Turn Me On (19 page)

Her chest felt tight as she tried to even her breathing, but he had yet
to pull out and the warmth of him and his release continued to fill her.
Emotion stormed through her as she realized she would never feel this way
again. Never feel quite so devastated by any other man, so overwhelmed, so…raw.

Reed sucked in a breath, his chest expanding with the effort. “Fuck,” he
growled and pulled out of her with a jerk, as if the speed of his withdrawal
could stop the potential consequences of their actions. “I’m sorry.”

Since she assumed he was referring to the fact he hadn’t used a condom,
Lissa lay staring up at the ceiling as he rolled onto his back beside her. “I’m
on the pill.”

She wasn’t sure why she’d said it. Maybe it was more to reassure herself
in the light of his obvious disgust at what he’d done. Perhaps she should take
a leaf from his book and be equally appalled, but she couldn’t.

Reed shifted, and the precious inches he placed between them seemed like
miles. He turned his head toward her. “I’m clean.”

Keeping her attention firmly focused on the ceiling, she nodded. “Me,
too.”

“Did I hurt you?”

Not physically, she wanted to say, but since he wasn’t interested in any
other way but physically, she shook her head. Then she remembered the way she’d
dug her nails into his back as her need for him escalated into something raw
and ferocious. “Did I hurt you?”

Like she had done, he shook his head. But Lissa knew that despite his
dismissive manner, there had to be scratches on his flesh. Well, it served him
bloody well right. His scars might be visible, but would likely heal soon
enough. Hers went deeper, and evident only to her aching heart.

Oh God. She was such a fool.

She felt like crawling into a hole and licking her wounds, but instead
sat and pulled her bra down over her breasts, yanking the torn sides of her
blouse together.

As she scrambled to her knees, she tugged down her skirt then reached
across the floor for her panties. Positioning her trembling hand on the seat of
the sofa, she hauled herself up to stand.

Reed stood beside her, tucking his shirt into the waistband of his
trousers. The slide of his zipper echoed like a thunderbolt in the silence
between them.

“I didn’t mean for that to happen.”

“What?” She couldn’t look at him. “Rough sex or not using a condom?”

“Both.”

They fell into silence again as they each continued to straighten their
clothing.

So that was it? Lissa thought. An apology for caveman sex and not using
protection, but no apology for the way he’d treated her before that?

Lissa snatched up her bag. “I think our business is concluded.” With her
throat raw and burning, she hurried to the door.

Once there, Reed stepped in front of her. “I’m not finished.”

She grabbed the strap of her bag, her arm tight across her chest as if
to shield her heart. “Well, get this, you egotistical jerk, I am.” Elbowing him
out of the way, she flung open the door. In the corridor, she didn’t wait for
the lift but hurried down the stairs and out into the parking complex. Her
heart banged against her chest, her blood burning so hot she thought she might
combust.

How could she have gotten herself tangled up with a man like him? She’d
thought she’d come a long way from the woman who had been screwed over by her
business partner. A woman stupid enough to trust someone who didn’t deserve it.
Yet it seemed she hadn’t come far at all. She still expected more from people.
Believed in them. Believed in him.

Was she incapable of protecting herself?
 
Shielding herself and making sure her interests were covered? It seemed
so. Hadn’t she been prepared to sign those damn divorce papers without checking
them through first? And all because she’d let her emotions rule and hoped for
things she couldn’t have.

Her eyes had started to mist up and everything seemed hazy as she
stumbled across the apartment parking area toward her car.

“You’re a damn idiot,” she grated out as she fumbled for her car keys.
“You never learn from your mistakes.”

“Still talking to yourself.”

She swung around at the sound of Reed’s voice. In doing so she turned
her ankle, dropping her bag as she instinctively grabbed his arm to stop
herself going down.

He reached a hand under her elbow as she clung to him. “Careful.”

Aware of his secure hold on her, she shook him away. “It’s a pity you
didn’t give me that advice before I got hooked up with you. A pity you didn’t
take your own advice come to that.”

“Come back inside and let’s talk.”

She straightened, wincing as she tentatively tried to put weight on her
foot while Reed picked up her bag from the ground. “What do you want to talk
about? The fact you tried to pay me off by handing me a check the size of a
small country’s national debt? Or that you’d hoped to insult me by offering me
up on a plate to your buddy, Jack? Or maybe it was the fact you failed to
control yourself long enough to put on a damn condom.”

In the glow of the overhead lights, she saw his jaw go tight. “I already
told you, there’s no way I’d let another man touch you.”

“Well, that’s not your decision to make, is it? What I do with my body
is not up to you. If you have a problem with my past, then that’s exactly what
it is.
Your
problem. I’m not
explaining myself. I’m not apologizing for my actions. I’m finished here,
Reed.”

He ran his hand over his head. “Hell, Lissa. Give me a break.”

“What sort of break would that be? The sort that lets you judge me?
Makes me out to be a woman who has little respect for herself?”

“I’m not judging you. I’m an asshole, okay. I get that. It’s…”

“What?” she demanded when he remained silent. “What?”

He scrubbed his hand over his head. “Fuck, Lissa. It’s Ethan. And Marco.
How the hell am I supposed to feel? My cousin and a man I do business with.
Every time I see them I’ll be thinking about you with them. It’s not easy for
me knowing they’ve had you.”

Her anger, which had abated a tad as he tried to explain, boiled up
again. “They’ve
had
me? Do you know
how that sounds? How it makes me feel?”

“It’s not my intention to make you feel bad. I just need you to know
it’s … difficult for me to swallow.”

