Twenty One (Love by Numbers Book 2) (7 page)

My supposedly ‘bigger than I think’ heart has shrunk to the size of a pea in my chest.

It is now engulfed by all my other organs; my lungs have doubled in size hazing my brain with too much oxygen and my stomach is distended, filled with bile and the worry of never seeing her again.

Fuck.
If I thought this girl had me messed up a few months back, it is nothing compared to way she has my whole body shutting down now.

I am a complete basket case.

This is why I used to laugh at H and Bella and the reason why I couldn’t understand my brother Josh and his need to settle down with Laura so quickly.

W
omen fuck up your head worse than a bottle of tequila.

They addle your brain leaving you confused as to which way is up.

They force your slow beating but content heart to race wildly, like you have just swallowed a bag of amphetamines.

They are your drug of choice, your battle with addiction and an overdose waiting to happen.

She
is my overdose waiting to happen.

It is futile to stop it, if I am her junkie, then she is my needle and here is my vein.

This is why I fuck and leave.

This is why I use and discard.

This is why I put my needs and wants before all others.

I’m emotionally defective and my weak system cannot cope with the virus of these feelings.

I
get barely any sleep, my brain churning over every single aspect of our last conversation. My body, even in its weakened state, recalls every single touch.

I must finally drift off as I awake to the harsh squeak of a chair being dragged across the floor and my eyes open to the vision of Emma, who is trying and failing to quietly sit by my bed without waking me.

“Hi.”

One word that wipes away every doubt, every concern and eases my tumultuous emotions.

A single syllable, spoken from her perfect lips grants me a peace I haven’t found for over twenty four hours.

“Hi”

I want to say more, I want to beg her to change her mind but right now I am rendered speechless. I can only sit here and visually feast on the perfection in front of me.

The silence between us is not uncomfortable but the longer is goes on, the more our invisible bonds begin to tighten, pulling me towards her.

The air is electric with our mutual connection. It is both intoxicating and invigorating.

A small breath leaves her mouth and my gaze is drawn to her lips, just in time to see them part slightly. Her words are carried on her light exhale and had I not been watching her mouth, I may have thought I misheard when she says “Ask me again.”

T
he words leave my mouth in a rush, I cannot believe she is having second thoughts and I am not going to give her the chance to regret her change of heart.

“Come with me?”

Her instant “Yes” halts my breath and this time I do question whether or not I may be imagining things.

“Yes?” I ask her with a shit eating grin on my face.

Her huge smile matches mine and my previously weak body gets hit with a surge of adrenaline, animating my muscles and allowing me to move quicker than I would have thought, up out of the bed to drag her into my arms.

She comes willing into my embrace and the feel of her soft curves pressed against me, ignites my blood, feeding the desire that never leaves me when in her presence.

I take her lips like a dying man would gasp his last breath. Wanting more, needing more.

My conscience is telling me to go slow while my libido is forcing me to obey my carnal desires.

I cup her firm arse, pulling her into my rock hard dick and the heat coming from her softest place, does nothing to dampen my fervour. That one touch, of our most private parts, is about to make me lose the last thread of my control. If I don’t stop this now I will take her hard and fast in this sterile hospital room and she deserves more than that.

S
he’s the one to break the connection of our mouths, looking up at me with kiss wet lips, sparkling lust filled eyes and a chest that is rising and falling frantically to try and catch her breath.

I see her intention before she even moves, her pupils dilate and in the space between one breath and another she dives on me. Her open mouth crashes to mine, her tongue seeks entrance and her hands roam my chest.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, she will be the death of me.

How someone can be so pure, innocent and inexperienced, yet be filled with a passion unlike any I’ve ever experienced before, confounds me.

A moment before I am about to lead her towards the bed and allow this to go further than it should, the door to the room opens and Emma is away from my arms and staring out of the window before I can blink.

The embarrassment of being caught in a compromising position with me is obvious from the blush on her checks and her rigid posture.

I can’t help but tease her a little when Sandra, my whip cracking Spanish nurse, makes herself known. Her reaction is classic and I find it cute that she is so mortified.

Cute? Since when have I ever described a woman I am dying to fuck as cute?

Since Emma I guess.

I mess about with her a little more, even flirting with Sandra for good measure and Emma relaxes, enjoying the banter and my attempts to make Sandra blush as much as she just did.

It is only when Sandra finally leaves the room after all her checks, that Emma pops the bubble surrounding us and announces that it will be a few weeks before she can join me.

She gives some silly reasons for this, the main one being not wanting to let Nate down.

I honestly couldn’t give a flying fuck if Nate is left in the lurch. Emma has agreed to come with me and he will have to deal with that.

I tell her this in the best way I can, knowing she will see it my way. Knowing she feels the same way as I do, so you can imagine my shock when the little firecracker goes from soft and gentle to almost busting a gasket in the blink of an eye.

