Trusting Fate (8 page)

I jumped out of bed and pulled my clothes on.
“
Where Gabby? Your house? I am on my way,
”
I said, tripping over my own feet.

“
No, not my house. I am at the hospital. It
’
s Theo. He
’
s been throwing up all night again and he is running a fever of almost 105. I panicked and brought him to the ER. They ran some tests on him. Jace
…
they think my baby has Leukemia,
”
she whispered almost unable to get the words out of her mouth.

It was like my whole life flashed before my eyes. The past few months I had spent with Gabby had changed me. She did not know who I really was, or how knowing this information meant I would have to tell her the truth and possibly ruin our entire relationship. I now almost had all the clues that I needed to know that Theo was my son. My brother had died from Leukemia, Theo had to have my genes.

How could this happen to someone so incredibly remarkable like Gabby and her amazing son, my son. I know it
’
s true.
“
Gabby, baby, I am on my way. It
’
s okay, he
’
s going to be okay,
”
I lied. If he suffers the same fate as my brother, I
’
d know that I lied, and I hated myself.

Gabby

I was not sure who else to call, but the second the Doctors in the ER asked me,
“
Miss Thomas is there anyone that you would like us to call for you?
”
I literally could think of only one person.

We had been spending so much alone time together and we had also done a few things with all three of us. Theo really seemed to like him, but it made me nervous to bring him around a man when I did not know whether there would be a future with him or not. The truth though, was that I wanted a future with him. It scared me to even admit that to myself. It was probably just because I was so sleep deprived, sitting in a hospital chair next to my 3-year-old son who was two weeks away from his fourth birthday, curled up sleeping in the fetal position. My heart could not take it if I ever lost Theo; I don
’
t know that I would survive it.

When I was pregnant, I made the mistake of watching a documentary on mothers who had lost children. I didn
’
t sleep for weeks, not buying into all that crap where they say God only gives you as much as you can handle
…
I grew up with that saying. My parents are very religious and in your face about their faith. I believe in God whole heartedly, but I never believed in that saying. It made no sense to me because people can only handle so much. So where is the end point in that? I knew I was angry and I just could not see past this point, but how would I get over this? How could I stay strong for my son if he is sick, and how could I convince him that he will be okay when I am not sure myself? I had finally worried myself to exhaustion and drifted off to sleep, hoping I could release some of this madness in my head.

Chapter 13

Jace

I wasn
’
t sure what to expect when I got to the ER. I asked the receptionist where they were because Gabby wasn
’
t picking up her cell. I was nervous because something could have happened while I was on my way there. I raced down the hall and found the room that the nurse directed me to. Peeking through the door, I saw Gabby sleeping in a chair, a very uncomfortable-looking chair, and then I looked over and saw Theo curled up on the hospital bed, sleeping. My heart skipped about a thousand beats. This little boy barely knew me, and I may lose him forever. Looking back and forth from each of the two people who had changed my life, I realized
…
I loved them both more than my life. The only problem was that I didn't know if I would I get to continue to be in their lives.

I waited a few minutes before knocking lightly on the door.

“
Gabby baby, I
’
m sorry to wake you,
”
I said quietly so that I would not wake Theo.

“
It
’
s okay Jace,
”
she said, her bottom lip quivering through it.
“
Thank you for coming. I mean, I know that we haven
’
t been dating for very long and all, and now I may or may not have this big huge emotional baggage on my end. I just wanted you to be here. You were the one I wanted to call the minute they told me. I know that it sounds strange, but Theo likes you and he
’
s only so young. I just do not want to disappoint him later on if this all becomes too much for you and
…”
she kept rambling.

I knew that she was beside herself and she had every right to be a rambling mess, so I did the only thing I could think of.

“
Gabby, slow down. It
’
s all going to be okay,
”
I grabbed her face and kissed her. She kissed me back but her mind was somewhere else. Of course it would be. I wasn
’
t going anywhere though. I know that boy is my son.

“
Jace, I
…
I can
’
t lose him. He is my reason for existing. That little boy saved my life in more ways than one. I know you still do not understand that, but I hope someday I can explain everything and not be ashamed of who I was,
”
she said, putting her head down.

“
Gabby why would you be ashamed with me? There is nothing you could ever do, or have done in the past, that would change my mind about you. Please believe me,
”
I begged.

She smiled and let me pull her into a warm embrace. I loved the smell of her hair and how it took over my senses every time she was near.

Just as I was releasing her, I noticed a doctor in a white lab coat heading our way. I swear my heart dropped into my stomach, watching him walk closer and closer until he finally reached us.