She grabbed her bag from him. “Well let me make it easy for you. We’re
done, Reed, so you don’t have to swallow anything except your stupid
assumptions and attitudes.”

Her ankle screamed as she settled herself behind the wheel of her car
and pressed her foot on the clutch, but she gritted her teeth, yanked the door
closed, and drove off.

This time she did glance in her rear view mirror. Reed stood there
watching, but his image became blurry as her pent up tears started to fall.

Chapter Twelve

With his hands deep in his pockets, Reed stood at the edge of the
development that would become the new leisure center and watched workmen
clearing the ground. He had never known the days to pass so slowly. Usually the
months slipped away before he realized it, but for the last four weeks he’d
felt as if he’d been wading through heavy black sludge.

Thankfully, plans for the leisure center were going well and pretty much
coasting along without him. Which was a blessing, seeing as how he hadn’t felt
much like moving and shaking this past month.

Truth was, he missed Lissa. Missed talking to her about his current
projects, missed getting her feedback—although sometimes off the wall, but it
made him think around the edges—and damn it, he missed her in his bed. Missed
waking up with her, the feel of her soft, warm flesh next to his. He missed the
way she gave that little humming sound as she snuggled into him after they’d
made love.

Watching impassively as a group of workmen erected steel joists, he
fingered the small box in his pocket, the one that held the diamond ring he’d
given her on their wedding day. The one she’d sent back to him by registered
mail the day after that last disastrous night. He’d been carrying it around in
his pocket ever since, not even daring to ask himself why.

Memories of their last night together plagued him. There had been no
sleepy eyes gazing up at him, no humming sound of contentment. Instead she’d
given him a shattered look that pierced his heart sharper than the deadliest
tipped spear.

He’d been brutal—physically and emotionally. What had he been thinking
insulting her that way? Insinuating they could invite Jack into their bed for
their very own threesome.

Jack had given him hell for it the next morning and, seeing as he agreed
with every reprimand his friend threw his way, he’d taken it on the chin.

Not only had he insulted her, but he’d taken her. He hadn’t been able to
stop himself. A primal need had stormed through him, tearing away every atom of
civility he possessed. He’d been consumed with a need to mark her as his own,
so that any man who came within a mile would know she belonged to him.

Reed squeezed his eyes shut for a second, wishing he could as easily
shut out the memories of his actions. They had haunted him every moment since.
She
had haunted him every moment
since—her smile, her scent, her eyes. It didn’t seem to matter if those eyes
sparkled, gleamed, or glared at him, he just loved looking into them and have
them looking back at him. Hell, he was so damn perverse he even missed her
railing on him.

He opened his eyes, slipped on his hard hat and began walking through
the paraphernalia littering the ground toward the area of the development that
was destined to become the new casino and night club. Everything was on
schedule, thank God. He wasn’t sure his current state of mind would accept any
delays or problems. His fuse, never long, had been whittled to nothing and the
slightest inconvenience tested his temper levels beyond what was reasonable.

Looking up, he saw Ethan. Hardly surprising, seeing as his cousin had
won the contract to construct and maintain the elevators for the entire leisure
complex,
but Reed couldn’t stop anger from
twisting his gut or resentment from tightening his hands into fists.
   

Ethan strolled over and nodded. “Going well.”

“Weather’s helping.”

Ethan nodded again as both men looked out to survey the busy scene.
“Thanks for putting in a good word for my company. I’m sure your recommendation
helped in our being awarded the contract.”

Reed had done little. Ethan’s good name was enough to seal the deal.
“Yeah well, keep it in the family and all that.”

Ethan turned and grinned. “You’re a grumpy bastard this morning.”

“Not sleeping well.”

“Heard you split with Lissa.”

“These things happen.”

Ethan rocked back on his heels. “Marco said Beth saw her the other day.
Beth was visiting a colleague in the hospital and she bumped into Lissa coming
out.”

Hospital?

An icy chill shuddered through him. Was she sick? Hurt?
 

He forced his tone to remain steady, even though his chest squeezed.
“What was Lissa doing at the hospital?”

Ethan shrugged. “No idea.”

Reed’s mind began to spin, a wave of debilitating thoughts fighting for
attention as he considered any one of a thousand reasons Lissa might need to
visit a hospital. But then those thoughts cleared and settled on one distinct
possibility.

Was she pregnant?

She’d told him she was on the pill, but had she lied?

He dismissed it immediately. Lissa had always been honest with him. But
the contraceptive pill wasn’t failsafe and he’d heard of couples who’d been
caught out. If she was pregnant, it was because he’d lost control and taken her
without a fucking condom, putting her at risk.

Shit.

He ran his hand over his mouth. “I’ve got to go. Say hi to Amber for
me.”

Not waiting for Ethan’s response, he strode back through the rubble,
pulling off his hard hat as he went. He dug out his phone, before deciding it
was best not to alert Lissa to his visit. Hopefully she’d be at home and not
out on assignment. If she was, he’d damn well wait until she got back.

Thirty minutes later he stood outside the terraced house two blocks in
from the seafront. He rang the bell, but there was no answer, so he gave the
door a determined thump and stood back to look up at the first floor window.

Did she know he was there and had chosen to ignore him? He wouldn’t put
it past her, but the house seemed silent, so he resigned himself to waiting for
her return.

He leaned against the wall encasing a pretty tiled patio with stone pots
planted up with pansies and various greenery. The area was small but the
symmetry worked well. He realized that she would have toiled on the space until
it pleased her photographer’s eye.