I
guess I need to learn that my girl is feisty.

My girl, I like that.

Silence hits the space between us and I realise that she is angry at the way I dismissed her concern for Nate and her life here.

Shit
. She’s not even fully mine and I’m already cocking this up.

Make it right Jake, explain rather than being domineering. This girl isn’t going to just lie back and let you take her, you need to earn her. You need to be what she deserves you to be and not a selfish twat, who tramples all over everything, just to get his own way.

“E
mma, I’ll take you anyway I can get you. I’m a selfish man, I can admit that. I tend to not put other peoples thoughts and feelings before my own wants and needs but I am trying to change that. Just knowing you are coming with me makes me positive I can change that.”

I strip myself bare for her, knowing that this girl is changing me in more ways than I thought possible.

She still looks a little doubtful and I really do need to put it all out there or that “Yes” she gave me could well turn into a “Fuck Off” and it will be nobodies fault but mine.

I clear my throat and finally try speaking from my heart and not my head.

Maybe my mother is right; my heart is filled with more love than I realise.

“I want to be a man worthy of you Emma. You make me want more; make me want to be better. I’m going to fuck up, I’m not making excuses for it but everything I feel about you is new to me. Help me, guide me and I promise I will spend every, single, day making sure you never have any regrets about taking this chance on me.”

I’
ve laid myself at her feet.

I hope she feels the truth of my words. Although I don’t like the thought of not seeing her for a few weeks, if leaving her here to sort things out means she is free to come and be with me, I’ll take it.

I’ll take anything this girl will give me.

I
am her junkie, she is my needle and here is my vein.

N
othing makes a room feel emptier, even when it’s full, than missing that one person who should be in it.

J
ake left for the UK yesterday after spending three more days recovering in the hospital.

He was told by his doctor to take it easy but he has so many commitments ahead of him, that resting will be impossible.

I
visited him every day and we spent hours holding hands and talking; hours just kissing.

Well I say just kissing but there is no ‘just kissing’ Jake; each kiss from him is a whole new experience.

No kiss is ever identical but they all have the same things in common; they liquefy my bones, cause my skin to tingle and burn and my body to ache with the need for more.

Just kissing Jake is better than
any
other sexual experience I have ever had but I am not ready to take it further, yet.

W
e talked about where I was going to meet up with him. He explained that he had major events, interviews and press junkets in almost every country in the world but that I could attend all of them with him. Then on any day he has free, we can explore whatever country we find ourselves in.

He said it would be like my recent European trip, only a hundred times better and that he couldn’t wait to experience it with me.

He makes it sound like I am about to embark on my greatest adventure yet and that I will be doing it with him by my side. His enthusiasm is infectious.

I cannot help but be excited about what lies ahead. It’s not just excitement about getting to spend time with Jake but I’m amped up about all the places I will see and experiences I will have in a way that many others will never get chance of doing.

I mean how many people get to travel the world with a superstar?

Okay so he’s not a superstar yet but his profile is rising significantly day by day and it is only a matter of time before he eclipses every other star out there.

W
e talked through my concerns about getting in the way, of his management and the TV Company not wanting him to bring a hanger on and he did everything he could to assure me that it wasn’t an issue.

He explained that his manager had been informed of the change in plans and any concerns she had, were minor.

He brushed my own concerns aside so effortlessly, that any worries I had, all but left me.

I’m not naïve, I realise they are going to think that this situation has happened too quickly.

He goes from a lady killer, party boy, with a wild reputation, to bringing me with him in the space of a week and a half.

When you put it like that, I look like a fame hungry whore.

“E
arth to Emma, the lights are on but nobody’s home.” Liv waves her hand in front of my eyes bringing me back to the moment.

“You pining for Jake already?” she smirks before plopping herself down on the sofa next to me.

I blush and look over to where Nate and Liam sit opposite us on the terrace of Aurora.

Liam was due to fly home before Jake but for reasons he hasn’t shared with anyone, he’s decided to delay university yet again and has taken up my old position working for his brother.

“J
ules & Jakey sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G.” he singsongs like a two year old.

“Oh very mature Liam, remind me again why we hang out so much?” I roll my eyes and pick up my steaming hot cup of tea from the table in front of us.

“Oh come off it Jules you love it, besides I’ve hardly seen you the last few days seeing as you have barely left Jake’s side. Anyone would swear…” the grin on his face lets me know what he’s about to say next.

“Don’t you bloody dare finish that sentence.” I glare at him over the rim of my cup.

He widens his eyes making the gesture of zipping his mouth closed and throwing away the key. Liv and Nate take it all in with smug smiles on their faces.

“Oh for Christ’s sake what? What are you pair looking so pleased about?”