Trust Me (16 page)

Screw it. They had parents. It wasn’t his job. And all he should be thinking about right now was what he had to do
tonight.

At least it’s not the same hospital I was in,
Rae thought as she climbed on the bus. That would be a nightmare.

She could just see it.
Hi, I’m the lunatic girl who was here during the summer, and I was wondering if there was a

doctor or a nurse who might remember my lunatic mother who was here about sixteen years ago.

Rae found two empty seats together and took one.

She wasn’t in the mood for chitchat.
I can’t believe I’m doing this,
she thought. For pretty much her whole life,
she’d avoided finding out anything about her mother, avoided even thinking about her as much as she possibly
could. But now information about her mom could be a life-or-death matter. And since she’d run out of leads on this
mysterious “group,” the hospital was the only place she could think to try.

As the bus slowly made its way to the hospital, with what felt like a stop every two seconds, Rae’s blood felt colder
and colder, chilling her body instead of warming it. She zipped her jacket all the way up to her chin, even though the
bus’s heater was blasting out hot, stale air.

The bus stopped again, and a plump twentyish guy with shaggy brown hair climbed on. There were lots of empty
seats, but his eyes immediately locked on the one next to Rae. She sent out a mental message
-Leave me alone.

Either he didn’t get it or he ignored it because he plopped down next to her.

“Want one of my cookies?” he asked. He pulled a box of them out of his backpack. “They’re chocolate. The only
kind worth eating, in my opinion.” He tapped one heel against the floor as he ripped the box, pulled out the foil
package, tore it open, and slid out a cookie. He waved it in front of Rae’s face.

“No, thanks,” she said, making sure there wasn’ta trace of friendliness in her voice.

“You’re going to Fair Haven, aren’t you?” the cookie guy asked.

“What?” Rae exclaimed, her eyebrows shooting up.

“You have the look. The tense look. I’m going there, too. I’m Paul.” He wiggled chocolate-stained fingers at her in a
half wave. “My brother’s in there. My twin. Identical twin. Not fraternal. So whenever I see him, I keep thinking, when
is it gonna happen to me?” Paul grabbed a bunch of cookies and managed to fit most of them in his mouth.

“That has to be pretty scary,” Rae said. She didn’t want to talk, but God, if she was that guy, she’d be freaking out
so bad.

You are that guy,
said a little voice in her head.
You’re afraid of exactly the same thing.

Rae gave her head a little shake. Paul covered his mouth. “Sorry. This has to be pretty disgusting to look at. I just…

when I get nervous, I have to eat something.” He swallowed and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Then
he took another bite.

“Does it help?” Rae asked.

Paul laughed. “Not really. And since I know that, you’d think I’d stop doing it, but-” He shrugged. “Who are you
going to see?”

“My mom,” Rae said. It was the easiest answer. “Look, I don’t want to be rude, but could we not talk?I just-”

“It’s okay. Don’t worry about it. Pretend I’m not even here,” Paul answered. He started on another couple of
cookies. He ate steadily until the bus pulled up in front of Fair Haven. “Well, good luck,” he told Rae.

“You, too,” she said. Impulsively she reached out and touched his sleeve. “You seem-you seem okay. I mean,
everyone likes chocolate cookies.”

“You seem okay, too,” Paul replied. He crossed his fingers and gave her a salute, then headed off the bus.

Rae waited until everyone else had exited. The driver gave her a questioning look.
Got to do it,
Rae thought.
Got to

know.
She looped her purse over her shoulder and walked purposefully down the narrow aisle and then down the
steps. The door wheezed shut behind her. Without allowing a moment’s pause, Rae strode to the main entrance,
stepped inside, and headed over to the reception desk.

“Hi,” she said, her voice coming out shaky. “Hi,” she repeated.

“Hi,” the nurse behind the desk said, giving her an encouraging smile.

“I have this whole little speech rehearsed,” Rae confessed.

The nurse’s smile widened. “Well, let’s hear it since you’ve rehearsed.”