“
Hi, Miss Thomas. My name is Dr. Walker; I have been assigned to your son
’
s case. I have his test results, would you like to have a seat?
”
He motioned for us to sit in the chairs outside of Theo
’
s room. I felt her stiffen and her palm was starting to sweat as I was holding it. I squeezed it just to remind her that I was there and she could do this. She was the strongest person that I knew. We sat down and it felt like this was not going to be good.

“
Miss Thomas, do you know who the boy
’
s father is? I only ask because we need to get some medical history on his father
’
s side of the family. I have yours, but nothing was listed on his father
’
s,
”
he said.

I looked at Gabby and her eyes immediately began to tear up. She shook her head and said,
“
No, I am sorry. I do not know anything about his father
’
s family. I honestly do not know anything about the father,
”
she said.

“
That is ok, we can work around it. But I am sorry to have to bring such news to you. Miss Thomas your son has a rare form of Leukemia that presents in children called Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia, which is cancer of the blood. It develops in the bone marrow, and while this is a rare form, it is very treatable. I believe we can get your boy through this. I have seen it done many times,
”
he said.

It was like he was speaking in tongues. I mean, we heard what he said, but Gabby just completely fell apart. So much so that the doctor was not sure what to do, so he left her to me.

“
Gabby, baby we can do this. Theo is such a strong little boy, and you are such a strong woman. You can do this,
”
I said, staring deep into her eyes.

“
Jace, I am not as strong as you think. How can I let my baby boy go through this? It is just not fair. Why him? He is such a sweet little boy and he does not deserve this,
”
she put her head into her hands and began to sob. I stroked her back slightly for a few minutes until she finally took a deep breath and said,
“
Jace, look, I need to keep my job for the insurance, and I will find a way to get there almost every day, but this is not what you need, I know you say that you want this, but you cannot want this. A single mother of a small child who now has cancer? I mean, I am not even sure if I could handle that if he wasn
’
t my own child. I am not sure I can handle it and he
is
my child. I would never want to hurt you, because doing this hurts me. I have had so much fun with you and I care so deeply about you, but please, let
’
s just put this on hold at least for now. I...I just cannot deal with us and my son at the same time.
”

It was as if I was having an out of body experience. I had only just realized that I loved her, and now she was saying goodbye? She could not avoid me. I am her boss for Christ's sake.

“
Gabby, please don
’
t do this. I promise you I can handle it. Look, I need to tell you a few things, but I was afraid that once I did, it would ruin everything. However, before I do, I want you to know one thing
…
I love you. And not just the kind of exciting love that you feel when you have just met someone. It
’
s the kind of love that I have spent years chasing. I have been in love with you for years and I didn
’
t even realize it until now,
”
I confessed.

She looked at me so confused.
“
Jace, what are you talking about? Please do not do this,
”
she begged.

“
Gabby, you need to hear this, the day we saw each other in the parking lot was not the first time we had met,
”
her eyes grew large and more confused. I hated dropping this on her now, but she had to know.
“
We met three years ago, one night at a bar. It was near my school and at first I did not realize how drunk you were, but I was young too. I had just graduated, and all I wanted to do was have some fun. I couldn
’
t just have a one night thing with you, and I was almost devastated when you were gone the next morning. I had no idea how to reach you. I looked and looked until I finally gave up
…
but I never forgot. Gabby, I think that I am Theo
’
s father. He looks so much like my brother, Cody, who passed away
…
of Leukemia,
”
I confessed. She looked at me like I had two heads.

“
What the hell do you think you are saying, Jace? I mean is this some kind of joke? I do not believe you would do this to me. You have some real nerve. Is this your attempt to keep me in your life? Because it
’
s a horrible lie and I will not believe it,
”
she was talking loudly in circles.

I knew this was not going to go well.
“
Gabby, please just listen to me. You and I met a few years ago at a bar right after I had graduated from school. Honestly, I knew that you'd had a lot to drink, but I had no idea that you would totally block the night out and never remember me. Honestly I thought that I would never see you again. I tried to find you
…
I know that sounds ridiculous, but I really had to see you again. I eventually gave up, but then I thought I had died and gone to heaven when I saw you in the parking lot of my company and realized that you were not only still on the same planet as me, but you were so close that I could reach out and touch you,
”
I said, never taking my eyes off of hers. I wanted her to know that I was not some slime who was looking to get back into her pants like I had that night.

“
Gabby, when you told me about Theo, I started trying to dig up information. I know that it was wrong to do and wrong to keep this from you, but I was afraid. I want to be with you so badly that I didn
’
t want to lose you, but now Theo is sick and if I am his father like I think I may be, then maybe I am a match and can help in any way I am needed. My older brother needed a bone marrow transplant and decided that his days were numbered even if he had it done so he gave up. I do not want that to be the case for Theo or you for that matter. Just please,
please
do not shut me out.
”
I reached for her hand, but she pulled it away.