Trusting Fate (9 page)

“
Jace, I have no idea how to process any of this. You're right, I do not remember and that doesn
’
t mean that I am saying that I do not believe you because I did some awful things, but the fact that I have spent years trying to forgive myself for not being able to tell Theo who his father is and then here you show up and you may be him? I cannot forgive that. You lied to me all this time and now I have way too much to deal with for Theo, I do not have time for drama in my life and I especially do not have time to get paternity testing done, my son has cancer. He needs to get treatment so that he can survive this. Without him, I will lose my entire life and I cannot do it. Please just leave us alone. I cannot see you anymore,
”
she said and walked down the hall, disappearing into Theo
’
s room.

I sat in the hallway for what felt like forever, until I could see the sun coming up. My chest felt like had a thousand bricks laying on top of it; I couldn
’
t breathe. I may have just lost the best two things to ever happen to me. And for what? So I could be selfish and not tell her for months so that I could spend time with her? I finally got enough energy to pick myself up off the floor and walk to my car. I was not living until I met Gabby and I will not be breathing until I can make this right.

Chapter 14

Gabby

Six weeks
…
that is how long it had been since I heard the most devastating news that I had ever received. Ironically, when I found out that I was pregnant with Theo, I thought that it was the worst news then, but I was so wrong. He was my blessing in disguise and now I could lose him forever.

I had been so busy with doctor
’
s appointments and treatment for Theo that I had not even let myself stop to think about Jace for even a minute. I had never been so hurt in all my life and I had never been so embarrassed at the same time. I mean, I not only worked for the man who claimed he was the one who got me pregnant, but I started a relationship with him, and even worse
…
I fell in love with him.
I am such an idiot.
I guess I knew that one day this would happen, but I always thought it would be when Theo was old enough to want to look for him on his own. Never this soon though and with a man that I truly cared for
…
or care for
…
I am so lost and filled with anger that I just do not have time to deal with how I feel about Jace right now.

Theo had been doing chemotherapy treatments since the day after we found out about his illness. It had been the hardest thing I ever had to do, and I do not know how I am surviving it. I do know, however, that I have one of the strongest little boys on this planet. When they put his port in, I think that I was more scared than he was, and he woke up from the procedure like a little warrior. He is so much braver than me in so many ways and I feel like I sometimes do not deserve to be his mother. I just wanted to take all the pain and disease away from him and make him better, but I do not know how.

I had been spending more time with my parents and my mother begged me to come to prayer groups with her, but believe me when I say I have done my share of praying. I grew up with God, and while I believe in him and pray to him I am angry and want to know why this is happening to my son.

So as I sat there in my son
’
s hospital room as we awaited the latest test results, I prayed silently, cursing God at the same time. I felt like a terrible person, but to me it just wasn
’
t fair that we were going through this. Theo sat in his bed with his coloring book just coloring away, not fully realizing that the nurse who just left was putting poison in his IV port; poison to kill the horrible disease that was attempting to claim my son
’
s life. He was tired, but the smiles never left his sweet face. He was so innocent and oblivious to what was going with him.

By the time the doctor had been in and left, my head was spinning. Theo
’
s tests did not look any better and he would need a bone marrow transplant. Why was this happening? My son did not deserve this. They wanted me to get tested to see if I would be a match, because if I am, he would be able to have his transplant as soon as possible. This had to work, it had to.

My parents came down to sit with Theo while I had the testing done. It took six hours for them to come back with the results. I had to excuse myself from my son's room so that I could run down the hall and scream at the top of my lungs. I was not a match. I sat and cried; I cried for my son, I cried for his fragile and precious little life and I cried for myself. I need this little boy and I need him to be in my life. I sat down on the ground and leaned up against the wall of the hospital stairwell. My parents were still sitting with Theo so I could have my meltdown in private. I could not do it in front of Theo; that just wouldn
’
t be fair.

I knew that I was still so angry with Jace, but if there was any chance that he could be Theo
’
s father, then there was only one thing left for me to do. I grabbed my cell phone out of my back pocket and dialed his number. It had been a long few weeks without him in our lives, but as much as I hated swallowing my pride and calling him, he may be the key to saving my son
’
s life, and that made him the second most important person in my life.

Jace

Work had been a distraction, an unwelcomed one, but a distraction. It felt like I was living in a giant hole and there was no way out alive. I had called, text and emailed Gabby every day. She never responded, but it didn
’
t matter. I was not going to give up, and I hoped that she could find some way to forgive me. If not now, someday. I wanted to know my son and I wanted to be there for them.

It was 8 p.m. and I had just made it home, I was literally working fourteen-hour days just avoid the pain. I barely made it in the door when my phone started to ring. I was exhausted and not in the mood for any more work crap. I glanced down at the screen of my phone and I swear my heart stopped.