Rae nodded. “Okay. Okay. I’m Rae Voight. Mymother, Melissa Voight, was a patient here about sixteen years ago. I
have some questions about her, her condition, and I wanted to find out if there is a doctor or nurse working here
who might remember her.” She pulled in a deep breath. She didn’t think she’d breathed during her whole speech.

“All right. That wasn’t so hard, was it?” the nurse asked. She started punching keys on the computer. “It might
have helped if you’d called first, though.”

“I know. I just-I just couldn’t wait anymore,” Rae answered, listening to the clicking of the computer keys, praying
that the name of someone she could talk to would come up.

“It’s your lucky day,” the nurse said. “We just recently upgraded the computer system here, so all the old files are
on this central database we can access from most of the computers, including this one. So if… oh, here we go.” She
stopped typing and glanced up from the computer. “Your mother’s physician was Dr. Tugend. He’s here today, and
he’s a real sweetheart. I bet he’ll make time to talk to you. Have a seat over there.” She gestured to a row of plastic
chairs. “It might take a while.”

“Thanks. Thanks so much.” Rae hurried over to the chairs and took one directly across from the nurse. She
figured that way the nurse would keep her in mind and page the doctor again if he didn’t show up.

But the doctor must not have been too busy because a few minutes later he showed up at the front desk. At least
Rae assumed it was him because both he and the nurse kept shooting looks at her. Rae sat up a little straighter and
tried to look like someone who would be easy to deal with.

The doctor turned around and walked over to her. “Rae Voight? I’m Doctor Tugend. Why don’t we go down to my
office.”

“Great, thanks, great,” Rae said, almost tripping over the chair as she stood up.

“Have you ever been to Fair Haven before?” Dr. Tugend asked as he led the way to a double-glass door.

“No. Or maybe. I was just a baby when my mom was here. Maybe my dad brought me,” Rae answered.

There was a short buzzing sound, and the doctor pushed open the doors.
Just like the prison,
Rae thought wildly.

“Is there any reason you decided to try to find more about her at this time?” he asked after they’d stepped through
the doors.
He has eyes like Anthony’s,
Rae realized. Like melted Hershey’s Kisses.

“I… I wasn’t going to tell anyone this, but this summer I was in a hospital for a while. I had what my doctor called
paranoiac delusions. I was wondering if that’s what my mom had, and…” Rae couldn’t get out the rest.

“You’re wondering if there are similarities between what happened to you and her case,” Dr. Tugend said.

“Yes,” Rae admitted, a tiny shiver ripping through her. She was still so cold.

“Makes sense to me. Here we are.” He pulled out a key and unlocked one of the doors that ran along both sides of
the hallway. “My office. Take a seat.”

Rae glanced from the overstuffed sofa to the two armchairs. She chose a chair. To her surprise, Dr. Tugend sat on
the sofa instead of sitting behind his desk. “It’s been many years, but I remember your mother quite well,” he said.

He studied Rae for a moment. “You know, the resemblance between you two is quite striking.”

Rae tried not to cringe. “Tell me everything,” she said.

“Everything. Hmmm.” Dr. Tugend crossed his legs, showing off a pair of psychedelic socks. “Well, I remember
how much your mother looked forward to your father’s visits. He-”

“Please. I know I said everything. But that’s not what I want to know,” Rae interrupted. She could tell he was
getting ready to sugarcoat what he said. “I-my father said that she was delusional, that she thought she had
psychic powers or something.” Her father hadn’t told her anything like that, but she needed to start steering the
conversation. “Is it true?”

Dr. Tugend frowned, his eyebrows coming together in a deep furrow. “Yes, it is,” he finally responded. “I suppose
your father told you your mother had a hearing to decide whether or not she was fit to stand trial. Her belief that she
had the ability to implant thoughts into other people’s heads was one of the key facts in the hearing,” Dr. Tugend
said.

