Twenty One (Love by Numbers Book 2) (2 page)

“Please let us escort you to the local hospital to be checked over, my men will make plans with the coastguard to begin searching for Mr Fox immediately.” He gestured towards a police car parked nearby. “Do you have someone that would come with you?”

Both Nate and Liv spoke at the same time, “Liv will go with her” – “I will go with you.”

I gave a small nod and allowed Liv to lead me to the vehicle, catching Liam’s eye as we walked past.

He didn’t speak or acknowledge me and his silence hurt more than I cared to admit.

“They will find him Em, if Nate has to charter all the boats in this marina, they will find him, I promise.” Liv believed in these words, her voice strong and resolute.

I attempted to allow her strength to seep into my pores, wanting, no needing to believe that Jake would be found soon.

H
ere we are, forty eight hours later and he has still not been found.

I got the all clear from the hospital after a quick check and Liv and I returned to my apartment to wait for news.

The only news we got that first day was via texts from Nate who kept in constant contact with Liv. He hired fifteen vessels of all shapes and sizes to aid the search but night time fell that first day without Jake and with no news of their success.

He, H & Liam refused to leave the search operation, each of them travelling on one of the hired boats, scouring the ocean and hidden bays all day and night.

They returned to us at lunchtime the next day, exhausted, drained and fast losing hope.

We all left my small apartment and joined the rest of Jake’s family, who had set up camp at Nate’s, to wait for news. The air in his plush apartment was thick with an anxiety so dense that I found it hard to breathe. My lungs fighting against the hope I refused to give up.

I
t was early evening when the phone calls started flooding in.

The UK press, having caught wind of Jake’s disappearance, had somehow got Nate’s phone number. He immediately blocked any calls that were not from the police and contacted Tina, Jake’s agent, to issue a press release.

She took over everything and soon after, the calls stopped.

I’m not sure if the silence is a good thing. We are all sitting here on edge, waiting for the damn phone to ring and for it to be good news.

It
has
to be good news.

The silence is excruciating and no-one seems to have the energy or will to break it.

We just wait.

I
refuse to give up hope.

He promised to come back to me, he
will
come back to me and there is no other alternative.

N
eeding to escape the suffocating environment of Nate’s, I return to my apartment alone. Liv and H try to get me to stay but I convince them I need to get some sleep, so they reluctantly agree.

The truth is that every look from one of his family members feels like an accusation.

Any small glance pierces through my weak outer shell, feeling like a hundred poisoned arrows have hit me straight in the chest, grazing my desiccated heart.

I mention this to Liv who assures me it’s all in my head but how can they not blame me. It’s because of me their son and brother is missing and I am all too aware that sometimes being the survivor comes with consequences. My mother made sure that I would never forgot that lesson.

It will be forever etched onto my heart.

I leave quietly; softly spoken promises of returning soon leave my lips. Promises I will only keep when Jake is found.

T
he sun is scorching, beating down on me relentlessly; burning into my skin, singeing my soul with its fiery rays and making the ten minute walk to my apartment feel like days.

How will Jake survive out there in this?

I silently make deals with the universe, bargaining away myself and everything that I own, just to get him back. Offering to take his place if he is brought back to us unharmed and safe.

I pray that my pleas will not fall on deaf ears. Jake has so much to come back for, he
has
to come back.

S
lipping quietly into my apartment, I decide I need to soak my weary muscles and try to wash away the despair that feels caked on my skin.

I haven’t showered since the day of my date with Jake because I didn’t want to risk being more than a few seconds away from a phone but weariness and a bone deep ache win out.

I need to get myself back to where hope is the strongest emotion I feel.

I need to be strong for Jake.

I hit play on my iPod and slip into the tepid bath water, allowing it to lap soothingly over my sun baked skin.

I close my eyes and let the subdued notes coming from the speakers wash over me.

Kodaline’s – All I want
fills the silence of the bathroom and a quiet sob breaks free from my chest, releasing all my heartache into the steamy air.

Immediately visions of Jake scroll across my closed eyelids, a film reel of moments we shared together less than three days ago.

Blissful moments of emotion filled kisses, sacred moments of contented silence, precious moments of a connection I refuse to believe has been stolen.

I will not allow myself to believe that the last kiss we shared was Goodbye.

T
wenty one; there are only twenty one people present to see the mahogany casket get lowered into the ground.

Twenty one witnesses for a life tragically lost.

I
remember how I once thought that funerals held nothing but love; love for the person who has passed, love for the times you shared with each other and love for those who surround you, helping you through the most painful of times.

I can honestly say I do not feel the love at this one, not because it isn’t here, but because I am impervious to it, sheltered from such strong emotions by the steel wall I have erected around my heart, stopping it from shattering completely.

I stand away from the other mourners, not making eye contact and paying little attention to the service taking place in front of me.