“
Gabby,
”
I said breathlessly, as I answered it on the second ring.
“
I am so glad you called, look I wanted to apologize so many times, but you wouldn
’
t talk to me.
”

“
Jace, please don
’
t. I called because Theo is not doing well, he has done several treatments in the past few weeks and is not responding to any of them. His doctor thinks that a bone marrow transplant is the only chance that he has. I do not want to talk about us at all; that ship has sailed. I cannot even think about it right now. I am calling to ask you to not only get a paternity test, but also to see if you are a match. I am not a match and it broke my heart. My parents want to donate but they are too old and I do not want them to go through that. Please, I am begging you to do this,
”
she barely stopped for a breath the entire time she spoke.

“
Gabby, I don
’
t even have to think about this. I want to know if he is my son and then I want to help him. Of course I will do it. What do I need to do?
”
I asked. In the back of my mind though, I was afraid. I was not a match for my brother and it killed me.

“
You just need to come down to the hospital whenever you can. They have it all set up and waiting for whomever is a match. It
’
s a painful procedure but they said that you can usually go back to work after a few days. Thank you, Jace. I really appreciate this,
”
she said trailing off.
“
Look I want to apologize for how I behaved when you told me the truth. I am sorry. You were being honest and I blew up in your face. So if these tests come back and you are Theo
’
s father, we can talk about custody and everything once he is healthy. Is that okay with you?
”
she asked.

“
Sure Gabby, whatever you want to do,
”
I said. I was devastated. She basically wanted nothing to do with me and I
’
d become this every other weekend father. Like hell I would. I needed them in my life, both of them, every day.
“
I can be there in an hour,
”
I said.

“
Okay Jace, I
’
ll see you then. Thank you,
”
she said and then hung up. And my heart broke again.

Gabby

I waited for him to show up like some lost puppy looking for his owner. There was no denying that I missed him, but I had been so busy with Theo and his needs that I kept putting off my own. I could not forgive what he did, but if he is Theo
’
s father I would forget for Theo. He deserved to know Jace, and I only wished that he could have met him sooner.

I had never been in love, especially with a man I had never been intimate with.
Oh who am I kidding? I had never really been intimate with any man; it was just casual hook ups.
I found myself wondering if Jace still smelled the same. Did he still fix his hair the same? I knew it had only been a few weeks, but a lot could change.

I heard a knock on the door of the hospital room we were staying in since we got Theo
’
s latest test results; he hadn
’
t been released yet. My heart dropped into my stomach, and I knew it had to be Jace; I felt him here. I opened the door and put my finger to my lips
…
Theo was sleeping and I didn
’
t want him to wake up.

“
Hey Gabby, sorry I don
’
t mean to interrupt. I just wanted to get here as fast as I could so that I can get the testing done,
”
he said. He was brave, braver than me.

“
Ok, let
’
s do this then,
”
I said smiling, knowing that the man I had fallen for very well may be the man to save my son
’
s life. But he was also the man I hated for lying to me and the man who I might have to see forever.

Chapter 15

Gabby

It took several days to receive the results of the bone marrow match. Three days, 21 hours, and 49 seconds to be exact. Finding out that not only was Jace a perfect match for Theo to receive his bone marrow transplant, but that he was a
perfect
match really messed with my head. We had yet to receive the results of the DNA test, but they were due in at any second.

I had not been able to get Jace to leave yet. He was not only concerned for his potential son, but he was trying to wait on us for anything we may have needed. I had to admit, I had not spoken much unless it was to my mom or Theo. I was so confused and honestly hurting, so I was not much company, trying really hard to not look directly at the man that I had fallen in love with. I just could not wrap my brain around the fact that he didn
’
t tell me, and that no matter how hard I tried, I just could not remember this man from my past. A part of me was scared. I think deep down in the back of my mind I thought that Theo
’
s father was possibly Jay, an ex of mine. I guess you can call him an ex. He was only around at 2 a.m. and was not good at anything but sex. He was a controlling abusive psychopath and once I had gotten enough, I was done.

After I broke things off, he had gotten very stalkerish and followed me around. It got so bad that I had to file a restraining order. It was then that I had decided not to go out much anymore and found out that I was pregnant with Theo. I didn
’
t even know how far along I was until I got my first ultrasound, and by then I was already at nine weeks. I had thoughts about how it could have been his, but now that there is some possibility that he could be Jace
’
s son, I am not sure if I am relieved or terrified.

Jace

Have you ever had an out of body experience? One where you literally do not feel like you're inside your own body anymore? That is what this feels like. Watching the doctor walk in with the results to find out that I was a perfect match to donate bone marrow to Theo literally changed my life. We set up the procedure date for tomorrow. Gabby was concerned that if I find out I am not Theo
’
s father that I will not want to donate, but the truth is, I am in love with Gabby and I want to be in Theo
’
s life even if I don't turn out to be his true father. Being with Gabby is like coming up for air when I have been struggling to breathe for so many years. Like my lungs would not work without her and I am not prepared to lose her and feel that way. We had been sitting there for hours, waiting for the next set of results that could forever change all of us. I looked over to Gabby, who had not said more than two words to me in days. I could not tell if she was mad or just hurting, but I think that it is a little bit of both.