, I waited for him to go on.

“This used to be my playroom.”

I sucked in a lungful of air.

“When you left, I didn’t know if the police would want to search my condo or not, so I thought it best to remove anything that would make me look less than normal.”

Although I’d suspected for a long time that was what had been in this room, hearing him confirm it sent my head spiraling. “Your playroom?”

He stepped closer to me, not stopping until he was standing only inches away. “I’ve never made it a secret what I am, Brianna. Nothing I can say will express to you how sorry I am for breaking my own rule and not telling you right away what was going on with Sarah. You should never have had to hear something like that on the news. It was my responsibility to tell you, and I failed. I can only hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me.”

I looked into his eyes. The pain was still there. Keeping my distance was hurting him. It was hurting me, too. I realized then it was fear that was holding me back. Fear that Cal might be right, that I might have been wrong in giving myself completely to Stephan. I didn’t think I had been, though. He’d made a mistake, and now he was doing everything he could to make up for it.

Before I could rethink my actions, I launched myself into his arms. Stephan didn’t hesitate. He wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my hair.

“Oh, sweetheart, I’ve missed you. I was so scared you were never going to talk to me again.”

With my head resting on his chest, I could hear his heart pounding against my ear. This, being in his arms, felt right. I didn’t ever want to feel separated like that from him again. It was worse than when I’d left. Then, I’d known that there was a possibility for us even if it was in the future. This rift had been different. It was as if all the possibilities, all the future hopes and dreams I’d fantasized about, had disappeared and been replaced with utter desolation. I didn’t like that abyss of nothingness. I wanted Stephan, and I’d take him even if he wasn’t perfect.

Stephan leaned back, brushing the hair away from my face with his fingers. “May I kiss you?”

I nodded.

As soon as I’d given him the green light, Stephan bent his head and caressed my lips with his. It was featherlight . . . cautious.

“I love you,” he murmured before pressing his mouth firmly against mine. Within seconds, the outside world ceased to exist. The only thing that mattered was this. Him.

My hands searched for purchase against the skin of his back. I wanted closer, to feel more. As if reading my thoughts, he ran his tongue along my bottom lip, requesting entrance. I opened my mouth, and his tongue slipped inside to begin its gentle exploration.

I wanted to keep kissing him forever, but before I knew it, he was ending it. His breathing was exaggerated, as was my own, as he rested his forehead against mine. “If we don’t stop, I’m going to end up stripping you of your clothes and taking you on that bed there.”

Right then, that sounded perfect. I’d missed him so much. All I wanted was to feel him over me again, his body pressing me possessively into the mattress.

He groaned. “That’s not helping, Brianna. Ross is still downstairs. I’m surprised he hasn’t come looking for you yet.”

My enthusiasm faded. I’d forgotten about Cal. He wasn’t going to like that Stephan and I had made up. “I should go talk to him.”

Reluctantly, I stepped away from Stephan and headed toward the door.