My eyes though, they never stray from that shiny wooden box.

Inside lays the cold body of a man that was warm, vibrant and alive just a few days ago. Now it contains just a shell, a no longer useful vessel for the soul that was lost at sea.

C
louds cover the bright sunshine by the time the service has ended and all the people have gone. The casket now lowered into the ground, is adjusting to its final resting place.

I should be leaving too but I feel adrift, like my soul is floating around in an endless sea, caught by riptides and never allowed to return to shore.

My mind is consumed by ‘what ifs’.

What if I refused a date with Jake that day?

What if I told him I didn’t like boats?

What if I stopped him from stupidly entering the sea?

What if?

I
finally move from the spot I’ve been rigidly standing in when the gravediggers come to cover the casket with earth.

I cannot bring myself to watch this part. It’s too final, too absolute.

The vibration of my phone rouses me from my thoughts and I rush to check it. It has been permanently in my hand since that day, waiting for a call that never came.

Today though it’s in my pocket; I didn’t expect a call and thought it inappropriate, given the circumstances, to stand clutching it to my chest.

In fact, why am I here at all? I don’t belong here. I don’t belong with his friends and family, people I do not know. I am a stranger to them.

Swiping the screen I see five missed calls and a text. How the hell did I miss all these? I really must have zoned out for longer than I thought.

I ignore the voicemails and open the text as I can see it’s from Liv.

They’ve found him Em, u need to come back right now!

I
read the text a dozen times before the words register.

My heart stutters in my chest when realisation hits, causing me to stumble from my prone position.

OH. MY. GOD.

A million scenarios fly through my mind but I focus on just one, he’s alive.

He
has
to be alive.

R
unning from the cemetery and the scene of Max’s funeral, I feel not an ounce of guilt for the hope that blazes through my chest like wildfire.

I hail the first taxi I see and blurt out my destination before my bum has even hit the seat, returning Liv’s call as the taxi pulls out into traffic.

“Is he okay?” I exhale the words quickly not even bothering to greet her when she answers her phone.

“He’s alive Em, barely but he’s alive. You need to get here quickly; we are at the same hospital you were taken to for your check up. Please hurry.”

Her words end in a sob, the muffled sound of her phone being passed to someone else heightening my already, rapid heartbeat.

“Em, Emma are you still there?” Liam’s worried voice comes over the phone.

“I’m here, I’ll be with you in less than fifteen minutes, just tell me he really is okay Liam, please?”

“He was found washed up in front of some small cove, dehydrated, sunburnt and unconscious. He’s being treated now, they won’t allow any of us to see him yet but he’s alive Emma.” His voice catches on the words and I hear him inhale a deep, shaky breath.

“He is alive and I was starting to lose hope that we would ever find him, so I refuse to believe he is going to be anything other than fine. He didn’t survive five days out there lost, to only give up now that we have found him.”

He sounds strong and resolute, so unlike the Liam I know and love, the one who is always joking, never taking life seriously.

These last few days have changed us all.

I
hang up and clutch my phone to my chest, quickly issuing the driver with my new destination. Less than twenty minutes later I am rushing through the front doors of the hospital, frantically scanning the foyer for any one I know.

My eyes catch Liam coming through a set of doors on my right and I stop dead at the look of concern on his face. He hesitates for just a second before striding towards me and gathering me in his strong arms, almost squeezing the breath from my lungs.

“Jules I’m so glad you’re here.”

This is the first time since Jake’s disappearance that Liam has touched me and I buckle with the relief that I have my friend back but I won’t be happy until I lay my eyes on Jake.

“Where is he?” I ask into his chest, unable to move from his crushing embrace.

“I’ll take you to the family room, everyone is there waiting for an update, we should know more soon.”

He loosens the tight grip he has on me just enough to look down into my face. His eyes roam over every inch of my features, almost like he’s searching for something but the moment ends when Liv runs out through the same doors calling my name,

“Emma, Oh My God Emma!” she rushes towards us and Liam releases me so I can step to the side and wrap my arms around my best friend.

“What’s happened Liv, has something happened?” I look into her tear soaked eyes praying that I am over-reacting.

“He’s just woken up, it was only for a few moments but he opened his eyes Emma and tried to speak.” She forces the words through her hiccupping breath.

“He asked for you Emma, he asked if you were safe.” She squeezes me tightly and I glance over her shoulder towards Liam who is now looking at me with overwhelming relief written all over his handsome face.

“Well if my big brother is awake and asking for you Jules, we had better not disappoint him.” He gives me a beaming smile and the three of us make our way to the family room.

W
e enter the small room to an air of jubilance.

Mrs Fox-Williams is standing watching her eldest son and husband embrace at the joyous news that Jake woke up, if only for a second.

Tears stream down her face but her smile tells of a mother who has just had the weight of the world lifted from her shoulders.