Implant thoughts?
Her mother had said she could put thoughts into people’s
heads?
Rae struggled to keep her
expression blank. “Was it true?” she asked.

Dr. Tugend’s eyes widened.

“I don’t mean was it true that she could implant thoughts in people’s heads,” Rae added quickly. “But did she
actually believe she could do it? Or did she make it up to stay out of jail?”

“It’s my opinion that she believed it wholeheartedly,” Dr. Tugend answered.

Because it
was
true. God, it was true. All this time Rae’d been wondering if her mother’s “insanity” was really some
kind of paranormal ability. Her poor mother-she must have been so scared.

Remember what poor Mom did,
Rae told herself.

Implanting thoughts. That wasn’t so different from reading thoughts. It was all connected, right?

How many other ways am I like her? Could I do what she did? Am I capable of that? Am I going to end up in a place

like this, too? Dying in a place likethis?

“It’s a lot to take in, I know,” Dr. Tugend said gently. “Let me pull out her file so I can give you more specifics. I’m a
pack rat. Most other doctors send files as old as your mother’s to storage, but I like to have them here. I never know
when an old case will help me with a new one.” He stood up and crossed the room to the long row of tall wooden
file cabinets. In moments he’d retrieved a thick file. He returned to the sofa with it. “I’m a pack rat, but an organized
pack rat.”

Rae managed a smile.
Even my teeth feel cold,
she realized.
Am I going into shock?

“Is there another question you have? Or should I just summarize our findings?” Dr. Tugend asked.

“The violence,” Rae blurted out. “How violent was she? Was she dangerous?”

Rae knew the answer, but she’d had to ask the question, anyway.

Dr. Tugend didn’t reply at first. His left eye twitched slightly. “Rae, I want you to know that there isn’t any reason for
you to assume that what happened to your mother will happen to you,” he said. “I don’t know the details of your
case, but I’m sure your doctor was made aware of your family history and would have talked to your father-”

“I know, I know,” Rae told him. “But could you please just tell me?”

Dr. Tugend looked at her for a long moment. “Your mother was placed in a ward with the highest level of security.

That is because we believed she could be a danger to herself or others.” He flipped through a few pages of the file.

“There weren’t any violent incidents during her time with us, but we had to accept that they were possible at any
time.”

Rae bit the inside of her cheek. The little spot of pain helped her keep a grip on herself. “Those were two of my big
questions,” she said. “The other one is about how she died. My dad said her body just… just started to deteriorate.”

Dr. Tugend scrubbed his face with his fingertips. “Even now, with all the advances in medicine over the past
decade and a half, I can’t explain it. The symptoms were similar to some viruses we’ve seen, but no evidence of a
virus was found. The disease progressed so quickly that we had almost no time to determine the cause. Even
afterward…” He shook his head. “I’m sorry not to be able to tell you more.”

“No, you’ve been great. Really,” Rae answered. Should she try to shake his hand? See if he was holding back? He
didn’t seem to be, and she’d started thinking making fingertip-to-fingertip contact had something to do with her
numb spots. At least they happened around the same time.

“What else can I tell you?” Dr. Tugend asked.

“Could you tell me more about the delusions? Or did she ever mention anything about a group she was in? I-”

Dr. Tugend’s pager went off. He glanced at it. “I have to go, but I shouldn’t be long. Would you like to wait for me?”

“I don’t want to take up too much time, but there are-”

“Don’t worry about it. If for some reason I can’t get back as fast as I think I’ll be able to, I’ll send someone to tell
you.” With a grunt he shoved himself up from the deep cushions of the sofa and left the office.

As soon as he’d left, Rae’s eyes went right to her mom’s file, which he’d left sitting on his desk. Rae didn’t need an
invitation. She jumped out of her chair and snatched up the file.
poor girl
that woman was/buy coffee/

She flipped it open and started skimming. Lots of stuff about medications. Observation notes that seemed to say
that her mother basically just sat and stared at nothing except during visits. Rae turned the page.